I was going to call this Break On Through To The Other Side (thank you Doors). But I figured I'd get sick of it after a while. I'm going to use this space to keep track on the 2 week march toward surgery and then to keep track of the recovery and progress. That way I can keep it all together and if I just do one thread, it's all in one place without clogging up the Blog Area. I'm sure it's gonna be excruciatingly boring to everyone--me included! I'm a list and minutia kinda gal. I like tracking and counting--although I can be equally lax about crap. So I stop just short of OCD town (not that there's anything wrong with that).

My official 2 week liquid diet starts tomorrow. I decided to jump on it today because Sunday feels like a great place to start and because it's hard to do better than yesterday as my last food day before surgery. I'm a Texan, born and raised, and yesterday we had a fairwell to my ass and thighs via a Texas BBQ tour through Houston and Tomball. I ate so much brisket, sausage and ribs, I can honestly claim to be over it. Growing up in a BBQ family, slow smoked meats is almost in my blood. So it was only natural that I would choose that as the last rights.

I'm having RNY on February 20th and as I understand it, moist (fatty) brisket might not be my friend post surgery. Supposedly high fat foods (which moist brisket is) might cause a sort of "dumping" in the poop department. So I figure my future, once healed, might only include lean cuts of brisket and smoked meats. It's a choice I will readily make to lose weight and get my health back.

So the morning Day 1 hasn't been very difficult--a little hunger and growly tummy, but nothing that makes me feel anxiety. Protein drinks on board and this afternoon will shop for SF popsicles, SF jello and bone broth. I think I'll stick to packaged bone broth so I can get the actual nutritional information from a certified source. There's no real way for me to tell how many calories and carbs are in the bone broth I make here at home.

My Pre-Op Plan includes: 80-100g of protein; low fat; 60g carbs and somewhere around 1000cals per day.

4-5 Protein Drinks containing a minimum of 15g of protein per serving. They must be low fat and low sugar and can't contain over 4g of sugar per serving. I can have clear low sodium broths, sugar free drinks, sugar free jello and sugar free clear popsicles (no fudgsicles or ice cream based pops).

I will do this from now until February 20th.

I'm pretty sure I will be doing plenty of the following:

Edited February 4, 20188 yr by FluffyChix

Fluffy!! Congratulations on removing over 100 pounds. Not saying losing since that implies you might go looking for it and getting it back. There is so much wisdom and insight in your post....exactly what happened to me after doing low carb and losing 40 pounds before I quit smoking.

I am considering professional counseling during this time just to help me get my thinking straight about food intake and what it means to me (not with that jackwagon that did my preop psych eval) because I am so afraid to mess up once I can eat regular food again.

Husband wants me to book a cruise for our upcoming anniversary in December and he said "you will be looking and feeling so good by then" and even though I really want to it scares me.

One day at a time!!

2 hours ago, MIZ60 said:

I am considering professional counseling during this time just to help me get my thinking straight about food intake and what it means to me (not with that jackwagon that did my preop psych eval) because I am so afraid to mess up once I can eat regular food again.

I've already signed up for just that reason, and since the surgery has already eaten up our maximum out-of-pocket, the insurance will cover the sessions with no co-pay for the remainder of the year!

I just know that I'll need help developing other coping mechanisms besides stuffing my face because stress, grief, frustration (my personal fave), boredom, etc. will all still exist.

Edited May 14, 20188 yr by Orchids&Dragons

@MIZ60 Say yes to the cruise!! I am going on a 5-day cruise to Bermuda on Saturday, but I'm nervous about the food -- I didn't log or weigh my food yesterday, and it made me antsy as all get-out!

Absolutely 1000% say yes to the cruise! Our challenge will be to live and experience life and be stretched by it. We have to relearn to test the boundaries without living by our old selves with the old patterns of behavior.

And I agree counseling is great! I'm thinking strongly about doing it again too!

BB later to talk--after PT.

5 hours ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

I've already signed up for just that reason, and since the surgery has already eaten up our maximum out-of-pocket, the insurance will cover the sessions with no co-pay for the remainder of the year!

I just know that I'll need help developing other coping mechanisms besides stuffing my face because stress, grief, frustration (my personal fave), boredom, etc. will all still exist.

