So I've done it!

Had my VSG last Thursday 2/23.

I've struggled with my weight my whole life. Creeping up to 40 I've seen that since putting a significant amount of weight on over the years, I'm not living the life I want. My kids are not getting the best version of me.

But....I don't want to share this with the people close to me. Of course my husband knows and I told my childhood best friend who has shared similar struggles and is interested in this too. But my immediate family, children, close friends and co-workers do NOT KNOW.

Has anyone managed to pull this off?

4 weeks prior to surgery I made a vow to cut back and get myself in shape surgery or not. I gave up sugar and then subsequently all processed carbs just before I was approved. Then shortly thereafter started the pre-op liquid diet and just told people I was using my Protein shakes as Meal Replacements. So it's no secret that I'm trying to lose weight...I just left out the VSG part.

Truth be told I don't want to explain myself. I don't want people thinking I'm taking the easy way out. I don't or at least I didn't want people trying to talk me out of it...and trust me they would have. I don't want people watching what I eat and asking if I should be eating it, etc. I've seen what people do and say for others who have gone down this road first hand...at work and in my personal life, and I'm just trying to avoid all that.

And of course, I'm afraid of failing. I have the can do attitude. I really see myself being a success and I mean life long. But there is that fear from my past failures.

Any advice or personal experiences from people who have been down this road would be appreciated.

7 minutes ago, Delta_35 said:

I personally did not tell anyone but Mother and my best friend. Eventually I told two other friends, that it.

People will ask, and that fine..but you are not obligated to tell them your personal life decision. I told people I was doing a liquid diet(which I was), and working out (which I do). It's up to you, but beware that people could be critical of your decision out of dumbness or pure jealous once you start to lose weight.

Exactly! Not everyone that asks cares about you. Hell, I even make jokes about it. I haven't played a minute of soccer since surgery. Went to watch my teammates last week and some people didn't even notice.. . The ones that noticed asked "what was going on with me" (they thought I was ill, as I was no longer playing.. )I just told them it was 'the pressure from racism'.. Everyone laughed and that was all..

Edited March 27, 20179 yr by Middus

1 hour ago, Nrich377 said:

We are and were big but we are slimming down. People noticed everything about us. Stop pretending.

I have lost 180 pounds. No one asks if I had surgery.

Last summer I was walking 5 to 10 miles a day my friends are on fitbit with me, they saw that.

I eat literally all day. I eat every 2 hours but I don't eat carbs. People see that too. Steaks, pork chops and other proteins. I will sit and pick all the croutons out a salad, people see that.

If you actually living an active lifestyle and eating healthy no one questions what you are doing.

In spite of what people think, the weight doesn't just drop off in a month. I lost 10 to 12 pounds most months, a steady decline but nothing insane. Most women lose at that pace after WLS.

98% of the population thinks diet, exercise and will power is enough to lose weight, if they see you actually practicing these they don't even consider surgery.

WLS is still a pretty rare thing and an outside idea to most people.

90% of the people saying tell, are always men. Spend one week as a woman dealing with other women and get back to me on people being supportive.

Also I don't know why new people think we don't eat a lot of food. Most WLS patients that are successful eat often. People are not seeing that you are eating 4 ounces at a time. They are seeing that you eat every 2 to 3 hours which is insane to most people. Also the amount of time you only eat very little is like 3 months max. Get real.

Besides forums, IRL, I avoid giving people any weight loss or fitness advice. This isn't my life. I don't want to be the weight loss go to person. First of all most people aren't serious and it is a waste of time. All you have to do is say I eat Keto or I don't eat carbs and they lose interest. I have lost weight before low carbing and so have other people. Most people don't want to give up carbs to lose weight. They just want to eat whatever in moderation.

I give back to the universe by posting on forums. Although honestly it is pretty pointless because the pre-ops and people less than 6 months from surgery think they know everything.

Edited March 27, 20179 yr by OutsideMatchInside

Thank you everyone for your feedback.

I am definitely new to this life and like some of the suggestions about avoiding the subject.

I don't like to "lie" it makes me uncomfortable, but so does sharing my personal decisions.

I appreciate everyone's perspectives. And as a private person, I will keep this personal decision to myself...except here. Lol.

Im glad there is a place where we can turn to others who have paved the path.

Thanks again.

Only my husband knows and I'm ok with that.

Someone noticed my weight loss (45 pounds in 3 months so it's slow) and I just said I'm eating much better and exercising.

A whole swath of people in the Calgary medical community know of my pending surgery along with my pre-op improvements. Those who are close to me in my life, friends and family, know of it just because they're important people. I don't go out and just tell people, because its not their business, but at the same time, I don't care who knows because I don't give a rats ass what others think.

Edited March 28, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion

I'm a private person and I didn't want to tell anyone. I've lost 120 pounds and gained 160, lost 100, and gained 170 over the last 15 years. I don't want to tell people about my eating disorder or food addiction or emotional issues, so I don't see why it's a bad thing to keep this to myself too. I told my mother because she's also had WLS and that was a mistake because she told my brothers, who told their wives, etc. I explicitly told her not to tell anyone and now I have no idea who knows and if they sit there judging me in silence. Some might say who cares what they think, but I care when people are always checking out my body to see how much weight I've lost.

For people I'm sure that have no clue that ask me what I'm doing I tell them I'm eating healthy foods and watching portions. That's absolutely true!

My first appointment is this coming Monday. I'm hoping I qualify for the sleeve surgery. I'm 5'6 and 222 lbs. I have high cholesterol, I have sleep apnea and other health issues related to my weight. When I told a few of my husbands family, they all said I was crazy and wasn't big enough to have it. I meet the requirements according to the guildelines. I'm thinking about not telling anyone else because of the reaction that I got from them. My weight does go up and down, so I can just say I'm on another diet. I did tell one of my kids and she thought it was a good idea. What are your thoughts?

