So, I am moving into the realm of being normal looking. 170lbs.

7 kg (16 lbs) and I will be in the bmi ‘not overweight’ range. Since I am still averaging 2 lbs a week, it won’t be long. This is the smallest I have been for ... decades. Probably since I was in my late teens and on my way UP to 260 lbs

Feeling pretty darned please with myself, loving my new eating habits (protein first, lowish carbs, not giving in to the odd call of the sweet tooth - presume that will die an agonising death through neglect, eventually!!)

So, I have bought a shiny top, tight pants and had my hair cut.

Gone are the dark baggy clothes and the ‘invisible’ conservative haircutcut, and I have what I call ‘Pink lite’ (the singer, not the colour!). Because I don’t need to hide and hope no one notices me any more right?

I wish I could love this post a million billion trillion zillion times!!!! I *almost* have no words!!!

You look fan-FRICKIN-tastic girl!!!!!! Whoooooooooooaaaaahhhhh! WTG. Big congrats. Celebrations are due! And I hope you feel as wonderful and confident as you look. LOVE the outfit!!!

Sincerely,

Fan Girl

Looking great!

You are rockin' that new outfit, congrats! All your hard work shows!

Go after it. I am a 42yo gay man. Imagine how this kind of thing works in my world (which is often quite vain and superficial). I told my best friend from college (also gay, and also always a cute, fit guy) that I am having "his 20s in my 40s." He laughed and said "I have no doubt; enjoy it."

I'm having the time of my life, and I wish the same thing for you. It's amazing. Get out there; get noticed, and enjoy yourself!

Wow, 227 pounds. You're amazing! How long have you been below goal?

I just have to say, WOW! You look lovely. Though I can't see your face for the full effect, the hairstyle looks great for what I can see :).

Love the top, you look like one beautifully put-together-fashionista. I wish you all the best and continued success!

Well you have been a beautiful inside person since our paths crossed on here, now your outside matches as well. Pretty hair, sleek figure, as home in the ocean as on land. You, Biddy, are my defination of a Renaissance Woman! Congratulations on all you have achieved???

Congrats! You look amazing!

It wouldn't let me like your post, but I DO!

You look amazing! Congrats!

On 5/3/2018 at 4:02 PM, Orchids&Dragons said:

Wow, 227 pounds. You're amazing! How long have you been below goal?

Since October, so 7 months.

I was JUST thinking about this very thing earlier today... Wondering what it will finally be like to just "be normal". I even thought, "I wonder what it will feel like someday to not think about my weight EVERY time I think of myself in any situation?" I am 2 weeks out (pre-op) from surgery, but I've lost 36 pounds so far! I cannot wait to see what my new life will have in store for me!

