Hello All,

I had a realization the other day, I am in denial about my size.

I do not see myself the same way the world sees me.

I saw a picture of myself and it was shocking, I am huge.

In my head I don't look that bad.

I have always been a big guy.

In college I was big and muscular and that is how I still see myself.

However, now I am big and soft and obese but I don't see myself that way.

I have to get honest with myself.

I am 420 pounds, I am wearing a 6XLT shirt, waist size 54 pants.

I am 200 pounds heavier than I was at 21 years old.

I have my appointment with the weight loss surgeon in less than a week.

I have received some encouraging responses on this forum, so I thank all of you for that.

Here's the rub though...

Throughout my ups and downs with my weight, I mostly always thought I looked the same, or was a little heavier, or a little lighter. I really couldn't see any big changes. I wonder how it will be going in the opposite direction, if I'll be able to get out of a "fat brain" mentality, not only in the physical aspect of losing weight, but the mental part too. I've been heavier for a much longer time than I've been lighter.

I haven't been here that long, but I have noticed a few people on these boards, who, after having had their surgeries and are clearly losing weight, can't "see" their weight loss, still think like a big person, etc.

I must say, my brain hasn't caught up yet. When I catch a reflection of me somewhere I have to do a double take cuz I don't recognize myself

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Edited January 24, 20179 yr by UalreadyKnow

I must say, my brain hasn't caught up yet. When I catch a reflection of me somewhere I have to do a double take cuz I don't recognize myself

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I understand this. I scanned a Walgreens backwall security mirror for myself and it was like Where's Waldo. My husband died laughing and asked me if I understood how mirrors worked.

Here's the rub though...

Throughout my ups and downs with my weight, I mostly always thought I looked the same, or was a little heavier, or a little lighter. I really couldn't see any big changes. I wonder how it will be going in the opposite direction, if I'll be able to get out of a "fat brain" mentality, not only in the physical aspect of losing weight, but the mental part too. I've been heavier for a much longer time than I've been lighter.

I haven't been here that long, but I have noticed a few people on these boards, who, after having had their surgeries and are clearly losing weight, can't "see" their weight loss, still think like a big person, etc.

I like what you said about being heavier longer than you have been lighter.

I am the same way.

It has been 17 years since I lost a significant amount of weight.

It was my junior year of college and I dropped about 60-70 pounds through diet and exercise.

I have been over 300 pounds for about 12 years and over 400 pounds for about 4 years.

I actually did lose 40 pounds when I suffered my nervous breakdown because I was so depressed I wasn't eating.

This was late 2014

I have since gained it all back plus 20 pounds.

So, I have essentially gained about 60 pounds since recovering from my nervous breakdown.

8 years ago my hubby went for 4 months to army training. I lost 30lbs while he was gone, and he didn't recognise me when he got off the plane. That was great!

Too bad I immediately began piling on after that... 100lbs in a year. *sigh*

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It makes me think I really am huge when I tell a friend that I am looking into Gastric Sleeve and they reply "that is exciting"

It kind of hurts my feelings.