I swear I am so tired of hearing that! "Your getting too skinny" "your going to start looking sick" "Stop losing weight" "I don't want to hurt your feelings but you should just eat a little more"

Like I realize this is the smallest I have ever been in my adult life, but I assure everyone that I am healthy and not starving myself. Even the surgeon and dietician said that I am eating more calories than someone at the same stage. I refuse to stop working out and refuse to stop eating how I eat to appease people.

Ran over thanks for listening!

TW: mental health issues, suicide, infertility

I've gotten those comments already (only 3 months in, and nowhere near my goal weight), and in the past during other diet-based weight loss. I used to try to convince myself that these people mean well, that they're trying to show they care, or trying to give backhanded compliments.

2024 me? Nah. They're being petty, they're being bullies, they're jealous, they feel like your success highlights any issues they fault with their own body, etc. The only time I successfully lost weight 'on my own' through diet and exercise, I ended up gaining it all back and more -- and while I logically know it was my own choices that led to it, there was also my 'best friend' telling me that I looked like I was dying, that I looked like a cancer patient, etc, and then inviting me over and peer pressuring me into the most unhealthy foods. I was young and I had always been easily intimated / manipulated by her; I had always had **** self esteem and found my own value only through what others said they valued of me, etc. I know I was in a bad mental place to begin with. But it was absolutely brutal.

But nobody, nobody, should be saying these kinds of things to another. Whether you're close to each other or barely know each other. Whether they're 'teasing' or not.

It would be absolutely awesome if the world / society could normalize not making un-asked for comments about other people's looks. How about we apply 'consent' when it comes to these sorts of conversations? FFS.

I'm sure I'm not the only one whom has had comments made while they were overweight. People, strangers, asking if you're pregnant, if you're female presenting. ((Afterwards, I always wished I could go back in time and cause a scene -- cause no, asshat, I'm actually unable to have children and it ruined several relationships and led to depression and suicidal ideation. But thanks for giving me that extra scoop of pasta sauce since it looks like I'm "eating for two."))

So many people have body issues, weight related or otherwise. Body dysmorphia. Mental health issues. Triggers. And what right does any person have to comment on someone else's appearance? If someone wants to go to the grocery store in their pjs, what's it to you? If someone got a new hair cut and you really don't like it, stfu. If someone lost over half their body weight, why do you feel entitled to question them about it or tell them you liked them better with a little more meat on their bones?

(Not... you. You know. Societal 'You'.)

There's a big difference between saying "Wow, you're looking good today" or "Is that a new shirt? It looks great on you" and letting the compliment receiver decide if they want to open the conversation up from there, and saying things like "Oh god, you're losing so much you're gonna disappear" or "ugh, you're losing so much weight, enough already."

... anyway. I'll end my venting-vomit with: I'm trying so hard these days to have the confidence in setting my own boundaries and actually enforcing them. I'm starting to figure out lines I can say when people cross them. I'm trying not to let my inner rage at a world full of entitled bullies make me someone who bullies back, but yeah, maybe next time someone seems fit to complain about my looks I'll find something they probably don't want to talk about either. If I'm fair game, so are they. Eat some karma. ?

59 minutes ago, JennyBeez said:

TW: mental health issues, suicide, infertility

I've gotten those comments already (only 3 months in, and nowhere near my goal weight), and in the past during other diet-based weight loss. I used to try to convince myself that these people mean well, that they're trying to show they care, or trying to give backhanded compliments.

2024 me? Nah. They're being petty, they're being bullies, they're jealous, they feel like your success highlights any issues they fault with their own body, etc. The only time I successfully lost weight 'on my own' through diet and exercise, I ended up gaining it all back and more -- and while I logically know it was my own choices that led to it, there was also my 'best friend' telling me that I looked like I was dying, that I looked like a cancer patient, etc, and then inviting me over and peer pressuring me into the most unhealthy foods. I was young and I had always been easily intimated / manipulated by her; I had always had **** self esteem and found my own value only through what others said they valued of me, etc. I know I was in a bad mental place to begin with. But it was absolutely brutal.

But nobody, nobody, should be saying these kinds of things to another. Whether you're close to each other or barely know each other. Whether they're 'teasing' or not.

It would be absolutely awesome if the world / society could normalize not making un-asked for comments about other people's looks. How about we apply 'consent' when it comes to these sorts of conversations? FFS.

I'm sure I'm not the only one whom has had comments made while they were overweight. People, strangers, asking if you're pregnant, if you're female presenting. ((Afterwards, I always wished I could go back in time and cause a scene -- cause no, asshat, I'm actually unable to have children and it ruined several relationships and led to depression and suicidal ideation. But thanks for giving me that extra scoop of Pasta Sauce since it looks like I'm "eating for two."))

