Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Hit me with your best dad jokes



Recommended Posts

C'mon we all know some, I'll start.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So many ...

59c6f7179cf9c_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_06_03.png.6c525fe52cbe456c392d04790ff4536a.png

59c6f71b4dc48_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_05_45.png.891c906f00ddeae4dc4c5e7742d14c86.png

59c6f71c79b7c_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_05_29.png.c74ab780bdbca788866f01033fe762e7.png

59c6f7232d6b0_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_05_09.png.d0fafc528a9d22526efca6515382c328.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just to round out the baker's dozen ...

59c6f8d7b5f17_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_12_53.png.7bdb8088cc3cd08bd316cde68cf760a1.png

59c6f8db59845_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_12_38.png.f4dd129a12e10e73de1fe69a7e295bb7.png

59c6f8d361a20_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_13_16.png.c2eed6bac4deddd6a4eded732e43ef80.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A pilot in a plane flying over the ocean had to ditch as the plane engines failed.

He saw a ship and headed towards it hoping to be saved if he ended up nearby.

Sadly, he misjudged and went straight into the ship. He went through the upper deck and every deck below and, finally, right through the hull of the ship causing it to sink.

With the passengers swimming towards the lifeboats, he resurfaced and joined them. The others were totally amazed at how he could have survived this and asked how he did it.

He said, " I've been through hardships before."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, Maggie_ said:

A buccaneer

JUDGE: We are searching for more evidence.

PIRATE CAPTAIN: There is none.

JUDGE: Well, firstly, where are your buccaneers?

PIRATE CAPTAIN: On me buccan head!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When you're trying to be cheesy, but everyone around you is laughtose intolerant.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I don't trust those trees. They seem a little shady.

What video game do you play on the toilet? Call of Doody.

Why did the birdie go to the hospital? Because it needed tweetment.

Didi you know I used to be a banker? Meh, I lost interest.

I started a band named "999 Megabites" but we haven't gotten any gigs yet.

A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair...and people

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A termite walks into a tavern and says "is the bar tender here?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How do you make holy Water? You boil the hell out of it.

What kind of magic do cows believe in? MOODOO

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Aunty Mamo

      Iʻm roughly 6 weeks post-op this morning and have begun to feel like a normal human, with a normal human body again. I started introducing solid foods and pill forms of medications/supplements a couple of weeks ago and it's really amazing to eat meals with my family again, despite the fact that my portions are so much smaller than theirs. 
      I live on the island of Oʻahu and spend a lot of time in the water- for exercise, for play,  and for spiritual & mental health. The day I had my month out appointment with my surgeon, I packed all my gear in my truck, anticipating his permission to get back in the ocean. The minute I walked out of that hospital I drove straight to the shore and got in that water. Hallelujah! My appointment was at 10 am. I didn't get home until after 5 pm. 
      I'm down 31 pounds since the day of surgery and 47 since my pre-op diet began, with that typical week long stall occurring at three weeks. I'm really starting to see some changes lately- some of my clothing is too big, some fits again. The most drastic changes I notice however are in my face. I've also noticed my endurance and flexibility increasing. I was really starting to be held up physically, and I'm so grateful that I'm seeing that turn around in such short order. 
      My general disposition lately is hopeful and motivated. The only thing that bugs me on a daily basis still is the way those supplements make my house smell. So stink! But I just bought a smell proof bag online that other people use to put their pot in. My house doesn't stink anymore. 
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Oh yeah, something I wanted to rant about, a billing dispute that cropped up 3 months ago.
      Surgery was in August of 2023. A bill shows up for over $7,000 in January. WTF? I asks myself. I know that I jumped through all of the insurance hoops and verified this and triple checked that, as did the surgeon's office. All was set, and I paid all of the known costs before surgery.
      A looong story short, is that an assistant surgeon that was in the process of accepting money from my insurance company touched me while I was under anesthesia. That is what the bill was for. But hey, guess what? Some federal legislation was enacted last year to help patients out when they cannot consent to being touched by someone out of their insurance network. These types of bills fall under something called, "surprise billing," and you don't have to put up with it.
      https://www.cms.gov/nosurprises
      I had to make a lot of phone calls to both the surgeon's office and the insurance company and explain my rights and what the maximum out of pocket costs were that I could be liable for. Also had to remind them that it isn't my place to be taking care of all of this and that I was going to escalate things if they could not play nice with one another.
      Quick ending is that I don't have to pay that $7,000+. Advocate, advocate, advocate for yourself no matter how long it takes and learn more about this law if you are ever hit with a surprise bill.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Some days I feel like an infiltrator... I'm participating in society as a "thin" person. They have no idea that I haven't always been one of them! 🤣
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • ChunkCat

      Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I totally forgot I wrote an update here... I'm one week post op today. I gained 15 lbs in water weight overnight because they had to give me tons of fluids to bring my BP up after surgery! I stayed one night in the hospital. Everything has been fine except I seem to have picked up a bug while I was there and I've been running a low grade fever, coughing, and a sore throat. So I've been hydrating well and sleeping a ton. So far the Covid tests are negative.
      I haven't been able to advance my diet past purees. Everything I eat other than tofu makes me choke and feels like trying to swallow rocks. They warned me it would get worse before it gets better, so lets hope this is all normal. I have my follow up on Monday so we'll see. Living on shakes and soup again is not fun. I had enough of them the first time!! LOL 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Still purging all of the larger clothing. This morning, a shirt that I ADORED wearing ended up on top. Hard to let it go, but it was also hard to let go of those habits that also no longer serve my highest good. Onward and upward!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×