Children's Stares

[CJ Sunshine 241]

29 minutes ago, llamalluv said:

I had a really crappy childhood and a rough go of my 20's. If I hadn't honed my sense of humor and sarcasm as a teen, I would not have made it to 30. There's humor in anything, even death and mental illness. (I almost committed suicide at 21.) I joke about my own post partum psychosis and my dead mom (I have a tiny urn of her ashes and take her out to lunch on her birthday.)

I used to be very sensitive about how people perceived me, but something happened when I hit 30, and as I approach 40 I no longer have the energy, time, or F's to give heed to others opinions. Unless they're positive opinions, of course.

This might be a good thing to discuss with your therapist.

One of the things I truly admire about my father is how little he cares for anyone else's opinions. Unfortunately, when it comes to all things weight related, I'm more like my mom...who can be sensitive. I could use to emulate this characteristic in my father on this front...but how to do that, I'm still trying to figure out.

I agree that this would be a good topic for therapy! I'm actually actively searching for a therapist now. I've worked with two great therapists who helped me work through some things in the past. One is retiring and the other cannot fit me in her schedule right now.

And so I've met with two therapists so far. Both were not good. In fact, both were really bad.

The first was a psychologist recommended by the psychologist in my bariatric group (he sees people privately, but does not participate in my insurance). The woman was awful...she may be a brilliant author on the field of food addiction (why I think he recommended her), but she should not have contact with living, breathing subjects. She was condescending, patronizing and judgmental. She made no attempt to get to know me, but instead started telling me how people who have weight loss surgery frequently become alcoholics, gamblers, shopaholics or divorced...I wrote to the guy who recommended her, just so he knew not to send people to her. Honestly, if I didn't have strong self esteem this woman would have done me some serious harm.

The second therapist I met seemed better at first, although I was not comfortable with her at home office. I had to walk down a steep driveway, past her knocked over garbage cans, into her backyard, to enter into a basement office. When I left my first appointment with her, I was trying to overlook her rather slovenly ways, trying not to judge and be open minded and so I went back for a second time. On this visit, as I entered the backyard, she popped out of the office and said to me, "I'm sorry. I screwed up. Can you just give me a few minutes." So I sat in her backyard, looking at garbage strewn in her yard, thinking, "what am I doing here?" I was considering leaving, when 15 minutes later she finished with her other client. So I went in. about 1/2 an hour into my session, someone else is coming into the backyard. She commented, "They're early." So out she pops and asks them to wait. When she comes back into the office, there is only a screen door between us and the couple outside. She expected me to continue and I said, "They're right there." So she got up and closed the sliding glass door. I tried to soldier on, but then I could see her looking over my shoulder...the woman outside was pacing behind me! As I left, I heard the woman say to her, "We had a 4:45." as the therapist responded, "I had you down at 5:00." Now, come on...she was off 15 minutes on my appointment...she had messed up theirs too! It was all so unprofessional and uncomfortable. The thing that bothered me most, however, was that she wouldn't have made any attempt to protect my privacy if I hadn't said something. I thought as I left, "This woman is a mess. I'm not this big a mess. I don't need what she has to offer."

Thank god, I've had good therapists in the past, or I think I'd be done with therapy after these two! But I'm still looking and I have an appointment to see someone else tonight. Fingers crossed that third time's a charm!

[CJ Sunshine 241]

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

I totally get this and I could have written this post! But I have to ask you, isn't this messed up? Why don't we (and you might, I just know I don't but should) look at so called "normies" food at restaurants or in shopping carts and say the same things, "Dude, don't you have any sense eating that way? Think of how it's crapping out your body inside!"

Sigh. (Not dishin' on you hon. Just asking the question for discussion--it should probably be its own topic.)

I agree...but I'd take this even further...why is it anyone's business what any of us, thin or fat, puts into our bodies? Why do people think it's okay to judge it? and even worse, comment on it! We all make our choices....and face our own consequences. I don't tell my thin friend who smokes that she should stop. I'm pretty sure she knows smoking is bad for her. Just like I know I'm overweight without anyone pointing it out for me.

[heycrystal2052 430]

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

I totally get this and I could have written this post! But I have to ask you, isn't this messed up? Why don't we (and you might, I just know I don't but should) look at so called "normies" food at restaurants or in shopping carts and say the same things, "Dude, don't you have any sense eating that way? Think of how it's crapping out your body inside!"

Sigh. (Not dishin' on you hon. Just asking the question for discussion--it should probably be its own topic.)

You're so right, if the observation is made w/ those who are overweight, why not be that way with all types of people? I feel, living in, what used to be the body of a 400 pd woman, my bond would be closer to those I've shared the struggle with. We must do better and most of us here, found that will to be want to be better. With that, I understand there is a process to getting to theat point, for me, it took a series of events and I'm happy I was awakened after the fact.

