I saw the term, momentary "buyers remorse" on someone's thread the other day in reference to having bariatric surgery and last night I understood when I had a fatigue and anxiety melt down.

I went back to school at age 48, once the majority of my kids were gone and I could spare the time. I take a full time course load, so my house gets deep cleaned now only during school breaks. This spring break I didn't expect to get much house and yard work accomplished, as I expected to be recovering from my sleeve surgery. But here I am, nine days after surgery and in the last days of spring break and I'm feeling great. My doc cleared me to do any physical activity that didn't hurt and I seem to have full energy, so I decided to go to work yesterday on a kitchen deep clean. From about 8 am until 11 pm (with breaks and liquid meals all day), I cleaned the fridge and pantry, scrubbed the oven, washed the microwave and toaster oven, dusted the tops of cupboards, washed drawer fronts and pulls, mopped- all of it. My kitchen looks like I just moved in.

"Seemed" however is the operative word here. When I came up to go to bed, I was more exhausted than I've been in I don't know how long. And then, when I got a side stitch just off to the left of my tiny new stomach, I started to panic. I manage a somatic anxiety disorder and an attention deficit- and once in a while, particularly when I'm too tired, I have an epic storm that just has to run it's course. So, I paced around my bedroom hyperventilating for 20 minutes and rued my decision to have this surgery. All I could think is, "what have you done?!?" It was pretty awful.

This morning I feel fine, aside from an emotional hangover, which is really just what the absence of adrenaline feels like after a panic attack. Other than that, I'm glad I had the surgery again. I'm going to do some light yard work today in between naps and offer myself a helluva lot more grace and leniency. And tomorrow, I'm going to have my first solid food (puree) that I've had in a couple of weeks. That first two tablespoon serving is going to be magical.

I find it funny that you had remorse about having the surgery, but not about all the activity following a surgery! ? I'm glad you're feeling better!

8 hours ago, BlondePatriotInCDA said:

I find it funny that you had remorse about having the surgery, but not about all the activity following a surgery! ? I'm glad you're feeling better!

Neurological disorders and divergences can present themselves in a number of interesting and baffling ways; and are rarely particularly rational. If you're bewildered as an onlooker, count yourself fortunate to not be one of the millions who have to experience and manage them. I just figure if I'm going to participate in a public forum as a part of my process, I may as well document all parts of it that I'm comfortable sharing. Maybe someone else will read my story line and relate. I appreciate your well wishes and am also always glad when I start feeling better.

I've had some of the same scenarios, thinking I can do so much more and then really feeling just devastated physically afterwards. I'm also feeling the "What did you do?" from time to time and it hits like lightning, then I manage it and it dissipates. (I use a process like an automatic thought record though now it's an automatic response to overreaction that works for me) Thank you for sharing.

11 hours ago, Aunty Mamo said:

Neurological disorders and divergences can present themselves in a number of interesting and baffling ways; and are rarely particularly rational. If you're bewildered as an onlooker, count yourself fortunate to not be one of the millions who have to experience and manage them. I just figure if I'm going to participate in a public forum as a part of my process, I may as well document all parts of it that I'm comfortable sharing. Maybe someone else will read my story line and relate. I appreciate your well wishes and am also always glad when I start feeling better.

You mistook my statement, I wasn't diminishing your experience, it pointed out the inner workings of the human brain and what we choose to highlight in situations. That you chose to see one aspect, the effect over the root cause. If there's one thing I've learned through all this is a sense of humor is:

1. Necessary to help persevere and maintain our resolve in this journey.

2. Subjective and can be taken wrong when not intentioned - in the future I will keep this in mind, but it is also how others do their sharing and should be understood and recognized as well.

I'm sorry you were offended over my attempt to bring humor to something we ALL struggle with, but as you deal with your neurological divergences by sharing, I too have my neurological processes of managing difficult times - seeing myself in your post as I did relate it to my struggle since I've been there - humor. If we can't laugh at our difficulties then we are left with so few options and get bogged down in the minutia we call life.

