Hello All,

I had a realization the other day, I am in denial about my size.

I do not see myself the same way the world sees me.

I saw a picture of myself and it was shocking, I am huge.

In my head I don't look that bad.

I have always been a big guy.

In college I was big and muscular and that is how I still see myself.

However, now I am big and soft and obese but I don't see myself that way.

I have to get honest with myself.

I am 420 pounds, I am wearing a 6XLT shirt, waist size 54 pants.

I am 200 pounds heavier than I was at 21 years old.

I have my appointment with the weight loss surgeon in less than a week.

I have received some encouraging responses on this forum, so I thank all of you for that.

Japan is DEFINITELY doing something right, along with many other countries who do the same thing. The US is a joke when it comes to exercise and diets, in general. Thankfully there are many people who won't adapt to the ways of the west. I'm tired of it and will be another one who won't adapt. Like you, when the doc first said "obese" I was like "say, what!?" That's for fat people, not me. Then it was made worse when the chart said "morbidly obese". No freaking way! Very hard to hear those terms for an individual who doesn't feel like she is.

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Yeah...Japan. In the summertime, during vacation, elementary school students often meet in a local park to do their exercises at 6:30 in the morning! Daily! That used to drive me nuts because the music would wake me up when I wanted to sleep in. In the last city I lived in, I lived directly across from a large park, and it was the same thing, only with old people. Every morning, 6:30 start, through all seasons except winter. I always watched them as I did my laps around the park. JHS and HS students who are on the track team are expected to run to and from school (from home) - they have a friend who cycles along them to carry their school work and regular clothes. So yeah, exercise is definitely a part of daily life here. Yet Japanese food is very carb (and protein) heavy with few, if any, vegetables. I try telling my students that Japanese rice is not healthy and they are in shock - it's so contrary to everything they've been told.

The first time I realised I was morbidly obese, I went into a deep denial about that. I always thought morbidly obese meant people who were so large they couldn't walk 10 steps, or used a cane, or used a mobility device, that sort of thing. I've had friends (and relatives) who were that large and had so many health issues, that it was hard for me to make the connection that I fell into the same group. But, my weight is what it is, and the truth is there in every picture of me. I tried to avoid pictures for so long, but since I started on this journey I've been forcing myself to really look at myself objectively and there's no avoiding the fact that I am a long way away from the days of being somewhat overweight and active.

Japan is DEFINITELY doing something right, along with many other countries who do the same thing. The US is a joke when it comes to exercise and diets, in general. Thankfully there are many people who won't adapt to the ways of the west. I'm tired of it and will be another one who won't adapt. Like you, when the doc first said "obese" I was like "say, what!?" That's for fat people, not me. Then it was made worse when the chart said "morbidly obese". No freaking way! Very hard to hear those terms for an individual who doesn't feel like she is.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Yeah...Japan. In the summertime, during vacation, elementary school students often meet in a local park to do their exercises at 6:30 in the morning! Daily! That used to drive me nuts because the music would wake me up when I wanted to sleep in. In the last city I lived in, I lived directly across from a large park, and it was the same thing, only with old people. Every morning, 6:30 start, through all seasons except winter. I always watched them as I did my laps around the park. JHS and HS students who are on the track team are expected to run to and from school (from home) - they have a friend who cycles along them to carry their school work and regular clothes. So yeah, exercise is definitely a part of daily life here. Yet Japanese food is very carb (and protein) heavy with few, if any, vegetables. I try telling my students that Japanese rice is not healthy and they are in shock - it's so contrary to everything they've been told.

The first time I realised I was morbidly obese, I went into a deep denial about that. I always thought morbidly obese meant people who were so large they couldn't walk 10 steps, or used a cane, or used a mobility device, that sort of thing. I've had friends (and relatives) who were that large and had so many health issues, that it was hard for me to make the connection that I fell into the same group. But, my weight is what it is, and the truth is there in every picture of me. I tried to avoid pictures for so long, but since I started on this journey I've been forcing myself to really look at myself objectively and there's no avoiding the fact that I am a long way away from the days of being somewhat overweight and active.

How did you end up in Japan?

I had the same issue. I rarely looked at myself in the mirror and when I saw myself in pics, I was absolutely disgusted. I have not been in pictures for many years. I had the sleeve in August and I am down almost 70 lbs and I still don't take pictures yet. I want to lose about 30 or 35 lbs more, but I really need to improve my self esteem. I am 52 and have struggled with weight since I was 10. People have not always been nice about it either. Good luck. You are going to do great.

