I have no friends in real life. I was so embarrassed about my weight that I shut people out.

Now I find myself, hesitantly, seeking out others who might understand me.

I'm hoping this is the first step to feeling better about myself and loving myself.

To punish myself for being fat, I wear the same green dress every day, everywhere.

I call it my FAT UNIFORM. I hope to retire my uniform on the day of my bypass

surgery on 13 June 2018. My dietitian has offered to covert it into a blanket for her

dog's bed. She insisted that symbolically I needed to discard my uniform because

of what it represents/ed.

Edited June 4, 20188 yr by Missouri-Lee's Summit
wrong verb tense

Welcome to the site! This is a very friendly and supportive community Feel free to add to any thread out there and ask any questions you want. I'm sure someone will be able to help.

Well you've just gained an entire community of "real" friends, and I know we can't hang out in person, but we will be there for you in any way we can. I shut people out too. There were certain people that I avoided seeing or hanging out with for YEARS. There was only a very select inner circle that I still saw regularly leading up to surgery. I'm afraid I became somewhat of a recluse, and as a result, my husband turned into one too. Our friendships ended and we became even less active.

I agree with your dietitian about the dress! However, please take another piece of advice. Please establish with a therapist before surgery. Someone who's been punishing themselves by wearing the same thing everyday may struggle with the emotional hurdles of stalls, timing of weight loss, and internal expectations. This is the biggest mind game I've ever played. And I think you need more people in your corner, so to speak.

Great advice, Ash!

Oh hon I’ll be your friend want my number we can text I want all the friends

We will support you

Welcome. You are taking the first steps to realize change needs to happen. Tell us more about yourself please - do you have any hobbies, pets, etc, etc?

Edited June 4, 20188 yr by Sosewsue61

Welcome! We are here for you and happy to support you on this journey!

Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (impregnated at 12),

I managed to overcome many buried years of trauma. I keep telling

myself that I can do this, too.

It feels good to have power now, particularly after having a long history

of it being denied to me. Those pedophilic bastards!

I'm encouraged by the kind words of support so far. I hope at some

time soon (in this forum) I will be able to be more a giver-of-support and

less of a taker-of-support. For now, though, I will allow myself the guilty pleasure of

"receiving" until I can reciprocate, in a genuine way, all of the kindness offered me.

2 minutes ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (impregnated at 12),

I managed to overcome many buried years of trauma. I keep telling

myself that I can do this, too.

It feels good to have power now, particularly after having a long history

of it being denied to me. Those pedophilic bastards!

I'm encouraged by the kind words of support so far. I hope at some

time soon (in this forum) I will be able to be more a giver-of-support and

less of a taker-of-support. For now, though, I will allow myself the guilty pleasure of

"receiving" until I can reciprocate, in a genuine way, all of the kindness offered me.

I also had childhood sexual abuse from 8yrs-12yrs old. Thank god, only had to deal with long lasting emotional trauma. This is even more of a reason for you to seek professional therapy during this process. I already had a therapist when I started because I suffer from PTSD from the abuse, but if I didn't, I would have established with one. A critical part of success in this, is to be mentally healthy!

Welcome to the team. I have found this place to be informative, friendly, supportive and a safe place.

i hope you find what you need here to assist you. I echo Ash’s advice, a therapist on your team really helps.

Sosewsue61 asked me to write something about myself.

In no particular order of importance: I have a free-flying aviary with 20 uncaged parakeets. I keep their area clean and full of stimulating amusements. I enjoy their unconditional companionship. My newest additions are five weeks old, raised from blind and naked to happy and healthy. At four weeks, a parakeet is fully-feathered and ready to fly... and mine did.

I'm married and have four adult children. My daughter is a doctor of pharmacy, and two of my sons are medical doctors (not bariatric surgeons, though!). My youngest son -- the "smart one"-- is pursuing a non-medical career. I have a medical background, too, but my actual occupation is one I can't mention because then it would be easy to figure out my identity. It's strange... but when I wrote in my topic headline about having no friends, I meant face-to-face friends. I have fans all over the world, but they know me ONLY based on my public persona. Because of past scary-creepy stalking behavior, it's no longer safe or a good idea for me to open myself up to my fans directly. It really is possible to be known by thousands of people, and still be horribly lonely.

It sounds like you give a lot. You give love to your kids and husband. You give time and energy to your parakeets. You give inspiration to your fans. I’m really glad you’re open to taking the support of all of us here, you deserve it.

I had parakeets as a child, how fascinating that you have an aviary, thanks for sharing that.

I was abused as a child as well, and losing the protective 'fat layer' can be a scary thing, previously losing weight sent me back to adding the layer back on from the attention I was receiving - not this time. Those abusers are all dead now.

On 06/04/2018 at 17:31, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

Sosewsue61 asked me to write something about myself.

In no particular order of importance: I have a free-flying aviary with 20 uncaged parakeets. I keep their area clean and full of stimulating amusements. I enjoy their unconditional companionship. My newest additions are five weeks old, raised from blind and naked to happy and healthy. At four weeks, a parakeet is fully-feathered and ready to fly... and mine did.

I'm married and have four adult children. My daughter is a doctor of pharmacy, and two of my sons are medical doctors (not bariatric surgeons, though!). My youngest son -- the "smart one"-- is pursuing a non-medical career. I have a medical background, too, but my actual occupation is one I can't mention because then it would be easy to figure out my identity. It's strange... but when I wrote in my topic headline about having no friends, I meant face-to-face friends. I have fans all over the world, but they know me ONLY based on my public persona. Because of past scary-creepy stalking behavior, it's no longer safe or a good idea for me to open myself up to my fans directly. It really is possible to be known by thousands of people, and still be horribly lonely.

Loneliness doesn’t discriminate. I’m glad you’ve found a forum that you can be anonymous and get the support you need. Everyone here supports you. Best of luck! Don’t be a stranger.

On 06/04/2018 at 17:31, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

Sosewsue61 asked me to write something about myself.

In no particular order of importance: I have a free-flying aviary with 20 uncaged parakeets. I keep their area clean and full of stimulating amusements. I enjoy their unconditional companionship. My newest additions are five weeks old, raised from blind and naked to happy and healthy. At four weeks, a parakeet is fully-feathered and ready to fly... and mine did.

I'm married and have four adult children. My daughter is a doctor of pharmacy, and two of my sons are medical doctors (not bariatric surgeons, though!). My youngest son -- the "smart one"-- is pursuing a non-medical career. I have a medical background, too, but my actual occupation is one I can't mention because then it would be easy to figure out my identity. It's strange... but when I wrote in my topic headline about having no friends, I meant face-to-face friends. I have fans all over the world, but they know me ONLY based on my public persona. Because of past scary-creepy stalking behavior, it's no longer safe or a good idea for me to open myself up to my fans directly. It really is possible to be known by thousands of people, and still be horribly lonely.

Loneliness doesn’t discriminate. I’m glad you’ve found a forum that you can be anonymous and get the support you need. Everyone here supports you. Best of luck! Don’t be a stranger.