BariatricPal Members,

I wanted to remind you all about BariatricPal’s purpose and policies. If you do not want to read this entire post, please at least read the following points!

• BariatricPal is a safe place for the weight loss surgery community.
• No rudeness or disrespect will be permitted.
• Your use of BariatricPal implies your acceptance of the Forum Rules.
• Failure to follow the Forum Rules can lead to consequences included lifetime bans from BariatricPal.

Now for the complete version:

I created BariatricPal in 2003 to help other bariatric surgery patients. I want the forums to be able to help everyone reach their weight loss surgery and health goals. My goal is to maintain the forums as a place for weight loss surgery patients and potential patients to come for information and support.

BariatricPal is intended to be a safe place for the entire weight loss surgery community. I want EVERY SINGLE MEMBER to feel welcome on this board. You should feel comfortable asking questions, expressing doubts, and sharing advice, insights, and experiences.

Unfortunately, this has not been the case recently. I have heard from multiple sources that some members are uncomfortable here. They feel attacked when they post. I have heard this not only from newbie and veteran members, but also from bariatric surgeons, nurses, and psychologists who are members of ASMBS and who have heard concerns about BariatricPal from their patients.

A tiny minority of BariatricPal members are responsible for creating these concerns. The vast majority of BariatricPal members have wonderful, helpful, positive, and informative posts. I thank you for that. You are responsible for BariatricPal’s success.

A few of you, I suspect, truly want to help, but may come off sounding a little harsher than you meant. This can be off-putting to members who have sincere questions and are looking for guidance. To prevent accidentally hurting other members, I urge you to re-read the Forum Rules for suggestions on making your posts helpful rather than hurtful.

There is a tiny minority of BariatricPal members who have gone far beyond the occasional misconstrued post. It is these members who have prevented the forums from being a safe place for everyone. They repeatedly and intentionally start threads or respond to members with disparaging or rude remarks. They often imply or state outright that they are correct and that other posters are doomed to fail. They send private messages urging their friends to bully other members who disagree with them. This does not create a safe space for members!

Anyone who violates the Forum Rules is subject to consequences, include being permanently banned from BariatricPal.

The Forum Rules state, “All members have the right to express their opinions and are encouraged to do so while maintaining a courteous tone.” Disagreeing with someone and expressing yourself politely to say so is one thing. Intentionally hurting others is quite another. If you are unsure of how to respond to a post without being rude, please refer to the Forum Rules for examples and guidelines.

Again, I thank the overwhelming majority of BariatricPal members who are just trying to help, and who have done a wonderful job of lending a hand or ear to those who need it. I hope you all recognize the value you each bring to the boards, and you consider how you can contribute in the most constructive way possible.

Thank you!

I am also in agreement with Alex. Although I am quite green on this site, I have experienced some of the issues he mentioned. I wasn't sure if it was just me or a site-wide problem.

I, for one, am quite disappointed that many veterans, and therefore their experiences/knowledge, are leaving the site.

On the other hand, I didn't care for the way some veterans responded to myself and to others. Perhaps that was never their intention, but posts on a message board are usually taken quite literally and as such, one's tone should be considered.

Hopefully, things around here can head more toward the positive. If one finds themselves getting upset or irritated by the posts of the more uninformed members, perhaps take a few days off, or choose not to engage such people.

@@john925 I couldn't have said it any better. I absolutely agree.

PS: If it's really true that users on here made plans on how to ridicule and bully other members then that's just sickening and the ban is well deserved. Don't these people have lives to live?

...a safe place for the entire weight loss surgery community. I want EVERY SINGLE MEMBER to feel welcome on this board. You should feel comfortable....

Unfortunately, this has not been the case recently. I have heard from multiple sources that some members are uncomfortable here. They feel attacked when they post. I have heard this not only from newbie and veteran members, but also from bariatric surgeons, nurses, and psychologists who are members of ASMBS and who have heard concerns about BariatricPal from their patients.

There is a tiny minority of BariatricPal members who have gone far beyond the occasional misconstrued post.... They often imply or state outright that they are correct and that other posters are doomed to fail. They send private messages urging their friends to bully other members who disagree with them.

Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was fiction. The idea for BP was excellent. That it's grown and is still operating is excellent and surprising; many home-grown sites last a while and disappear long before the 13-year mark. The rub is the naivete or disingenuousness -- I don't know which and prefer not to speculate -- that speaks of any place where everyone will feel safe. The world doesn't work that way least of all because there will always be those who will feel safe only if they crawl back into the womb.

I do not doubt that newcomers and the seasoned have expressed dismay. The truth, nevertheless, is that "you can't please all of the people all of the time." If it were possible, the phrase would not be enclosed by quotation marks. Unsubstantiated second- and third-hand reports from ASMBS members or other non-participants have no place in the discussion.

Have you really received reports of conspiracies conjured in private? I think it's likely because anyone can sign up for BP, including those with middle-school mentalities. How many take part in such cartels?

You wrote twice (one fell out of the quotation here) that a "tiny minority" of members have menaced more tender members and once that most members are supportive, sweet, helpful -- good scouts, shall we say. That's a most impressive record. It seems that there's nothing to complain about. You've described a website that mirrors the larger world. Not bad at all.

I am also in agreement with Alex. Although I am quite green on this site, I have experienced some of the issues he mentioned. I wasn't sure if it was just me or a site-wide problem.

I, for one, am quite disappointed that many veterans, and therefore their experiences/knowledge, are leaving the site.

On the other hand, I didn't care for the way some veterans responded to myself and to others. Perhaps that was never their intention, but posts on a message board are usually taken quite literally and as such, one's tone should be considered.

Hopefully, things around here can head more toward the positive. If one finds themselves getting upset or irritated by the posts of the more uninformed members, perhaps take a few days off, or choose not to engage such people.

I see "likes" for the pro banning folks that are also on my BLOCKED (precious snowflakes) list. Remember those names and DO NOT take advice from them and remember that Alex can read your "private" messages you should be fine.

How do I deleted my account. Logging off just won't sufice.

I won't be deleting any accounts....

I opened up an investigation a few weeks ago and what I discovered was nauseating....

If this was about $, I'd keep things status quo...

In my previous note, I wrote that some conspiracies such as you're describing as nauseating would not be a surprise. I've not been privy to backroom messages, but have no doubt that I've seen a few results in the forums.

I respect that BP is a business and that you want and intend to continue to run it as a business to realize financial growth and a livelihood. In the process you've provided a service that clearly, given the numbers, is in demand.

That said, it is insulting for you to say that you will not delete accounts and go on to say that your decisions are not about money. Advertising revenue depends on the number of subscribers/users/members. The greater the enrollment, the greater the income. That's all well and good. If it really weren't about money, I think you'd be happy to close accounts, as doing so wouldn't cost you anything.

I repeat: I have no problem with the business practice, but I do with subterfuge.

Alex,

I am a big believer in private property, and you invested time/money/talent creating a working site such as this, I do considerate "private property" not public domain. So, I do respect your right to make editorial decisions.

That said phrases like "safe spaces" in the current political/cultural environment are now "trigger" words to me. (Ironic I'm using that verbiage). It does leave a very bad taste in my mouth.

One of the most endearing parts of this online community was the frank adult discussion on a wide variety of topics. That's probably what has brought me back here more often than I really should. As a whole, I have found the conversations to be of higher than average quality. It is always interesting getting the perspective of people worldwide, as well as those from NYC and major metropolitan areas and the handful of us in flyover country.

I have always had two reasons for actively taking part in this community...first was to try and give back and help others because I sure needed it early on. Second was the wealth of knowledge I would not have ever found on my own because I would not have known what to Google.

I'll keep an eye open, to see if this place is still worth my time. Frankly, I have enjoyed the tough love comments and while I am not looking for drama, I've never seen anything excessive. There are plenty of other boards which I have been part of that have more than their share of trolls, but this one has not been one to my way of thinking.

Since I am not privy to the PM's I have no idea of what is so bothersome, but I really have enjoyed the contributions of those who have been banned and that is why I am publically offering a sincere wish you would reconsider. But as I said this is your project and investment.

I know you won't bother deleting my account, but I won't be here anymore. You remind me too much of the incoming "president," bullying people and taking choices away from them. If I felt safe here, I don't after reading this post of yours. I don't believe for one minutes that medical professionals (unless intimately associated with you) give a whit what happens here. You have banned the true sources of wisdom and allowed the petulant children to remain. I can only assume I haven't been banned because I'm still pre-op and therefore a potential customer of your store.