[llamalluv 13]

Wow, totally unprofessional. Both of those. Keep looking. I have a great therapist who basically guides me through self therapy. What she does is ask me very open ended questions and allows me to think for myself. This is important because I only see her one hour a month. The other 700+ hours a month, I need to be able to talk myself through stuff, right?

[heycrystal2052 430]

At one point, I was looking for a therapist just to help me work through the transitions I was/am going through. When I looked for a Dr., I asked if they work with bariatric patients, if not, I wasn't interested. Sadly, some "therapists", judge more than they help and it sounds like you found one of those. I'm sorry you were exposed to such asshats!

Edited August 31, 2017 by heycrystal2052

[CJ Sunshine 241]

The first two I was very interested in making sure they had experience working with bariatric patients. Reportedly, they did. So I didn't even ask the one I'm seeing tonight. I decided compassion, kindness and intelligence were the most important qualities I wanted. But I think I will ask about her experience, if any, working with bariatric patients.

[shedo82773 1,236]

My experience with therapy after my RNY is not to promising. I went to a local therapist, she didn't have any experience with WL people. It was a joke. Then I contacted my Surgeon, and it was figured out that I have an aversion to food. It all started from having Strictures. I had 5 Endoscopes with 4 dilations. I couldn't even keep down Water. My Surgeon was really concerned about my WL going to low!! He actually told me that I should eat oatmeal even if it is a slider because I needed the Protein to heal right. So I ask him to refer me to an BARIATRIC THERAPIST, which he did. So I drove 2 and 1/2 hours to see her. Her answer was this: You need to eat every 1/2 hour that you are awake!! And (get this) You need to use BOOST high calorie drink!! Now this girl just had her insides changed to lose weight!! How do you think I reacted!!! NO WAY. So up to my last Endo I struggled over and over with vomiting and feeling like I had food stuck in my throat. This was with very small amounts of food also. So I know that our mind plays with us hard. But....in my opinion even the BARIATRIC THERAPIST doesn't always have the answers to give us!! Thank Goodness I am alright now. It was trial and error for awhile but I'm ok and no worse for the wear. Just because they say that they are educated about certain categories doesn't mean they do. Pick and choose very closer!!

[heycrystal2052 430]

56 minutes ago, shedo82773 said:

My experience with therapy after my RNY is not to promising. I went to a local therapist, she didn't have any experience with WL people. It was a joke. Then I contacted my Surgeon, and it was figured out that I have an aversion to food. It all started from having Strictures. I had 5 Endoscopes with 4 dilations. I couldn't even keep down Water. My Surgeon was really concerned about my WL going to low!! He actually told me that I should eat oatmeal even if it is a slider because I needed the Protein to heal right. So I ask him to refer me to an BARIATRIC THERAPIST, which he did. So I drove 2 and 1/2 hours to see her. Her answer was this: You need to eat every 1/2 hour that you are awake!! And (get this) You need to use BOOST high calorie drink!! Now this girl just had her insides changed to lose weight!! How do you think I reacted!!! NO WAY. So up to my last Endo I struggled over and over with vomiting and feeling like I had food stuck in my throat. This was with very small amounts of food also. So I know that our mind plays with us hard. But....in my opinion even the BARIATRIC THERAPIST doesn't always have the answers to give us!! Thank Goodness I am alright now. It was trial and error for awhile but I'm ok and no worse for the wear. Just because they say that they are educated about certain categories doesn't mean they do. Pick and choose very closer!!

Is that something a therapist would assist with, that sounds like medical issues.

[shedo82773 1,236]

The STRICTURES are and was addressed by my Surgeon and OHSU a awesome Bariatric Excellence CENTER. They did my last ENDO and dialation. The Bariatric Therapist was trying to help me with my eating. After everything was going on I also developed a fear of eating and drinking. Mostly, she focused on my eating . Which I couldn't hardly hold down even Water. Vomiting everything I took in. She had nothing to offer me. A WL person has went thru much to lose their weight as I'm sure you know about. The fear of gaining weight really plays a huge hold on me!! This fear had settled in quite nicely. (not for me but my mind) As you know the mind is a powerful thing, and to tell a person that has taken the steps to finally get healthy that I needed to eat every 1/2 hour felt unbelievable hard. Something that even a normal per say person who diets excessively which I have been there done that! Yes, it was two separate things going on. You would have thought the Nutritionist being in the Bariatric field should have picked up on this. I just haven't had anything come out of the counseling Both were like two difference. But equal to each other. Sorry, that I didn't explain better. I get started and my mind races faster than my typing. LOL

[CJ Sunshine 241]

Well, I met the new therapist and Third time IS a charm! I loved this therapist!! Looking forward to working with her!

[Strivingforbetter 246]

Yay! I'm happy for you.

[CJ Sunshine 241]

Yay! I'm happy for you.

Thank you!