I'm hiding my surgery from family anyone else ?

[Road2health 28]

I had the lapband in Mexico in 2003. I was very young. I'm now 35 and 3 weeks out to getting a revision to sleeve. When I originally got the band I told co workers and family and friends. My ex husbands family. That was a mistake. Even well intentioned family and friends treat you differently. Always watching what you are eating and making comments good or bad. Then comments when you lose the weight that it's not deserved because it was surgery not hard work.

Well it is still hard work. I lost a little over 100 lbs and kept it off since then including having 4 children during that time. In the last year my band has caused me a lot of problems and that is why I am doing the revision to the sleeve.

Im now remarried and have been for 8 years. Only my husband knows. His family and none of the new friends I have gained since being part of his life know. I learned my lesson. There have been a few people in our friend group that have gotten the surgery but they are both men and I find people to be less judgmental of men that get surgery. At times I wanted to talk to them about it but decided not to because I remember being treated poorly and once you say it you can't get it back.

I think it's a good idea to keep it to yourself and your very close trusted circle. Just because you go through enough having to deal with all the things you have to deal with being a surgery patient in the first place. Not to mention your life before surgery struggling with the weight. Why add to it and let others affect your confidence. When you're trying so hard to build confidence. It's nice to see a group like this where we are all in the same boat :-)

Edited September 13, 2017 by Road2health

[mzsantiago88 145]

I kind of took the middle road and it has worked ok for me.
I told my mom, because she is smart and wise. But I was hesitant to tell her, because she has been on my case about my weight since I was a teenager. I figured she would get on my case again for having surgery and not handling the situation myself, "You're stronger than that." But despite this, I told her because I wanted her honest feedback and much to my surprise, delight and immense relief, she was 100% in support of my decision. Of course, my stepfather knows too, but that's not a problem because he's always been awesome.
Likewise, I told my sister because she had recently confided in me something that she thought I would get on her case about, but I didn't and I supported her decision instead. She was also pleased and supportive.
Some of the co-workers know because I was out for two weeks on leave and they noticed. The ones who know have all been very supportive, understanding and encouraging... It's nice.
My boyfriend's family knows because he let it slip to his mom who was worried about me and she told everyone else. That gets weird sometimes, but they like to talk about their own pet ailments and now they have added me into that conversation. I find it unexpectedly comforting.
I have not told my father, stepmom or any of my step-siblings. I would never hear the end of it and I just don't want to deal with the fallout from that, it would never end.
So what I'm trying to say is that some people know and others don't. I don't tell people about my surgery, but I don't try to hide it or keep it a secret either. I refuse to feel ashamed about it and I don't really care what most other people think. Your support group is all that matters! And just remember, it's ok to open up to people once in a while, a few of them might surprise you.
Wow, sorry for the super-long post! eep.

Thank you so much in taking the time to write me it means so very much to me I have been in fact bullied most of my life for weight related issues especially by my family and it's very hurtful so I did not feel the need to say anything to them regarding this and it's very comfortable to know I am not alone and I appreciate you greatly for taking the time to write [emoji846] I am sending many blessings your way good luck to you and I hope you have nothing but success

[mellymel50 15]

I agree re not to be shameful of the surgery eventually it will be a topic of conversation. Who knows I may be able to empower someone else. It's all up to me.

[newlifebegins2017 25]

When I had the lapband surgery back in 2009 I was so excited and proud and told everyone. I was ridiculed and made fun of. People wanted to offer unsolicited advice. Then, after months of struggle with the lapband, I started gaining weight back. That opened me up to more shame and ridicule.
Not this time! I'm having the band removed and the sleeve on Oct 2nd. I've only told a few family members and a few close friends. Probably 12 total. I won't go through that again.

[Starsmore 60]

I've told my parents. They're my sounding board and sanity often times lol. I need their support. I also told my sister because she won't judge me for it (she's worried about me coming through the surgery, but other than that totally on board with it). And my younger brother knows, kind of; I don't know if he pays enough attention to know that I'm serious about following through on it this time (I had a false start about two years ago). I mentioned it in passing to my sister in law (married to my older brother) a while ago, but I haven't said anything else about it to either her or my older brother since then and I won't until I have a surgery date or until it's done. Despite having PCOS and no longer having a thyroid, I don't trust my athletic older brother to be supportive of my decision (even though his mother in law and sister in law have both had wls and his other sister in law was recently approved for it).

I haven't told my current coworkers, although I did mention it in an email to my boss. That was only because I just passed probation and have a gazillion appointments to try to get approved....hoping it all goes well and isn't for naught!