50 minutes ago, Smores said:

My first appointment is this coming Monday. I'm hoping I qualify for the sleeve surgery. I'm 5'6 and 222 lbs. I have high cholesterol, I have sleep apnea and other health issues related to my weight. When I told a few of my husbands family, they all said I was crazy and wasn't big enough to have it. I meet the requirements according to the guildelines. I'm thinking about not telling anyone else because of the reaction that I got from them. My weight does go up and down, so I can just say I'm on another diet. I did tell one of my kids and she thought it was a good idea. What are your thoughts?

That's another thing again. Not everyone understands..

All I have said, I said because they were personal experiences. Experience(s) varies. Coming from a culture that celebrates when someone comes out alive from a major surgery requires wisdom in handling 'information release'. At work, the culture is also different. Having observed an older colleague (female) getting gossiped about, because she chose to make a healthy choice was unappealing. While I don't really care about the things they say about me, knowing that such things are being said sometimes colours communication, and work relationships..

The choice to reveal is ultimately yours. Most commenting here maintain their opinions, because their choices work for them. Mine has worked for me and has given me peace of mind. If you search this site long enough, you will find those who were burdened till they revealed all, and others who told many people but now regret telling people.

You'll just have to test the waters yourself..

Edited March 28, 20179 yr by Middus

Very true. Thank you for your advise.

2 hours ago, Smores said:

My first appointment is this coming Monday. I'm hoping I qualify for the sleeve surgery. I'm 5'6 and 222 lbs. I have high cholesterol, I have sleep apnea and other health issues related to my weight. When I told a few of my husbands family, they all said I was crazy and wasn't big enough to have it. I meet the requirements according to the guildelines. I'm thinking about not telling anyone else because of the reaction that I got from them. My weight does go up and down, so I can just say I'm on another diet. I did tell one of my kids and she thought it was a good idea. What are your thoughts?

As much as low BMI patients annoy me with the constant whining on forums. I feel like more people should have surgery sooner than later because of the health benefits from losing weight and keeping it off.

I started with a 60 BMI and no one should be as super morbidly obese as I was for as long as I was. We should intervene with people before it gets out of hand.

No one else is going to carry your excess weight for you and deal with the issues. So their opinions don't matter.

3 hours ago, Smores said:

My first appointment is this coming Monday. I'm hoping I qualify for the sleeve surgery. I'm 5'6 and 222 lbs. I have high cholesterol, I have sleep apnea and other health issues related to my weight. When I told a few of my husbands family, they all said I was crazy and wasn't big enough to have it. I meet the requirements according to the guildelines. I'm thinking about not telling anyone else because of the reaction that I got from them. My weight does go up and down, so I can just say I'm on another diet. I did tell one of my kids and she thought it was a good idea. What are your thoughts?

I feel like if you are getting resistance from people who are close to you, then keep it to yourself. But it's your choice

I don't see not telling people your personal intentions as lying. I just chose not to share this. I'm like that with most of my personal stuff- aside from my husband because we are partners.

I researched and educated myself over the course of a month before my first appointment. Read tons of articles, watches success and failure videos on You Tube and spoke to people who had done the VSG. Then I sat down with the doctor and went for the course of various pre-approval appointments with specialists and spoke to them about my health and the procedure.

I didn't need someone who didn't have all the facts and didn't FEEL the way I felt, chiming in to talk me out of it. I had my doubts leading up to the surgery and that was enough for me to deal with.

I personally told people that were going to be supportive. Why would I tell someone that's just going to be a negative Nancy and throw things in my face and preach hypocritical things. I made sure the main ones knew, and the rest that I felt that were going to be negative stay out of it. I learnt the first time when I got my accident...who's going to support you and who wants to see you fail. Because sadly friends and family at times love you, but they also love it when you fail, so they can feel better about themselves. So I'm doing this surgery for me and not them....I want my life to prosper and be healthier!

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I've told some close friends and family but not acquaintances, parents from my kids' schools and sports teams etc... It's a personal thing for me, and I don't want to share personal things with acquaintances. It's tough with WLS compared to other surgeries because people can SEE the difference. But I've had not-so-great luck with people who like to talk when they shouldn't, so for that reason, I have been selective with whom I've told. So far so good, and I'm down 80 lbs. People are asking and I'm not lying, I'm telling them exactly what I'm doing. I give them a daily rundown of my diet and exercise. I'm pretty sure that if they follow that advice, then they will see results too, but most people just want to ask, most people (including myself) want to know if there's a magic "shrink me" pill. I've never lied. If someone flat out asked if I had WLS, I would be truthful, but I'm not offering it up to just anyone, and I don't consider that lying. I tell the truth about what I'm doing.. I just leave off the part that 80% of my stomach was sliced off.

And people who have 'known' me for years that I haven't told, they've seen me lose 80 lbs before... more than once... so they probably just think I'm at it again, and HOPEFULLY they are hoping for the best for me.

I'm personally against keeping it secret. For me, once I had the surgery (not before; I was feeling superstitious about it not happening before!) I have told literally everyone. Sometimes I tell strangers on trains or busses or lyfts or ubers. My bro is like, why would you tell the waiter he doesn't care?!

For me, there's value in being honest about your journey. There's no shame, and it's a way to help other people out -- by being honest about the procedure, how well it works, etc. Sure, people are more impressed by me losing 80 pounds than me losing 80 pounds with WLS but who cares what those people think. If they're not supportive of me, they don't matter in my life.