Wait, can that be right? Did I really just . . . Need your opinions male & female


13 posts in this topic

Woooo hoooo! Today is the day I hit goal. It all feels like a dream, a very, very good one. Since my surgery on February 15, I have lost 77 lbs. Since the beginning of my weight loss journey beginning on 1/1/2016, I have lost a total of 125 lbs! Woah, that is insane. I have gone from a size 24 to 6/8. Has it totally changed my life? No. Has it changed it for the better? Absolutely. I could list a hundred things, but I won't. A few: I don't dread getting dressed, I can keep up with others at the gym, I love being able to eat a small amount and be totally satisfied (never thought I would ever say that). Everything good far outweighs the bad. The only bad thing is the damage it has done to my skin. Which puts me in a dilemma. I have started dating again and frankly don't see the necessity of telling anyone at this point that I have had surgery. If I find someone that I am serious about, we can have that discussion.

Dilemma - I have a 5th date with a great guy. He has no idea the condition of my body because I've always worn jeans and a shirt to cover my arms. Well, we are getting a little further into it and of course I am getting a little worried about his reaction when we become intimate and it will definitely happen sooner rather than later because we have a very strong chemistry, in we cannot keep our hands off each other. I tried to mentally put myself in his place and am not sure what my reaction would be to. To me the lose skin is hard to look at but considering I have lost 125 lbs it could be a lot worse. I'm super self-conscious about my arms, the breasts have gone from a DD to a hanging B, the stomach is wrinkly, but does not have a huge hang, my legs are pretty droopy and the butt is 75% gone, not pretty. So, here is the dilemma - do you start off with a warning or just let things roll? I love talking to my adult daughter about it - she says, mom you are gorgeous and he has told you the same thing - wear the cute sleeveless dress, and rock what you wear. The skin is what it is, it's not going anywhere.

I would love to get other's opinions, especially the guys.

Eeek - this all is crazy

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There's a saying...."Rejection is a form of protection." If this guy is so turned off by loose skin that he wouldn't want to see you again, he's probably not the one for you.

I wouldn't warn anyone because it points to insecure feelings about your body. A woman who feels insecure in her own skin may send the wrong message.

Most women in the real world don't have perfect bodies due to childbirth, yo-yo dieting, age, gravity, sun exposure, and other issues. This man probably won't be as bothered by your body as you.

I would allow things to unfold organically. You cannot hide your body forever in this situation. It may help to view your loose skin and droopy body parts as badges of honor gained during your uphill battle with obesity.

Good luck to you! :)

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2 minutes ago, Introversion said:

There's a saying...."Rejection is a form of protection." If this guy is so turned off by loose skin that he wouldn't want to see you again, he's probably not the one for you.

I wouldn't warn anyone because it points to insecure feelings about your body. A woman who feels insecure in her own skin may send the wrong message.

Most women in the real world don't have perfect bodies due to childbirth, yo-yo dieting, age, gravity, sun exposure, and other issues. This man probably won't be as bothered by your body as you.

I would allow things to unfold organically. You cannot hide your body forever in this situation. It may help to view your loose skin and droopy body parts as badges of honor gained during your uphill battle with obesity.

Good luck to you! :)

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I was thinking the same thing because I am so secure in every other aspect of my life and the sudden show of insecurity would totally throw him and me off. This is the last mental battle I have to deal with on this journey. At the beginning I told myself I probably wouldn't have any plastic surgery, but starting to rethink it. Although I am 58, I'm fortunate to have a face of a 40 yr old. So to have the body of a 70 yr old, really throws me off! Again, thanks!

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Woooo hoooo! Today is the day I hit goal. It all feels like a dream, a very, very good one. Since my surgery on February 15, I have lost 77 lbs. Since the beginning of my weight loss journey beginning on 1/1/2016, I have lost a total of 125 lbs! Woah, that is insane. I have gone from a size 24 to 6/8. Has it totally changed my life? No. Has it changed it for the better? Absolutely. I could list a hundred things, but I won't. A few: I don't dread getting dressed, I can keep up with others at the gym, I love being able to eat a small amount and be totally satisfied (never thought I would ever say that). Everything good far outweighs the bad. The only bad thing is the damage it has done to my skin. Which puts me in a dilemma. I have started dating again and frankly don't see the necessity of telling anyone at this point that I have had surgery. If I find someone that I am serious about, we can have that discussion.
Dilemma - I have a 5th date with a great guy. He has no idea the condition of my body because I've always worn jeans and a shirt to cover my arms. Well, we are getting a little further into it and of course I am getting a little worried about his reaction when we become intimate and it will definitely happen sooner rather than later because we have a very strong chemistry, in we cannot keep our hands off each other. I tried to mentally put myself in his place and am not sure what my reaction would be to. To me the lose skin is hard to look at but considering I have lost 125 lbs it could be a lot worse. I'm super self-conscious about my arms, the breasts have gone from a DD to a hanging B, the stomach is wrinkly, but does not have a huge hang, my legs are pretty droopy and the butt is 75% gone, not pretty. So, here is the dilemma - do you start off with a warning or just let things roll? I love talking to my adult daughter about it - she says, mom you are gorgeous and he has told you the same thing - wear the cute sleeveless dress, and rock what you wear. The skin is what it is, it's not going anywhere.
I would love to get other's opinions, especially the guys.
Eeek - this all is crazy


Congrats!!!! How exciting to hit your goal. I have been married for 22 years, so dating is foreign to me. I can only imagine how nervous you feel. I say be honest, if he is a great guy and truly cares about you, the skin won't matter a bit. I think sometimes we see ourselves differently than others, and the stuff that bothers us about our bodies others don't even see. You have worked hard to get to this moment! I'm with your Daughter rock the clothes you want!


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There's a saying...."Rejection is a form of protection." If this guy is so turned off by loose skin that he wouldn't want to see you again, he's probably not the one for you.
I wouldn't warn anyone because it points to insecure feelings about your body. A woman who feels insecure in her own skin may send the wrong message.
Most women in the real world don't have perfect bodies due to childbirth, yo-yo dieting, age, gravity, sun exposure, and other issues. This man probably won't be as bothered by your body as you.
I would allow things to unfold organically. You cannot hide your body forever in this situation. It may help to view your loose skin and droopy body parts as badges of honor gained during your uphill battle with obesity.
Good luck to you!

I agree and well said


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I would not initially mention it. Turn out the lights, light a candle and enjoy.

You have had children - most women have droopy bits just because of that. I am sure he even has some droopy bits at his age. You can bring it up later when the relationship progresses.

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I can cover quite a bit of skin with a sexy nighty, or a matching set that has a jacket that covers up some of my arm and behind.

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I think you should tell him. I personally would want to know. If he is such a great guy it won't scare him off.


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An easy way to broach the subject without saying a word is to wear a sleeveless top and not hide your arms. I assume your arms have enough looseness to coorelate with the rest of you.

Anyone that sees that super dangly armskin (like mine), is gonna know something is up.

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I think a discussion is in order. Communicating is important in any relationship and important to the trust which ultimately facilitates intimacy. Don't worry it will work out. P.S. would love a follow up on this post!

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