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October Surgery Date and Getting Cold Feet...

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Hi all. I’ve been reading the posts for a couple weeks now and too scared to post. But decided to just get over it and reach out for some advice and help.

My surgery is scheduled for October 14, 2019, after a full year of being in the Kaiser program. I am getting the bypass as the only option from Kaiser. I am currently 257 and started at 265. I was in a bariatric program before, made it to then end, and then they told me they missed an initial step of verifying my insurance and found my BMI was not high enough initially to qualify so I wasn’t able to get the surgery and was devastated. Since then (around 2014) I have been actively trying to get the surgery and am just now finally getting it. My mom had the surgery 12 years ago and has kept her weight off but had significant issues with Iron deficiency that nearly killed her. My husband has also had the sleeve and is struggling three years post op because he has not made the changes and relies solely on the surgery. I am 27. I also have PCOS- enough of my background...

My issue now is that I am getting cold feet. I guess I spent the last 5 years trying and trying to get the surgery and never really thought it was going to be reality for me. Now that it is, I am feeling scared. I’m mostly scared of the fact that I need to make the LIFELONG changes and if I could have done those on my own for all the years I’ve been trying I would have done it already. I don’t want to have a lifetime of sickness because I can’t commit to the changes I need to make to my diet to be successful. I have come a long way and am so much healthier thanks to the kaiser program but I still have issues with my diet. I’m also scared of the actual surgery and recovery.

So I guess my question for you all is- if you were in my situation- which I assume many of you have been- what would you do? Do any of you regret the surgery? How has the adjustment been to the diet? Any of you had experiences of not making the changes with diet and struggle? I’d just like to hear any and all stories or feedback or advice to help me decide what to do

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Honestly if I were you I'd go on with the surgery and try to use their bad (maybe not bad but difficult) experiences as a lesson. Now you know if you were to have the surgery done you would have to keep up with your Iron supplements and monitor your levels! And you also know that to be successful after surgery you would have to learn how to change your lifestyle! These are great pieces of advice, I think.

I'm only about five months out and I haven't had any problems yet. I hope I never do. But I'm still always asking others about their experiences so I could know what to do and what to avoid. I don't regret my surgery at all I think it's the best thing I could've done for myself. I actually wish I had done it a lot earlier but at least I finally did get it.

You sound like you've been determined to have it done for the past few years. If you really want it I think you can definitely make it work for you!

These are just my opinions. It's up to you! :D❤️

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I’m still in the early days which is when most people regret the surgery before they start seeing the big changes. And i have no regrets. It is a big change but so worth it. Hardest part for me was the pre op diet. I have tried a few little tastes of things I used to love and seriously they just tasted disgusting to me and I spat them out. Was such a relief. Some days I struggle to drink enough Water but I am slowly getting there. I an taking chewable vitamins, hopefully that will be good enough to make sure I get what i need from them. My surgeon is having my labs drawn every 6 weeks to start with, then my doctor will take over after the first year. If you have concerns about Iron or anything else always ask your doctor to draw labs and check.

Sounds like you have worked very hard to get here. Everyone I am sure had a moment where they thought am I doing the right thing. I would do this again in a heart beat. I am loving the change to my life even in this short time.

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Posted (edited)

Many of us had the same feelings. I cried all the way through pre-op, wondering if I should get off the stretcher and leave the hospital! This decision is huge and definitely takes courage, but for me, one the best I've ever made. I have a brand new body and I am loving it every single day, with all the things I can do now.

OK, so you have to commit to a new, healthy lifestyle! For sure! No shortcuts there. You have to reframe your thinking so that you see the new changes as part of your new, healthy life - not as deprivation.Yes, you have to give up the crap - but you get so much more in return. I started making these changes long before surgery, but have solidified them since surgery. I think a great motivator is starting to get the weight off and once you can start enjoying new things (like smaller clothing sizes, activities that you couldn't do before, etc.) it becomes easier and easier to embrace the healthy changes, because the payoff is so great. For me, those changes are: no wheat (I have been gluten free for years already), but now do not eat refined grains - only whole cooked grains. No sugar and no soda of any kind. No juice. These were biggies, but I feel SOOOOOO much better without sugar. It's not even a temptation anymore. No coffee or alcohol because I don't want to risk any irritation (I already have Barrett's esophagus with a pre-cancerous polyp removed, and as a GI nurse, I've seen the really ugly side of WLS patients who start drinking again.) No processed foods, period. If it comes in a box, it's not for me. Lots more veggies, low carbs, higher Protein. Intermittant fasting is a very powerful weight loss and maintenance tool to use later on in the journey, Lots of exercise. For me this started out by getting 10,000 steps a day. (My step tracker never leaves my wrist and is my best little buddy.) Gradually, I've added a lot of other exercise components, and they get more fun and more motivating as I see strength and muscle definition increasing.

