Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Regret is normal and part of the process for many



Recommended Posts

I have noticed lots of people coming to the forums in distress because they regret having the surgery, I too was one of them. I wanted to share some of my own experience to reassure those going through regret that for some of us this is completely normal and part of the journey.

Its awful, you feel like crap and wonder what the hell you have done to yourself and for some we wonder if we will even survive this life changing decision we made. You may feel like you have ruined your life, you may feel like you will never eat or drink your favourite things again. You may think you will die of thirst or even starve to death, I am here to say you will get through it, you will feel better and you will eat/drink your favourite things again (even if you shouldn't 😉)

I had my final check in with my mental health care worker the other day and to hear her read back my "statement" and how I was thinking 7 months ago made me cringe, was that really me, was I really down that dark hole ? Yes I was but thankfully I am a long way from that place now.

What we go through is a number of things first and foremost grief, yes grief and you will go through all the stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and for good measure throw some anxiety and remorse in there too. Then there is our hormones omg the hormones what a rollercoaster ride they send us on so hang on tight !! I remember a few bad moments, one that stands out is standing in the shower feeling incredibly weak from not eating or getting my fluids in screaming "why, why me why do I have to feel like this" (some of my friends had breezed through the surgery) lucky no one was home and I did feel a little better after.....so don't be afraid to cry, don't be afraid to shout and scream. Another outburst was at the family dinner table for fathers day screaming why did I do this ? why didn't anyone stop me? I told my team that they shouldn't have approved me and they hadn't screened me properly and they had failed me 😔.

I could tell of many more "moments" but I think you get the picture.

Some people especially those who have had an easy time after the surgery or haven't had the surgery wont understand why you feel like you do I mean you chose to do this right ? The hardest thing is even we don't understand why we feel the way we do, we wanted this, we paid the surgeon to have this done.

Yes its normal to go through a whole range of feelings and some are really bad but it gets better and easier everyday. It might start with 1 good day in a week then 2 until eventually good days out weight the bad you will feel like you are going 1 step forward and 2 steps back but you are still going forward. Be Kind to yourself let people around you look after you but also make an effort to look after yourself even though you don't feel like it. Soon you will get to a point where you no longer have that deep regret and you finally arrive at acceptance and from there you realise you wouldn't have lost the weight without surgery, your life is going to be fine, you can have that coffee and cake with friends , you can eat a meal with your family and your health has improved and you post your weirdest non scale related victory !!

You made it!!

You got through it !!!

There is no more regret !!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just want to thank you Guru . . .

I'm 5 weeks out from surgery (May 18) and struggling with fear, negative feedback from friends and general anxiety. I don't have as much weight to lose as some, but the VSG was recommended by my (Harvard trained) internist who has watched me struggle for many years now with one diet after another. At 78, carrying around 50 extra pounds and sometimes 25 more more is no joke and I would love to spend the last part of my life being able to move better and with less pain. Other than the weight, I've been blessed with great health although I'm 78, am still very active. Your post this morning helped me more than I can tell you and reinforces that I should not cancel the surgery out of fear that I will not be able to make it out of the "dark hole" that inevitably follows a major surgery. You are an inspiration!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wondered after I was rapidly losing weight. At one point I cried so hard thinking I would wiggle down to nothing. My other half hugged me for a long time and explained that my body would hit a set point and stop there or around there. I contacted my bariatric program. They reassured me that this is a normal feeling but not to worry. That I have regular checkups and they closely monitor us. I still have those random thoughts even 18 months out.
Tilli

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks so much Tilly!

I'm new to blogs so it's a confidence booster to be able to reach out and learn how to communicate with other patients. I'm not afraid of losing too much weight, but of the recovery time right after surgery and getting through the first month so any helpful hints you can give me about that would be appreciated. My date is May 18

Judy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not afraid of losing too much weight, I'm more concerned that I won't lose enough. But my BIG worry is what I'm hearing about how bad the gas pain is. I had my gallbladder out in 97 when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant with my son. I remember being more uncomfortable with the incisions (4 lap scars) then anything else. But now I'm seeing that the gas pain is so bad with the bariatric surgery (gallbladder surgery inflated my stomach, so I was thinking it would feel the same way). But now I'm really uneasy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, Tilli13 said:

I wondered after I was rapidly losing weight. At one point I cried so hard thinking I would wiggle down to nothing. My other half hugged me for a long time and explained that my body would hit a set point and stop there or around there. I contacted my bariatric program. They reassured me that this is a normal feeling but not to worry. That I have regular checkups and they closely monitor us. I still have those random thoughts even 18 months out.
Tilli

it's actually a lot more common to not make it to goal than it is to lose too much weight. Only about 10-15% of bariatric patients make it to a normal BMI, let alone lose too much. You will find some who do - but they're few and far between.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

30 minutes ago, SleeveDiva22 said:

I'm not afraid of losing too much weight, I'm more concerned that I won't lose enough. But my BIG worry is what I'm hearing about how bad the gas pain is. I had my gallbladder out in 97 when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant with my son. I remember being more uncomfortable with the incisions (4 lap scars) then anything else. But now I'm seeing that the gas pain is so bad with the bariatric surgery (gallbladder surgery inflated my stomach, so I was thinking it would feel the same way). But now I'm really uneasy.

I didn't have any gas pain at all , I am also at the point of will I lose more or is this it 😕

Edited by SleeverSk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, SleeveDiva22 said:

But my BIG worry is what I'm hearing about how bad the gas pain is.

It wasn't bad at all for me, and it dissipated quickly with walking. I hope your experience is similar.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, SleeveDiva22 said:

I'm not afraid of losing too much weight, I'm more concerned that I won't lose enough. But my BIG worry is what I'm hearing about how bad the gas pain is. I had my gallbladder out in 97 when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant with my son. I remember being more uncomfortable with the incisions (4 lap scars) then anything else. But now I'm seeing that the gas pain is so bad with the bariatric surgery (gallbladder surgery inflated my stomach, so I was thinking it would feel the same way). But now I'm really uneasy.

My gas pain wasn't that bad. I had really bad shoulder and back pain the first night in the hospital, which was literally the worst day in this whole process and the only time I cried. But, I was also coming off anesthesia (never had general before) and just could NOT sleep that night so all my emotions were a disaster. Once I started walking on day 2, the shoulder and back pain dissipated and I was good. Everyone is different, but it isn't something I would stress too much about!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, SleeveDiva22 said:

I'm not afraid of losing too much weight, I'm more concerned that I won't lose enough. But my BIG worry is what I'm hearing about how bad the gas pain is. I had my gallbladder out in 97 when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant with my son. I remember being more uncomfortable with the incisions (4 lap scars) then anything else. But now I'm seeing that the gas pain is so bad with the bariatric surgery (gallbladder surgery inflated my stomach, so I was thinking it would feel the same way). But now I'm really uneasy.

I had no pain what so ever, no gas pain or pain from the surgery. I could slide in and out of bed fairly easily which was a bonus as I had terrible diarrhoea. TMI sorry. Never had any pain meds

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Queen ApisM said:

My gas pain wasn't that bad. I had really bad shoulder and back pain the first night in the hospital, which was literally the worst day in this whole process and the only time I cried.

Some people don't realize that the gas travels upwards through tissue through the back and to the shoulder. And they don't know why they go in for wls surgery and end up with back and shoulder pains. That's where my gas pain was the worst. Back and shoulders. The only thing that sort of helped was to change positions, from recliner, walk around and take hot showers. To let the hot Water hit my back and shoulders. It just takes time for the gas to work its way out of your tissues.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just now, BypassingMyPhatAss said:

Some people don't realize that the gas travels upwards through tissue through the back and to the shoulder. And they don't know why they go in for wls surgery and end up with back and shoulder pains. That's where my gas pain was the worst. Back and shoulders. The only thing that sort of helped was to change positions, from recliner, walk around and take hot showers. To let the hot Water hit my back and shoulders. It just takes time for the gas to work its way out of your tissues.

