Hello All,

I had a realization the other day, I am in denial about my size.

I do not see myself the same way the world sees me.

I saw a picture of myself and it was shocking, I am huge.

In my head I don't look that bad.

I have always been a big guy.

In college I was big and muscular and that is how I still see myself.

However, now I am big and soft and obese but I don't see myself that way.

I have to get honest with myself.

I am 420 pounds, I am wearing a 6XLT shirt, waist size 54 pants.

I am 200 pounds heavier than I was at 21 years old.

I have my appointment with the weight loss surgeon in less than a week.

I have received some encouraging responses on this forum, so I thank all of you for that.

I thought of something else today, I haven't flown in 6 years because I am so overweight.

I don't want to buy two tickets and can't afford first class.

I also struggle with putting my socks and shoes on.

You can do this..I worried about the surgery and went back and forth too..it's not an easy decision but it was the right one for me. I'm 2 months out and feel wonderful..I'm exercising my butt off..literally..haha

The weight doesn't come off me fast but I was a lower BMI at surgery..but it's going the right direction. I made the right decision and it was solely made for me..to be the best me possible..Good luck on your journey!

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You can do this..I worried about the surgery and went back and forth too..it's not an easy decision but it was the right one for me. I'm 2 months out and feel wonderful..I'm exercising my butt off..literally..haha

The weight doesn't come off me fast but I was a lower BMI at surgery..but it's going the right direction. I made the right decision and it was solely made for me..to be the best me possible..Good luck on your journey!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I am thinking it is the way to go as well.

I have been researching more, and reading posts here and I feel like it is the right thing to do.

I see the surgeon on Tuesday of next week.

We will see what he says.

It's Friday, I am almost off work and all I can think about is pizza and wings.

I want to stop on my way home and get pizza and wings.

I know I don't need it, I know it is unhealthy, I know it will make me feel like crap and yet I still want it.

Hey Walter,

Like you and many others here, I've had a few "double-takes" when I've seen photos of myself in pictures. Usually I could avoid looking at them, but now I work at a school, and with "selfie" culture popular with my students, I often get asked to be in pictures with them. But the first time I saw myself in a photo with 2 18-year old students behind me (with room to spare), that shook the last of the denial I had about my weight.

I thought of something else today, I haven't flown in 6 years because I am so overweight.
I don't want to buy two tickets and can't afford first class.
I also struggle with putting my socks and shoes on.

One of the reasons I have to have surgery is that I am an expat living and working in Japan, which means I do some pretty big trips once or twice a year. But my 22-inch "seat" (butt and thighs) just doesn't fit well into a 17-inch economy class seat for 10-16 hours at a stretch. And depending on the airline, I often cannot put the tray down, which means no meals (the first time this happened I cried on the plane out of embarrassment). Plus, I don't like making the other people around me uncomfortable. Earlier in 2016 I realised that I was choosing not to go on certain trips specifically because of my weight. Since travel is something I love (and sometimes have) to do, I needed to do something to fix the problem.

My surgery is Mexico, and I'm flying to L.A. (train down to San Diego). I knew I might be able to handle the flight to L.A. squeezed into an economy-sized seat, but not on the return journey post-op. So I actually bit the bullet and bought a business-class seat for my international flight, which could almost buy another surgery! But I wanted to make sure that I would be alright with room to stretch and to be able to put up my legs (really helps keep the swelling down), so I figure the money will be well spent. Hopefully I'll never have to worry about that again after surgery.

Hello All,

I had a realization the other day, I am in denial about my size.

I do not see myself the same way the world sees me.

I saw a picture of myself and it was shocking, I am huge.

In my head I don't look that bad.

I have always been a big guy.

In college I was big and muscular and that is how I still see myself.

However, now I am big and soft and obese but I don't see myself that way.

I have to get honest with myself.

I am 420 pounds, I am wearing a 6XLT shirt, waist size 54 pants.

I am 200 pounds heavier than I was at 21 years old.

I have my appointment with the weight loss surgeon in less than a week.

I have received some encouraging responses on this forum, so I thank all of you for that.

I know exactly what you mean. I tell everyone I have reverse anorexia. I think I'm less fat than I really am.

