So I've done it!

Had my VSG last Thursday 2/23.

I've struggled with my weight my whole life. Creeping up to 40 I've seen that since putting a significant amount of weight on over the years, I'm not living the life I want. My kids are not getting the best version of me.

But....I don't want to share this with the people close to me. Of course my husband knows and I told my childhood best friend who has shared similar struggles and is interested in this too. But my immediate family, children, close friends and co-workers do NOT KNOW.

Has anyone managed to pull this off?

4 weeks prior to surgery I made a vow to cut back and get myself in shape surgery or not. I gave up sugar and then subsequently all processed carbs just before I was approved. Then shortly thereafter started the pre-op liquid diet and just told people I was using my Protein shakes as Meal Replacements. So it's no secret that I'm trying to lose weight...I just left out the VSG part.

Truth be told I don't want to explain myself. I don't want people thinking I'm taking the easy way out. I don't or at least I didn't want people trying to talk me out of it...and trust me they would have. I don't want people watching what I eat and asking if I should be eating it, etc. I've seen what people do and say for others who have gone down this road first hand...at work and in my personal life, and I'm just trying to avoid all that.

And of course, I'm afraid of failing. I have the can do attitude. I really see myself being a success and I mean life long. But there is that fear from my past failures.

Any advice or personal experiences from people who have been down this road would be appreciated.

1 minute ago, Please said:

Yours was focused on my opinion, it wasn't your opinion. It was "what was wrong with mine"

No, it wasn't. When I quoted you is when it was about "your advice" because I didn't agree with it and felt compelled to point out why.

Again, it's a FORUM. That's the point. People have differing opinions. Surely you understand that.

Just now, smg said:

No, it wasn't. When I quoted you is when it was about "your advice" because I didn't agree with it and felt compelled to point out why.

Again, it's a FORUM. That's the point. People have differing opinions. Surely you understand that.

I understand all right.

No, I ended up telling work colleagues and friends. My husband and Mum knew and I told my kids. I feel it keeps me accountable and have had nothing but support.

However, each to their own.

1 hour ago, smg said:

I'm shocked to hear a psychologist give that advice. I would understand if they said if was your decision, and here are some of the pros and cons of it, but to outright tell you be secretive about it is just plain bad advice IMO, regardless of whether of it worked for you or not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that it did work for you, and it was certainly YOUR decision to make, however, a "professional" that's of the opinion that you should hide and/or lie about what you've done because of the negativity surrounding it, is ONLY ADDING TO THE NEGATIVITY!!!!!

In the end, as I said, the decision is yours. If you're more comfortable keeping it a secret, then by all means do that, but don't feel as though you have to...because you don't.

I don't see it as being secretive.

When people ask me why I have one child, I tell them because that is what I wanted. I don't elaborate and say I have an IUD and I know how to keep my knees together.

My body is no one else's business.

Why should I keep it a secret? People are going to notice that you're not eating a lot of food.

1 minute ago, Nrich377 said:

Why should I keep it a secret? People are going to notice that you're not eating a lot of food.

Only the fat people notice. No one else does I promise.

26 minutes ago, Nrich377 said:

Why should I keep it a secret? People are going to notice that you're not eating a lot of food.

LoL. I remember telling friends that the food wasn't spicy enough, when we went out. At buffets, I just walk around with the same plates. I told very close friends and my sister. Not telling any one else. I lost 44 lbs before surgery. When people asked what I did, I simply tell them what I did before surgery.
However, when an overweight friend asks, I suggest bariatric surgery, and the tell them that's what I did. The other day, i heard some colleagues gossiping about another woman that had WLS surgery. They think it's like liposuction or something.. sescribing it in cosmetic terms. There is nothing cosmetic about all this hardwork

It seems like people try to unequivocally quantify "not telling people about surgery" as "lying," and at least for me, it's just not that clean cut. Much like many people don't talk openly about personal bedroom activities or their finances, no one needs to know about my diet and weight loss plans. Not telling someone about a private matter is not lying. Not a single person has ever asked me "Did you have weight loss surgery?" in the past 3.5 years. I had knee surgery about 6 months after my sleeve and I maybe told 5 people about that until it was done and people saw me on crutches. I'm just super private about things that aren't anybody else's business. But that's just me -- everyone is on their own journeys around here and more power to us all.

