Venting*** sorry

So i'm in several other online support groups right. And i've started volunteering at my local surgery center support group too.

But lately in 2 of my other online support groups i've been seeing a ton of negativity and body shaming smaller sleevers/ by passers. It's so rude to me.

I just feel so bad for anyone that has to go through that. Someone recently posted something about people being in the 200's not needing wls, and that they should not post their before and afters.

First off, aren't we all having the same struggle? Both physically and mentally.

Secondly, nobody really knows another person's reasoning behind their decision. If your insurance is paying for it, it is because they are obese and possibly have other co morbidies. So i'm all for any and anyone feeling like they need to make a change to keep the weight off and get healthier.

I just think some people should attempt to be a bit more open minded or just not say anything. This post i'm referring to literally started a cyber war, which is so crazy to me. Nobody would ever judge someone for being much larger and deciding to go down the wls route...just saying.

I think everyone should feel welcomed and supported.

I agree with you, and it is sad. This isn't a contest. And people that weigh 200 (depending on height) can still be morbidly obese so I don't understand the mindset that they don't deserve surgery or accolades for being successful in the journey.

That is why my sister does not know about my surgery - a niece had a lapband about 5 years ago and she remarked that 'Debbie was not fat enough to need wls.' What! None of your beeswax girl. She is also the sister that laments over and over about how hard it is to lose 10 pounds because of menopause and that she is sooo fat, and hates her gut because she has never been fat until now. She may have a pudge belly but she is not in any danger of being fat, wears a size 8.

I agree with you, and it is sad. This isn't a contest. And people that weigh 200 (depending on height) can still be morbidly obese so I don't understand the mindset that they don't deserve surgery or accolades for being successful in the journey.
That is why my sister does not know about my surgery - a niece had a lapband about 5 years ago and she remarked that 'Debbie was not fat enough to need wls.' What! None of your beeswax girl. She is also the sister that laments over and over about how hard it is to lose 10 pounds because of menopause and that she is sooo fat, and hates her gut because she has never been fat until now. She may have a pudge belly but she is not in any danger of being fat, wears a size 8.

I completely agree with you, and i'm glad you kept yours a secret to avoid the negativity.

I'm only 5'1 and according to the BMI, anything over 130 is over weight for me so imagine what it takes to be considered morbidly obese, not much.

I think everyone should be supported for trying sooooo hard to take control of their life back.

I'm also seeing tons of the "you only lost how much weight in X time" comments. It's not a race and any loss is progress.

One thing we don't talk about is the link between mental health issues and obesity.

https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758035

Everything from the biology of some mental health conditions contributing to extra weight....to behaviors (lack of sleep, poor impulse control, addiction, emotional disregulation)...to the weight gain side effects of meds used to treat them.....a massive number of folks with mental health issues are heavy.

Not to imply we all struggle with mental health issues....but a big chunk of us probably do.

Put a population prone to mental health issues together in a room...and it might get interesting.

I absolutely agree with cocojay on all points. We should make efforts to always be kind and try to live and let live.

It's important to keep in mind that posters here and on all weight loss message boards might be suffering from mental health issues that limit their self awareness, emotional regulation and tact. Not playing apologist for crappy behavior....just sayin....there's a reason. Having a good reason for behaving like a turd doesn't absolve you from accountability, though.

2 hours ago, xoxococojay said:

Venting*** sorry

So i'm in several other online support groups right. And i've started volunteering at my local surgery center support group too.

But lately in 2 of my other online support groups i've been seeing a ton of negativity and body shaming smaller sleevers/ by passers. It's so rude to me.

I just feel so bad for anyone that has to go through that. Someone recently posted something about people being in the 200's not needing wls, and that they should not post their before and afters.

First off, aren't we all having the same struggle? Both physically and mentally.

Secondly, nobody really knows another person's reasoning behind their decision. If your insurance is paying for it, it is because they are obese and possibly have other co morbidies. So i'm all for any and anyone feeling like they need to make a change to keep the weight off and get healthier.

I just think some people should attempt to be a bit more open minded or just not say anything. This post i'm referring to literally started a cyber war, which is so crazy to me. Nobody would ever judge someone for being much larger and deciding to go down the wls route...just saying.

I think everyone should feel welcomed and supported.

No problem vent away!

Is it just me or are the majority of the people in this world are superficial and judgmental? I can't invest my time and energy in negative people.

You said it well. We are having the same struggle mentally and physically. My hope is supportive people will continue on the site.

Any forum you goto you get trolls...They are looking to argue and get attention. For them, negative attention is better than no attention at all. I wish people wouldn't take the bait and respond to them.

