Hi, I was just wondering what your experiences have been as far as when you told people about your upcoming surgery. I feel like if my BMI was in the 50's it would be easier for people to understand and or be supportive of wanting to get this done.

My BMI is 39 as of today and I finally had the nerve to tell my best friend and she was totally not supportive and basically blew it off and said, "just join weight watchers, your not that big to have to go get a surgery". A friend at work told me basically the same thing too, "oh you aren't fat ha ha ha your so funny". But to me I am fat.......... obese......... whatever you want to call it. Just to name a few things, my knees and back hurt, I have no energy and this is so embarrassing to say but if I sit on the toilet to long my legs and feet fall asleep and I know that's from all this weight (242) I am carrying around. If weight watchers would work I would do it but obviously it dosen't nor does/did all the other 20 diets I have tried . I just feel like I have to really explain myself like when I was telling her I kept saying but I'm so unhealthy, if I wasn't unhealthy then I wouldn't do this, my Dr. thinks it's for the best, etc......

UGH, why can't people think this is great, be supportive, and be happy for me?

I had my band with a BMI of 35 and I wish I'd done it some ten years ago.

Most «normal» people won't understand your reasons and they totally ignore what being obese is, so why bother telling them about it? I only told very few people - and even those I sometimes regret I did because they sometimes comment «Hummm, seems you're not loosing that much weight...»:rolleyes2:

Read a lot, research a lot, a band is not a miracle, it demands quite some effort from us, but once you've made your decision of getting banded don't let anyone interfere with that.

best of luck,

niki

Im glad you posted this ?

I was 39 BMI when banded on 1-16-08. My insurance wouldnt cover it cuz I didnt have 2 co-morbidities. What they want to wait till Im sick with Diabetes, heart disease etc before they help me? Stupid.

I was a self pay.

Im lucky cuz my sister was banded first and my Mom had RNY last year so I have great support from my family, my hubby is great too.

I have not told my hubby's family though. On Christmas Eve, I was going to tell them, but they got in a conversation about how the new "fad" was WLS and that it was out of control, anybody could get it just ask for it, the easy way out etc. I was fuming but my hubby just squeezed my hand out of support and i knew I wouldnt tell them. I did chime in that wls-"saved my Moms life" and they kind of shut up!

Another issue Im having is work/friends. I have only told a few friends with mixed reactions. Im tall so I carry my weight well. Many said youre not that big-how much bigger do you want me to get> I already cant fit into regular clothes. 2x are getting small on me. I have no energy and felt like I was getting sicker each year. So no I didnt want to get any bigger.

Some friends were very supportive-thank God!

I go back to work this Friday and am a Nurse, so I work mostly with women :rolleyes2: Many are great but there are a few that drive me crazy. So once they find out I will get the lecture, "thats so drastic" etc. But Im going to stand strong and expect it and know that I did this for my health and to look/feel better. I wont let a stranger judge me on my decision. I know this will work so they can eat their heart out when Im thin!!!

:Dancing_chief:

Kat

You go Kat! Those "other" people just dont understand if they've never struggled with their weight like we have. My hubby is very supportive even though he doesn't quite get my struggle. I've resolved myself to understand that he doesn't fully understand (I think he's reached the same conclusion in reverse!), but am so glad he's supportive. He even is ready to re-arrange our spring vacation if need be. I am a stay at home mom, so I don't have to worry about people noticing me at work. (I agree, women can be a pain to work with!) I can understand, since I had an office job in my previous life before kids! I plan to tell as few as possible unless pushed into it. My kids are young (and don't think I'm fat bless their hearts!) and I'm not sure how to handle them.

Hey MediumMike. I just posted a new thread asking if anyone has told their young children about LBS. My 7 & 9 year olds are girls and they will be having enough "body issues" soon enough!

Thanks Blund - i will look for that thread...

You dont need a high BMI or a lot of fat on your body to be a fat person anyway.

There's something different between people who will fight their weight their whole lives and people who are naturally thin or normalish. They will never ever ever understand it.

I may be thin and fit now, but I"m still a fat person. I always will be.

I understand. I too was ashamed to tell my family. I only told my husband; not even my kids. I am 5'9 and 287 pounds. My BMI was right around 39 - 40. I don't look fat because I am so tall; but I am diabetic, my right knee is shot; bone to bone; most of my family ended up on dialysis. I did not want to be one of those statistics. I did lap band and so far have lost 20 lbs. Keep your head up

CLARAJEFF, how has it worked not telling them? Or have you told them now? What did you say to your kids while recovering?