So many people have body issues, weight related or otherwise. Body dysmorphia. Mental health issues. Triggers. And what right does any person have to comment on someone else's appearance? If someone wants to go to the grocery store in their pjs, what's it to you? If someone got a new hair cut and you really don't like it, stfu. If someone lost over half their body weight, why do you feel entitled to question them about it or tell them you liked them better with a little more meat on their bones?

(Not... you. You know. Societal 'You'.)

There's a big difference between saying "Wow, you're looking good today" or "Is that a new shirt? It looks great on you" and letting the compliment receiver decide if they want to open the conversation up from there, and saying things like "Oh god, you're losing so much you're gonna disappear" or "ugh, you're losing so much weight, enough already."

... anyway. I'll end my venting-vomit with: I'm trying so hard these days to have the confidence in setting my own boundaries and actually enforcing them. I'm starting to figure out lines I can say when people cross them. I'm trying not to let my inner rage at a world full of entitled bullies make me someone who bullies back, but yeah, maybe next time someone seems fit to complain about my looks I'll find something they probably don't want to talk about either. If I'm fair game, so are they. Eat some karma. ?

Thank you, what pisses me off the most is that the same people were not concerned when I was 300lbs. I don't feel frail, I feel strong and healthy. I'm with you, I do not understand why people have to make comments about appearances. LIke what is the benefit.

One is my mom and she has always always commented on my weight. She put me in Weight Watchers when I was 12. I love her to death and I know she means well but my weight issues and insecurities about myself stem from her. I would never tell her that, but its true. I was hoping she would just tell me I looked good and healthy.

Would it be wrong to ask why don’t you come along to my next follow up and discuss this with my doctor because all my labs and his medical expertise say I am perfectly healthy. If you know something he doesn’t I’m sure he would love to hear you out. ? ahhh if only I would have the guts to actually say it. lol

Sometimes I seriously think that people actually NEED us to be the heavy friend/daughter/niece/whatever in their life because it makes them feel better about themselves. Whatever their insecurity is they always make themselves feel better by saying at least I’m not obese (I’m not smart or funny or beautiful but at least I’m not as big as so and so). It’s really sad that some people who claim to love you are actually keeping score but unfortunately some are and they would rather keep you down than to deal with their own issues.

if they know that the weight loss is intentional and that you are under the care of a physician that should be the end of it. Beyond that the benefit of the doubt that its genuine concern goes out the window. I mean seriously what gives anyone audacity to think that their opinion matters more than your own and that of your medical team.

Not exactly the same but yesterday I was told by my (well intentioned I guess) boss that he was concerned I wasn't eating enough as I looked a bit unwell and didn't seem to have much energy yesterday!

Sorry but it was 30c / 86f in our office, no air con, no air circulating and I HATE the heat so I felt exhausted plus I hadn't had great sleeps the last few nights. I wasn't the only one struggling in the office yet he seemed to put my struggle down to the fact that he said he didn't think I was getting in enough calories and he had been watching how little I eat!

I just said I was suffering from the heat and he had nothing to worry about on the food/calorie intake side of things as I am eating the right portion amounts, was hitting my protein goals most days, had good blood results and if anything I was probably snacking a bit too much on nuts!

Then when I repeated this conversation to my Mum last night she then became concerned I wasn't eating enough and that I should look at maybe starting to try to maintain now or even put on a lb or two. Seriously, I have not even got to the goal weight my surgeon set for me (70kg , well it had been 75kg but then when I reached that he brought it to 70kg) and I am still off what I want (66kg). For my Mum though I know her concern comes from me living overseas and not seeing me a lot so she based her comments on the fear (to her) of what my boss said.

I have learned to deflect. - Aw thanks, I had a coat like that in the 60's

Aw thanks, do you know you have something stuck in your teeth ?

Aw thanks, I really wanted to say, did I see your husband/ wife at that charity singles dance last week ? He really is a good dancer.

Aw thanks, Did you cut your own hair ?

Aw thanks, I really needed a laugh today, I love it when people have been gossiping about me. I wonder who they are leaving alone today ?

22 hours ago, AmberFL said:

One is my mom and she has always always commented on my weight. She put me in Weight Watchers when I was 12. I love her to death and I know she means well but my weight issues and insecurities about myself stem from her. I would never tell her that, but its true. I was hoping she would just tell me I looked good and healthy.

It's the ones we love -- and the ones we want to be able to rely on and trust -- that have the greatest capability to hurt us. Even if they don't see it or think of it as 'minor friction' in the relationship.

