I have noticed lots of people coming to the forums in distress because they regret having the surgery, I too was one of them. I wanted to share some of my own experience to reassure those going through regret that for some of us this is completely normal and part of the journey.

Its awful, you feel like crap and wonder what the hell you have done to yourself and for some we wonder if we will even survive this life changing decision we made. You may feel like you have ruined your life, you may feel like you will never eat or drink your favourite things again. You may think you will die of thirst or even starve to death, I am here to say you will get through it, you will feel better and you will eat/drink your favourite things again (even if you shouldn't ?)

I had my final check in with my mental health care worker the other day and to hear her read back my "statement" and how I was thinking 7 months ago made me cringe, was that really me, was I really down that dark hole ? Yes I was but thankfully I am a long way from that place now.

What we go through is a number of things first and foremost grief, yes grief and you will go through all the stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and for good measure throw some anxiety and remorse in there too. Then there is our hormones omg the hormones what a rollercoaster ride they send us on so hang on tight !! I remember a few bad moments, one that stands out is standing in the shower feeling incredibly weak from not eating or getting my fluids in screaming "why, why me why do I have to feel like this" (some of my friends had breezed through the surgery) lucky no one was home and I did feel a little better after.....so don't be afraid to cry, don't be afraid to shout and scream. Another outburst was at the family dinner table for fathers day screaming why did I do this ? why didn't anyone stop me? I told my team that they shouldn't have approved me and they hadn't screened me properly and they had failed me ?.

I could tell of many more "moments" but I think you get the picture.

Some people especially those who have had an easy time after the surgery or haven't had the surgery wont understand why you feel like you do I mean you chose to do this right ? The hardest thing is even we don't understand why we feel the way we do, we wanted this, we paid the surgeon to have this done.

Yes its normal to go through a whole range of feelings and some are really bad but it gets better and easier everyday. It might start with 1 good day in a week then 2 until eventually good days out weight the bad you will feel like you are going 1 step forward and 2 steps back but you are still going forward. Be Kind to yourself let people around you look after you but also make an effort to look after yourself even though you don't feel like it. Soon you will get to a point where you no longer have that deep regret and you finally arrive at acceptance and from there you realise you wouldn't have lost the weight without surgery, your life is going to be fine, you can have that coffee and cake with friends , you can eat a meal with your family and your health has improved and you post your weirdest non scale related victory !!

You made it!!

You got through it !!!

There is no more regret !!!

Hang in there and get the surgery. While I’m not “morbidly” obese, I rank as obese. You’re right…..terrible words that do nothing to forward treating ourselves with loving kindness. I did however have knee replacements, both sides in 2015 and 2016 which gave me my life back. If losing the weight can allow you to get a knee surgery it gives you an extra incentive. Good luck with the process and getting a date!

On 4/7/2022 at 3:52 PM, Reluctantsleever said:

Thanks so much Tilly!

I'm new to blogs so it's a confidence booster to be able to reach out and learn how to communicate with other patients. I'm not afraid of losing too much weight, but of the recovery time right after surgery and getting through the first month so any helpful hints you can give me about that would be appreciated. My date is May 18

Judy

Judy…I think it is good for support from people who have been down this road. I know if you keep in touch with your bariatric program whenever you need, I mean whenever you need, they are there for you. You will get through it on the other side feeling so much better. I know what you mean. I was worried if the pain, not enough support, and the fear I was going to mess up. But know we are all here for you and feel reach out. Follow your program advice.