I'm not ashamed to tell my family & friends. (At least I think I'm not!) I like to keep some things private. I don't want to hear the comments or feel like I'm being whispered about, etc. I expect there will be negative comments. Gosh that sounds paranoid! If they ask, I'll tell them, otherwise MYOB or MMOB. I can't wait to be on the other side of this and post about life AFTER LBS!

My BMI was 37. I told everyone and received a lot of support. I simply told them that I needed a better tool to help me with my weight loss. I proceeded with giving them a lot more information on the lap-band than they ever wanted! I need their support and appreciate it. The only people I really didn't tell were my middle school students and my 8 year old. I don't want anyone to think this was the easy way out.

Blund~ I'm telling my 9 year old daughter that I'm getting my gall bladder out becuase I KNOW she will tell everyone! I can't say nothing because she'll know something is not right with Mommy.

Also, when I went to my seminar the Dr. told us that what we "think" is our height is usually not accurate. Being overweight can compress the spine and when they measure they round down instead up. So I think I'm 5'7" but Friday I might be only 5'6". I weight 240 so I'm at about 39 BMI I think. If you have BCBS why are you going to Mexico...just curious :tt1:

I'm not going to MX. I must have worded something weird. Others have posted about MX, and there seem to be a lot of people (self pay) that have and/or are going. It scares me. My surgeon is affiliated with our local (and only) hospital, and fortunetly is an approved BCBS surgeon.

Your size sounds just like me except I'm 5'8" and 240 lbs. I think I will have them measure me like you said and maybe gain some extra BMI! I've been trying NOT to lose weight before my appointment next week. Seems really odd to be worried about that now!

I like the gall bladder idea....right there in the same area. Not sure yet what I'll do with my kids. I would like to have their help during recovery though.

-Barb

Fat people are happy people.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! :biggrin:

Oh, that's good stuff. Sorry, not to invalidate what your husband perceives, but if fat people were happy people why would anyone want the surgery in the first place? And beyond that, why would there be hundreds of commercials for pills, diets and health club memberships?

I think he'll come around, though. Sometimes the people who are closest to you want you to do what they think is best for you, and if you disagree, there's bound to be conflict. But, it's perfectly okay for him to say "you know what, I don't want you to do this personally, however it is your decision and whatever you do I will support you and continue to love you." In my opinion, it's good that he's being honest about his doubts because a) he knows he can trust you with his feelings, and :hurray: you can help him to get over them. If he kept them to himself you wouldn't have the ability to show him your different perspective on the reasons he says not to have the surgery.

Good luck!!!

Photo - Thanks for the insight - you're absolutly right about him being open and honest about his feelings. I wouldn't want him to keep them inside, although, last night I told him if he couldn't say something nice to not say anything at all. Honestly, I don't think I can take anymore of his negativity! I need to stay focused on the positive and he seems to think that means I'm not taking to heart the negative things that can happen. Anyway, we've been hashing this over almost every night,and he does seem to be coming around a little. I can see now that he's most concerned about the changes that we'll make immediately afterwards. Like cooking meals and him eating alone. I told him that should only be until everytings healed up... He's still not behind me having the surgery, but he says he knows I'm determined to have it and he'll support me afterwards. Guess we'll see! I got a letter yesterday from the surgins office that said; "Congratulations, your weight loss surgery has been scheduled." he flipped! - "Why would anyone congratulate you on having surgery???? Can you tell he has quite a strong personality?:hurray: But I still love him!:biggrin:

Heehee... Just hang in there. Gentle pressure applied over time. :biggrin:

Also, in kinda a backwards way, it's sweet that he's worried about eating alone... Means he enjoys your company.

This so sound familiar to me also. My hubby thinks I am nuts, my best friend dose too (she is heavier then I) and my BMI is 37 @ 5'3"! Hell I can see the fat hanging off my elbows! Not to mention the health problem I have. Yep I heat this also and I try to ignore them. The women who was 110 lbs is a joke! I have not weighted that since I was 14! OMG..LOL...I like the come back..."just how much more do I need to gain".. great comment. Have to remember that. Chell