I was watching some you tube videos and came across a young man that lost all the weight. He was talking about that now that he is thin he would never date anyone that was overweight because he was not looking at going back to where he was an an overweight person would only drag him down. Now i am not thin My journey just started however if i were ever to get thin i would hope that i dont turn into some of the people that make fun of me now. However i also see his point of view only about the being healthy. What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?

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Considering how many times I've flipped from fat to thin, I feel compassion mostly.

But it seems that we are most critical of traits we see in others that we dislike in ourselves. So I guess his disdain is a reflection of his fear of going back to being that fat guy again.

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That is a very hard thing, what the other poster said about never dating someone who was obesee, now that they where at a healthier body weight(goal weight). We have worked so hard to change our bodies and improve our health, that sometimes it might seem taboo to date someone who is obese, for fear that their eating habbits will pull us back to unhealthy ways. Every person has to come to their own resolutions about their bodies and weight, in their own time and way. Bariactrics is not a fix all, it's just part of the bigger solution.

From my own personal experiences, it is very difficult to stay on the diet/task at hand when you are the only one in the house with restrctions on diet. And sometimes there is resentment on both sides. I wish sometimes that my husband could feel the distain I feel when I've gained weight and my bras don't fit or my jeans are to tight, it sucks. I know that going backwards will literally make me go backwards. Sometimes I think the spouses who are not surgically intervined need more therapy then we do.

I don't judge people physically. It is a person's character that defines them to me.

If the overweight person is struggling with weight related issues, then I view them with empathy.

Those are some great questions to ask. I personally have not undergone my surgery as of yet, but have lost some weight under my weight management and expect to have lost some more with my pre-op diet. Having been obese for practically all of my life, I can't help but say that I would feel empathy/compassion towards people that are in the same situation.

@@doxaholic

What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?

I have not forgotten how far I have come. I was compassionate before surgery. I'm still a compassionate person after my weight loss. I know what its like to walk in the shoes of a morbidly obese person. I would never disrespect someone based on weight.

On the dating side. I don't want to slide back. Weight wouldn't be a deal breaker if it was the right guy. The other part to this is I'm now athletic. I find other men that are athletic attractive. I would not have this type of attraction when I was obese. I would have been way too intimidated.

From my own personal experiences, it is very difficult to stay on the diet/task at hand when you are the only one in the house with restrctions on diet. And sometimes there is resentment on both sides.

I think this is absolutely true and it's not specific for weight loss. It applies to every diet or diet philosophy (e. g. organic vs. non-organic). I had my fair share of discussions with my hubby on this and it continues.

I don't judge people physically. It is a person's character that defines them to me.

If the overweight person is struggling with weight related issues, then I view them with empathy.

I don't think this can be emphasized enough. Too many people are preoccupied with physical appearance. Some of the most beautiful people (physically speaking) have some of the worst personalities. They are full of nastiness and contempt for others. On the other hand, those who are more "homely" are often more generous in spirit and much more pleasant to be around. Every person should be evaluated by their character.

I posted a while ago about being in Walmart and seeing boatloads of fat people everywhere. Aside from my usual irritation at being forced into a crowd setting, I mainly felt sympathy for many of them. Treating people badly because of their physical appearance is a sure sign of a shallow personality. I did my best not to be that way before, and I will continue on that way.

I would say mostly I feel compassion because I was there for a very long time. I know that likely they are feeling pain physically but also mentally.

And there is a part of me that wants to simply tell them they don't have to live like this.

But I have also learned that someone suffering from obesity has to get to their breaking point before they are ready to listen and take action.

My husband is a great example. He is morbidly obese and a few years older than I. He watched me go from from a normal size when I met him to exceed a BMI larger than his now. He also watched me suffere through many back surgeries and health issues because of it.

When I decided I was going to have WLS, he decided he was going to too and began the process with me.

He backed out and although extremely supportive of my decision to move forward, he clearly is not ready. He eats completely out of boredom not hunger and yes, it does frustrate me to know he could be living differently but he clearly is not ready.

I think it will take a health issue to make him ready. He is generally healthy and does not feel pain yet. Something will have to be his last straw and he will have to get there on his own.

I have many friends and colleagues who are morbidly obese and they are all curious but none ready to do anything so drastic to take action.

So, I feel empathy and compassion because I know that at some point they are going to feel pain or end up with serious health issues and they don't need to live like that.

Great topic.

I guess it is human nature to view the world through the filter of your own experiences. People who have never struggled with weight mistakenly assume that our brains/hormones work the same way as theirs, so judge us by their own experiences and will never understand or empathize.

No matter how much weight I lose, I will never forget the struggle and will always have compassion - because I lived it. My question to myself is, what biases/prejudices do I have for people who struggle with other challenges or addictions that I have never experienced?

On the other hand, it is very scary to allow someone into your daily life that could potentially derail you. So I can see the youtube guys point. My newfound behavior changes are so delicate. I know fat brain is lurking in the background, ready to take over if I open the door even a crack.

I would never be that shallow. I know what it feel like to be judged and I can look past weight and see someone for their heart.

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Over the years, I vacillated back and forth between sympathy and outright hatred. I know the hatred was as another poster noted, really self hatred for what I used to be.

Now that I am four years post WLS, when I see a morbidly obese person, all I think is 'there but for the grace of God go I'

From my own personal experiences, it is very difficult to stay on the diet/task at hand when you are the only one in the house with restrctions on diet. And sometimes there is resentment on both sides.

I think this is absolutely true and it's not specific for weight loss. It applies to every diet or diet philosophy (e. g. organic vs. non-organic). I had my fair share of discussions with my hubby on this and it continues.

This is an excellent point. Several years ago, Mrs. LittleBill was diagnosed as extremely gluten sensitive. She was having a number of health issues, and removing gluten from her diet cleared them up. Now all it takes is a few milligrams to make her sick. Once she started with her diet, we did not completely remove gluten from my diet, but we did make quite a few adjustments in our common food to make sure she did not have any problems, physical or emotional. A big part of it is me reading lots and lots of labels at the grocery store to make sure I don't buy something that will poison her. When they told me at the bariatric program that I would have to start reading labels, I said, "Yeah, I've been doing that for years. Next."

Now that I am on my own restrictive diet, she has made changes of her own to accommodate me. She is a borderline candidate for WLS, but I have already told her it is completely up to her, and she is comfortable with that. Right now she is doing well with her weight loss the old fashioned way.

Like others have said, I feel compassion and I feel empathy. I wish I could share what's worked for me, but I know it likely won't be well received by someone who isn't ready for it.

I think as far as choosing a partner, too much emphasis in our society is put on "falling in love" (way too easy to fall OUT of love) and not in selecting a life companion. You chose a companion based on shares values, outlooks, beliefs, lifestyles, etc. i think it would be hard for me, were I selecting a life companion today, to chose one who was obese because our values and lifestyles would be too different. It would have nothing to do with my feelings about the person and their worth/heart/etc.

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When they told me at the bariatric program that I would have to start reading labels, I said, "Yeah, I've been doing that for years. Next."

When I ate vegetarian first and then vegan for a whole while reading labels was some kind of a special hobby as well.

I think if I fell for someone that was still over weight after I lose mine that it wouldn't change anything only to encourage them to get healthier

progress starts in the mind