Hijacking a Group Session

[Danny Paul 761]

The other day I attended my monthly group meeting that my surgeons office offers. Any new prospective candidate for WLS has to attend one meeting as per the surgeon. I myself found my first meeting to be very informative as I was allowed to ask the veterans questions that I had about the procedure, life after and how they felt about their experiences. One reason I go to the meetings is to share my experiences and to answer any questions the prospective surgery candidates have. The group is strong with veterans and it runs smooth as everyone is polite and will allow for a cross flow of opinions and experiences.

My last meeting was attended by a woman who had WLS 10 years ago and had a 85lb regain. With the help of the surgeons office she lost the excess weight and has a good story to tell. (This was the first time in 2 yrs that I've been attending these meetings that she has attended) She not only gave us the long version of her story but when the prospective candidates asked a question she went into long winded answers. This of course cut the time others could have spoke and to offer their prospectives. It got to the point where one of the veterans put his hands to his head as to simulate shooting himself. She still didn't get the message. Finally, one other veteran gave the nurse practitioner who runs the meeting the "evil eye" and for a short time, decorum was back. Of course with this woman it only lasted a few minutes.

It should be understood, that when attending a group meeting it is important to get as many people into the conversation as possible to get the best benefit from the meeting. By having one person dominate the meeting it not only limits the knowledge gained it also makes those attending frustrated that their voices cannot be heard. After the meeting a few of us spoke to the nurse practitioner and said that if this continues into future meetings we will not be attending and that it was her responsibility to monitor the meeting so this does not happen again. Let's see if this woman comes back next month and if so, lets see if she doesn't monopolize the time.

[KCgirl061 1,529]

Oh my! Id have a hard time wanting to return every month if I knew I had to put up with a personality like that! Maybe they need a pit orchestra like at the Oscars when the speeches get too long winded! But more likely the NP needs to discreetly talk to her.

Edited May 16, 2019 by KCgirl061

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

Very rude and frustrating for not just the other veterans, but the newbies, as well. No matter how interesting her story, it is still just one person's story.

[GreenTealael 24,867]

Same thing happened to one of my group meetings... Was the worst one I ever went to, same story a person who regained except they did not lose it ... yet.

Sometimes I think there should be the option to split off into subcategories for in person meetings too: one table for newbies, one for struggling post surgery, one for perfect stories (which seems to annoy everyone else) and definitely one for regain, etc etc

Dont let her steal your mojo - Go back anyway and moderate the **** out of that meeting 💜

[GradyCat 3,692]

You've just reminded me that my surgeon's office offers group training sessions or lectures each month, but I haven't been to one yet. I might have to check one out.

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

2 hours ago, Danny Paul said:

The other day I attended my monthly group meeting that my surgeons office offers. Any new prospective candidate for WLS has to attend one meeting as per the surgeon. I myself found my first meeting to be very informative as I was allowed to ask the veterans questions that I had about the procedure, life after and how they felt about their experiences. One reason I go to the meetings is to share my experiences and to answer any questions the prospective surgery candidates have. The group is strong with veterans and it runs smooth as everyone is polite and will allow for a cross flow of opinions and experiences.

My last meeting was attended by a woman who had WLS 10 years ago and had a 85lb regain. With the help of the surgeons office she lost the excess weight and has a good story to tell. (This was the first time in 2 yrs that I've been attending these meetings that she has attended) She not only gave us the long version of her story but when the prospective candidates asked a question she went into long winded answers. This of course cut the time others could have spoke and to offer their prospectives. It got to the point where one of the veterans put his hands to his head as to simulate shooting himself. She still didn't get the message. Finally, one other veteran gave the nurse practitioner who runs the meeting the "evil eye" and for a short time, decorum was back. Of course with this woman it only lasted a few minutes.

It should be understood, that when attending a group meeting it is important to get as many people into the conversation as possible to get the best benefit from the meeting. By having one person dominate the meeting it not only limits the knowledge gained it also makes those attending frustrated that their voices cannot be heard. After the meeting a few of us spoke to the nurse practitioner and said that if this continues into future meetings we will not be attending and that it was her responsibility to monitor the meeting so this does not happen again. Let's see if this woman comes back next month and if so, lets see if she doesn't monopolize the time.

Our local meeting is open to anyone researching bariatrics. (referred by the surgeon’s office) We had a gentleman show that monopolized the conversation. The RN who facilitates our local group has no control over who shows up. The RN tried to redirect him several times. He was told him to keep questions brief and give others time to talk. He would not stop. Several people got up and walked out. He still had no clue.

Start your question or answer with “I will keep things brief to give others a chance to talk” Hopefully it will give her a hint.

[FancyChristine15 810]

Honestly, that's why I quit going to group meetings once I had gone to the required amount. In every meeting there was someone who dominated the conversation, and it was never in a way that benefited the entire group. It was always just about them. I get my support on this site now.

[summerset 5,261]

That's why some patients go to the meetings: they want to talk about themselves and their problems (or their success) because people outside of the WLS continuum don't listen to them (anymore).

Went to a meeting once and definitely had more than one WTF??-moment during this hour.

[notmyname 591]

I can’t go to my surgeons meeting. Chaotic is the only description that comes to mind. Typically, one person asks a question and 5-10 yell over each other to answer. Then when people get tired of waiting to ask their questions, people start asking questions at the same tome and there are people taking over each other in different parts of the room. The nutritionist that runs it doesn’t even try to reign it in. Two of the three I attended were dominated by the same person - the mother of a patient (first was before her surgery and second was after). Her daughter kept saying things like “mom, i already told you that”, but mom just kept on, saying things like “you’re my baby and you’ve put your life in danger and I need answers.”

I was so stressed out by the chaos I felt sick to my stomach. I signed an agreement with my surgeon that I’d go for 3 months post-op, but I didn’t. Luckily he was ok with that since I have a therapist who specializes in Bariatrics.