This is a journey. You start out with baby steps and commit to follow the plan. Do not cheat. Don't let your mind even go there. Some people look for ways to flirt with forbidden foods or ways to game the system. This is a recipe for failure. Your determination to be successful is the greatest predictor of ultimate success in this venture. Develop some mantras to get you through the temptations.: "I AM NEVER GOING BACK!" "IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT!" "I CAN'T HAVE THAT NOW, BUT I WILL HAVE IT LATER, DOWN THE ROAD."

You can do this. Learn from the mistakes of others and be motivated to avoid their pit falls. The fact that your mom lost weight successfully is a good predictor of success for you. You just have to make sure you take your Vitamins and keep on top of the nutrition.

Edited by AZhiker

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I'm a Kaiser patient also, September 17th makes a year since I started this process. My GP referred me to the Bariatric program and I was offended, embarrassed, sad, relieved (I was finally going to get real answers and help), I was tired of fighting obesity without having the proper education to understand why I'm obese, I felt judged, I judged myself, I cried and then I got into action. Obesity is a complex disease, everyone doesn't have an issue of getting up from the table or overeating and some of us do. We all have our own struggles and pathes that have brought us here, the person inside of you has brought you here to this victory, do you chose to be victorious? Having the surgery is like the Matrix, red or blue pill? Be Neo, be the one who kicks obesity in the a**!!!! FEAR = Face Everything And Rise or Fear Everything And Run... I believe you've got this and you have support on this site, it helps me... I'm tired of being unhealthy due to something that now has a solution.

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You know what to watch for, from other's bad experiences. The lifestyle changes aren't going to be as hard as you think! My best friend had the surgery in Feb. When I was out visiting this summer, she gave me tons of tips and tricks. I gave up all carbonated beverages, have been practicing smaller bites and eating slower. I already did 2 Protein Shakes a day, with one high protein/ low carb dinner, and healthy Snacks here and there. 40+ years of soda addiction (in the last 3 I changed to carbonated waters), and I gave up carbonation overnight! Didn't hurt that we were in Vegas, in June! LOL

You've put in the time, the waiting, and all the steps, don't let fear stop you now. Don't try to look so far ahead! One day at a time!! You are 2 months out; make some small changes here and there. You have time. As ANewStart4Me said, things that you felt you couldn't live without before, will just be nasty after surgery. My BF said the same.

Maybe your surgery will help your husband! You can support each other. It might be worth it to find a local, in person support group. My surgeon actually made me go before surgery, as well as going after. Support for what you are going through, and to help you through your tough times is going to be critical!! My family is super supportive, and we have been trying new recipes that we all can eat eventually. We have found many that are really good, and good for you. I LOVE knowing I won't eat nearly as much of them after surgery, as I do now!

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Last minute cold feet jitters are common especially for major decisions. But only you will know for certain if you're ready.

See how you feel throughout the month of September and go from there.

If you're still not ready, consider postponing it until you are by setting a date further out instead of cancelling so you won't have to start over (check if that's an option).

If you don't want the surgery at the end of the process thats ok too.

By 1yr post op most initial worries/fears/regrets *may* be in the rearview.

Good Luck 💜

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Hi, and welcome! Glad you are here!

I think your "cold feet" are super, super normal. Who wouln't be somewhat scared of changing up their insides? This isn't an easy thing to wrap ones head around, no matter how long you have worked toward it, and the reality of getting that approval is both exciting and downright scarey.

Having some nerves or doubts at points along the way isn't in itself an indicator of not being "fit" or ready for surgery. (I think you would find it really difficult to find many here that didn't have these same questions/ fears at some points both before and after surgery.)

As far as going through with it, only you can really know if you should or not.

Here are some things to consider in deciding:

1. You mentioned that you are afraid of the lifelong changes you will have to make because "if you could do them you would have done them already".

Every single person who has ever had weightloss surgery for obesity has had the surgery for this VERY reason. They chose surgery, as a last resort, because they COULD NOT make those (lasting/enough) changes on their own without the tools the surgery brings. You are in good company on that one for sure. :) This does not mean you would be a "failure" in changing after surgery.

2. If you choose not to have the surgery, ask yourself the following.

What will change? What will stay the same? What will improve? What may get worse?

Are you Ok with those outcomes?

3. Your story is your own. You are not your Mother, your Husband or anyone else. (Including me!) What happens to one person may never be a part of your own journey. (Though I totally get wanting to hear experiences.) Stories about other people's experiences are useful in lots of ways, but at the end of the day, they are still just other people's stories and I think a decision this big should be made independent of them. Make your decision based on what you know best as it applies to you. Lay out the facts you know about your situation and make your best choice.

Whatever your decision, I hope you find peace in it, and I hope you find faith in yourself there too.

Trust yourself. 💙


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Only you can make this life changing decision. And it looks like you have a few examples of how this is a tool and your daily decisions will affect how it works. I questioned myself about making such a permanent change but am so glad I did. You’ve worked so hard and have overcome so many obstacles to get where you are..don’t quit on yourself now.

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21 hours ago, KayLow42 said:

Thank you all SO incredibly much. I read your responses almost daily and it is so nice having access to a group like this. I have decided to go through with the surgery and my date is still October 14.

Good luck, we will all be here cheering and supporting you through this.

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