I hunger for a world where no one forms a judgement based on race, creed, color, sexual orientation, nation, or last ( and to my mind important ) body size. In the 60s when I was coming though,iyouth and transitioning into adulthood, we were certain we were the generation that was going,to,accomplish all this. We started out well, we shouted that we believed,in love, peace and equality. That was then, the 2010s are rapidly approaching their end and have we solved it all? No somewhere along the line we lost our own vision. Yes many strides have been made, some,new are being made daily, but one that glares in my mind is body size. We stll,live in a. world where average,is normal, any deviation is permissional,to deride, deprecate, and have,zero appreciation for. As a non average weighted female I was often ridiculed , Yes I was advantaged by being the prominent skin pigmentation but was still not valued. Even in childhood, which many,would,feel a sweeter gentler time, chants of " Fatty,fatty , 2 by 4,followed me. And it seemed although my gender, my degree of intelligence,were seldom valued the derision I received because of my size hurt the worst. I could learn to ignore being called "only a girl" , a "nerd" even a "redhead". what wounded me was being.called blimpo or bulge- belly. And much as baby chickens pecking,a weakier one to,death, my self-esteem, my joy in myself were destroyed. And since I was excluded from the circle of friendship I searched for and found a new best buddy- food! That slice of chocolate was quiet, it didn't ridicule me for being slower, ungainly and the last to be picked at sports. The bowl of creamy,ice cream it was gentle, kind, a lot more accepting than being stuck in a desk chair at school or a too narrow door in the ladies room. And although my food friend,seemed kinder,he was also an agent who ewould destroy me. I was a child, no one cares to warn me I was the agent of my own destruction , and although I did grow taller, I did not grow thinner. The calories that were supposed to grant me energy. poisonly made me even heavier. And my parents tried to intercede feebly, because they too were bewildered by this turn of events happening to their little Precious. They were told to make me exercise more, well I tried, I wanted to make them happy, but I moved slower because of my size, my joints were starting to hurt because of the weight they were carrying, they were starting to wear out, I tried running, I fell down, I was maybe 17 before I had an unsrcraped knee, do jumping jacks, I sprained both ankles within a week, jump rope, I was uncoordinated enough I tripped myself. Oh,its all right , my poor mother was told, it's just a phase she's going through, she'll grown out of it. Did I? Not really, then a really poisonous event happened- puberty.. Once again I was frog marched to the same family,doctor. Perhaps I would have benefited from,2 doctor specializing in childhood and childhood disease. There were only general or family practioners in my little town. Where it could be sloughed off as plump'hood before "A lot of children are plump, the all grow out of it" suddenly,i was really getting fat.And eordscwete uttered that still impact my life " It is just a phase" Gosh I had more phases than an utility system, didn't I? " Its only her hormones, once they regulate themselves she'll he just fine" At last report I have been 60+ years for them to smooth out, I've been through all the education my parents and I could afford,,marriage, 3 children, numerous operations and widowhood, guess what? I AM STILL FAT! Oh we tried pills, prescribed and non-prescribed, every fad and unsubstantiated diet to surface, I rode bikes up the hill, down the hill and around the hill, we tried swimming, one would think with the amount of blubber, like whales and seals I'd float to,the surface. Poor Mummy and Daddy sent me off to the local Y to learn , first lesson the instructor let me drop to the 11 foot depth bottom of the pool where I lay until someone noticed , dived in, dragged me to the side of the pool and resusitatied me after several minutes. After I came to I of course vomitted all over myself and everything in radius. Was I transported to hospital? Nope, that would have been negative publicity, couldn't have! And as I look back I wasn't all that important, this was the 1950s after all. My parents received a half-hearted apology of sorts. One. instructor blamed on my overeating, said I ate before my lesson, I hadn't eaten since 7:30 AM and this was after 3 in the afternoon,the other instructor, guess it took 2 to drag me out, said we didn't know fat would sink! Nobody apologized to me, I was banned for life from the Y, and it was many years, I was probably a teenager until they insisted I learn at summer camp.
And through the years myvtoxic relationship with food went on. And life went on, I despaired and ultimately gave up on any substantial weight loss, the arthirits that had hidden in my genes bloomed forward at 25,the asthma that had been borderline returned with a vengence at 35 and still I went on, I had abandoned hope of being normal, of being average years before, deep in my heart a tiny dream and hope still simmered although it was a tiny weak flame. I brought up the subject of surgical weight loss to my parents, they sure didn't feel there was much hope. Mummy said it would surely kill her because I would die, Daddy said stomach surgery was for people who had cancer, why would a healthy person want that? Yes maybe I had studied, knew that bariatric surgery, although it was then in its early infancy, was possible, these were my parents, they knew best. So I ceased requesting. Years later I approached my husband about this. First. I was being silly and foolish for suggesting such,a thing. I was selfish, self- centered, think,of only myself, my first responsability should be to,go and the children's had created. I should realize I was so,lucky to not be forced to find a job outside the home. Now shut,up and go fix a meal, and it had better not be skimpy, he was on plentiful food and his children would be too. And you don't need to eat, and eat so much, just push yourself away f rm the table. And instead of fighting for my rights. I gave in..Remember in my generation, our only goal was to find a man, marry young, give him as many children as he deserved, which usually was many, stay home, raise babies, clean house and don't rock the boat. You're nothing if you don't don't have a man. Well,i sure didnt' want this,model to get away, you weren't supposed to upgrade to a new model, you had this one for life. So shut up, enjoy your warm racoon prison. And most important don't rock the boat.
After 44 years of my warm and somewhat sheltered prision life Mr Wonderfully Precious died. Suddenly I had to finish the road to Self Reliant Adulthood I had diverted from . I had planned a medical career before I had given in , knuckled down and changed my,life direction. Well at 66 that was too late but maybe I could still be okay. I started going through the,last somewhat lamented,'s Private Papers, yes in the desk I had been denied access to. I had been a compliant child so certainly I would remain that way.
What should I find but paperwork from his doctor. Had I even asked and with Hipaa I wouldn't even been told, Mr Precious had kidney disease, rapidly going to end-stage, had been warned by his doctor,which we didn't share without more medical intervention and special diet he would rapidly die. And suddenly my life blinders fell off with a large crash. I had given up a possible and probably medical education to marry him, I had SAT and ACT scores off the charts in Biology and other sciences, had been in an accelerated college preparatory course line at the end of high school, the lesson plan was so exclusive only myself and 1 young man participated. We were permitted college courses facilitated by our nearby college and provided yo our high school. Alas this college was,male only, therefore Michael did not attend on campus. His credits transfered into his future university, mine were recorded at an audit level. Michael entered his university at a 2nd semester sophomore, I got,the fuzzy end of the,lollipop.
When I met Mr Precious I put my plans on a back burner. Ohio Stste, as a land grant university was mandated to accept all Ohio students of a certain academic standing. I had the misfortune to be born immediately prior to the Baby Boom when they had a glut of potential students. I gradulated.gradulatedMay 1963, they deferred me to Autumn 1968.
By the time that time came I was married and nearly 6 months pregnant,living 60 miles away so I just gave up
I devoted 44 years, 2/3rd of my life to be a good wife and mother, didn't argue,didn't fight back. Now I was 66 nearly 6767, physically tired, emotionally bent,if not. broken, believed my only value was as an auxiliary to fist parents and then husband.
I now had a loud wake-up to Self Reliant Adulthood and was scared. But I now grew, stood on trembling,legs that grew daily stronger. And,one of the major steps and ways. I felt,would achieve this was bariatric surgery. I had tried diets repeatedly, even fasted and starved. Nothing worked, sought,help from my,primary,care physician. Yes after Mr Precious demise I had finally secured one after hearing doctors re only after your money.Yes he had a doctor, but he was special.. And PCP and i,tried several ideas, not including wiring my mouth shut which Mr P would have suggested. As among the last resorts my doctor prescribed phenteramine as a diet aid, I gained 30 pounds in one month, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired so I completed a bariatric course not,once but twice . First time through,i lost insurance just before surgical date assignment, returned again one and half,years later and went completely through again only to have the surgeon decline to,perform the surgery in lines. meaning not as long as I live. So I regrouped and made a third attempt for bariatric surgery at a new location. I could be as close as 7/8 prepzred, maybe less, depends on how may prerequirements they accept, how many more they require. I am not giving up, this is my best and pissibly,last chance at a thinner, healthier, fitter and contnuing life. I have come this far, committed and will still commit more to this endeavor and I shall and wlll not stop until my day of death to receive it all.
Invisiable, just watch