No problem vent away!
Is it just me or are the majority of the people in this world are superficial and judgmental? I can't invest my time and energy in negative people.
You said it well. We are having the same struggle mentally and physically. My hope is supportive people will continue on the site.
Any forum you goto you get trolls...They are looking to argue and get attention. For them, negative attention is better than no attention at all. I wish people wouldn't take the bait and respond to them.

You're soooo right about trolls and super judgemental people. The one thing i've learned on this journey is that you never know what someone else's struggles are.

As for trolls- buring out someone else's candle doesn't make yours burn any brighter.

One thing we don't talk about is the link between mental health issues and obesity.
https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758035
Everything from the biology of some mental health conditions contributing to extra weight....to behaviors (lack of sleep, poor impulse control, addiction, emotional disregulation)...to the weight gain side effects of meds used to treat them.....a massive number of folks with mental health issues are heavy.
Not to imply we all struggle with mental health issues....but a big chunk of us probably do.
Put a population prone to mental health issues together in a room...and it might get interesting.
I absolutely agree with cocojay on all points. We should make efforts to always be kind and try to live and let live.
It's important to keep in mind that posters here and on all weight loss message boards might be suffering from mental health issues that limit their self awareness, emotional regulation and tact. Not playing apologist for crappy behavior....just sayin....there's a reason. Having a good reason for behaving like a turd doesn't absolve you from accountability, though.

Omg!!! Preach!!! You are so right. There definitely is a link between mental health and obesity. (For some, myself included in that) many people are so unaware of it. I was.

There are so many things can cause us to develop food related disorders. In my case i had a mild case of binge eating and i didn't realize it. An eating addiction is no different from a substance abuse addiction. It just manifests itself slightly differently.

What I also find difficulty understanding is that for anyone who has dealt with being overweight--especially during some point in childhood--has dealt with discrimination and bullying. I guarantee it. No matter how funny or charming you are, the other kids will and do make fun of and exclude because you are different from them. So why not be kind to all? We know the pain of being the object of ridicule.

It's so easy to tear someone down. It's much harder to build a person up. Or rather to be a supportive force, rather than a destructive influence in someone's life.

I also second the part of how interwoven obesity and mental health are. It's a chicken/egg conundrum.

Great post girlie and great comments/observations to all!

What I also find difficulty understanding is that for anyone who has dealt with being overweight--especially during some point in childhood--has dealt with discrimination and bullying. I guarantee it. No matter how funny or charming you are, the other kids will and do make fun of and exclude because you are different from them. So why not be kind to all? We know the pain of being the object of ridicule.
It's so easy to tear someone down. It's much harder to build a person up. Or rather to be a supportive force, rather than a destructive influence in someone's life.
I also second the part of how interwoven obesity and mental health are. It's a chicken/egg conundrum.
Great post girlie and great comments/observations to all!

I love this and you're right!!! Every single one of us knows what it feels like to be the biggest person in the room. Or to have someone try to make you feel small or different because you're overweight. Regardless of how anyone sugar coats it. It hurts, period.

Thanks Imagine - a support group is for support. I remember in grad school a hot debate as to obesity being deviant behavior / condition Certainly there is a correlation between mental disorders and obesity
Most folk I come across just want health We tried many things before WLS
Vent away - support is supportive not full of anger - same - judgement - cruelty - bullying - abuse

Thanks Imagine - a support group is for support. I remember in grad school a hot debate as to obesity being deviant behavior / condition Certainly there is a correlation between mental disorders and obesity
Most folk I come across just want health We tried many things before WLS
Vent away - support is supportive not full of anger - same - judgement - cruelty - bullying - abuse

I'm only 5"2 and weigh 238 so that's alot for me! And do these people think we should just wait until we get to that size? Why wait? Just nip it in the bud asap while it's safe!

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

I'm only 5"2 and weigh 238 so that's alot for me! And do these people think we should just wait until we get to that size? Why wait? Just nip it in the bud asap while it's safe!

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

I had very similar stats to you so i understand completely.

I applaud this subject. I was worried about surviving weight loss surgery at 260. At that weight I felt like a heart attack about to happen. It was inconceivable allowing myself to get bigger. Losing 100 lbs gets harder, the smaller you are...not easier.

I applaud this subject. I was worried about surviving weight loss surgery at 260. At that weight I felt like a heart attack about to happen. It was inconceivable allowing myself to get bigger. Losing 100 lbs gets harder, the smaller you are...not easier.

That is so true!!! In the beginning the weight really was flying off like everyone else. But once i hit 180ish i really had to work my ass off for every pound lost afterwards. The second half of the weight loss was a lot slower.