That is so smart, especially since you've hit your max out of pocket for the year! If they will pay, I'd sure do the RD too! Mine wouldn't pay for the RD, so I'm going to her very small group support meeting instead and getting free advice each month for 2 hours! It's awesome!!!

6 hours ago, MIZ60 said:

Fluffy!! Congratulations on removing over 100 pounds. Not saying losing since that implies you might go looking for it and getting it back. There is so much wisdom and insight in your post....exactly what happened to me after doing low carb and losing 40 pounds before I quit smoking.

I am considering professional counseling during this time just to help me get my thinking straight about food intake and what it means to me (not with that jackwagon that did my preop psych eval) because I am so afraid to mess up once I can eat regular food again.

Husband wants me to book a cruise for our upcoming anniversary in December and he said "you will be looking and feeling so good by then" and even though I really want to it scares me.

One day at a time!!

Brilliant! No jackwagon psychs allowed! Seriously, do the cruze. Have a plan though before boarding. Find out about the restaurants and dining experiences especially the buffets. And choose your day!!! You can do this and make it more than about food and alcohol. Or is that the definition of a cruise? I've never been on one!

Ok PT done for today. But had to rush here and tell y'all...you might think I'm crazy cuz these products--people either love or hate.

But I have an issue with spending 140cals of my 700 cal day on 2tbsp of salad dressing. LOL. BUT I heart Ranch Dip with salad and veggies, especially carrots and cucumbers. And the bonafide Ranch Dressing Mix has a buttload of carbs/sugar in it and preservatives.

So what's a girl to do for veggie dip you ask? Well, funny, but I just figured this out today and it tastes great with the sesame ginger flavor and I know it will taste great with the Asian flavor too AND the Italian flavor (aka Ranch).

So here's the deal, you mix Walden Farms vinaigrette-style dressings and mix it with an ounce of Greek yogurt! You get about 1 1/2 to 2 oz of veggie dip for about 16cals. (I'm not a fan of the premade Walden Farms creamy dressings--but really like the vinaigrette style dressings!)

Here are my fave WF vinaigrettes (warning they DO take some getting used to and negotiating with yourself!):

Asian

Sesame Ginger

Italian

Balsamic

Raspberry Vinaigrette

Veggie Dip

Serves 1 (about 1 3/4oz volume)

1oz Greek Yogurt, FF (HEB)

3/4-1oz WF Vinaigrette-style Dressing (any flavor)

granulated garlic to taste

Jane's Crazy Mixed Up Pepper to taste (optional)

Mix it all together and enjoy with many different raw veggies or salad. I bet it would be great with coleslaw!

Nutrition: 16cals; 3g protein; 0g fat; 1g carbs; 0g fiber; 1g net carbs; 0g sugar

Today I hit 100+lb loss on the scale from my most recent high of 287.4lbs. It took 1 year and 9 days to get here and although I would say my tool makes my progress the "easiest" it has been in that I am now losing the amounts like a slightly overweight "normie" loses rather than my very typical Fluffy Rate of Loss of 2-4lbs per month; this has been one of the hardest years of my life second only to losing my dad, mom, and brother, and the year of cancer treatments. Anyone who say WLS is easy doesn't know Jack (Binyon). hehe.
I still have quite a ways to go: 36lbs to my first goal of 150, then sub-goals after that of 140, 130, and 125. I don't know how far I will make it, but I'm going for the whole enchilada and I'm not planning on taking the scenic tour this time. All the other weight loss battles I've fought, I stopped short of my goal. And it's an excruciating defeat. Like Sisyphus, am I doomed to push the boulder up hill the rest of my life, over and over and over again--stopping short of my goal and establishing a livable maintenance at T-20lbs every time?
When I get into dangerous territory (aka about 20lbs from goal), something weird happens to my resolve and mindset. I grow complacent with the goal. I get to the point where I like what I see in the mirror, I feel good in my clothes, feel normal size in public, and I let the food-longings back into mah head.
So it always begins with the philosophy, "This one bite won't sink the Titanic," or "Ohhhh, this is a special night or special weekend, or celebration--I'll just let loose and take a vacation from dieting just this once." But see? Because of my Big Fat Brain, once is never enough and the treats won't stop until they become legendary and something I routinely do at each meal, every day. And in the blink of an eye--POOF! I'm a fluffy chix again and again and again and again...well, you get the picture.
It's frightening to say, "But, but, THIS time it will be different! I had RNY surgery! I have a new tool that's gonna keep that from happening." And that terrifies me. I can feel that thought trying so determinedly to sneak back into my conscious mind. The truth is that there COULD be other times. This time is not so unique. My surgeon warned us at the very first meeting that statistically, over 85% of surgical pts will regain at least 10-15% of their weight and only 5% will maintain their lowest weight at 5 years. She told us that this wasn't magic bean surgery. That the effects of RNY wear off around 5-12 years and that the micro villi in the gut actually grow more numerous and become smarter about absorption.
So the surgery came with a big caution--grow complacent and endulge at your peril.
Ok, so fast forward to today. I can only control what happens tomorrow by living well today and taking the next best bite. Each meal, my resolve is only for that meal and each day is to resolve that day to take the next best bite--always. The only way I will get to goal is to focus and not lose sight of the advantages of what that number represents in health advantages. The only way to maintain those advantages is to take the next best bite every day for the rest of my living days.
Here is my 3 month comp. It's hard to share this. (And yes, these are the last pants that will even stay up and they are so big now. LOL. I must manufacture some money and go try to find a new pair of pants that actually fit for a change. *snort*)