@@Walter.Sobchak

Well, I have 2 degrees in History but wasn't interested in teaching at the secondary level, and I was burnt out after my Masters so wasn't gung ho about doing a Ph.D at the time. But it's pretty hard to find a job that's not teaching when your specialty is history. I found a recruiter for a conversation school in Japan at a job fair, and 5 months later I was there. It worked out for me since I had always wanted to live and work in another country, and I thought this would be the way I could travel around the world. And 40 countries later, it has. However, in the 13 years I've been in Japan, I've gained 140 pounds - just under 11 pounds a year. And that has been consistent every year I've been here, no matter how much I lost throughout the year, I'd always end up heavier in January than I was the previous year. I blame it on the rice, mostly . Well, and the fried chicken too (not KFC) and the chocolate that I (used to) continue to eat, even though Japanese chocolate isn't that great. And drinking too. I never really drank before I came here, but soon enough it became a daily activity with my friends (since there really wasn't much else to do here). And of course, the more you drink, the more you eat. So I'm glad to be rid of the alcohol and fried food and chocolate, but I hope someday I may be able to eat rice on occasion (but not daily, like I used to).

The first time I realised I was morbidly obese, I went into a deep denial about that. I always thought morbidly obese meant people who were so large they couldn't walk 10 steps, or used a cane, or used a mobility device, that sort of thing. I've had friends (and relatives) who were that large and had so many health issues, that it was hard for me to make the connection that I fell into the same group. But, my weight is what it is, and the truth is there in every picture of me. I tried to avoid pictures for so long, but since I started on this journey I've been forcing myself to really look at myself objectively and there's no avoiding the fact that I am a long way away from the days of being somewhat overweight and active.

I need to take pictures and look at them too. I was still questioning why or when/what made the changes in my life to get to where I'm at today. LIke you, it's very hard to hear morbidly obese. I had the same thought process about it. My husband told me today, "that's the past, this is now. Stop comparing yourself to the 'used to be'." I'm basically going to have to create a whole new me, not just the physical, but the mental too.

The first time I realised I was morbidly obese, I went into a deep denial about that. I always thought morbidly obese meant people who were so large they couldn't walk 10 steps, or used a cane, or used a mobility device, that sort of thing. I've had friends (and relatives) who were that large and had so many health issues, that it was hard for me to make the connection that I fell into the same group. But, my weight is what it is, and the truth is there in every picture of me. I tried to avoid pictures for so long, but since I started on this journey I've been forcing myself to really look at myself objectively and there's no avoiding the fact that I am a long way away from the days of being somewhat overweight and active.

I need to take pictures and look at them too. I was still questioning why or when/what made the changes in my life to get to where I'm at today. LIke you, it's very hard to hear morbidly obese. I had the same thought process about it. My husband told me today, "that's the past, this is now. Stop comparing yourself to the 'used to be'." I'm basically going to have to create a whole new me, not just the physical, but the mental too.

My wife and I are both planning on getting Gastric Sleeve.

We are definitely going to take before pictures.

I too was in denial about my size and to top it off, I was legitimately healthy, not even high cholesterol!! I've lost 150lbs since surgery, and was told yesterday by my own mother, the light has returned. She says I looked so sad before and never really smiled. Guess what? She's right! I internally knew how big I was, I just wasn't ready to do anything about it so I denied seeing myself for what I truly was... a morbidly obese woman who was sad, sad about how my life was going. Tired of being overlooked because I was big. You're ready my friend, good luck with finding you, it's a hell of a journey and oh so worth it!!!!!

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Edited January 23, 20179 yr by UalreadyKnow

That is so awesome Walter.Sobchak! To do this together....many blessings to you both for taking charge of your health. Please stay posted, I'd love to hear of your journey as a couple. So awesome.

My wife and I are both planning on getting Gastric Sleeve.
We are definitely going to take before pictures.

I too was in denial about my size and to top it off, I was legitimately healthy, not even high cholesterol!! I've lost 150lbs since surgery, and was told yesterday by my own mother, the light has returned. She says I looked so sad before and never really smiled. Guess what? She's right! I internally knew how big I was, I just wasn't ready to do anything about it so I denied seeing myself for what I truly was... a morbidly obese woman who was sad, sad about how my life was going. Tired of being overlooked because I was big. You're ready my friend, good luck with finding you, it's a hell of a journey and oh so worth it!!!!!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

How long has it been since you had the surgery?

I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder as it is and I know my morbid obesity is not helping.

I am always feeling down because of my weight.

I am thinking that some weight loss would go along way in that area.

Much like you, my blood work is good.

My doctor said based on blood work alone, I am healthy.