I have always thought this way. It's upsetting when I finally see a full body photo or see myself in a full length mirror. I've always had the "fit girl stuck in a fat body" thinking. I wonder? those of you who feel this way as well, were you once fit and trim too? Athletic? Healthy for a long period of time before gaining the weight? This was me. Maybe we don't associate ourselves with obesity as we would have if it's been years of being obese? Our minds can't connect until we see the reality? Guess this is something I should talk/share about in my psych eval, huh?

Hey Walter,

Like you and many others here, I've had a few "double-takes" when I've seen photos of myself in pictures. Usually I could avoid looking at them, but now I work at a school, and with "selfie" culture popular with my students, I often get asked to be in pictures with them. But the first time I saw myself in a photo with 2 18-year old students behind me (with room to spare), that shook the last of the denial I had about my weight.

I thought of something else today, I haven't flown in 6 years because I am so overweight.

I don't want to buy two tickets and can't afford first class.

I also struggle with putting my socks and shoes on.

One of the reasons I have to have surgery is that I am an expat living and working in Japan, which means I do some pretty big trips once or twice a year. But my 22-inch "seat" (butt and thighs) just doesn't fit well into a 17-inch economy class seat for 10-16 hours at a stretch. And depending on the airline, I often cannot put the tray down, which means no meals (the first time this happened I cried on the plane out of embarrassment). Plus, I don't like making the other people around me uncomfortable. Earlier in 2016 I realised that I was choosing not to go on certain trips specifically because of my weight. Since travel is something I love (and sometimes have) to do, I needed to do something to fix the problem.

My surgery is Mexico, and I'm flying to L.A. (train down to San Diego). I knew I might be able to handle the flight to L.A. squeezed into an economy-sized seat, but not on the return journey post-op. So I actually bit the bullet and bought a business-class seat for my international flight, which could almost buy another surgery! But I wanted to make sure that I would be alright with room to stretch and to be able to put up my legs (really helps keep the swelling down), so I figure the money will be well spent. Hopefully I'll never have to worry about that again after surgery.

I know what you mean, I haven't flown home to Ohio to see my family there in like 6 years.

I know I am too big to fit in an airplane seat.

And even if I could squeeze into one, it wouldn't be comfortable and the people around me would be very uncomfortable as well.

I know it is sad and it is embarrassing.

Hello All,

I had a realization the other day, I am in denial about my size.

I do not see myself the same way the world sees me.

I saw a picture of myself and it was shocking, I am huge.

In my head I don't look that bad.

I have always been a big guy.

In college I was big and muscular and that is how I still see myself.

However, now I am big and soft and obese but I don't see myself that way.

I have to get honest with myself.

I am 420 pounds, I am wearing a 6XLT shirt, waist size 54 pants.

I am 200 pounds heavier than I was at 21 years old.

I have my appointment with the weight loss surgeon in less than a week.

I have received some encouraging responses on this forum, so I thank all of you for that.

I know exactly what you mean. I tell everyone I have reverse anorexia. I think I'm less fat than I really am.

I have always thought this way. It's upsetting when I finally see a full body photo or see myself in a full length mirror. I've always had the "fit girl stuck in a fat body" thinking. I wonder? those of you who feel this way as well, were you once fit and trim too? Athletic? Healthy for a long period of time before gaining the weight? This was me. Maybe we don't associate ourselves with obesity as we would have if it's been years of being obese? Our minds can't connect until we see the reality? Guess this is something I should talk/share about in my psych eval, huh?

I have always been a big guy, tall and big.

I was pretty lean in my early years of college.

I worked out all the time and ran.

Even though I was eating like crap and drinking all the time, I think the lifting and running helped keep me lean.

Like I said before, now I am just big and soft.

I have like no muscle mass at all.

I think the issue is, you get used to seeing yourself.

You get so used to it that you don't realize how big you are.

Congrats on your decision!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Hello All,

I had a realization the other day, I am in denial about my size.

I do not see myself the same way the world sees me.

I saw a picture of myself and it was shocking, I am huge.

In my head I don't look that bad.

I have always been a big guy.

In college I was big and muscular and that is how I still see myself.

