Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino: Not the Magic You Want!

[Alex Brecher 10,484]

Starbucks debuted its Unicorn Frappuccino amidst much fanfare. The chain advertises its drink as a way of bringing the mythical animal from its hiding places in enchanted forests to real life as customers enjoy the imaginative blend. It is a drink that starts out purple with blue swirls, and changes to pink as you swirl it.

Unicorns are symbols of healing and peaceful strength, but what kind of magic do you get from a Unicorn Frappuccino? It is not the magic you want as a weight loss surgery patient. Here is the truth about the drink that is less magical than it is terrifying. To set the stage, let us tell you that an actual health department warned consumers about the drink on its Facebook page!

Does This Drink Make My Butt Look Big?

Well, yeah, kinda. The standard 16-oz Grande Frappuccino with whole milk and whipped cream has 410 calories. That may be a third or more of your daily goal, and those calories are not from filling nutrients. Most of them are from simple sugars that spike your blood sugar levels and lead to hunger within an hour or two. Cave into your craving for the 24-oz Venti blend, and you are looking at 500 calories. they are not the filling kind.

Sugar for a Day…or Week

The real problem here is the sugar. The exceedingly high sugar content is no surprise when you consider that sugar is an ingredient in the drink’s combination of Frappuccino Syrup, mango syrup, blue drizzle, and classic syrup. The default Grande with whole milk has 59 grams of sugar. To put this into perspective, that is about twice the maximum amount of added sugars you should have in a day according to experts including the World Health Organization and the American Heart Association.

Sugar has empty calories without essential nutrients; it bumps up your blood sugar and is linked to diabetes, and it makes weight loss even harder because it leads to more sugar and carb cravings. The lowest sugar version is an improvement, but still nothing to brag about. A tall 12-oz Unicorn Frappuccino made with almond milk has 33 grams of sugar, still more than your daily maximum goal.

Where Is the Protein?

As a weight loss surgery patient, you are probably aiming for at least 65 grams of filling protein per day. A simple rule of thumb when choosing your healthy foods and beverages is to make sure you get at least 2 grams of protein for every gram of sugar. A Unicorn Frappuccino is not going to help much! When you get a Grande, you are getting only 5 grams of protein – so you should limit sugar to 2.5 grams, not the 59 grams of sugar that are actually in the drink! You would really need some unicorn magic to help you justify that kind of choice

Beware Dumping Syndrome

Unicorn horns are reputed to be powerful antidotes to toxins, but this drink might put you in search of some magical healing powers! If you are prone to dumping syndrome, especially after gastric sleeve or gastric bypass surgery, beware the Unicorn Frappuccino. Besides weight loss and cravings, there is another reason your surgeon and nutritionist suggest limiting sugar intake: dumping syndrome. If you are prone, you might want to take your Frappuccino back home before you start drinking it, because you may want to be pretty close to a bathroom!

Delicious and Nutritious Alternatives

Weight loss-wise, you can do way better than a Unicorn Frappuccino without feeling deprived. If you want the taste of mango, try an Aloha Mango Smoothie. Blue Raspberry Protein Drink may do the trick if you want sweet and tart. Vanilla Cappuccino can give you the sweet, creamy flavor that can take you to a fantasy land. Each of these choices has 15 grams of protein and no more than 4 grams of protein. Now that is magic!

[Clementine Sky 707]

Curiosity got the best of me so I tried it last week. It was beautiful, but the taste wasn't sensational, especially for the calorie expenditure. It starts out somewhat bland, and then becomes increasingly sour to nearing Warhead-strength, face-puckering. I can see why it's appealing to kids, but it's not something I'd buy again. I'll stick to my cold brew coffee with almond milk.

I think it's just a limited-time offer. Or else Starbucks' claim that it is was merely a part of their marketing strategy to get people to try it while they could. Worked on me, haha.

