So I've told my family that I am planning the VSG, but I have not told my friends. My best friend is my dinner buddy..always asking me to go out to eat. As you can imagine she is overweight as well. She had another friend do the surgery and she blasted her to me..how she thought it was ridiculous to do the surgery and what's wrong with being chunky..well I have decided not to tell her because I know she would not be supportive and would possibly try to sabotage my journey..but what do I do after the surgery to not go out to dinner with her when I always had in the past? You can't fake eat and drink..lol

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I told one of my best friend who me and her were discussing me having it and encourage me and i also told my sister first . I know her . She would be supportive .... non of my other friends know nor I am gonna tell them . And when I told my family they weren't supportive at all . And the kept saying what I shame you can loose weight by your own . You have to do a surgery !!!!!!!!!

My advice to you is only tell people who you would know that they would be supportive

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I've only told people that I know would be supportive outside of my family. My family has been ridiculously unsupportive.

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there isn't any right or wrong with this issue. it's up to your comfort level in sharing.

I tend to be a fairly open person who doesn't really give a rats a$$ what others think. so I have been pretty open about my surgery, which in the long run (after I heard everyone's comments and opinions) means that I have a lot of support. some of it misguided, but all well wishes and support, which is lovely. my attitude was if you have an opinion let's hear it and then I will move ahead and do what I need to do. but not everyone can handle the scrutiny that can bring.

That's a tough one. But I respect your decision. I have told my very close family whom I share birthdays holidays and all special life events with but not the family on my dad's side. Im just not as close with them. I only have a select few friends. 3 of them know-- there is one who was my ride or die and she has recently come back into my life but I probably will not tell her we are just not close anymore but we are in contact. The next time she sees me I will probably be smaller than her and she wont be able to understand how!!! Anyways, its a personal choice and I understand your reasons for not telling this friend. She seems like a bit of a hater and a little too opinionated. You will need to hit her with the whole I need to lose weight bit. Start your workouts, eating healthy, smaller portions when you are around her and eventually get to the point where if you guys go out--offer to share a meal, tell her you are cutting out your drinking as your friend she will need time to adjust to the changes or it could cause a bit of a strain.

I didn't tell anyone. There was a very brief period immediately post op where going out socially would have been a struggle for me. Just a few weeks, if that. Now at 3 months post op I go out all the time, I order healthy Proteins and veggies and eat small portions and everyone just thinks I'm losing weight because I eat like that. Which- I am.

However. If this is someone else who is overweight- who is looking at you as someone they can rely on "pigging out" with then they will be in for a disappointment. If you really don't want to share, which is totally fine and your call, just be clear with her that you are following a strict diet and taking your weight loss seriously.

Generally when you tell family or friends they spread the news of surgery for you. I see it over and over here. Even the HR person who told..... There is so little down time with the sleeve, that my husband and I have kept it to ourselves, and no one questions us. We socialize a lot, no one pays attention to our dieting. It makes our life so uncomplicated and boring. Thanks to my husband who insisted I not tell, because I didn't think I could hide it. We did. No lies, just no details and eating healthy.

I've been on a health kick for a couple of years..gym and walking/jogging too..but very little weight loss..because I love cooking and I love food..this friend who I've known for 23 years always tried to sabotage any success Ive had and has absolutely been my go out and pig out buddy which is why I know she wouldn't be supportive and would be afraid to lose me in that aspect. Luckily my family is supportive and I also have a coworker that just had the surgery so I think we'll be great support system for each other but I think this friendship will suffer because I just won't want to go out with her anymore to eat.

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I've been on a health kick for a couple of years..gym and walking/jogging too..but very little weight loss..because I love cooking and I love food..this friend who I've known for 23 years always tried to sabotage any success Ive had and has absolutely been my go out and pig out buddy which is why I know she wouldn't be supportive and would be afraid to lose me in that aspect. Luckily my family is supportive and I also have a coworker that just had the surgery so I think we'll be great support system for each other but I think this friendship will suffer because I just won't want to go out with her anymore to eat.

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Trust your gut instinct!

