To tell or not to tell

[It's time. 145]

I told my immediate family and a few close friends. As time goes on, I'll tell more people. but right now, I only want people who are supportive around me since I'm just beginning my journey.

[GreenTealael 24,891]

On 6/26/2020 at 7:34 PM, Michael2428 said:

I am newly retired and was a single dad. My kids have graduated from college and the last one moved out in March. I then realized that my weight is preventing me from enjoying the empty nest. I have not told a soul about the surgery, family or friends. I am not sure if I want to share with them yet. I was wondering how y'all approached that decision. Did anyone do the same as me so far. I kind of think I want to keep this mine and my own achievement.

I waited well into year 2 post op before I outright admitted it to whoever asked.

Buy that point I didn't care about anyone's opinion and living life fairly normally again.

Do what feels right to you.

[Michael2428 24]

Thanks. I have now told one person and they were super supportive and only asked what I needed to help through the journey. Looking forward to the surgery. Keep smiling.

[BlueIGT 84]

I told my husband and that is the only person I told. I am not ashamed about having the surgery. I had two people in my family that had it and had no success with it, however they did not follow the program. I knew that I felt very dedicated to the process and I thought I would succeed and I didn't want to feel like I was rubbing it in their face. You really need to be in the right head space for this to be successful. You need to be all in and they weren't.

For the first few weeks I told people I had the flu. now with covid out there I guess I would pick a different reason, such as a hernia like mentioned above. I am also a private person, I don't really discuss any medical issues with anyone other than my husband so I don't see why this would be different.

It's a personal choice and whatever you feel comfortable with. You can tell people at a later date if you wish to, but once you let the cat out of the bag there is no putting it back in. I have not regretted not telling anyone about the surgery and when they ask for advice I give them advice from when I previously took off over a 100 pounds on my own (before gaining back due to the death of a parent and so much stress). Tracking food, drinking Water, being active and being dedicated.

If anyone brings up surgery I talk about it as I tell them I researched it and that it doesn't seem like a bad option either and suggest that they find forums that they can read about other people's experiences.

[WishMeSmaller 1,270]

14 hours ago, Michael2428 said:

Thanks. I have now told one person and they were super supportive and only asked what I needed to help through the journey. Looking forward to the surgery. Keep smiling.

I started by just talking the whole thing through with my husband. He actually jumped all over the idea when I first mentioned it, as I am not the energetic person I was when we met. He later told me he was too afraid to bring it up before I did...smart man! 😂 After I had his full support, I told my parents (but made sure my mom did not tell my step-dad because he has always been super judgmental of my weight). Both Mom and Dad offered full support after I explained it. They are both in the 75-80 year old range and at normal BMI’s. I am a nurse working in a medical office of about 200 staff. I then told a few of my co-workers who I knew had previously had Bariatric Surgery or were considering Bariatric Surgery. This all took place over about a month. Then COVID hit and I was canceled for my first surgery date, so no one else was told. Now that I am approaching my surgery date on 7/6 I am kind of like “everyone is going to know soon, so whatever.” So far the only time I felt like someone was not super excited and happy for me was a co-worker who lost 150 pounds without surgery. She was not rude at all, just more restrained. I thought she would be super excited for me though, and she is someone I consider a friend. She will come around when I can finally become a hiking buddy instead of just talking about hiking😊

I am pretty private, but I am also absolutely terrible at NOT telling the truth, the WHOLE truth. Inevitably, I will end up telling every single person that asks, so I may as well just be open about it from the get go. Negative people will be ignored or dropped from my circle. I feel confident that most of the negative folks are already people I keep at arms length. I will have a huge cheering section.

As my surgery date approached, my mom asked if she could tell my step-dad and I gave her permission. He surprised us both by jumping right into my cheering section.

Telling the first person is the hardest. It gets easier. People are likely going to realize you had Bariatric Surgery (or speculate behind your back) even if you don’t tell them. People that truly care about you will be happy for you or soon come around. People that don’t come around can be kept at arms length, because they have their own agenda which is NOT in your best interest. Unfortunately, this includes family. I have been very fortunate.

Apologies for a super long post. This has been brewing for a few days now. Regardless of who you choose to tell, you will always have this community in your cheering section.

Edited June 28, 2020 by WishMeSmaller