I love my mother. She's been one of my greatest supports throughout my life in many, many ways.

That said, when I was a tall 13 year old wearing baggy size 12 pants and large shirts -- I was there 100% because of my mom. I'd try on a summer dress with those elastic/ruched busts and she'd comment how tight it was. Looking back at old photos, I know I was not as slender as many of my peers but I was already 5'11" and fully endowed in butt and bosom -- and it was the 90's so my fashion options were much more limited. ((also looking back, a lot of my body issues stemmed from her being an incest survivor and having a deep seated fear / distrust of all men -- she was consistently telling me about the gross old men who were 'checking me out' as I walked by. On one side, yeah, warn your children of dangers. On the other side, don't make your child feel constantly watched and judged by older men just because you have some issues, lol.))

9 hours ago, FifiLux said:

... yesterday I was told by my (well intentioned I guess) boss that he was concerned I wasn't eating enough as I looked a bit unwell and didn't seem to have much energy yesterday!

Sorry but it was 30c / 86f in our office, no air con, no air circulating and I HATE the heat so I felt exhausted plus I hadn't had great sleeps the last few nights. I wasn't the only one struggling in the office yet he seemed to put my struggle down to the fact that he said he didn't think I was getting in enough calories and he had been watching how little I eat!

Ohhh I hear you. Even at my lowest and highest weight, heat has always drained me. All I want is ice water and to munch cold grapes and for everything else to recede.

My boss is the sweetest older Korean man. I speak a little Korean, he speaks a bit more English -- so we have language barriers but over the years we've found ways to understand each other pretty well.

But the week I came back to work, I ended up having to take a sick day near the end of the week. I had eaten something that caused my first bout of dumping syndrome and it caused my healing body a fair amount of muscle / tissue / inner pain for the next couple days. When I came back I made the mistake of telling him that I'd eaten something that didn't agree with m, whether because it was to dry or I ate too much too fast. Well he heard "ate too much" and now everytime I'm not feeling my best / looking high-energied -- or he catches me having a shake for lunch because I'm feeling nauseated at the idea of food -- he starts questioning me if I've been eating too much. In his case I know he means it from a place of caring and concern, but it roughs up the ragged edges of my old eating-disorders in my psyche. I immediately feel judged for being overweight to begin with, and like I'm being watched/judged now, etc. And I know they're my issues, but I could certainly do with not being reminded of them so often.

YEP!!! I'm getting this literally right now. I have people that I've known for 15, 20, even 25 years that have never seen me below 250 pounds. So to see me at 185 pounds is understandably jarring for them. But once the compliments stopped the critiques started. "You're starting to look sickly, slow down the weight loss" and "you're going to look like you have an ED if you keep losing weight" and "your sagging skin is going to get so much worse if you don't stop losing weight". I mean...seriously????? My body FINALLY found its new set point and is happy where it's at and now the weight is resettling and redistributing itself. There's nothing I can do about it. Your comments are UNhelpful and UNnecessary. Ugh.....

On 6/28/2024 at 11:10 PM, SleeveToBypass2023 said:

YEP!!! I'm getting this literally right now. I have people that I've known for 15, 20, even 25 years that have never seen me below 250 pounds. So to see me at 185 pounds is understandably jarring for them. But once the compliments stopped the critiques started. "You're starting to look sickly, slow down the weight loss" and "you're going to look like you have an ED if you keep losing weight" and "your sagging skin is going to get so much worse if you don't stop losing weight". I mean...seriously????? My body FINALLY found its new set point and is happy where it's at and now the weight is resettling and redistributing itself. There's nothing I can do about it. Your comments are UNhelpful and UNnecessary. Ugh.....

Its annoying! I am over it. I am happy with the way I look and most importantly feel!

9 hours ago, AmberFL said:

Its annoying! I am over it. I am happy with the way I look and most importantly feel!

EXACTLY. So I've decided that if you don't pay my bills or sleep in my bed, your opinion of me doesn't matter. I'm below my goal weight, through no fault of my own lol I'm actually TRYING to get back up to 190, but I still seem to be losing (I thought I was all set at 185 but I'm now 183 lol). Eventually my body will get where it wants to be, and it'll stay there. People can be so rude. First they had something to say because I was too fat and now they have something to say because I'm too thin. They can go suck a rotten egg at this point. I'm over it.

Not sure if you guys like country but there is a song from years ago by Kasey Musgraves That comes to mind when I think of this chat. Here are the lyrics, but of course you can just google and give it a listen for the heck of it if you want.