I did not plan on telling any of my friends and then on Friday I decided to tell a close friend. She used to be very supportive of my healthy eating and exercise routines and lifestyle, I lost a lot of weight and then I gained some back. She told me I didn't need it, that I can do it by myself and that it's a lot of money (I'm self pay). Well, I explained how I have tried and failed, and that I can't lose 100 lbs on my own at 41. That if I calculate how much $$$ I have spent on equipment (at hime gym I had with a spinning bike, weight bench bowflex weights etc..), Shakeology, Nutrisystem etc. I've more that likely spent 3 times as much. I can't do it on my own, thats a very sad but realistic realization. Then she says, I should do it too (she is 5'7 158 lbs) "I need that to stop eating". That last part made me regret telling her. People don't realize this will be hard on me, my husband, my kids and although in the end it will be worth it...the journey is far from easy..so, I'm not going to lay myself out to be judged or ridiculed by people who either don't understand the struggle or want you to continue to be as miserable as they are.

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Edited October 3, 20169 yr by gabysmum

She had another friend do the surgery and she blasted her to me..how she thought it was ridiculous to do the surgery and what's wrong with being chunky..... what do I do after the surgery to not go out to dinner with her when I always had in the past? You can't fake eat and drink.

Play Doh latkes won't cut it with your friend?

It sounds as though your friendship with this woman certainly will be tested. You can go out to dinner with her, but you'll be ordering what makes sense for you. Prepare yourself by checking the restaurant menus on line beforehand.

When she notices your weight loss and change in meal choices, she'll grill you. If she ridicules or gets unpleasant, you can remind her of the comment on nothing wrong with being chunky. Agree by saying you'd never judge anyone's choice and also make it clear that you want something different for yourself, including health and ease of movement. She'll really get grumpy if you mention appearance.

Or something like the above in your own words.

Be prepared, though. She may be history after a while. It happens.

I've told only three of my friends and they are the only ones who are supportive of me; my family not so much.

I figure anyone who matters to me can know. Otherwise I will keep it quiet. As I'm divorced, so far that's been my mom, my 15 year old daughter, and my best friend (a beautiful 48 year old size 6 or so) and all have been very supportive. My mom was the most reserved just because of the fear of any dangers with a major surgery, but she quickly came around knowing this was a very important step for me.

I feel you about that friend. If she wants to keep you as her "fat buddy", then be prepared for some disappointment. That does suck, no bones about it, because I don't like to let friends go easily...but this is about you and your health and happiness. Good luck friend.

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Edited October 3, 20169 yr by staceface

Just wait until you are crushing it in a few months, your friend will come around and I bet that you may inspire her to look into the same surgical options. We are addicts, the surgery will handle the cravings... For now, but it's up to u how long that tool will last. Since my surgery, I have been very open when asked what I am doing to lose weight, I have saved 4 people so far by pointing them in the right direction when asked. This is rehab for us eaters, I know those outside won't understand that, and that's ok... Because they will change their tune as soon as they see the change in you... I promise!

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I totally agree with @@Christinamo7 - there is no right answer to this one. For me personally, I have separated people into 3 categories: (1) those I told before surgery; (2) those I will likely tell after surgery and (3) those I will never tell. Group (1) included only my husband and my sister - people who I trusted would be unconditionally supportive as I didn't want to deal with any negative energy. Group (2) includes other family and close friends - people who are important to me, but who I suspected might not initially supportive. I am opting to tell them after surgery (I'm only 5 days post-op) when they would have no ability to impact my decision and would ultimately have to accept it. Group (3) includes people who just don't need to know - more distant friends, acquaintances, colleagues at work. If / when they notice my weight loss, I just intend to tell them that I've been working very hard at it and leave it at that. That's my strategy, but everyone's situation is unique. Hopefully your friends will be mature enough to be happy for you, but we all know that some people are too embedded in their own drama to see this as something you are doing for you and not something you are doing to them. Best of luck!

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@@gabysmum the statement your friend made " you just need to quit eating" is the kind of comment that makes me want to throat punch people. Really??!? Like we don't already feel under a microscope every time we eat In public. And probably every one of us has tried starving ourselves as well. I sure have! Duh fat people need fuel too! Stupidest statement ever. People don't always think before they speak.

This is why only my husband and doctors know my situation.

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