My journey starts all the way back to my pre-teen years. I was a chubby little girl. At about 8-9, my Mom put me on my first diet. At 15, I took weight loss shots every week for two years. During High School I stopped eating and dropped weight and grew so that helped. By 17 and graduation, I was at a comfortable 125-130. I maintained it for the next 10 years by smoking and not eating. I didn't eat healthfully, but darn if I didn't eat slowly and chew my food to death.

Fast forward those ten years and I was 27, in one abusive relationship after the other, and became an exercise addict. I still didn't eat healthfully. but I ate so little that it didn't really matter what I ate.

Forward another two years and I was 29 and getting married to my true love. I still had very bad eating habits, and now I was faced with having to eat regular meals at regular times. ACK! I gained weight almost instantly, and it's been compounding for the last 26 years. I tried SlimFast, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Adkins, Mediterranean, and pretty much everything else. If I did lose some weight on them, I gained it all right back once I went off of them, plus more. I became a yo-yo dieter. The only thing that worked for me again was to stop eating. I could do a fast for about a day but by the second day my husband was on me to eat. Not that he didn't want a healthy wife, but I think he was afraid that I might turn out to have an eating disorder that was dangerous.

At 36 I moved to where we live now, kind of out in the country, with cities not too far away. Once I worked for the university I started to look into finishing my bachelor's degree. Which I did. In 2008, when I was 44. At that point I was so heavy that I couldn't stand myself and started looking into weight loss surgery. Husband and I both went in, listened to the seminar, got our first appointment out of the way, talked with the surgeon, talked with the insurance guy ... and never went back. Insurance was nigh unto impossible to get cleared back then. The hoops you had to jump through were prohibitive, so I dropped it. For then. I scheduled to do the seminar again in 2015 or so, and again the insurance hoops discouraged me. Plus other people discouraged me. So I stopped.

Now, I'm at my highest weight ever. I have GERD, sleep apnea, kidney problems, HBP, low thyroid, and joint pains. All from the excess weight. So I went back (3rd time's the charm, right?) and started the process over again. I've had my initial visit and labs done, I have scheduled the next 4 NUT appointments (thru Jan) and then the post-NUT assessment with the surgeon in January. Between this time and that, I need to get my psych clearance and have an ultrasound of my stomach done. Both are now scheduled. Now, I wait. It seems like it is taking forEVER, yet I only had my first appointment on the 8th. Not even 10 days yet and it feels like MONTHS have passed.

I've started cutting things from my diet -- all my bad habits. The first to go in October are candies, cookies, fast food, and chips. i'm already down 7 pounds. Next month, I limit soda intake, and cut portions down to 2 cups per meal. November, I cut soda intake in half, cut my portions down to 1.5 cups per meal. December I go off the soda, drop my intake to 1 cup per meal and increase number of meals per day to 5. January, I'm hoping to be drinking my water, and be at the point where I'm at 1/2 cup of food per meal and 5 meals per day. Hopefully I'll be able to have surgery in February depending on my surgeon's schedule, and my insurance to clear. They have lightened up on their requirements so I'm more hopeful that I'll be approved.

As far as who knows, my husband knows I went to my first appointment and that it is my goal to have bypass surgery. He's not super excited about it. In fact, I haven't been able to share any of my excitement or goal setting or anything with him. He is disabled and his health is frail, so he's been having his own issues. So, I bring my enthusiasm and my questions and my hyperactivity here to BariatricPal. You all have taught me so much already. Thank you.

I'd love to make some great friends here, and I think I will. If you'd like to make friends, send me a message or reply, or just feel free to add me. I'd love to start a conversation with other like minded folks, who are excited, learning a lot, questioning a lot, and are just generally addicted to this site. LOL. Seriously, though. I'd love to hear your story too.

Cheers,

Mac

One day til my next appointment and I had a salty breakfast and have drunk 60 oz of water in 5 hours. Of course, I forgot my pills this morning, so no pee pills to help get rid of the water I've just ingested. Grr. Well, whatever the scales say tomorrow morning is what we'll have to go with, regardless of whether it shows all the weight I've dropped. Disappointing. Well, I get out of work early today since I came in at the ungodly hour of 5am so I can take at least one of my pee pills when I get home.