Wish I could do more than just send some (((hugs)))

Wow


HW 270
SW 238
CW 188
VSG 11/7
[emoji471][emoji471][emoji471]

@frust8big love from me. So much of your story is familiar. My mum is anorexic - by my teens and weighing a very normal 130lbs at 5foot7, she was telling me, her friends, my friends, everyone what a humongous blimp I was, I had legs like wharf poles, was shaped like a container crane. I still hear it in my head when I am big (she is sort of paid back, though. Cos she is still like it, I only visit her when I am below 190lbs - so very short stints over the years! Her loss.)

But thank my lucky stars the man I married turned out to be one of the most decent men on the planet. Our marriage was short (6 months!) but we still love each other deeply 30 years later. We have both married lovely women who are our solid rocks - but from the age of 30 he has been a steady encourager, he pushed me to go to Uni, reassured me I WAS bright enough to get a psychology PhD, pushed me to aim for good jobs and now I am a CEO with 1000 staff. And now, he is unfailingly supportive in this journey too, (as is my wife, by the way - she is normal size but has lost 10lbs with my low carb cooking!). So he helped me move in myself - from a home life of mental illness, abuse, alcoholism - to learning to accept myself, know my good and bad bits, change the bits I wanted.

I read your post - and will now email my (ex)hubby - to thank him again. Because of him the band surgery in my 40s, this RNY in my 50s. If it wasn’t for him, @frust8, I am not sure I would have EVER got my **** together like you. You are a bloody miracle. Thank you so so much for opening up.

Edited May 9, 20188 yr by Biddy zz