The Journey Continues, OR, Third Time's the Charm

[Machalo 283]

My journey starts all the way back to my pre-teen years. I was a chubby little girl. At about 8-9, my Mom put me on my first diet. At 15, I took weight loss shots every week for two years. During High School I stopped eating and dropped weight and grew so that helped. By 17 and graduation, I was at a comfortable 125-130. I maintained it for the next 10 years by smoking and not eating. I didn't eat healthfully, but darn if I didn't eat slowly and chew my food to death.

Fast forward those ten years and I was 27, in one abusive relationship after the other, and became an exercise addict. I still didn't eat healthfully. but I ate so little that it didn't really matter what I ate.

Forward another two years and I was 29 and getting married to my true love. I still had very bad eating habits, and now I was faced with having to eat regular meals at regular times. ACK! I gained weight almost instantly, and it's been compounding for the last 26 years. I tried SlimFast, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Adkins, Mediterranean, and pretty much everything else. If I did lose some weight on them, I gained it all right back once I went off of them, plus more. I became a yo-yo dieter. The only thing that worked for me again was to stop eating. I could do a fast for about a day but by the second day my husband was on me to eat. Not that he didn't want a healthy wife, but I think he was afraid that I might turn out to have an eating disorder that was dangerous.

At 36 I moved to where we live now, kind of out in the country, with cities not too far away. Once I worked for the university I started to look into finishing my bachelor's degree. Which I did. In 2008, when I was 44. At that point I was so heavy that I couldn't stand myself and started looking into weight loss surgery. Husband and I both went in, listened to the seminar, got our first appointment out of the way, talked with the surgeon, talked with the insurance guy ... and never went back. Insurance was nigh unto impossible to get cleared back then. The hoops you had to jump through were prohibitive, so I dropped it. For then. I scheduled to do the seminar again in 2015 or so, and again the insurance hoops discouraged me. Plus other people discouraged me. So I stopped.

Now, I'm at my highest weight ever. I have GERD, sleep apnea, kidney problems, HBP, low thyroid, and joint pains. All from the excess weight. So I went back (3rd time's the charm, right?) and started the process over again. I've had my initial visit and labs done, I have scheduled the next 4 NUT appointments (thru Jan) and then the post-NUT assessment with the surgeon in January. Between this time and that, I need to get my psych clearance and have an ultrasound of my stomach done. Both are now scheduled. Now, I wait. It seems like it is taking forEVER, yet I only had my first appointment on the 8th. Not even 10 days yet and it feels like MONTHS have passed.

I've started cutting things from my diet -- all my bad habits. The first to go in October are candies, Cookies, fast food, and chips. i'm already down 7 pounds. Next month, I limit soda intake, and cut portions down to 2 cups per meal. November, I cut soda intake in half, cut my portions down to 1.5 cups per meal. December I go off the soda, drop my intake to 1 cup per meal and increase number of meals per day to 5. January, I'm hoping to be drinking my Water, and be at the point where I'm at 1/2 cup of food per meal and 5 meals per day. Hopefully I'll be able to have surgery in February depending on my surgeon's schedule, and my insurance to clear. They have lightened up on their requirements so I'm more hopeful that I'll be approved.

As far as who knows, my husband knows I went to my first appointment and that it is my goal to have bypass surgery. He's not super excited about it. In fact, I haven't been able to share any of my excitement or goal setting or anything with him. He is disabled and his health is frail, so he's been having his own issues. So, I bring my enthusiasm and my questions and my hyperactivity here to BariatricPal. You all have taught me so much already. Thank you.

I'd love to make some great friends here, and I think I will. If you'd like to make friends, send me a message or reply, or just feel free to add me. I'd love to start a conversation with other like minded folks, who are excited, learning a lot, questioning a lot, and are just generally addicted to this site. LOL. Seriously, though. I'd love to hear your story too.

Cheers,

Mac

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

14 minutes ago, Machalo said:

My journey starts all the way back to my pre-teen years. I was a chubby little girl. At about 8-9, my Mom put me on my first diet. At 15, I took weight loss shots every week for two years. During High School I stopped eating and dropped weight and grew so that helped. By 17 and graduation, I was at a comfortable 125-130. I maintained it for the next 10 years by smoking and not eating. I didn't eat healthfully, but darn if I didn't eat slowly and chew my food to death.

Fast forward those ten years and I was 27, in one abusive relationship after the other, and became an exercise addict. I still didn't eat healthfully. but I ate so little that it didn't really matter what I ate.

Forward another two years and I was 29 and getting married to my true love. I still had very bad eating habits, and now I was faced with having to eat regular meals at regular times. ACK! I gained weight almost instantly, and it's been compounding for the last 26 years. I tried SlimFast, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Adkins, Mediterranean, and pretty much everything else. If I did lose some weight on them, I gained it all right back once I went off of them, plus more. I became a yo-yo dieter. The only thing that worked for me again was to stop eating. I could do a fast for about a day but by the second day my husband was on me to eat. Not that he didn't want a healthy wife, but I think he was afraid that I might turn out to have an eating disorder that was dangerous.

At 36 I moved to where we live now, kind of out in the country, with cities not too far away. Once I worked for the university I started to look into finishing my bachelor's degree. Which I did. In 2008, when I was 44. At that point I was so heavy that I couldn't stand myself and started looking into weight loss surgery. Husband and I both went in, listened to the seminar, got our first appointment out of the way, talked with the surgeon, talked with the insurance guy ... and never went back. Insurance was nigh unto impossible to get cleared back then. The hoops you had to jump through were prohibitive, so I dropped it. For then. I scheduled to do the seminar again in 2015 or so, and again the insurance hoops discouraged me. Plus other people discouraged me. So I stopped.