i'm so excited for you.... and it just breaks my heart to hear your story..... I never had a weight problem till in hit my 30ies also. At 42, 5'2" and 232lbs i was miserable..... My life was not good. My husband stopped having sex with me and we lived in the same house, but we were strangers. You would think after being married for as long as we were we would know each other..... I thought if i would just lose the weight he would want me again. I was sooooo wrong. I started my WLS journey in the summer of 2009. One of my very good friends had the Lapband and she looked amazing. We worked at the same place so i know insurance would cover it. She coached me along the way. I told my husband that i was thinking of having WLS and he, like your husband, didn't want to hear anything about it. But, i was convinced that having it would fix all my problems, and it did fix a lot of them. On nov 10, 2009 i had the band surgery. In the first year i lost over 60lbs. I was so happy with how i was looking. The next year i lost another 20+. Total WL 89lbs. Went from a size 20 to a size 4-6. I looked great. My confidence was through the roof. Attention from others was intoxicating. But i still could get the one person to encourage or support me. and even though i lost the weight..... still no sex, no life. In 2012 i had a TT to remove the apron skin. Because i thought.... thats what is wrong. he hates looking at my saggy skin. Nope, in fact the TT made things worse. He hated my new confidence, my new body EVERYTHING!!!! So after all the years i realized that it wasn't me... it was him. January 2016 i filed for divorce. Not saying its for everyone.... but it was the best decision of my life. it was like a thousand pounds was lifted off me. In may of 2017 my divorce was final. I met the most amazing man.... If i could tell you all the things he does and how he treats me, yall would think i was lying..... 5 weeks ago we got married.

In march of 2017 i had to have my band removed and gained 30lbs. He still love me and wanted me.... everyday. But i was unhappy with my body. So Aug 28, 2019 i had the sleeve done..... down 27lbs.... and super happy..... with everything.

so i guess the moral to my story...... be happy with you and do this for you.... get support from a support group... don't think that havig WLS will make him come around.... cuz he might not.... i certainly hope sooooo ..... i wish you all the luck in the world.... message me if you want.

chris....

Thanks for your reply, Chris. It is good to hear from you and thanks for stopping by my thread. I'm glad life has turned out so great for you, you deserve every blessing.

My NUT appointment yesterday went well. They were pleased at my weight lost and the changes I'm making in my diet, and we made new goals. They told me my likely surgery date won't be til APRIL next year! I was hugely disappointed at first, but then remembered all the advice I've seen on this site that it will all work out in the end and that eventually I'll be happy that i had this extra time. So I'm focusing on one day at a time doing the best I can to be healthy and drop a few more pounds.

Reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint is helping as well. Knowing that I'm being good to myself is a great feeling too. I was able to talk with my husband about my appointment yesterday and he said "good for you" which to me says he is thawing a little bit at least. I didn't tell him surgery wasn't until April yet, baby steps since he is also suffering from colitis at the moment and isn't feeling the greatest. Progress is still progress so I'm happy with that.

Good for you Mac..... I hope he comes around. This journey is so much better when you have the support of the person that's supposed to love you the most.

I wish i had had that the first go around. But, it was not meant to be. My husband now is my biggest and only supporter. This time i chose to tell NO ONE about the sleeve. When i did the band most everyone knew and most everyone knew about my removal. I kept hearing.... you'll be fine, just eat they way you did with the band.... heheh easier said than done. All in all i did do better than most and "only" gained 30lbs. So i know i would get the .... Why are you doing this speech and the you don't need that... and you can do it on your own..... So, me and my husband. I didn't tell my kids, family, friends or co workers. First, my kids, family and most of my friends live out of state.... My co workers i simply told them i was having hernia surgery..... which turned out to be true. They all know i do crossfit and i just told them i lifted to heavy..... The weight loss, they all knew i was dieting and exercise to lose weight before the wedding.... so.... Win Win.

That would be some advice to you...... Tell no one. And be prepaired for Every relationship to change... some good, some not so good.

If you have time...... go watch this dr. on YouTube..... Duc C. Vuong..... amazing and everyting he says is 100%..... He curses a lot.... but so correct. This is one of his latest.

Thanks again for responding, Chris. The weekend was partially a dieter's nightmare as we were out doing things and even at meal times, so I found myself eating out. And hardly any water; I don't drink much of anything when I'm out and about because I'll have to suddenly go to the bathroom and there won't be one for the next 20-30 miles. I live in a rural-ish area so there are lots of breaks where there is nowhere to stop. Sunday is usually Church and then D&D gaming, but this week we skipped Church because of hubby's not feeling great. Still had a blast playing D&D though.

Anyway, hubby and I talked about surgery and that I was being committed this time to following the plan because I wanted a successful surgery and recuperation. I want to be in the best shape I can get into at my weight before I go under the knife so I'll have an easier recovery time. He was supportive, if a little non-enthusiastic. Then again, he's still struggling with colitis and now he's caught an upper respiratory infection of some kind. My poor darling.

