Hello,

I'm pre- op and in a toxic, draining relationship. I've been with this man for five years, he was the sweetest, nicest person I've ever met. I've always had men just use me, but never truly love me, care for me, cater to me like he did. The first two years were great.

Now I feel like I'm living in hell on earth, my mom is flabbergasted on how I, a woman who takes no shit, let this person treat me this way. I'm ashamed to admit I'm now scared of being alone, and never finding someone again. Because of my weight and looks, then when I lose this weight I'm going to have tons of loose skin. Who would want that? I'm ashamed of my physical and mental state I've never been this weak in my life.. I've put so much on the line for this man, I taught him how to be more of a man (the irony) and he told me no one has ever took the time out to tell him how it is. Well now everything is a argument, he tries to kick me and my dogs out every week, where I pay half of all the bills, he breaks my thing's.. calls me horrible names.. and I'm still there.. as I write this I see how pathetic I've become.. smh

Please tell me people on here has lost and found love again..

Sent from my R1 HD using the BariatricPal App

My EX Mooched off me.... I saw the signs and chose not act because he was the first guy to show me attention after I lost my weight. I rather be alone then have someone treat me like that... I mean we lost this weight for a reason right? I don't need someone to knock me down when I was down on myself for all these years. We need a man that is going to lift us up and encourage us and love us unconditional because we deserve better!!!

The love that you are worried about losing is the one you had, not the one you have. This thing that you have now is not love.

You are not pathetic. You are stuck in the cycle of abuse. It is horrible but the good news is that you can get out.

I wasted 8 years that way. 5 months after finally throwing him out of my life I met my dream man. This was 12 years ago and we are very happily married.

Please stay safe and make a plan to get out. The sooner the better.

Sent from my SM-N910T using the BariatricPal App

The love that you are worried about losing is the one you had, not the one you have. This thing that you have now is not love.

You are not pathetic. You are stuck in the cycle of abuse. It is horrible but the good news is that you can get out.

I wasted 8 years that way. 5 months after finally throwing him out of my life I met my dream man. This was 12 years ago and we are very happily married.

Please stay safe and make a plan to get out. The sooner the better.

Sent from my SM-N910T using the BariatricPal App

I keep repeating, the first few sentence you said to my self, and what a wake up message that was.. your 100% right.. I'm chasing and old love and hanging on to that. But this is not love, I tell him all the time this isn't love were fooling ourselves.. thank you so much for your words and definitely words of wisdom.. because I've never been threw this before. But there is hope!

Sent from my R1 HD using the BariatricPal App

The simple answer is yes. It took some time but I did. I had to learn how to love myself before I could truly love another. I have found the woman of my life and we are now married. I've been with my wife almost 4 years ( I had surgery 5 years ago). The vsg surgery transformed me in multiple ways and when I look back the only regret I have is not doing it earlier. It's sad but a good amount of relationships don't make it through wls. I think the main reason is because they are built on insecurities and when those insecurities go away everything else crumbles. Do what is best for your mental and physical health. Be strong.

Sent from my Nexus 6 using the BariatricPal App

Until you get tired is the only way you will leave.. It dont matter how much time you have invested ESPECIALLY if hes not your husband but even then you dont have to sit and et someone dog you on any level... If he cant come correct to hell with him either your big, skinny, LOOSE SKIN, no skin, black, white, green or blue! Noobe deserves to be treated badly. There us someone for everyone.. Dont be so negative! And you never know how your body will look like until you are in that position!

Sent from my SM-N920T using the BariatricPal App

You did this surgery to improve your life. Why let someone steal your joy. Ive seen it time and again, some people want to keep you down n not see u progress. To hell with him. Forget the sagging skin, cross that bridge when u get there, if u want start a savings club just in case n get it corrected, if not needed then that's a celebration fund n go on a bucket list trip. However, dont live in fear n misery, you need to find your happiness. My mom n grandma always said better to be alone than in bad company. Good luck.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using the BariatricPal App

Sit down and make a list of all the positives of living alone. There are many!

I'll start you off:

1. You only have to buy groceries for you.

2. No more socks left on the floor that aren't yours.

3. You don't have to compromise on...

Sent from my SM-N920R4 using the BariatricPal App

A lot of people in relationships end up single because the relationship cannot withstand the vast amount of change people in our situations are going through. Relationships sometimes involve a lot of food we can't eat -- dinner dates that just won't fly anymore. You have to spend a lot of time getting active and that might cut into tv time with your significant other. You're also going to feel a lot better about yourself, more aware of your value as a person, and you're going to take less shit. The dynamics change and sometimes people end up divorced. In your case I think you'll be rid of someone who wasn't that great for you.