Oh, and to clarify, I'm the better part of two years post-op, and have been maintaining for six months. My BMI is at the low end of normal now. An occasional splurge like the unicorn frappacino has a negligible impact on me since I eat healthily the majority of the time.

Edited April 25, 2017 by Clementine Sky

[Deactivatedfatgal 377]

Thx for this!

[Redmaxx 740]

Come on @Alex Brecher all I want in a unicorn and a chocolate cake. LOL

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

LMAO.... I read this on FB the other day and thought.... this guy is so funny. So he is it:

Trick Oliver

April 19 at 7:16pm ·

So...giving into peer pressure, as I am prone to do, I decided to swallow what little pride I had stashed in a locked box for a rainy day and try the Unicorn Frappuccino. I kept hearing mixed reviews. "It's good" "It's nasty" "It tastes like a unicorn".

"Tastes like a unicorn?" I say to myself. Being the magician I am, I DO enjoy a good unicorn steak from time to time, so I decided to get one.

So I make my way to the nearest Starbucks, step up to the counter, and in my manliest of voices, I proudly proclaim that I would like 1 grande unicorn, in all its pink and blue glory! FOR THE HORDE! I wait the customary way too long, while listening to the sultry sounds of my favorite Starbucks song: I Hate Making Frappuccinos. Patiently I listen as my order comes closer. "Venti Unicorn for Cike with a C", "Patthew your order is ready", "One tall nonfat extra fat sugar free extra Syrup nowhip double whip caramochaccino for Vernarnia". And then finally, it came. My grande unicorn, in all its sparkly magnificence was placed upon the counter. Slowly I picked it up and made my way to my car, where, as is customary in this society, I took a picture before enjoying it.

I took a long sip and...well let me take a side step here. When I woke up this morning, it was cloudy, rainy, and there was distant thunder. It felt almost as if it was an omen of something horrible on the horizon. Little did I know, that something horrible was this.

As I sipped the pink, mango coldness hit my tongue. "Not....not bad" I thought to myself. But those pretty sparklies on the whipped cream called to me. I did as any self respecting 33yo man does when he first gets a frappuccino. I ripped off the lid and took a big bite of that whipped cream mountain, including the sprinkles of happiness....false happiness...the kind of happiness that lures you in with sweet words, only to stab you in the neck with icey lies and betryal. Sprinkles of happiness? SPRINKLES OF A PUCKERED a$$hole I SAY!

It soon became very apparent to me that Starbucks has NEVER tasted a Unicorn. Unicorns have MANY flavor profiles, from their cotton-candy manes, to their licorice horns. There's the vanilla bean flanks, chocolate hooves, cookies-and-cream fetlocks, EVEN THE RAINBOW SOFTSERVE ICECREAM POOP! But Starbucks used NONE of theze flavors.

No...No, Starbucks went for mango, which, as we ALL know, is what the wingtips of gryphons taste like. Not unicorns. Not. Unicorns. The only flavor in there that even remotely comes cloze to unicorn is the bitter, sour, nasty sprinkles and bluegoop. But that's not a good thing. It's common knowledge that the only time a unicorn has the bitter, sour flavor is when it is suffering from hoof-rot. And then, the only part that has that flavor, is the actual rot.

Now, I don't want to know why those higher-ups at Starbucks are tasting the least appetizing part of a unicorn but, well, there you have it.

Starbucks, I implore you, please stop attempting to recreate the flavor of mythical creatures, when obviously you have never tasted them.

tl;dr: Unicorn Frappuccino is icky.

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[shrinkingkimber 200]

Be careful Alex! Someone will label you as the "food police" and unfollow your instagram!

[Ken S. 162]

But it's so pretty!

[jessgnc 167]

@bayougirlmrsc LOL - Thank you for sharing that! I was cackling at my desk!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

4 hours ago, jessgnc said:

@bayougirlmrsc LOL - Thank you for sharing that! I was cackling at my desk!

I know right..... so freaking funny