In total, the weekend had positives and negatives and wound up just about even. I have not stepped on the scales today, since I went for my Psych clearance, I haven't been drinking my water like I should be. I'll hit it tonight at home, dinner is Toad in the Hole, which I hadn't made in forever. I may opt for a shake instead. One step at a time, one meal at a time.

The Psych appointment went well. I ended up telling him my entire life story in 20 minutes, he said he has no issue with me having bariatric surgery and was going to call my practice to see exactly what they need for him to say. Nice man. Another checkmark ticked off the list. i'm getting closer, but my team is still saying early April until sorgery. Argh. Oh well, it will turn out for the best. I have to keep telling myself that when I start to get impatient.

Have a brilliant Monday everyone and thanks for stopping by. ❤️

no problem Mac..... Have you been approved Yet? Reason i'm asking..... most insurance requires 35 BMI with 2 co morbids. When i had my band in 2009 it was the requirement. ORRR 40 BMI which is where i was. 5'2" and 232lbs.

This time i didn't have to because i was still considered a revision even though my band was removed 2.5+ years ago. My bmi this time was 31. SW 173.5..... Today, 145.2 Fk yes....

Back to you.... if you have not be approved yet, you may want to lay off the dieting. Some insurance with not approve you if they see a weight loss. My dr. advised me to not lose anything till i got the final approval.

Did you go watch the youtube vids...??? I've been in the WLS community for over 10 years and he is 100% right with everything he says..... no sugar coating with him at all.

The video you linked was interesting; I'm not sure there's anyone I know who's life I would trade mine for. Every one of them has issues going on with them. Their lives aren't perfect. They are hard, just like mine. Difference is that I know my challenges and I don't know theirs. I see his point about surrounding yourself with people you admire, they can bring you up to their level.

That being said, I don't have a lot of friends that I hang with. My time is limited and I usually devote it to my husband. There's not really room for other close relationships right now. I have plenty of acquaintance friends, but not close to my heart friends. I work 14-hour days and need 8 hours of sleep, which only leaves me 2 hours, of which I get to spend one with my husband and the other getting ready for work.

All of that aside, it is a beautiful day! Happy Tuesday!

The psychiatrist I went to yesterday for my surgery clearance was pretty cool. He asked me a lot of questions and I basically told him my life's history in about 20 minutes. I think he was surprised that I'm as well adjusted as I am considering my background. I put it down to being blessed with a positive attitude, and an incredible amount of resilience. I do have a food addiction problem that I need to work on and plan for when my WLS happens in April. It may take me that long to get a good program in place so I won't mentally freak out when I don't have to think 24/7 about food and the next "thing" I eat.

Well, I guess I will still have to worry about what I'm eating, and when I'm eating it for a while, as I recover from surgery, but it won't be the same. It will be planning for getting in enough water and enough protein for a while. It won't be about the next sweet thing I'll eat, or the next bag of chips, or whatever.

So, anyway, that's me for today. I'm in a good place emotionally and mentally. I'm looking forward to surgery even with its downsides and challenges, and I know I'm going to get where I need to be with this tool in hand.

Everyone have a great day. Thanks for stopping by, feel free to leave me a message, I love additions and advice. See you tomorrow. Same bat-time, same bat-channel.

Blessings.

Happy Mid-Week.

Nothing much happening today. I'm fighting a sore throat with post-nasal drip and drinking all my water. My husband still has colitis and is now suffering with an upper respiratory infection of some kind. It's dark when I leave for work every morning and now it's dark when I get home in the evening. Good-bye sunshine for another 4-5 months. I have an office with no windows except in the physician's offices and most of them keep their doors closed, so no sunlight.

I was looking at some of the sample kits from Unjury and Celebrate. The Unjury ones look pretty neat and I'll probably try that one when it comes time. Several months from now. Sigh. I just want to get on with things, you know? Impatience, thy name is Mac. These six months are going to slay me!

And yet, they will probably go by so fast that I won't really remember them come April, when my surgery gets scheduled. And at least I'm on the journey there and am actively getting all my boxes checked so insurance will accept the proposed surgery when the time comes for that. I wonder ... where will Dr. Halapin (the psychiatrist I saw Monday) send his letter? I didn't give him an address to send to. Hmm. I'll have to check in with my team next week to see if they've received it, and if not, where I should have it sent. Every other test so far has been within my university setting and those results can be seen by all in the system once they are ready.

Anyway, I'm starting to drag. And I still have 90 minutes to go before I can go get my husband's computer and head on home. The afternoons are starting to get that way, which is why I like to take a late lunch. I couldn't help it today though when lunch came in early.

Well, I'm outta here. Have a spectacular evening friends and I'll catch you next time.

