No family support

[jmart_RN 18]

I had my revision surgery on May 22, 2018 from sleeve to bypass. It has been very difficult regarding food intake. I am not hungry and eat only when hungry. I stay away from all the bad food but my spouse is not supportive. Prior to surgery we went out to eat on a regular basis. He still wants us to continue to go out to eat and expects me to eat the way I used to prior to the surgery. He gets upset when I tell him I am not hungry or order something small. I sometimes just ask for an extra plate and eat off his plate but he ends up serving me a large amount off his plate. He always makes hurtful comments regarding my food intake. I remind myself that I did the initial surgery for myself and for health reasons. This revision surgery was done for medical reasons and he does not seem to understand that. He eats unhealthy foods and likes to go to restaurants where I really don't care to eat in. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to hurt myself and be back where I was before.

[Ed_NW 684]

If it's a fast food restaurant, Just get something to drink. If you are at a full service restaurant, just order some Soup and nurse that the whole time. People use food during social gatherings all the time, you just have to approach it differently. Your health is always going to be about you and as an adult, nobody can force you to eat something you don't want. Too bad if he gets butt hurt because you don't eat what he wants you to eat. Make sure you aren't using him as an excuse to make poor choices. That's common in marriages. I've done it.

[jennijo 38]

Always remember why you did it. Order what you want and don't let him make you feel bad for bettering your health.

[Matt Z 4,138]

Sadly, WLS is also known as the divorce surgery for a reason.

Have you flat out asked him why he's trying to sabotage you? Why he doesn't want to see you healthy? I'd ask some very pointed questions and be VERY honest with how you feel.

[jmart_RN 18]

It’s usually sit down restaurants we go to. I’ve ordered the Soups, the Protein ala cart, or eat a few of the appetizers. He went as far as told his friends we were out eating dinner with that I hate food and they looked at me as if I have an eating disorder. He has always told me he liked heavy women and when we are out together he doesn’t hide when he stares at other women. I’m happy with myself and the new me and that’s all that matters.

[MargoCL 677]

I think you answered your own question, "He has always told me he liked heavy women and when we are out together he doesn’t hide when he stares at other women" You're changing your body type for yourself and for health reasons. This is the new you. I think the two of you need counseling to find out if the "attraction" is still there. Sadly as @Matt Z stated "WLS is also known as the divorce surgery " - If this is a road you perhaps don't want to go down, it's better to seek counseling now then when it's too far gone.

Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. And when going out to eat at a fancier restaurant, order the meal of your choice and ask for a to-go box right away. Store 1/2 the meal for take home and eat what you can of the other 1/2. I'm sorry you are having to go through this, I pray it gets better.

[jmart_RN 18]

Yes you’re right. We should seek counseling before things get to a point we both don’t want to be in.

[Danny Paul 761]

Prior to surgery I went out to eat 3-4 times a week. After surgery I didn't feel comfortable eating in restaurants so I stayed home. When I do go out to restaurants I tell the person that I'm with to order two Entrees. I'll eat what I want from the second order and they can take home the rest. It seems to work fine with everybody. Ask hubby to order another entree and eat what you want. He can take the rest home and have something he likes for lunch the next day.

8 hours ago, jmart_RN said:

I had my revision surgery on May 22, 2018 from sleeve to bypass

Let's also keep in mind that you went down the WLS road once before. What made you do a revision? Was it for medical reasons or did you fail at losing and maintaining the weight loss from the sleeve? If it's the former, what has changed to give you a better shot at long term success? Did your husband sabotage the weight loss from your sleeve as well or was it something that you did? If it was you, what did you change to be successful this time around?

[MMME 89]

You have to do what's best for you. Not what makes your husband or anyone else happy. It took me a very long time in an unhappy marriage to figure that out. I wish you well.

[jmart_RN 18]

4 hours ago, Danny Paul said:

Prior to surgery I went out to eat 3-4 times a week. After surgery I didn't feel comfortable eating in restaurants so I stayed home. When I do go out to restaurants I tell the person that I'm with to order two Entrees. I'll eat what I want from the second order and they can take home the rest. It seems to work fine with everybody. Ask hubby to order another entree and eat what you want. He can take the rest home and have something he likes for lunch the next day.

Let's also keep in mind that you went down the WLS road once before. What made you do a revision? Was it for medical reasons or did you fail at losing and maintaining the weight loss from the sleeve? If it's the former, what has changed to give you a better shot at long term success? Did your husband sabotage the weight loss from your sleeve as well or was it something that you did? If it was you, what did you change to be successful this time around?

The revision was done for medical reasons. I did not fail with the sleeve, the acid reflux was severe and medications were no longer helping. I ate healthy with the sleeve even when we went out to eat. I eat healthy now, it's just the amount that I eat. Two bites and I am pretty much full. I usually order Water which I know I won't drink with my meal or order my drink in a to go cup that I can drink later after my food has had time to digest. I am sticking to eating healthy. I stay away from all the bad foods. It's the negative comments that are hurtful. Good thing I don't turn to food for comfort.

[Ed_NW 684]

Well according to your stats it looks like you're doing pretty good. Keep your chin up and always look forward! You got this!

[Redmaxx 740]

My wife likes to go out to eat all the time (she hates to cook) and she always gets made at me because I won't tell her where to go. I always order just a salad so we can go anywhere that they make salads. Every restraint that we go to regularly already knows that I am ordering a salad.