To tell or not to tell..that is the question?

[ts81096 9]

I feel the exact same way. When I really start "showing" I plan on simply telling people I'm eating less, moving more, and increasing my Protein intake. It's not a lie...

This is my plan too.

[sunmeadow 82]

I'm a very private person (even posting in these forums feels a little weird to me). I told a cousin because she had the sleeve almost 2 years ago and is my official support person (my program requires one). I told my aunt with whom I'm very close, but only because she asked me outright if I had ever considered having the same surgery as my cousin and I couldn't lie (she's been very supportive so I'm glad I did). Last week, I told one of my best friends because I have her listed as my emergency contact so I thought she deserved to know.

My boss knows I'm having surgery, but doesn't know what it's for (male bosses don't ask a lot of questions when a female employee is vague about medical issues. Lol). We're very close, but I'm afraid he'll actually be mad that I'm leaving the department in the lurch during major reorganizational upheaval. I'm probably being super paranoid, but he's a bit of a narcissist and can sometimes react badly to situations that affect him in a negative way.

I plan to tell people who ask that I'm having a midlife crisis (I'll be 48 next month) and decided it was time to get my act together. So, it's not really a crisis, but the rest is true. And I have been watching my diet and moving more (down 44 lbs since March 2, 4 of that is since I started the pre-op liquids 6 days ago).

My weight and other medical issues are no one else's business, so I'm not worried about "lying" to anyone gauche enough to ask directly.

After the surgery, when things are settled and ok, I may tell my other 2 best friends (we're getting together for other reasons a month after my surgery and they haven't seen me since last year so I'm expecting my weight loss will be noticeable) and possibly my dad (why make him worry needlessly?)

So, I understand why some people want to tell everyone, but I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping it to oneself or a limited number of people.

[lesaid 8]

I gotta say Im unsure if I will be telling anyone beyond my immediate family members, I especially don't want my extended family to know. I think, for me, its something I need to do for my body, I don't tell everyone I know about my mental health problems why would I tell them about this...It might be partially my ego or pride that I don't want people to know but who cares about the reasoning, I don't think there needs to be justification for what I choose to tell people about my medical history or experiences.

[blizair09 3,250]

On 7/5/2017 at 11:43 AM, MSinger said:

I feel the exact same way. When I really start "showing" I plan on simply telling people I'm eating less, moving more, and increasing my Protein intake. It's not a lie...

Disclaimer: @MSinger, this has nothing to do with your decision not to tell anyone about your surgery. Your post just is the most recent post that helps me to make a point. Also, I believe that everyone has the right to tell about his/her surgery or to not tell about his/her surgery.

My problem with the "it's not a lie" perspective is that while the divulged facts are true, the entire story is misrepresenting the truth because the observable results wouldn't have been possible without WLS. Yes, successful WLS patients have made lifestyle changes and adhered to an appropriate way of eating. But that isn't the entire picture. And that, in my opinion, adds to the undeserved stigma that comes along with WLS and gives people ammunition to say things like "see Jane over there, she lost her weight by eating less, moving more, and increasing her Protein intake. You shouldn't have surgery; you should be like Jane. Surgery is the easy way out." (And all the while, Jane DID have WLS.)

I have lost 205 pounds. Most of that is due to the hard work I have done redefining my relationship with food and eating and drinking exactly as I am supposed to every day. But I wouldn't weigh 192 pounds today had I not had WLS, and I won't have people thinking that I did it solely with diet and exercise.

Tell or don't tell. But to make people think that one did it on his/her own when he/she had WLS is a misrepresentation of the truth...

Edited July 10, 2017 by blizair09

[MSinger 348]

@Blizair09, I totally respect your input. It may sound contradictory, but I also agree with what you say. The reason I decided on taking this course of action based on a long history of seeing reactions to the people around me regarding weight loss. My family is gossipy and they have tried to sabotage my efforts in the past. At my work, a lady who had WLS and was open about it was harassed. There were a few other coworkers who were considering it, and the news of them even considering the surgery reached me, even though I never asked. It's really unacceptable that such personal information is passed around a professional setting, whether it is WLS or any other procedure, and did not want that to happen to me.

I don't recommend people do what I do, but making such a radical change AND doing it publicly is not for everyone. If I ever come across someone IRL who is thinking about weight loss surgery, I think I'd be open to them about my experience. For now, sharing with people online who are seriously considering or have had the procedure is about the extent of my comfort level.

Hopefully, my stance on the matter will evolve and I'll be more comfortable stepping out of my comfort zone as I progress, but I'm just not there yet.