But there are a bunch of other issues my weight is causing.

That is so awesome Walter.Sobchak! To do this together....many blessings to you both for taking charge of your health. Please stay posted, I'd love to hear of your journey as a couple. So awesome.

My wife and I are both planning on getting Gastric Sleeve.

We are definitely going to take before pictures.

I certainly will, I am loving it here.

I have encouraged my wife to make a profile here but she hasn't yet.

As I had mentioned in another post, she was always opposed to weight loss surgery. She was convinced she could do it on her own as she had success in the past.

She was successful with weight loss ten years ago, before she met me and before she had kids. She had more time to work with a trainer and exercise back then.

She has probably gained 80 pounds since we got married and I have probably gained about 100 pounds.

We celebrated our 6 year anniversary yesterday

She wants another baby as well, we have two kids already and she wants one more

@@Walter.Sobchak, I was just like your wife. I managed to lose about 40 lbs back when I ended up being 40 lbs overweight and that was before marriage and three kids and all kinds of life thrown in. During the last 9 years (of marriage) I've slowly gained 120 lbs, but it wasn't without trying to lose it all on my own numerous times and I was opposed to weight loss surgery too. Not so much if it were a matter of life/death, but I guess you can say, I was ignorant (uninformed) of all the facts. It's only been the last two years that I stumbled on sleeve surgery and started to make inquiries and educate myself on it. Even then, I went to the doctor and she and I both decided for me to do this on my own, once again. 3 months later, i'm 4lbs down (but I did lose 3 inches all around--thanks to weights), but going this rate, my chances of developing co-morbidities were climbing. She then placed me on a medical prescription for weight loss. Did about 10 lbs and then it stopped working. Finally, she says, "I'm referring you to doctor Stegemann (bariatric surgery)". I tried to do it on my own-but these days my body isn't the same as it was before marriage/kids and 20 years ago. So here I am. It's really my last resort to reset my metabolism and my life.

Congratulations on six years too! Happy Anniversary! I speak many more blessings for you and that includes another precious child.

My surgery was August 27,2015

The weight loss definitely helps with motivation, it's up to you to fight old habits! That means everything from emotional eating to vegging out and not working out because the weight DOES come back on. Surgery is not a permanent fix, it's a push in the right direction. Every minute of every day is a struggle to choose the right foods, my teen just brought home a box of donuts (my favorite things in the whole wide world) and guess what? It's taking everything I got to not walk in the kitchen and grab one. Choices my friend, that's ultimately what life is about. We've made the wrong ones far too long, it's time to love ourselves enough to start making the right ones!! F you donut!!

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Edited January 23, 20179 yr by UalreadyKnow

@@Walter.Sobchak, I was just like your wife. I managed to lose about 40 lbs back when I ended up being 40 lbs overweight and that was before marriage and three kids and all kinds of life thrown in. During the last 9 years (of marriage) I've slowly gained 120 lbs, but it wasn't without trying to lose it all on my own numerous times and I was opposed to weight loss surgery too. Not so much if it were a matter of life/death, but I guess you can say, I was ignorant (uninformed) of all the facts. It's only been the last two years that I stumbled on sleeve surgery and started to make inquiries and educate myself on it. Even then, I went to the doctor and she and I both decided for me to do this on my own, once again. 3 months later, i'm 4lbs down (but I did lose 3 inches all around--thanks to weights), but going this rate, my chances of developing co-morbidities were climbing. She then placed me on a medical prescription for weight loss. Did about 10 lbs and then it stopped working. Finally, she says, "I'm referring you to doctor Stegemann (bariatric surgery)". I tried to do it on my own-but these days my body isn't the same as it was before marriage/kids and 20 years ago. So here I am. It's really my last resort to reset my metabolism and my life.

Congratulations on six years too! Happy Anniversary! I speak many more blessings for you and that includes another precious child.

Thank you my friend.

Please keep me posted as well.

I am excited and scared and nervous.

I just want to get weight off so bad.

I am tired of always feeling miserable.

My back hurts all the time from my massive stomach.

My knees hurt really bad too.

@@Walter.Sobchak thats the first step my friend, i had to do that to realize woah is that me?! How in the hell did i get this unhealthy!? Then youll move on to new steps towards change for a better you. I know i am. Good luck to you every step of the way????

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@@Walter.Sobchak thats the first step my friend, i had to do that to realize woah is that me?! How in the hell did i get this unhealthy!? Then youll move on to new steps towards change for a better you. I know i am. Good luck to you every step of the way????

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Thank you.

Have you had the surgery yet? Or are you working towards getting it?