So I've done it!

Had my VSG last Thursday 2/23.

I've struggled with my weight my whole life. Creeping up to 40 I've seen that since putting a significant amount of weight on over the years, I'm not living the life I want. My kids are not getting the best version of me.

But....I don't want to share this with the people close to me. Of course my husband knows and I told my childhood best friend who has shared similar struggles and is interested in this too. But my immediate family, children, close friends and co-workers do NOT KNOW.

Has anyone managed to pull this off?

4 weeks prior to surgery I made a vow to cut back and get myself in shape surgery or not. I gave up sugar and then subsequently all processed carbs just before I was approved. Then shortly thereafter started the pre-op liquid diet and just told people I was using my Protein shakes as Meal Replacements. So it's no secret that I'm trying to lose weight...I just left out the VSG part.

Truth be told I don't want to explain myself. I don't want people thinking I'm taking the easy way out. I don't or at least I didn't want people trying to talk me out of it...and trust me they would have. I don't want people watching what I eat and asking if I should be eating it, etc. I've seen what people do and say for others who have gone down this road first hand...at work and in my personal life, and I'm just trying to avoid all that.

And of course, I'm afraid of failing. I have the can do attitude. I really see myself being a success and I mean life long. But there is that fear from my past failures.

Any advice or personal experiences from people who have been down this road would be appreciated.

I'm keeping my surgery secret

Only three people will know that I am having the surgery.

I am not telling anyone... I am currently separated from my husband which few people know and my children are 5 years old and 8 months old. I just don't feel obligated to share this... my husband has always been naturally slim dispite eating fast food regularly. He believes weightloss is all a matter of self control and that my struggles as well as any overweight person is more of a reflection of how little we try or care about ourselves.

51 minutes ago, maggieO said:

I am not telling anyone... I am currently separated from my husband which few people know and my children are 5 years old and 8 months old. I just don't feel obligated to share this... my husband has always been naturally slim dispite eating fast food regularly. He believes weightloss is all a matter of self control and that my struggles as well as any overweight person is more of a reflection of how little we try or care about ourselves.

He's in for big a surprise in a few...

It's not about keeping it a secret or lying to people! I think peoples main concern is the outcome, especially if you get negative feedback. No-one is being fake or trying to sell themselves as something we're not. Everyone on here hears the same thing whether it be physician or loved ones, you need to lose weight or you'll die or have other health problems. Then when you seek for help and it's something that will help you, some people are against it. "Oh that's cheating, the easy way out, or etc" and what does that do to your mind, it MESSES IT UP! I for one have suffered with weight on and off and have a bone disease. I always hear you need to lose weight or why don't you go on a diet, not knowing that yes I've tried lots of diets, exercising and other things. But my situation changed when I became a quadriplegic. So some of you can say "yeah I don't care what people think and all that" but we're not the same as you! You're lucky you have the confident and personality you have. But please don't try to makes us feel as if we are lying to the world....aren't we all on here looking for advice?

9 hours ago, maggieO said:

I am not telling anyone... I am currently separated from my husband which few people know and my children are 5 years old and 8 months old. I just don't feel obligated to share this... my husband has always been naturally slim dispite eating fast food regularly. He believes weightloss is all a matter of self control and that my struggles as well as any overweight person is more of a reflection of how little we try or care about ourselves.

Good for you! I have no interest in going public with this either & that is my choice. I have 18 & 19 year old daughters, an 8 year old son, a daughter who turns 2 tomorrow, & another on the way. That right there is reason enough to have this surgery. I'm also converting to a plant based diet. There's no guarantees in life but if all goes well I'll enjoy a longer healthier life with my wife and children. It definitely beats the alternative!

7 hours ago, Tiale said:

It's not about keeping it a secret or lying to people! I think peoples main concern is the outcome, especially if you get negative feedback. No-one is being fake or trying to sell themselves as something we're not. Everyone on here hears the same thing whether it be physician or loved ones, you need to lose weight or you'll die or have other health problems. Then when you seek for help and it's something that will help you, some people are against it. "Oh that's cheating, the easy way out, or etc" and what does that do to your mind, it MESSES IT UP! I for one have suffered with weight on and off and have a bone disease. I always hear you need to lose weight or why don't you go on a diet, not knowing that yes I've tried lots of diets, exercising and other things. But my situation changed when I became a quadriplegic. So some of you can say "yeah I don't care what people think and all that" but we're not the same as you! You're lucky you have the confident and personality you have. But please don't try to makes us feel as if we are lying to the world....aren't we all on here looking for advice?