[ClareBear1 43]

I'm pre-op but I'm thinking of explaining any lost weight by saying that I worked with my doctor to develop a plan. I hope they won't ask for more details.

I agree that talking about it reduces the stigma and gives people a more realistic idea of what it takes to lose large amounts. But I just don't feel comfortable telling people. I commend those who are honest!

Sent from my SM-G930F using BariatricPal mobile app

[Scoutnme 4]

I feel the exact same way. When I really start "showing" I plan on simply telling people I'm eating less, moving more, and increasing my Protein intake. It's not a lie...

I agree 100%! I see you are a teacher. I am too! I am sure I will be questioned by co workers and I like your response. I am thinking of responding, "I decided that my health is more important than the poor choices I was making. I have put my health first". I am so excited to have my surgery on the 17th so I will have some weeks to recover.

[momof2littleones 45]

My bf and 1 over weight friend know. That's it. I see my parents almost daily, so this is going to be a challenge. I plan to tell them once I'm showing some results. I know if I discuss it beforehand they will not be supportive.

[GrrlAnn 177]

I only told my very supportive family and closest friends.

I can't believe how easily people believe that I've lost 50lbs in six months by changing my diet and continuing to exercise.

Sent from my XT1585 using BariatricPal mobile app

[Dizzykatja 7]

I have told majority of people that I am getting my hiatal hernia repaired in order to reduce my severe acid reflux. This is true, but obviously the surgery is to get the sleeve first and foremost. To explain my rapid weight loss, I will explain to ppl how I was recently diagnosed with celiac disease and going gluten free has made losing weight super easy. Which is true as I was diagnosed June 6th and I've lost 20lbs since going gluten free (of mostly inflammation). I have only told my mom, 2 sisters, husband and best friend. I am not telling my dad (because he's a jerk), brothers (because they can't keep a secret), or extended family (because I just don't want the opinions or their gossip about me).

I have thought looong and hard about this and it comes down to what I want and what I'm comfortable with. I don't want other people's opinions, fears, advice, or even approval. I also don't want to lie. I don't like to lie. So I have found my own guilt free way of playing the system. Hope you can find yours!

[momof2littleones 45]

I have told majority of people that I am getting my hiatal hernia repaired in order to reduce my severe acid reflux. This is true, but obviously the surgery is to get the sleeve first and foremost. To explain my rapid weight loss, I will explain to ppl how I was recently diagnosed with celiac disease and going gluten free has made losing weight super easy. Which is true as I was diagnosed June 6th and I've lost 20lbs since going gluten free (of mostly inflammation). I have only told my mom, 2 sisters, husband and best friend. I am not telling my dad (because he's a jerk), brothers (because they can't keep a secret), or extended family (because I just don't want the opinions or their gossip about me).
I have thought looong and hard about this and it comes down to what I want and what I'm comfortable with. I don't want other people's opinions, fears, advice, or even approval. I also don't want to lie. I don't like to lie. So I have found my own guilt free way of playing the system. Hope you can find yours!

I'm also going with the hernia repair surgery to my family. I told 1 friend, my bf and my ex husband

[Peeblejam 5]

I'm scheduled tomorrow morning!
My household was informed from the start. My extended family 2 weeks to 1 month ago and a couple of co workers 2 days before my leave of absence.

It's your decision. Does these people ask your opinion or really care what you think prior to them making a life changing decision?
All the best on your Journey!

[sunmeadow 82]

I'm scheduled tomorrow morning!
My household was informed from the start. My extended family 2 weeks to 1 month ago and a couple of co workers 2 days before my leave of absence.

It's your decision. Does these people ask your opinion or really care what you think prior to them making a life changing decision?
All the best on your Journey!

I'm tomorrow morning too.

My close coworkers know I'm having surgery, but not why. My aunt, cousin, and one friend know why.

[Beijaflor 3]

I don't plan to tell anyone at work (I'll let my boss know I need to take medical leave when the time comes, telling him enough not to worry about my well-being without saying what, exactly, the surgery is). But I've told my dad and brothers because I do need support and in case something goes south with the surgery.

This brings up a question, though... my team at work is very much into lunches together... there seem to be a lot of great food products geared towards bariatric patients, but how do you eat these at work without giving the nature of the surgery away? Do folks "repackage" the products into non-labeled containers? Eat/drink when no one is around? Come up with a vague way to explain your sudden change in food/drink choices...?

[sprysmeow 28]

I agree! I have can't stop thinking about this pre-op. So, it just comes out of my mouth and I tell family, friends and yes even strangers. Facebook is the only place I do not share, but I don't share much on Facebook anyway.