BariatricPal Members,

I wanted to remind you all about BariatricPal’s purpose and policies. If you do not want to read this entire post, please at least read the following points!

• BariatricPal is a safe place for the weight loss surgery community.
• No rudeness or disrespect will be permitted.
• Your use of BariatricPal implies your acceptance of the Forum Rules.
• Failure to follow the Forum Rules can lead to consequences included lifetime bans from BariatricPal.

Now for the complete version:

I created BariatricPal in 2003 to help other bariatric surgery patients. I want the forums to be able to help everyone reach their weight loss surgery and health goals. My goal is to maintain the forums as a place for weight loss surgery patients and potential patients to come for information and support.

BariatricPal is intended to be a safe place for the entire weight loss surgery community. I want EVERY SINGLE MEMBER to feel welcome on this board. You should feel comfortable asking questions, expressing doubts, and sharing advice, insights, and experiences.

Unfortunately, this has not been the case recently. I have heard from multiple sources that some members are uncomfortable here. They feel attacked when they post. I have heard this not only from newbie and veteran members, but also from bariatric surgeons, nurses, and psychologists who are members of ASMBS and who have heard concerns about BariatricPal from their patients.

A tiny minority of BariatricPal members are responsible for creating these concerns. The vast majority of BariatricPal members have wonderful, helpful, positive, and informative posts. I thank you for that. You are responsible for BariatricPal’s success.

A few of you, I suspect, truly want to help, but may come off sounding a little harsher than you meant. This can be off-putting to members who have sincere questions and are looking for guidance. To prevent accidentally hurting other members, I urge you to re-read the Forum Rules for suggestions on making your posts helpful rather than hurtful.

There is a tiny minority of BariatricPal members who have gone far beyond the occasional misconstrued post. It is these members who have prevented the forums from being a safe place for everyone. They repeatedly and intentionally start threads or respond to members with disparaging or rude remarks. They often imply or state outright that they are correct and that other posters are doomed to fail. They send private messages urging their friends to bully other members who disagree with them. This does not create a safe space for members!

Anyone who violates the Forum Rules is subject to consequences, include being permanently banned from BariatricPal.

The Forum Rules state, “All members have the right to express their opinions and are encouraged to do so while maintaining a courteous tone.” Disagreeing with someone and expressing yourself politely to say so is one thing. Intentionally hurting others is quite another. If you are unsure of how to respond to a post without being rude, please refer to the Forum Rules for examples and guidelines.

Again, I thank the overwhelming majority of BariatricPal members who are just trying to help, and who have done a wonderful job of lending a hand or ear to those who need it. I hope you all recognize the value you each bring to the boards, and you consider how you can contribute in the most constructive way possible.

Thank you!

hold the phone --

In post #23, I referred to Alex's saying he'd read nauseating private messages between members who he says were plotting against other members. Is it my imagination or is the post in which he acknowledged reading PMs now gone, deleted?

It is post #10 and creepy!!

But the blockbuster is your admission (long suspected by me) that you read BP members' private messages. IMO reading members' private messages is a significant ethical violation by any message board operator. Those who choose to remain here need to understand that clearly.

This. Right. Here.

This is very important. That is NOT okay and should NOT be normalized.

hold the phone --

In post #23, I referred to Alex's saying he'd read nauseating private messages between members who he says were plotting against other members. Is it my imagination or is the post in which he acknowledged reading PMs now gone, deleted?

It is post #10 and creepy!!

It is quoted in post 20 if you want a screen shot. If I were Alex's attorney I would advised him to remove it and deny he ever posted it.

Too late - I have a screenshot! I'm pretty sure he doesn't have access to my personal files on my computer but one never knows...

Does Trump have any cabinet position available? I think we might have a candidate.

Does Trump have any cabinet position available? I think we might have a candidate.

If not Trump, his bestie Putin!!

The irony aggiemae is that you would definitely qualify as Trumps spokesperson.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I used to enjoy coming here, being helped and helping others, as well as having few laughs.

For the past few months there has been drama, after drama, after drama.

People threatening others, name calling, being super nasty, stirring trouble, trolling etc ....

And now this!

So many great people have left. I guess if most if not all experienced and successful post WLS members leave, then the enablers will rule, leaks may happen and other emergencies.

I also come from medical background, and I am truly tired and sick of this nonsense.

I don't need it.

I too was accused of bullying, just because I did not know a particular junk food name, because I live in another country.

Enough is enough!

I have to wonder if those medical and bariatric professionals that have concerns know their patients are eating pork chops, tacos, steak, chicken, snrimp, bacon within the first 2 weeks out of surgery. I wonder if they know their patients are asking can I have this or that or when can I have this or that. I wonder if they know there are posters who tell them yes, it is ok, you will be fine or You didn't get surgery just to not enjoy the foods you like or I can tell my body is healed so I can eat what I want.

Those of us who have concerns for their health and that they have a plan from their doctor to follow and that this is a lifestyle change are tired of being told our tone was harsh. It is up to the reader to determine tone as they interpret it.

I can't even estimate how many times I have seen the words Is it on your plan? And Check with your doctor. These are supportive responses.

I am sure those medical professionals might be grateful that strangers are actually trying to help their non compliant patients. Maybe you can provide this kind of feedback to those that had concerns. I've run out of steam.

From LipstickLady:

**I am PISSED that he implied that I was part of any backyard bullying club. Not only would I **never** do that, but I've known for a good year that he was reading PMs so if I was going to do that, it certainly wouldn't be there. I would be THRILLED if one of you posted THIS EXACT MESSAGE in that thread and say that it was from me.**

Alex, wtf? How can anyone find this place to be a 'safe space' if we're subject to outright lies being told about us? I'm completely bewildered by your unprecedented breach of normal website behavior...since when do site owners a) read private messages and then comment on the content of said PMs publicly?

I think you've painted yourself into a corner here. What I don't understand is WHY you've done it.

I think the level of vitriol in this thread speaks for itself.

If you're upset and want to leave the site, then move along so the remaining members can do the same.

Edited January 15, 20179 yr by White Sale

I think the level of vitriol in this thread speaks for itself.

If you're upset and want to leave the site, then move along so the remaining members can do the same.

I would if I were allowed to leave!!!! I'm more than happy to move along if my account is deleted!!!

@whitesale you've been here what 3 days move along off this thread you don't even understand why people are upset your so new.

@whitesale you've been here what 3 days move along off this thread you don't even understand why people are upset your so new.

I'm sure she's been on before Dec...Just a new profile of one of the members who start this BS.

If you're upset and want to leave the site, then move along so the remaining members can do the same.

If you're among those waiting to move along, you have the ability to extricate yourself from the thread and the vitriol. If you're lingering because, like those who materialize out of the ether to stare at traffic accidents, you're transfixed. You're on the horns of a dilemma. The good part is that choice is inherent.