However, now I am big and soft and obese but I don't see myself that way.

I have to get honest with myself.

I am 420 pounds, I am wearing a 6XLT shirt, waist size 54 pants.

I am 200 pounds heavier than I was at 21 years old.

I have my appointment with the weight loss surgeon in less than a week.

I have received some encouraging responses on this forum, so I thank all of you for that.

I know exactly what you mean. I tell everyone I have reverse anorexia. I think I'm less fat than I really am.

I have always thought this way. It's upsetting when I finally see a full body photo or see myself in a full length mirror. I've always had the "fit girl stuck in a fat body" thinking. I wonder? those of you who feel this way as well, were you once fit and trim too? Athletic? Healthy for a long period of time before gaining the weight? This was me. Maybe we don't associate ourselves with obesity as we would have if it's been years of being obese? Our minds can't connect until we see the reality? Guess this is something I should talk/share about in my psych eval, huh?

I have always been a big guy, tall and big.

I was pretty lean in my early years of college.

I worked out all the time and ran.

Even though I was eating like crap and drinking all the time, I think the lifting and running helped keep me lean.

Like I said before, now I am just big and soft.

I have like no muscle mass at all.

I think the issue is, you get used to seeing yourself.

You get so used to it that you don't realize how big you are.

So you were active and was able to eat what you want because of increased metabolism. Then the activity slows down and the eating doesn't. It catches up and turns in to obesity. Yeah, I agree that we don't realize it.

Main thing now is that we move forward and take control, as you are doing. Congratulations for doing this. I just had my initial consultation this past Thursday. We'll be about the same journey, depending on prerequisites and how we pay, etc. I'm going through insurance. Keep us posted please. I'd love to hear your journey. And congrats again for being honest with yourself. You will do well.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Hello All,

I had a realization the other day, I am in denial about my size.

I do not see myself the same way the world sees me.

I saw a picture of myself and it was shocking, I am huge.

In my head I don't look that bad.

I have always been a big guy.

In college I was big and muscular and that is how I still see myself.

However, now I am big and soft and obese but I don't see myself that way.

I have to get honest with myself.

I am 420 pounds, I am wearing a 6XLT shirt, waist size 54 pants.

I am 200 pounds heavier than I was at 21 years old.

I have my appointment with the weight loss surgeon in less than a week.

I have received some encouraging responses on this forum, so I thank all of you for that.

I know exactly what you mean. I tell everyone I have reverse anorexia. I think I'm less fat than I really am.

I have always thought this way. It's upsetting when I finally see a full body photo or see myself in a full length mirror. I've always had the "fit girl stuck in a fat body" thinking. I wonder? those of you who feel this way as well, were you once fit and trim too? Athletic? Healthy for a long period of time before gaining the weight? This was me. Maybe we don't associate ourselves with obesity as we would have if it's been years of being obese? Our minds can't connect until we see the reality? Guess this is something I should talk/share about in my psych eval, huh?

I have always been a big guy, tall and big.

I was pretty lean in my early years of college.

I worked out all the time and ran.

Even though I was eating like crap and drinking all the time, I think the lifting and running helped keep me lean.

Like I said before, now I am just big and soft.

I have like no muscle mass at all.

I think the issue is, you get used to seeing yourself.

You get so used to it that you don't realize how big you are.

So you were active and was able to eat what you want because of increased metabolism. Then the activity slows down and the eating doesn't. It catches up and turns in to obesity. Yeah, I agree that we don't realize it.

Main thing now is that we move forward and take control, as you are doing. Congratulations for doing this. I just had my initial consultation this past Thursday. We'll be about the same journey, depending on prerequisites and how we pay, etc. I'm going through insurance. Keep us posted please. I'd love to hear your journey. And congrats again for being honest with yourself. You will do well.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

It's Friday, I am almost off work and all I can think about is pizza and wings.

I want to stop on my way home and get pizza and wings.

I know I don't need it, I know it is unhealthy, I know it will make me feel like crap and yet I still want it.

If you didn't have the pizza and wings, I did it for you.! Lol I had pizza and wings. Probably shouldn't air out my dinner here, but I did. I'm trying to not have a food funeral either, but here's my excuse, it was my daughter's birthday party. Ugh. Excuses...got to get over these too.