I accept your way of dealing with your neurological divergences by sharing and I applaud your recognizing it and managing it! Just keep in mind we all deal with things differently with our own way of sharing. Sometimes, other people in how they share may not be how you perceive as helpful, or meaningful, but I too was sharing in my way. I was trying to offer a new perspective as well as offer a possible way of handling it. I cared enough about your sharing and your struggle to comment and attempt to show there is humor another side of it. My post to your comment wasn't intended to belittle your experience, but to possibly expose it for more than the one perceived aspect, how you saw it. It is why people share, to hopefully bring relief and see other sides to the problem.

Thank goodness we all handle things differently or this world would be boring. Again, I'm sorry you took mine as questioning or laughing at your neurological struggle it is how I handle my sharing (just look at my past posts) its how I choose to see life and hope it helps others to look away from always seeing the rough side of things and occasionally brings a smile in difficult times. I try to not take life as a constant struggle even though it has been for me, believe me more than most people should have to deal with in a lifetime so I laugh opposed to cry.

I truly wish you well and hope your struggles on your journey can at times make you smile knowing you made it through not only in one piece but you made it through as a stronger more capable person. You will make it out to the other side.

Even for someone without any mental health issues the hormones can get out of whack ans make the recovery an emotional experience. I’m glad you are feeling better. I have to ask though, how was the purée?? Was it as divine as you anticipated?? It gets easier each day and it sounds like you are doing fine.

11 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

Even for someone without any mental health issues the hormones can get out of whack ans make the recovery an emotional experience. I’m glad you are feeling better. I have to ask though, how was the purée?? Was it as divine as you anticipated?? It gets easier each day and it sounds like you are doing fine.

It was divine, yes! And I honestly didn't believe for a moment that 2 tablespoons of food would suffice, but it sure did. It was oatmeal made with protein. For lunch I served myself a four ounce serving of cottage cheese, and managed to eat 2 ounces before I was full. And dinner was broccoli and a chicken meatball pureed in broth, also a 4 ounce serving, of which I could only eat half. Everything tasted so good though. So, so, darn, good.

1 hour ago, Aunty Mamo said:

It was divine, yes! And I honestly didn't believe for a moment that 2 tablespoons of food would suffice, but it sure did. It was oatmeal made with Protein. For lunch I served myself a four ounce serving of cottage cheese, and managed to eat 2 ounces before I was full. And dinner was broccoli and a chicken meatball pureed in broth, also a 4 ounce serving, of which I could only eat half. Everything tasted so good though. So, so, darn, good.

It sounds like you are right on track. I’ve never tried a chicken meatball. Are they homemade or do they come prepared?? I tried to make something with the ground chicken a while back. I don’t remember what it was. Stuffed peppers Maybe. I think I didn’t season it properly because it was so blah.

I don’t typically buy prepared foods but when I saw these in Whole Foods I knew they’d come in handy for this stage. They’re really tasty actually and I’ll probably buy them again, although I don’t know how often once I’m participating in family meals again. Buying enough of those small packages to feed my household is an expensive proposition.

1 hour ago, Aunty Mamo said:

I don’t typically buy prepared foods but when I saw these in Whole Foods I knew they’d come in handy for this stage. They’re really tasty actually and I’ll probably buy them again, although I don’t know how often once I’m participating in family meals again. Buying enough of those small packages to feed my household is an expensive proposition.

Oh wow. I wish I had a Whole Foods. Those would be perfect for me because it’s just myself and my hubby who also eats smaller portions. I need to actually go into the grocery store and look for something like that. I know that places are carrying more of the healthy options but I have been doing pickup and I don’t get the chance to really see what’s out there now.

I’m new here, my surgery is April 8. I start my two week liquid diet tomorrow officially, I actually started today because my pre-op appt is tomorrow and I really hope I’ve lost since my last appointment.