I'm hiding my surgery from family anyone else ?

[Mytimenow17 99]

Honestly i can't wait to flaunt my new body!!! The majority of my family are all females and they are either overweight or skinny. One of famous slogans I hear when they visit me here in GA is "I look swollen" easier way of avoiding the fact that I'm fat. Here's another catchy phrase.. "those jeans make you look skinny" ok I'm on a roll.. " I get compared to other obese family members meanwhile the person that's speaking to me is just as obese as I am. I often say to myself why don't they ever use themselves as the example when trying to compare me to the voluptuous person. My goal is take a trip to NYC and flaunt my new body, cut my hair not sure or trim it.. I'm excited to get sweet revenge! Lol

Good for you!! Flaunt it girl!! I'm a Georgia girl too!! Be proud of the hard work you've done and enjoy yourself!!

[RecreatingTraci 7]

I'm still early on in the process, but I've only told my parents, my husband, my best friend and my cousin (who is more like a sister). I'm wishing I hadn't told my friend because she sort of tried to talk me out of it. Even though she had Lapband back in 2010. I don't think I'll be telling anyone else honestly. I'm sure people will find out. It is what it is, I just don't want to have to explain my choice to people. I'm pretty good about being like "cool bye" when people give me their unwanted opinions. I used to do network marketing and heard crap all the time from judgy judy's and let it slide off my back. This is a bit more major though - and I know a lot of people would be judgmental. I actually had a hard time telling my husband to start - he's very judgmental and I knew his initial response was going to be negative. He's come around now because it's more of a health decision than anything. I think it's a personal decision whether you tell people. It truly depends on the people in your circle, how you handle criticism, and the level of trust you have in people.

Edited September 14, 2017 by RecreatingTraci

[Mytimenow17 99]

Very true on all accounts!

[star2017 80]

same here. my mom, husband and a couple very close friends know, but that's it. My family would have nothing good to say and frankly it's none of their business. so you're not alone my friend!

[Mytimenow17 99]

Thank you! I haven't told anyone. Just my support group here. Thankfully I have you all!! I hate confrontations and just didn't need to deal with people telling me what they think I should be doing. Only I know what's best for me.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

If you post your picture on the internet on a forum that pops up on Google, you aren't hiding anything. There is no privacy on this site, people understand that right? Just because you might be using the app, doesn't mean this is just an app. It is a website easily searchable on google.

[WillownWind 8]

On 9/12/2017 at 3:40 AM, mzsantiago88 said:

I just feel as though people believe this is a easy way out ; and emotionally it's far from easy and they don't understand unless they are going through it themselves so it brings me peace knowing I have others who are with me

A few months ago I met a nurse who has a twin sister and both had VGS and she had said people who have not been in our "fat" shoes have no clue how difficult is and she was so very supportive. It was awesome to hear her story. Her biggest issues with peoples attitudes are the ones who have no clue she use to be big and talk crap about fat people.

[WillownWind 8]

7 hours ago, RecreatingTraci said:

I'm still early on in the process, but I've only told my parents, my husband, my best friend and my cousin (who is more like a sister). I'm wishing I hadn't told my friend because she sort of tried to talk me out of it. Even though she had Lapband back in 2010. I don't think I'll be telling anyone else honestly. I'm sure people will find out. It is what it is, I just don't want to have to explain my choice to people. I'm pretty good about being like "cool bye" when people give me their unwanted opinions. I used to do network marketing and heard crap all the time from judgy judy's and let it slide off my back. This is a bit more major though - and I know a lot of people would be judgmental. I actually had a hard time telling my husband to start - he's very judgmental and I knew his initial response was going to be negative. He's come around now because it's more of a health decision than anything. I think it's a personal decision whether you tell people. It truly depends on the people in your circle, how you handle criticism, and the level of trust you have in people.

I think the reason I took three years to make the final push was because I was worried about my husbands response. I totally understand. I think my husband is ok because with it is because of my fatty liver and diabetes and the possible good side affect with those health issues after VGS. The only negative thing he said was last night when I had mentioned how stressed I was getting and he asked if I still wanted to do it.

I am stressed mostly because I am a worry wart and it is what I do.

Keep moving forward.

[Killian 265]

1 hour ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

If you post your picture on the internet on a forum that pops up on Google, you aren't hiding anything. There is no privacy on this site, people understand that right? Just because you might be using the app, doesn't mean this is just an app. It is a website easily searchable on google.

Yes, we get it,. Odds of my family and friends finding my picture on this Bariatric Pal Forum via google images is pretty slim. And if they do find out that way, so be it.

It will make me wonder what the heck they were searching for to find a pic of me tho.

[Mytimenow17 99]

I'm wondering if it auto populates to your Facebook? ?