I should have been clearer - I know (now) that the pain I had was from the gas, and honestly had I realized it I probably would have handled it better! It sucked that one night, but it was only made worse by the lack of sleep and post -anesthesia crappiness. But it wasn't something that lasted days, at least for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for your replies. I feel a little better. I don't remember having any gas pain when my gallbladder was removed. The main pain I had was from the incisions, and that was really when I overdid it and didn't let myself rest. I had worse, lingering pain when I had all 4 wisdom teeth and an additional tooth removed all at once in a surgery center. Actually had to take pain meds for like 3 days afterwards. I was MISERABLE. So here's hoping I have the same experience with wls that I did when my gallbladder was removed. Thanks again, ladies!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SleeverSk That was beautiful i am impressed with you i felt a little bit like that when i had BOTH HIPS replaced i went through so much emotionally that i ( 10 yrs, in recovery for alcoholism) i sat in my recliner and ate morphine like they were candy because i didn't want to "FEEL" so i numbed my feelings for weeks and then i ran out of pain meds and all the feelings i numbed came flooding back and let me just say i was a mess the morphine was gone they were no longer delivering them to my house and i was " on the pity pot for at least 3 weeks and wanted to die because i still had no meds and no one wanted to help me aside from my wife who anyway i was able to get my shi*t together and take the meds like they were prescribed , my life got better and i got better and if you feel like you won't get better you're wrong I'm telling you, you will it's all part of the process be gentle with yourself you deserve to be happy and deserve to be loved even though you may not feel it now theyll come a day you will look back and say " all the kicking and screaming i got through it " youre stronger then you think , so keep your head up you are so worth it.

Coop

Sane 009.JPG

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I havent had the sleeve surgery yet but its supposed to be sometime mid May or end of May. Still waiting on scheduling to call me. I havent started regretting it yet since Ive not had surgery but I have gone back and forth numerous times of asking myself do I really want to do this. Sometimes its yes and sometimes its no, I believe my mind is just trying to talk me out of it because its the "unknown" as to how my body will react. I have to say honestly I am very fortunate as I am not on pills for high blood pressure, diabetes or anything else. Im just morbidly obese (I hate those words lol) What I do have is a knee injury from about 15 yrs ago that I have severe osteoarthritis from and I was just told this past week that I need a knee replacement! Im only 53 so I said no, whats my other options. I was told therapy and cortisone/steroid shots in the knee to maybe postpone it. I was also told at my current weight I could not be a candidate because I am too big *sighs*.

So Im seeing this surgery as beneficial and something I need to do for my overall health, knee issues and I still have a young son at home who needs me to live an active life (he's 11). If I get in the muddy grub mindset I try to direct my thoughts in another direction. Not saying that after surgery will be different or that I may not start regretting it but I have goals I need to see through to the end if at all possible :)

I have heard the same thing about the gas pains but Ive also heard people say they took Gas X and walked alot and that seems to help dissipate it.

Hoping to stay positive going down this road and your words from your experience is very helpful. Thank you for sharing!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Tim in Tampa

      Just started my pre-op diet today!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • jenuinelygenuinely

      To working out faithfully for 5 days a week. Lets go back to that year with a more positive mind, 
       
      SKINNY SZN HERE WE COME!!!!
       
      It's Saturday!!! My fiance and I are out doing yard work and I made the mistake of not staying hydrated before going out so now my body is shaking and weak. I have my pre-op appointment Tuesday, the 2nd and I am trying my hardest to lose another 2 lbs by then. 

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • jenuinelygenuinely

      Hi guys!!!
      Here is my big boy Zuko and daddy. My Great Dane/Shepherd. He was our first pup that we rescued from the Humane Society. 

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • SimplySleevedCece

      Looking for new sleeve buddies! I’m 1.5 weeks post op and things seem to be getting a little difficult! I actually WANT food again eghh! Honestly, I feel like you don’t truly understand this process unless you go through it! Don’t be shy, say hello and let’s support each other during this journey 🙂
      · 1 reply
      1. jenuinelygenuinely

        You got this!! When I had the sleeve I cried every day during the liquid phase, It was during the super-bowl! I was sooo hungry I sucked on a piece of pork rind. LOL

    • jenuinelygenuinely

      A daily dose of my youngest fur boy Ozai
       
      My blue eyed Husky/Malamute

      · 2 replies
      1. SHORTY_

        Makes me wanna 'boop' it

      2. SimplySleevedCece

        😍 Aww look at his wittle teeef!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×