Husband says he doesn't like skinny women...WTH!

[Islandgirl7467 0]

I am so disgruntled. I had a recent post about how my husband is not supportive but he has reached a new low. He just told me that I am using drastic measures to become skinny and " he doesn't like skinny women". When I first got with my husband I weighed 145 lbs. I'm 5'6. So I I was pretty small then. Well fast forward twenty one years and 3 kids later ...my highest weight was 242 lbs. I am insulted by this so badly. I told him if you don't like the size I become then you have the option of leaving then. I'm so tired of this ish. Everyday he is putting me down about this surgery and I know I may have some tough Patches post op and I know he is going to lavish in that so that he can say I told you so. My 20 year old son is going with me to have my surgery due to I'm going to Texas and I'm from Alabama. I don't think he quite gets it but he said mom I'm going with you and not letting you be alone. That means the world to me. I just feel like this is probly gonna be the end of my marriage. My husband then said I'm probly trying to be skinny for other men and I'm like really. I would go thru my stomach being sliced just for attention... get the heck

Out of here. Just so disgusted with having to defend this decision to him. I have researched this for 4-5 years. I'm making a change for a better healthier me. I guess everyone doesn't want a better, healthier me. He has been thin all his life and doesn't understand this weight struggle. So he doesn't want a skinny wife but you want an overweight wife who is prediabetic, has sleep apnea, high cholesterol, and heart problems huh? But she is good n thick,, yeah right. I'm just over it!!!!

Personally, I think he's an insecure little man and that's something he has to work on. He's probably afraid that you're going leave him after. That said... I haven't read all the responses but may I suggest asking him to go to a meeting for other spouses and significant others. It's comforting to have full family support but ultimately you have to be ready for it. If that's what you want, embrace it. You may have some issues after, or if you're like me, you will have no issues at all. My only little issue was that I wasn't able to consume the 1liter of Water within the 1st 24 hours so I had to stay in the hospital an additional day. I followed my doctors instructions and I had so problems at all. November 7th was 9 years for me. I've ran a few relays and October 15, I completed my second 1/2 marathon. At 295 pounds, I could not fathom this. What does you're husband for exercise? Tell him it could be fun going walking or running or going to the gym together. I didn't reach my target weight but at 5' 7" 185 pounds I feel great. After your surgery, keep inviting him to go walking with you...maybe he'll change his thought process. Best wishes on your surgery.

Sent from my 6045O using the BariatricPal App

Edited December 3, 2016 by Islandgirl7467

[Dknal2 1,066]

My husband is 170 and 6'4. He will say in a heartbeat he doesn't have to exercise he is just blessed with high metabolism so he stays thin plus he always brags that he doesn't have to eat much.... another pet peeve of mine... but I have asked him to do all that was advised he just wants nothing to do with this surgery and says that I'm going to regret it in the long run. I don't agree with that or I wouldn't be having this surgery. I'm a RN so I have researched this up and down. I just thank God that I'm not changing my mind again and going forward. I'm kind of getting excited ????

Edited December 3, 2016 by Dknal2

[Dshell 33]

I agree that he is insecure. He probably thinks you will leave when you become thinner which means he thinks you only stay bc you are heavy. He really needs a reality check! This is not about him it's about you.

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[Babbs 14,680]

He'll come around when he sees how happy, healthy and sexier (although I'm sure you're plenty sexy already) you'll be after the surgery.

And if he's doesn't? You go on living with your sexy, sassy self without him.

[Dknal2 1,066]

It is about me and that's why I'm sticking to my guns. I gotta do this for me. I hate this is the way the ball has bounced but I gotta do what I have to do.

I agree that he is insecure. He probably thinks you will leave when you become thinner which means he thinks you only stay bc you are heavy. He really needs a reality check! This is not about him it's about you.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Dknal2 1,066]

Preach Babbs, lol. I am so excited to see what I will be in 6 months. I wanna get my labs back n cholesterol is down, no longer prediabetic, no more Coap, or heart palpitation mess. God is good and he will see me thru this.

He'll come around when he sees how happy, healthy and sexier (although I'm sure you're plenty sexy already) you'll be after the surgery.

And if he's doesn't? You go on living with your sexy, sassy self without him.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@Dknal2

Couples therapy is the only solution if you want to save your marriage.

[The New Kel 1,312]

The goal of WLS is not to be skinny. It is to be healthy. Does he like healthy women?

[Dr-Patient 830]

Girl, just do YOU. He is 1) scared you're gonna get all fly and other men will be checking you out. 20 scared you won't want him anymore; and 3) he's not sure of his place in your new world. BUT...

Medically you are overweight, etc., and you are looking to better yourself and your health. Good for you! He needs to look beyond himself and see what's best for you--his wife and your family. And if he loved and married you at the earlier weight, then he does like 'skinny' women. he married one--you!

Don't let his negativity stop you and your wls journey. Go Forth, head high!! He'll like what he sees as you progress. Just reassure him as you are getting fly that you still love him, etc. [Men. I swear. Love 'em, but they are such babies sometimes.]

[Dknal2 1,066]

We will see how it goes. Thanks

@@Dknal2

Couples therapy is the only solution if you want to save your marriage.

[Dknal2 1,066]

Evidently not due to he is content with me having a BMI of 39.4.... I'm 38 and want to be as healthy as possible turning 40 due to all the changes that come at that point.. I'm pressing forward with prayer and support of my buddies here at Bariatric Pals. Thank you all really ... I am really feeling a lot better with talking or typing to you guys, lol

The goal of WLS is not to be skinny. It is to be healthy. Does he like healthy women?

[Dknal2 1,066]

Thank you Dr. Patient. I didn't go through with this 4 years ago because I felt Donbas about what he was saying but not this time baby. Love it or leave it... But I'm headed to Texas.

Girl, just do YOU. He is 1) scared you're gonna get all fly and other men will be checking you out. 20 scared you won't want him anymore; and 3) he's not sure of his place in your new world. BUT...

Medically you are overweight, etc., and you are looking to better yourself and your health. Good for you! He needs to look beyond himself and see what's best for you--his wife and your family. And if he loved and married you at the earlier weight, then he does like 'skinny' women. he married one--you!

Don't let his negativity stop you and your wls journey. Go Forth, head high!! He'll like what he sees as you progress. Just reassure him as you are getting fly that you still love him, etc. [Men. I swear. Love 'em, but they are such babies sometimes.]

[Hammer_Down 631]

My $.02:

In our society, we choose who we will go through life with. Our marriages are not arranged, we do not receive divine intervention from a higher power that pushes us together with anyone. Only we choose who will walk beside us in life, and eventually death.

The second it occurred to me that my chosen partner in life was secretly hoping I would fail for the sake of winning an argument ("I told you so!") I would be choosing to walk alone. It's easier to walk on your own than to be dragging someone else along.

[Fredbear 397]

Maybe you should tell him you don't find shallow judgmental @$$holes attractive, either.

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@Dknal2 There's a huge support group here for you I've only been around for about 7 months and there are women and men I've met here who have become very real parts of my life!

You have to make decisions that are the best for your health, and there's no question of NOT making the choice that includes improving your chances at a longer, healthier and happier life. That man will have to make his own decisions and he may make the wrong one, unfortunately. But you'll still be healthier and hopefully happier!