Not wanting to tell your co-workers or your nosy sister in law is not the same as selling It Works Wraps and claiming your weight loss is because of the wraps. One is lying and deception and the other is personal privacy issue.

People are acting like by not telling you are advertising yourself as a personal trainer and a fitness guru.

7 hours ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

Not wanting to tell your co-workers or your nosy sister in law is not the same as selling It Works Wraps and claiming your weight loss is because of the wraps. One is lying and deception and the other is personal privacy issue.

People are acting like by not telling you are advertising yourself as a personal trainer and a fitness guru.

This x 1000.

Not to mention, all the people on this thread who kept it a secret are also IN THIS THREAD providing help and support to other people. So the argument that it's a disservice not to be public with your surgery holds no water.

I kept my my surgery a secret, except for my medical team and on forums. It's worked for me. Nobody asks me how I lost weight really.

Me too! I only told my husband. Not my adult children, not my close friends. I have some pointers for you. First of all I hate attention about my weight. I work with alot of women, so of course, everyone is weight obsessed. I started getting questions with the first 20 lbs. I tell people the truth about what I am eating..protein first, low carbs (NO RICE, BREAD, POTATOES), NO junk food(chocolate, sweets, chips) and I joined a gym. This part is true. The liquid phase was tricky...I would order the soup and then say my stomach felt "funny" when I couldn't complete it. No one noticed. Now I am asked daily "how much have you lost?". This is where I lie....I admit to half of my weight loss! I have just hit 55lbs and admit to losing 28 since Thanksgiving. If I end up losing 80 or 90 lbs and admit to 40-45 no one will suspect VSG!. So far....my secret is mine. My feeling is, this is my own struggle, I don't need or want anyone else's judgements or negativity. I got myself into this situation, I'll get my self out! Good luck!

It is not a secret! It is a decision not to share private medical information. It is the same as Hipaa, which we sign at our medical offices.

I'm a private person IRL. Only my husband, daughter and my parents know. It's up to the individual if they want to tell people.

I have extended family that would have gossiped endlessly and been negative, so I chose not to tell them.

Someone earlier in this thread mentioned the difference between men and women as far as disclosing WLS. A lot of women are terribly judgmental about each other and weight (wether they. say it or just think it). Its so sad but women are programmed early on to think that if we "just eat right", "just do pilates and exercise", "just have will power" then we will look like the models do. We constantly mentally judge ourselves against other women and I think way so more than men do. I could be wrong but I think most men accept WLS as simply another means to the end without judgment, which is healthy. More women tend to think it's the "easy way out" because of all the insane media and programming we have endured growing up, making us think we are inferior if we don't look like Barbie by eating celery. So that's a long-winded way of saying I understand why so many of us are private.

OK...off my soap box now.

Edited March 30, 20179 yr by The New Kel

I've told 2 people. It's my news to share and right now, I'm choosing not to.

2 hours ago, queendeborahbee said:

It is not a secret! It is a decision not to share private medical information. It is the same as Hipaa, which we sign at our medical offices.

You are right.

I was just trying to condense my title so it would reach the people that maybe made the same choice as me.

I'm glad I'm not the only one.

This is why this site is a great resource. Of course everyone won't agree, but it's good to know that there are people out here who can relate.

Good for you! I have no interest in going public with this either & that is my choice. I have 18 & 19 year old daughters, an 8 year old son, a daughter who turns 2 tomorrow, & another on the way. That right there is reason enough to have this surgery. I'm also converting to a plant based diet. There's no guarantees in life but if all goes well I'll enjoy a longer healthier life with my wife and children. It definitely beats the alternative!

That's a full house!!! Congrats on the new baby!!! That's awesome!