“If you save yourself for marriage, you're a bore
You don't save yourself for marriage, you're a horr-ible person
If you won't have a drink, then you're a prude
But they'll call you a drunk as soon as you down the first one

If you can't lose the weight, then you're just fat
But if you lose too much, then you're on crack
You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't
So you might as well just do whatever you want

So, make lots of noise (hey)
Kiss lots of boys (yup)
Or kiss lots of girls, if that's something you're into
When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, or don't
Just follow your arrow wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow wherever it points

If you don't go to church, you'll go to Hell
If you're the first one on the front row, you're self-righteous son of a-
Can't win for losin', you'll just disappoint 'em
Just 'cause you can't beat 'em, don't mean you should join 'em

So, make lots of noise (hey)
Kiss lots of boys (yup)
Or kiss lots of girls, if that's something you're into
When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, or don't
Just follow your arrow wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow wherever it points

Say what you think (say what you think)
Love who you love (love who you love)
'Cause you just get so many trips 'round the sun
Yeah, you only, only live once

So make lots of noise (hey)
Kiss lots of boys (yup)
Or kiss lots of girls, if that's what you're into
When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, I would
And follow your arrow wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow wherever it points”

14 hours ago, SleeveToBypass2023 said:

EXACTLY. So I've decided that if you don't pay my bills or sleep in my bed, your opinion of me doesn't matter. I'm below my goal weight, through no fault of my own lol I'm actually TRYING to get back up to 190, but I still seem to be losing (I thought I was all set at 185 but I'm now 183 lol). Eventually my body will get where it wants to be, and it'll stay there. People can be so rude. First they had something to say because I was too fat and now they have something to say because I'm too thin. They can go suck a rotten egg at this point. I'm over it.

yes they can!! well I am the opposite no one told me when I was pushing 300lbs that I was unhealthy now Im unhealthy because I am normal BMI? okay they can eff off now.

14 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

Not sure if you guys like country but there is a song from years ago by Kasey Musgraves That comes to mind when I think of this chat. Here are the lyrics, but of course you can just google and give it a listen for the heck of it if you want.

“If you save yourself for marriage, you're a bore
You don't save yourself for marriage, you're a horr-ible person
If you won't have a drink, then you're a prude
But they'll call you a drunk as soon as you down the first one

If you can't lose the weight, then you're just fat
But if you lose too much, then you're on crack
You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't
So you might as well just do whatever you want

So, make lots of noise (hey)
Kiss lots of boys (yup)
Or kiss lots of girls, if that's something you're into
When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, or don't
Just follow your arrow wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow wherever it points

If you don't go to church, you'll go to Hell
If you're the first one on the front row, you're self-righteous son of a-
Can't win for losin', you'll just disappoint 'em
Just 'cause you can't beat 'em, don't mean you should join 'em

So, make lots of noise (hey)
Kiss lots of boys (yup)
Or kiss lots of girls, if that's something you're into
When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, or don't
Just follow your arrow wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow wherever it points

Say what you think (say what you think)
Love who you love (love who you love)
'Cause you just get so many trips 'round the sun
Yeah, you only, only live once

So make lots of noise (hey)
Kiss lots of boys (yup)
Or kiss lots of girls, if that's what you're into
When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, I would
And follow your arrow wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow wherever it points”

ahhh yes "Follow your Arrow" I like Kasey Musgraves! I actually had ppl elude to the fact that I was on drugs because I was losing weight so quickly LOL I shut down that quick!

Edited July 2, 20242 yr by AmberFL

I wish I was hearing these comments

53 minutes ago, T O P said:

I wish I was hearing these comments

You would be surprised they can be quite hurtful. Even the well intended ones that say you look so good are usually followed up by commenting on how big you were before which pretty much sucks. This can be especially difficult if you put a little weight back on or in my case a lot and then you have to go around those people knowing they are for sure judging you again. And even if you don’t gain it still kinda stings to know that people who are supposed to love you were judging you before for something that was out of your control. I had one person who had known me for years tell me that they just realized what a pretty girl I am about five minutes after they asked if I had lost weight!! I don’t think people think before they talk sometimes. Bottom line is any comments about weight CAN be hurtful and it’s something that people should tread really lightly about in my opinion. Or better yet learn to see a person for who they actually are and not even notice a persons size amongst other physical things (only in a perfect world I know).

Why do you say you wish you were getting these comments? Have you not lost what you expected to with the sleeve? Are you still losing? That’s what I had first and I never did get to my goal weight. I am doing a revision surgery to the SADI in early August. My dr said that the sleeve is a great surgery for a lot of people but obesity is a complex issue and it is not the best fit for everyone. Some people just need more of a metabolic change to be successful.

Edited July 2, 20242 yr by ShoppGirl