You are looking so great!!!! You are such an inspiration!!!

Sent from my SM-G930VL using BariatricPal mobile app

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

Brilliant! No jackwagon psychs allowed! Seriously, do the cruze. Have a plan though before boarding. Find out about the restaurants and dining experiences especially the buffets. And choose your day!!! You can do this and make it more than about food and alcohol. Or is that the definition of a cruise? I've never been on one!

We have gone on about 7 cruises previously so I pretty much know how it works. We always avoid the buffet areas and eat well in the dining room. Portions tend to be small and always grilled seafood options. The martini bar is another story but if I get buzzed from one drink then that is all I need. Husband loves the frozen foo foo drinks during the day but not me. Since I wont be drinking while eating I will just avoid wine.

Honestly, I have never gained weight on a cruise before so I guess I just need to relax a bit. There are plenty of good, healthy choices and always a ton of activity and walking. They do have a gym on board. Last time we went was for the 30th in 2014 and I have just been too uncomfortable with my appearance to go since then.

You really should try one sometime although I personally do not recommend the ones from Galveston.

Congrats Fluff! Amazing work!

I think Fluffy may have to change her name to Formerly Fluffy! Great job girl!

Today is 12 weeks since surgery (almost "3 months" which happens on May 20), and I am gonna post my food today so I can look back and remember the quantities I was eating at 3 months. For the most part, I "think" this is going to pretty much be the quantity I will be eating for the next 9 months (hopefully)--and maybe even for the rest of my life (super hopeful that this will be true).

As per my usual angst about not wrecking Iron Will (my pouch), I'm very tentative about eating "too much." And as my post surg history goes, the healing went so well with very little inflammation--it's hard to know whether I'm just advanced or if I'm over eating and damaging my new tool.

I'm eating according to my rules:

No drinking with meals 30/30.

Weighing or measuring (but not both).

Recording every bite or morsel that goes in my mouth.

Protein first.

Veggies second.

A smidge of healthy fats each meal.

And fruit if there's any room leftover (never is).

Protein goal is 75g protein per day (40% of cals) (presently averaging 77, close enough good).

Carb goal is 38g whole carbs per day (20% of cals) (presently averaging 33g, so I have a tiny bit of wiggle).

Fat goal is 33g fat per day (40% of cals) (presently averaging 33g, so perfect).

Calorie goal is 750 per day (and I'm swinging broadly between 600-850 cals per day, averaging about 728cals/day. Think I'm going to leave it where it is for a while. Some days I'm hungrier than others.)