[Miss Topaz 300]

My husband knows I'm having surgery, of course, and is very supportive. My brother also knows. His support is guaranteed as he was sleeved about 3 years ago, and earlier this year his young daughter was in pre-op, but so successful in losing on her own, she opted not to do surgery at this time

I'm not sure yet which of my friends I will tell. I have told one I'm considering. She was supportive as she knows I wouldn't go into something like this without a lot of careful consideration and her attitude is "you need to take care of you." Not sure of my best friend though. Years ago she knew someone who had a bad experience and she tends to be a worse case scenario type. Last year I moved 1600 miles from most of my friends, so it will be easy to keep quiet for a while.

Co-workers? My medical history is none of their business, but I'm a very open person and my staff does care. I work with very fit young military officers all day. They will wonder about my sick leave. I already plan to tell them I'm having hiatal hernia surgery if they press. Not sure if it's a lie yet or not. I'm hoping they just ask if I'm ok. They already know I'm working on high Protein, low carb and am losing, so they may not even wonder. They're super supportive of that and one told me recently she's proud of me for my strength.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

5 minutes ago, Miss Topaz said:

They're super supportive of that and one told me recently she's proud of me for my strength.

The best people will, ultimately, admire your honesty should you wish to speak frankly.

[PrayingForWeightLoss 337]

I am not telling my family either. My wife knows but no one else. Really not in the mood for well-intentioned yet ill informed advice from the family. Even if the flip side is correct and they full support me 100%, I dont want it to be a constant topic of conversation. Other people thrive on support from family and friends and that was works for them. But for me, this forum and my wife is all the support I want.

Killian I second what you said 100%. Only my husband knows. Like you, I did not want to be a topic of discussion at all times. I also work with some very opinionated women. You should have seen them when I drank an Optifast shake in their presence during my preop! All hell broke loose because they only saw me drinking 1 shake. I ended up having my shakes in my office for the duration I was required to. I can only imagine how much I would have been bombarded with "expert" advice had I shared with them I was getting sleeved. I might have had to move countries to get away from them.

[mellymel50 15]

My husband is also supportive along with my daughter. I may have to pick and chose also whom I wish to discuss as well. keep encouraged and continue the journey.

[mellymel50 15]

great advise Rainbow Warrior.

[jesslovesglitter 14]

I had surgery on 8/4 and only family that knows is my husband, sister, mom, dad, & my cousin. That's only because the same as you I was too criticized all the time of being overweight/obese. Say stuff like you would be prettier, if only you were skinny, etc...my aunt asked me the other day she saw me if I had lap band done. I got pissed because she does not like me. She asked all these questions- I stopped her and said I was just watching what I eat better. That's why I did it. So judge mental and just I don't know. She proceeded to tell me she couldn't believe I lost weight and blah blah blah. Family can be destructive to you. You know if it's better to tell them or not.

[ZinNH 173]

My husband is the only person I've told. Once I've lost more weight. I might be more open, but for now, I didn't tell anyone.

[mellymel50 15]

Honestly i can't wait to flaunt my new body!!! The majority of my family are all females and they are either overweight or skinny. One of famous slogans I hear when they visit me here in GA is "I look swollen" easier way of avoiding the fact that I'm fat. Here's another catchy phrase.. "those jeans make you look skinny" ok I'm on a roll.. " I get compared to other obese family members meanwhile the person that's speaking to me is just as obese as I am. I often say to myself why don't they ever use themselves as the example when trying to compare me to the voluptuous person. My goal is take a trip to NYC and flaunt my new body, cut my hair not sure or trim it.. I'm excited to get sweet revenge! Lol

[mzsantiago88 145]

I only told a select group, and not telling sisters because I know one of them won't be supportive for sure. My daughters, husband, 2 friends, niece know - now wish I hadn't told her (her mom has passed 25 yrs now). She is ab 385 and I didn't think I would get negativity from her but I got a weird vibe from her - said she has NEVER considered wls, nope no part of it....her brother desperately wants it. Anyway cat out of the bag on that now. I don't want to be under a microscope at every family function.

Personally I'd rather not say I've been ridiculed enough and I'm so happy with the choice i made [emoji846]

[Mytimenow17 99]

Personally I'd rather not say I've been ridiculed enough and I'm so happy with the choice i made [emoji846]

I didn't tell anyone at all. I only told my family and like 3 people I was having a Hiatal Hernia repair, which I did with the sleeve. Just no one knows about the sleeve part. I've been told so many years by my kids to "just eat right", but at my age it isn't that easy! I know they would worry about me, so so decided to just keep it to myself. All of my family live out of state except for my daughter who lives 3 hours away. Both of my kids just started new jobs and I just didn't want to put them through anymore stress. Worrying about Mom was the last stressor they needed. It is hard doing it alone, but hoping it will get easier...