I hope know one sues you after they receive permission to eat pizza and drink beer in the recovery room and then rupture their sleeve, from the wonderful fount of knowledge that remains here.

You have permission to use nothing that you find in my profile or private messages.

. I am fortunate to have a medical background ... they most likely really don't know better hence why they're asking for advice on a support page. (Health literacy... look it up). really they don't know better and probably think they are making decent choices. These posters need help and education,

There, you've said it yourself. Many people don't understand their practices' instructions in the early days because so much new material is thrown at them. It didn't occur to them to get clarification from truly appropriate sources. Others don't understand because the didn't pay attention. Yet others are short on adult capability of requesting or demanding the assistance they need. There are plenty of other reasons for getting lost along the way. These are the people who need straightforward replies because sweet talk and coddling is where they'll stop -- too many are too confused or unrealistic to stay with it until the solid info. You haven't been here long or often enough, perhaps, to have seen how often new people come along with the same bewilderment and misunderstandings or adamant insistence on hearing only what they want to hear. If you want perfect little ladies and gentlemen to respond to those wandering in the dark, it won't happen. Those who do respond have good intentions. Those of dubious intentions are unavoidable. That's how it works when you have a barrel of humans The balance is the frequency with which most members point to a sound direction and, in return, receive everything from pouts to screaming tantrums because their input isn't what was wanted. And then there are the confused newcomers who are grateful and appreciative of direct, clear response aimed between their eyes. How nice it is to know that help isn't always wasted.

Anyway, that's my little rant and I don't care a fig about its being so disorganized. A well-organized rant isn't authentic. Well, okay, the truth is that I"m not paid enough here to edit myself.

I haven't been on this site in about six months. But after this latest idiocy, I'm finally ready to delete my account.

Yes, Alec, as the owner and operator of this message board you can do anything you want to do with this board.

However, your posts in this thread mischaracterize the ways in which this board's culture and the value it offers WLS patients have declined for some time.

But the blockbuster is your admission (long suspected by me) that you read BP members' private messages. IMO reading members' private messages is a significant ethical violation by any message board operator. Those who choose to remain here need to understand that clearly.

These days there are so many other social media options for support of WLS patients. I urge those leaving BP to explore them all.

I expect that my and some others' opinions will soon vanish when Alex heavily edits or deletes this thread, just as he has deleted other comments and BP threads where members have expressed their opinions about BP's culture and operational policies. But I've bothered to type them anyway.

In closing, I would like to thank the many WLS patients here who contributed to my WLS success (I've lost 100 pounds and have maintained my weight loss for longer than a year). I also thank those who invited my input and who appreciated the help I offered. Help is a two-way street.

But the blockbuster is your admission (long suspected by me) that you read BP members' private messages. IMO reading members' private messages is a significant ethical violation by any message board operator. Those who choose to remain here need to understand that clearly.

This. Right. Here.

I'm a newbie and can't believe this is a topic that had to be addressed!! I very much appreciate the shared info- how disheartening to see what some have dealt with. Wishing everyone success in 2017 -- Here's to positive, sincere, caring & informative posts going forward!!

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

I didn't know the PM's were visible, though I should have thought so. I hope those do stay deleted. Some were very personal (hence they were "private") and some downright salacious. I have one out to Dub, and I'll delete that tomorrow and stick to using PM to see if someone wants to exchange email addresses to carry on private conversations.

On every other forum I have ever been on in the past 20 years, private messages have been inviolate. If they were shared by one of the parties to the message, that is one thing. To have someone not party to a discussion reading it without permission smacks of intrusion which has been considered abhorrent by virtually every generation preceding ours.

I didn't know the PM's were visible, though I should have thought so. I hope those do stay deleted. Some were very personal (hence they were "private") and some downright salacious. I have one out to Dub, and I'll delete that tomorrow and stick to using PM to see if someone wants to exchange email addresses to carry on private conversations.

I'm appalled messages were read. Violation of privacy!!! Deleting them probably doesn't remove them completely. I want off this site and will seek legal help to have my profile removed.