Now, I'm at my highest weight ever. I have GERD, sleep apnea, kidney problems, HBP, low thyroid, and joint pains. All from the excess weight. So I went back (3rd time's the charm, right?) and started the process over again. I've had my initial visit and labs done, I have scheduled the next 4 NUT appointments (thru Jan) and then the post-NUT assessment with the surgeon in January. Between this time and that, I need to get my psych clearance and have an ultrasound of my stomach done. Both are now scheduled. Now, I wait. It seems like it is taking forEVER, yet I only had my first appointment on the 8th. Not even 10 days yet and it feels like MONTHS have passed.

I've started cutting things from my diet -- all my bad habits. The first to go in October are candies, Cookies, fast food, and chips. i'm already down 7 pounds. Next month, I limit soda intake, and cut portions down to 2 cups per meal. November, I cut soda intake in half, cut my portions down to 1.5 cups per meal. December I go off the soda, drop my intake to 1 cup per meal and increase number of meals per day to 5. January, I'm hoping to be drinking my Water, and be at the point where I'm at 1/2 cup of food per meal and 5 meals per day. Hopefully I'll be able to have surgery in February depending on my surgeon's schedule, and my insurance to clear. They have lightened up on their requirements so I'm more hopeful that I'll be approved.

As far as who knows, my husband knows I went to my first appointment and that it is my goal to have bypass surgery. He's not super excited about it. In fact, I haven't been able to share any of my excitement or goal setting or anything with him. He is disabled and his health is frail, so he's been having his own issues. So, I bring my enthusiasm and my questions and my hyperactivity here to BariatricPal. You all have taught me so much already. Thank you.

I'd love to make some great friends here, and I think I will. If you'd like to make friends, send me a message or reply, or just feel free to add me. I'd love to start a conversation with other like minded folks, who are excited, learning a lot, questioning a lot, and are just generally addicted to this site. LOL. Seriously, though. I'd love to hear your story too.

Cheers,

Mac

After all you have been through, you deserve the excitement and support. Hope you get a date soon.

[Machalo 283]

Thanks so much @Healthy_life2

[Lynda486 788]

I am sure you will get a date soon! So exciting isn't it?

[New&Improved 1,780]

Keep positive

[Machalo 283]

Thanks Mike and Lynda. I am a pretty positive person overall, thankfully. I see things with hope in my lenses as it were. Where people see half empty, I see half full. Where people go UGH Monday, I say Make your week great. I'm positive that I'm doing this, and that I will be successful at it. It is just that way for me. It's my last chance, my only option to get better health-wise. I know it's a hard journey, hard doesn't scare me. I'm trying to look for all the positive things while being aware of the negatives because I'm sure my husband will come up with some of those and I need to be prepared to answer them.

Anyway, it's FRIDAY! Have a brilliantly awesome weekend everyone!

[Machalo 283]

In today's news. I got my psych appointment scheduled for Nov 4. Not too bad.

[Machalo 283]

The weekend was a dieter's nightmare. Eating out most meals and while not big on quantity, it was big on calories and/or salt. i'm back up. Drat and double drat. Now I'm on liquids until the scales go back to where they belong. In good news, I don't have to do the test with the tube down my throat for a day since I've decided on the bypass surgery. Yay! One less test and one less bill.

Today I'll get my first walk in at the recreation center in town. I've been procrastinating and need to just go do it. It isn't like it is going to be that hard to do. Just walking around the track, I won't even do the machines this time. Just the walk. I don't know why I keep putting it off. I know I need to get moving, I just don't seem to be able to motivate myself to get out and do it. So I'll stop on the way home and do it before I get home this evening. Even if I have to sweat a bit in my work clothes, it is better than not doing the walk at all.

Any advice on self-motivating when you have no self-motivation would be great.

[Machalo 283]

New news. I have my Cardiac consult/appointment February 28th at 10:30am. I guess that shuts out February as my surgery month. A bit disappointed at that actually, but I know it will all be for the best. I'm supposed to travel for work in March - guess I won't make those arrangements yet until I know about surgery. Well, shoot.

In other news, I gave my husband two articles about WLS in people over 50 last night. He just put them aside, not even bothering to look at them. I'm going to wait until my next NUT appointment next week and then he and I are going to have to have a talk, because I need his support or at least his understanding, and he needs to know that I'm doing this for me and it's my decision to do it for me.

[Machalo 283]

Update: the dreaded conversation with my husband is likely to happen this weekend if I have the nerve to rock the boat. I hate confrontation and bringing up something like this feels like I'm confronting him with something he won't be happy about. But I have to let him know how his pointed disapproval and disinterest has hurt my feelings.

Wish me luck!

[Machalo 283]

Update: the dreaded conversation with my husband is likely to happen this weekend if I have the nerve to rock the boat. I hate confrontation and bringing up something like this feels like I'm confronting him with something he won't be happy about. But I have to let him know how his pointed disapproval and disinterest has hurt my feelings.

Wish me luck!

[Frustr8 7,886]

Oh I Do I Do!

[Lynda486 788]

I feel for you and will pray that your talk goes well! Hugs

[Machalo 283]

Well, hmm. I chickened out this weekend. We did have a very brief convo about this week's NUT appointment and he was supportive of that, so I think he may be thawing out. I know. I still need to have the full talk with him.

Disappointed with myself, but it's another week and I can do better. Why do I have such a hard time advocating for myself? Sheesh.

[Lynda486 788]

Don't be so hard on yourself! I am the same way with my hubby always treading carefully.