[Tiamka 34]

15 hours ago, WillownWind said:

The only negative thing he said was last night when I had mentioned how stressed I was getting and he asked if I still wanted to do it.

I am stressed mostly because I am a worry wart and it is what I do.

Keep moving forward.

I was worried and terrified. I irrationally fear most things medical. Your worry-wartyness is completely normal, at least when compared to me. "Keep moving forward" is exactly what I did and it is working well so far Stay strong, I know you can do it!!

[mzsantiago88 145]

To mzsantiago88 you are not alone! I am also. I live in Middle, GA and all my family live in NY. I find they are very critical. The majority of my family are women and I find they can be very opinionated and critical. When you get them together especially around the holidays oh my look out! They are very much into body shaming. My mother who lives here in GA with me wants me to confide in them. I told her I didn't want her to to tell them as I gave her my reasons why. For example, they would not be supportive, however, at this time it's ALL ABOUT ME right now. It's not About my mom either trying to please the family. I need to make me happy. This is my journey. I would not be surprised if she went behind my back and told a family member or two what I plan to do, which would not surprise me, but I have to remember it is and will always be ABOUT ME.. it's my journey along with others who wish to sincerely join me!

I have not told my mother nor will I ever because she is the ring leader of critical I'm praying for inner strength to succeed in my journey as my surgery is the second week of October good luck to you and hats off for being so brave

[mzsantiago88 145]

I only told a select group, and not telling sisters because I know one of them won't be supportive for sure. My daughters, husband, 2 friends, niece know - now wish I hadn't told her (her mom has passed 25 yrs now). She is ab 385 and I didn't think I would get negativity from her but I got a weird vibe from her - said she has NEVER considered wls, nope no part of it....her brother desperately wants it. Anyway cat out of the bag on that now. I don't want to be under a microscope at every family function.

My sisters are so negative and I'd rather not people don't even know we're sisters it's that bad but I'm in this for me and me only so I don't feel the need to share my little secret

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

10 minutes ago, mzsantiago88 said:

My sisters are so negative and I'd rather not people don't even know we're sisters

I have three siblings. I am eldest at 61. Sister #1 is 57; brother turns 56 two days after my op; sister #2 is 52. The elder three are all married; sister #2 has remained single all her life. Sister #2 is universally loved by all her nieces and nephews and her own children.

Sister #2 and I are a great team. She was a tearaway teenager when i was in my late teens and early 20s and the other two were unmerciful to her and were both devout holier-than-thou christians. (Nothing wrong with christians, per se, but they don't have to drink five litres of self-righteous and eat three slices of judgmental every day!) I just listened and occasionally gave her a lift to LEGAL things she liked to do.

As we've all aged, my mother has lamented "lack of togetherness" ... she's coming up to 84. Mother lived in sister #2's granny flat for the last five years but, just nine weeks ago, moved into sister #1's new home with sister #1 and her husband. (Sister #2 and her husband had a seven year separation which ended about 14-15 months ago.)

n.b. My sisters live 3km (two miles) apart and I live almost exactly half-way between ... under 5 mins away from each. The brother lives, OTOH, lives 35 minutes away on the other side of the city from us.

Sister #2 and I socialise and our kids communicate. Sister #1's kids communicate with their aunt and me and their cousins and their father but rarely their mother. (see a pattern here?)

- - -

Sister #1 comes to my house every three to four months and brings her list of grievances and suggestions, mostly grievances. (She also does this to sister #2 but even more regularly!!!)

I wait until my sister (#1) and brother-in-law are at work or away from home before I call in to visit mum a few times (2 to 3) per week. I like my brother-in-law but I cringe in dealing with his wife, my own next-in-line sibling; she is a pitiful, whiney, judgemental pain-in-the-arse.

- - -

So, sister #2 knows the ins and outs of my life and me hers. She knows about my upcoming surgery.

I think I have the makings of a TV drama to rival G.O.T. right here.

[LetsDoThis! 20]

We don't have Thanksgiving here in Australia.
Christmas runs onto summer shutdown until mid-January. Christmas Day lunch is a huge "monster" eat-fest in Australia and there's Christmas night dinner with one's other in-laws to follow.
Huge Boxing Day (Dec 26) barbecues are on at every fifth or sixth home to Celebrate the biggest day in Australian sport ... Melbourne International Cricket Test, Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race, the big night-time A-League double-header, etc
New Years Day food events are big too.
Then, on the 26th January, the biggest LAMB consumption day on the calendar ... Australia Day. Parties, barbecues, lunches, community events everywhere.
All this when I'm 2.5 to 3.5 months post surgery.
Saying "I'm just not hungry!" will have people thinking I need to be rushed to hospital emergency care.

Who don't you have Thanksgiving?

🤣🤣 totally kidding!


- No idea what I'm doing but I'm here!