Also, here's something interesting - No one ever noticed that I didn't eat much food because I didn't make my diet a secret, but they sure did notice the whole "not drinking while eating" thing - because that's just not the norm in our society. That was rough at first - especially social things like Happy Hour or parties like the annual Super Bowl event that I go to.

Edited March 27, 20179 yr by Shells_Almost_There

Middus,

I have a cousin that is three years out from her gastric sleeve. She pretends that she went on a diet and pretends that she's a fitness Guru now.

I am not fake.

We are and were big but we are slimming down. People noticed everything about us. Stop pretending.

16 minutes ago, Nrich377 said:

Middus,

I have a cousin that is three years out from her gastric sleeve. She pretends that she went on a diet and pretends that she's a fitness Guru now.

I am not fake.

Hey Good for you.. When I was 350 lbs, I played Soccer every week, went to the gym 3 times a week, did all sorts of stuff. People would tell me to 'exercise more', when I told them I was active, some would snicker..

I am not running around the streets claiming I am a fitness Guru. Hell I haven't even posted new pics of my self anywhere..
It's usually thin people or those that used to snicker about my weight that ask me about my weight loss, and I tell them, I cut down on my portions. They don't really ask for much more..

When A close friend's obese sister asked me, that she was tired of failing, I told her about bariatric surgery, and even made her call her insurance company to find out. Well she is covered and will be having her surgery in July (hopefully)

Not telling people has nothing to do with being "fake". I don't give WL advice generally. Most people that notice just come to tell me "Good Job" and i say : "thank You" . There was this woman though, (at worst her BMI would have been like 27-28) that said she wanted to lose 10 lbs.. Was I supposed to tell her about Bariatric surgery?

Edited March 27, 20179 yr by Middus

For me telling people I am on some FAD diet or doing Weightwatchers when I had WLS surgery is hiding the truth. That said, I totally understand that some people are more private than others and want to keep it to themselves. I interact with lots of different people at work, socially and at the gym) and I didn't feel like constantly trying to remember what I said to whom.

36 minutes ago, Shells_Almost_There said:

Not telling someone about a private matter is not lying.

I agree with this sentence 100%. That is why I have always said that it is one's own personal decision whether to share details of their WLS or not. But to make up false information as to justifying weight loss IS misrepresenting the truth, and there are tons of threads about making up stories on this forum all the time.

They are two separate situations.

I personally did not tell anyone but Mother and my best friend. Eventually I told two other friends, that it.

People will ask, and that fine..but you are not obligated to tell them your personal life decision. I told people I was doing a liquid diet(which I was), and working out (which I do). It's up to you, but beware that people could be critical of your decision out of dumbness or pure jealous once you start to lose weight.

25 minutes ago, Airstream88 said:

For me telling people I am on some FAD diet or doing Weightwatchers when I had WLS surgery is hiding the truth. That said, I totally understand that some people are more private than others and want to keep it to themselves. I interact with lots of different people at work, socially and at the gym) and I didn't feel like constantly trying to remember what I said to whom.

Fact is that it was another concerned friend that led me down the WLS path. I told a close group of friends cos I Knew I would need to keep myself honest in the future. Some herbal product dude (an acquaintance) has already tried luring me to do Instagram ads for him. I turned him down with an explanation, he said he didn't care.. Well I do.

I don't need to remember who I told or who I didn't tell. All I need to do is just sense those who need gossip niblets and those who are seeking help for either themselves or for a loved one. Some people have already accused me of behaving like I'm the first person to lose weight because I eat smaller portions. Mind you, I never told them I was dieting, neither did they ask me. They just figured it was a diet, and the back talk started. Are those the kind of people I will tell I had surgery?

We interact with different people. I am not secretive, but I choose to control information i release about myself..

Edited March 27, 20179 yr by Middus