Happy Thursday! Or "Little Friday" as my office coworkers put it. I hope you are starting with a marvelous morning. Mine started with a blooming cold and now I feel horrid. UGH. What to do for a cold I wonder when going through this journey? I mean, I can still take some NyQuil and go to sleep since I've not had my surgery yet, but what do you do after surgery for getting something like a cold or the flu or something? I can't imagine that they just go away altogether after surgery, and some of the antibiotics given are simply horse pills they are so large.

I may not be out too much today. Have lots of things to do for work, and then I may head home to bed. I hate feeling sick like this.

Starting out the week the same as last week - 322. My own fault. I had a cold and used it as an excuse to eat more than I should and things that I shouldn't. I had protein shakes for breakfast, a small sandwich (1 piece of cheese, 2 pieces of bread, mustard), and then pasta bake and caramel nut bread for dinner. I was worried I would have gained more and am grateful that it's only what it is.

This week, I'm feeling a bit better, though I'm running a low-grade fever still, and the dreaded "cough" is starting. That's where I cough my lungs out for a month or two before it goes away. I'm sipping through my water pretty quickly this morning, and eliminating water almost as fast. But that's the water pill kicking in.

I'm planning the Thanksgiving menu, thanks to @FluffyChix who turned me on to turkey tenderloins, mashed roasted cauliflower, roasted brocolli and brussels sprouts, and sugar-free pumpkin cheesecake mousse. This coming weekend is payday so I'll be doing my shopping for that week then, as well as for the almost 2 weeks before it.

Oh hey! I just realized I get paid on Black Friday. What do you know? Not that I plan to go mad purchasing stuff, it's just me and hubby and we're getting new gaming computers for Christmas. We love to play on-line games together, it's relaxing and something we can enjoy while we're both so big it's impossible to get out and around a lot. That will change with my WLS in spring 2020. He's not decided whether he wants to do WLS in 2020 as well; I think a lot will depend on what our out of pocket turns out to be for mine.

Regardless of whether he's intentional about losing weight, as I cook better for us foods and take him off of his beloved pizza 3-4 times a week, he should drop pounds and inches too.

Today is weigh in day. I may have lost a few pounds, or none at all. I've been roller-coasting 5 pounds this last month. Then I got sick and "fed" my cold with soda crackers because I was so nauseated. That has led to a bit of water weight which I'm still trying to flush out.

Question for anyone who reads this, How much protein is too much during this pre-operative time? I'm not on a specific diet yet, but I'm still getting in 80-100g of protein a day.

Yesterday's weigh in - check. Stayed the same, but I was retaining water in my legs so I'm hoping by flushing that out today and tomorrow the scales will show a little bit of movement. Maybe I hit a stall. Hmmph. Surgical Nurse happy with my diet, my protein and water intake, suggested I add in a few fats for balance, but was otherwise happy with my progress. Nice, feel good session.

Today, I'm refocused and recommitted. I want nothing to stand in the way of my getting this surgery, so I'm dotting all my "i's" and crossing all my "t's". Need to see where the psychiatrist sent my clearance letter.

Talked with hubby last night and he doesn't believe that he has the willpower to be compliant with the restrictions of having the surgery, so he's not looking at that as an option. I don't know what to do for him. He needs something to help him move some of the excess weight that he's carrying. *SIGH* He can't exercise well because of his disability, and he's just growing and growing. What do I do? Tough love and shaming doesn't work on him, he just defiantly eats more (been through that with the extended family). I'm kind of at my wit's end with how to help him.

I hope this book I finally picked up and it's principles work for me. It's called The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous. I am doing the head work before my second WLS and maybe it could help you too?

Thanks for the referral, @sidvicious, I will take a look at the book. Maybe it will help both me and hubby. Right now I'm working through Bariatric Mindset Success, which is fabulous.

Into December now and I'm closer to getting through my to do list for insurance to approve surgery. I took a break over Thanksgiving from tightly restricting and gained 7 pounds. Thankfully it was water weight, probably from all the salt on the things I ate. Today I'm back down that 7 pounds and sticking to my plan. I want so much to get under the 320 mark! 2 pounds doesn't seem like much, but this 2 pounds have been super hard, even staying under 1,000 calories a day and pumping in water. I will have to try to move more often. I was going to renew my gym membership last week but we had a financial crisis and can't afford it until next week.

Anyway, I'm down to 1 caffeinated beverage per day and am trying to stick with 2 cups or less for each meal. I did great with it until lunchtime today, when I probably ate a quart, I was so hungry. No excuses, it was all my choice, my poor choice and now tomorrow the scales will probably have gone up again instead of down.

I have a story to tell and then a dream I had a few nights ago, that wakened a fear about being thin that I didn't know I had. But, I'm out of time for today so the tale will have to wait until Friday.