Walking 1 hour/day=about 2.25 miles; Conditioning Training (PT) 3 days/week

********************

3 Month Menu (12 weeks Post RNY 2.20.18)--by weight rather than volume

B1- 3 protein lattes (Prem Protein + decaff + sf Torani syrup)

B2- 1oz steamed crimini and spinach, 3oz egg puff w/turkey sausage crumbles, 19g light cheddar wedge, 1oz salsa

L- 3oz sardines packed in water, 2tsp yellow mustard, 2oz cucumber and carrots w/1.75oz grk yogurt ranch dressing (see recipe above)

AS- 1 GG bran crisp, 19g lt cheddar wedge, 6g PB slim peanut butter powder (Vitacost)

D- 3oz blackened salmon, 1oz asparagus, 1oz avocado tomato salad with 2 small lime wedges

BS-none

Nutritional Totals: 655 cals; 77g protein; 21g fat; 32g carbs; 11g fiber; 21g net carbs; 10g nat sugar

*************************

Here's breakfast. Will try to remember to take photos of the other meals for posterity and to give a visual reminder of approx volume. Plates are saucer size = about 5in diam.

One last thought for today. Not that I have to explain myself or apologize for holding this position since it's my own thread, but here's a glimpse into my terrifying brain.

The REASON I am so focused and "driven" and "balls to the wall" with this surgery and with 100% compliance, and with hitting normal weight is specifically because the stakes ARE life and death for me. That's not to say they aren't equally life and death to others' here. But I do not have the latitude or luxury to take this as a casual "lifestyle change," living a life that isn't too strenuous or restrictive from a dietary standpoint. My life is literally at stake.

I have 2 deadly diseases and if one doesn't get me, the other one will. Because of Stage IIIC fat driven, hormone positive breast cancer, I am only ever gonna be in remission. So my primary reason for this surgery is to immediately (within 3 weeks of surgery date) reduce my recurrence risk about 38%, irrespective of any fat loss. The metabolic shift resulting from the surgery itself confers that reduction of risk. BUT, losing to normal weight and reducing the load of androgens on my body helps to keep my anti-hormone cancer drug from becoming ineffective which will theoretically lower that recurrence risk even further. My cancer drug blocks the conversion of androgens into estrogen and hormones--in a post meno woman that happens from androgens released by the fat cells.

My second deadly degenerative disease is PCOS aka metabolic syndrome--a collection of symptoms characterized by heart disease (which my radiation and chemo added to), high bp, hyperinsulinemia and insulin resistance, infertility, hirsutism, and more. If the cancer doesn't kill me, the CHD and fluid around my heart will. And the family genetics don't help--almost every woman on my dad's side has died from a massive heart attack and CHD. My mom's women die from strokes, or breast cancer or lung cancer.

So this isn't a game. This is life or death. This is mandatory, life-long lifestyle change that may sometimes hurt. May sometimes feel inconvenient. May sometimes feel restrictive and harsh. But I've now made a commitment to myself to try like a mother fuc*er to lose and then maintain a healthy lifestyle at a normal weight. I will not be 100% perfect. I'm hoping that by losing my extra fat as quickly as possible, it will let me have a tiny bit of slack so that I'm able to enjoy a 90/10 lifestyle. But if the choice is death or 100% compliance, then it sucks to be me, but that's life and how the low carb cookie crumbles.

Looking at my menu above, it's hard for me to see penury and a sad monkey diet. It looks pretty forkin' delicious to me. Boo fuc*ing hoo that I can't have a bag of Lays and eighteen chocolate bomb pops! Poor me! Right? NOT!

If that makes me a hard ass. So be it. Heap that petard on me, why doncha?

DISCLAIMER: This post is about MY journey and only MY journey. I in no way believe that this way will work for everyone. It is only designed to convey my primary motives for my journey and should not influence your personal journey in any way. And I value EVERYONE'S individual path. You do you. I will do me. I will cheer you on and commiserate with you during the hard times we will all face. Variety is the spice of life. And your journey is NO less important than mine!

Edited May 15, 20188 yr by FluffyChix

Thank you Fluffy I’m grateful you are keeping it real. I too new to be 100 % compliant or why do this in the first place. Health and Happinesses with our family is more important than chocolate and even Brie cheese with a French baguette. Thanks again for your share. Cat

Good for you! Don't let anyone deter you from your goals or try to tell you that you are being "extreme" when you are 100% compliant.

And. . . . Can I come over for breakfast? ?