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I took before photos in the mirror, I was SHOCKED when I saw the photos because I didn't think I looked that bad... ????

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I have always thought this way. It's upsetting when I finally see a full body photo or see myself in a full length mirror. I've always had the "fit girl stuck in a fat body" thinking. I wonder? those of you who feel this way as well, were you once fit and trim too? Athletic? Healthy for a long period of time before gaining the weight? This was me. Maybe we don't associate ourselves with obesity as we would have if it's been years of being obese? Our minds can't connect until we see the reality? Guess this is something I should talk/share about in my psych eval, huh?

@@Newme17 - I had this feeling for a long time too. I was the jock in my family, my brother was not. I was on multiple sports teams throughout my teenage years, but even in my 20s I was active with dance lessons, hiking, and other activities. That said, the weight came on and off throughout the years, but it wasn't until I went to see a new doctor, that he referred to me as "obese," that once I got over that shock, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was, in fact, obese. Even here in Japan, I've felt "fit fat" because living here kind of forces you to be. I don't have a car, which is pretty normal, as you really don't need one in the city. Which means I walk a lot. On a normal workday, I can easily hit my 10,000 steps a day without trying. There aren't a lot of escalators or elevators here, so people constantly take the stairs. You know that when you realise everyone, from small children to the super elderly, are taking the stairs, all the time (usually 4-8 staircases sometimes) that they are doing something right here (Japan has one of the lowest obesity rates in the world).

I took before photos in the mirror, I was SHOCKED when I saw the photos because I didn't think I looked that bad...

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I took a bunch of before photos too. I have two sets - one in me in just my underwear, the other of me in leggings and a tank top. Front, side, and back, plus close-ups of my face - front, and both profiles. Oh - and my armpits too, because I want to see how much weight I lose from that area as well. I did these photos on January 1st (and all my measurements) since I'm pretty sure that's when I was at my heaviest, but I'll do some again right before surgery. I was kind of prepared for what I look like from the front, but the back was a shocker. Who knew my a$$ was that big?!?!?!?!?! Honestly, I think my hips are bigger than shoulders (ah, the joys of being pear-shaped....). I'm not a scrapbooker, but I kind of want to document my weight loss journey in a scrap-booky way (not just online). We'll see how long I can keep that up!

I have always thought this way. It's upsetting when I finally see a full body photo or see myself in a full length mirror. I've always had the "fit girl stuck in a fat body" thinking. I wonder? those of you who feel this way as well, were you once fit and trim too? Athletic? Healthy for a long period of time before gaining the weight? This was me. Maybe we don't associate ourselves with obesity as we would have if it's been years of being obese? Our minds can't connect until we see the reality? Guess this is something I should talk/share about in my psych eval, huh?

@@Newme17 - I had this feeling for a long time too. I was the jock in my family, my brother was not. I was on multiple sports teams throughout my teenage years, but even in my 20s I was active with dance lessons, hiking, and other activities. That said, the weight came on and off throughout the years, but it wasn't until I went to see a new doctor, that he referred to me as "obese," that once I got over that shock, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was, in fact, obese. Even here in Japan, I've felt "fit fat" because living here kind of forces you to be. I don't have a car, which is pretty normal, as you really don't need one in the city. Which means I walk a lot. On a normal workday, I can easily hit my 10,000 steps a day without trying. There aren't a lot of escalators or elevators here, so people constantly take the stairs. You know that when you realise everyone, from small children to the super elderly, are taking the stairs, all the time (usually 4-8 staircases sometimes) that they are doing something right here (Japan has one of the lowest obesity rates in the world).

Japan is DEFINITELY doing something right, along with many other countries who do the same thing. The US is a joke when it comes to exercise and diets, in general. Thankfully there are many people who won't adapt to the ways of the west. I'm tired of it and will be another one who won't adapt. Like you, when the doc first said "obese" I was like "say, what!?" That's for fat people, not me. Then it was made worse when the chart said "morbidly obese". No freaking way! Very hard to hear those terms for an individual who doesn't feel like she is.

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Edited January 22, 20179 yr by Newme17