Ask anything...

Medical...

Personal...

Hyyyyydromatic...

Wait...

That's something else..

Anyway, I'm more than happy to share my wealth of knowledge with you...

So...

Have at it!!

^{_{Please note - I'm not a doctor, but I will answer anything. The answer may not be based in fact, but should at least provide you with weirdness to remind you to use Google next time...}}

^{_{Also, because most of you are almost a day behind, I'll answer all questions upon waking...}}

^{_{Or after Breakfast...}}

^{_{And a shower...}}

^{_{But before lunch...}}

^{_Hopefully...}

^{_{That's all..}}.

Dr kinda - I visited my PCP and told him I have pain everywhere. I pressed my finger on my forehead, it hearts, pressed my finger on my knee, it hearts, pressed my finger on stomach, it hearts... After further analysis the Doctor found my finger was broken. Do you think I need to lose some weight?

Hello midvishon and welcome to the Pleasure-Dome,

In short, yes, yes you do...

It's obvious to me that the pressure you're exerting on your finger when you type is just becoming too much for your cute liddle pingy-wingies (medical term for fingers.. you lot wouldn't understand) to handle...

What I would suggest is the following..

Stand up.

Turn off your computer

No, not yet, otherwise you'll not know what to do next..

Put on a pair of comfortable shoes^

Go for a walk

Even if it's just to the other room to watch tv,,,

You obviously spend WAY too much time typing your maniacal Facebook rants or playing Candy Crush..

Get out more!!!

NEXT!!!!

^^{_{This assumes that you were clothed when you were reading this. I know a lot of my readers like to learn from me in the nude, but I'm hoping that you were dressed at this point. If not, please also add at least underwear and a scarf to the list of things you're 'putting on'...}}

Dear Dr. KF,

My back is screaming today. Do you have a cure for Fibromyalgia??

Greetings Valentina,

No, I do not have a cure for Fibromyalgia.

In fact, I can't even say it.

Are you sure it's not just a word you've made up?

Speaking of which, here are a few more words which sound made up to me -

Malapropism

Juxtaposition

Sphincter

Here are a few of my favourite words -

Spirogyra

Alabaster

Jinking

And finally, some of my least favourites -

Anywho

Chillax

Avocado

I feel better now...

NEXT!!!!

Dear Dr. Kinda,

I am gaining weight. I don't know why.

Do you know why?

Hello VSGAnn2014,

My, what a convoluted name you have.

You must be important tho - your name begins with not just one, but four capital letters...

Is it possible you're compensating for having a small penis?

Anyway, I digress...

Yes, I do know why you're gaining weight...

In fact, I can put it into three words for you...

O RE OS...

Yes, that's right...

I've seen your website...

oreoann.com

While watching you eat those sweet, sweet Cookies can be mesmerizing, you really have to remember one thing...

Broken cookies DO still contain calories...

Unlike melted chocolate or cold pizza, the calories in Oreos do NOT magically disappear.

They're still firmly entrenched in there, just waiting to make a move to your thighs/hips/arse..

So my advice to you is as follows -

Shut down your little pay-per-view service and get a real job...

Because nobody is gonna subscribe to www.proteinshakeann.com...

NEXT!!!!

Dear Dr. KF,

My back is screaming today. Do you have a cure for Fibromyalgia??

Greetings Valentina,

No, I do not have a cure for Fibromyalgia.

In fact, I can't even say it.

Are you sure it's not just a word you've made up?

Speaking of which, here are a few more words which sound made up to me -

Malapropism

Juxtaposition

Sphincter

Here are a few of my favourite words -

Spirogyra

Alabaster

Jinking

And finally, some of my least favourites -

Anywho

Chillax

Avocado

I feel better now...

NEXT!!!!

Thank you, Dr. KF.

I feel much better now.

Maybe it's your advice, maybe it's my percocets.

Either way, Life if Good!

Dear Dr. Familiar,

Why must I be so awesome?

Thank you for your query LipstickLady...

It's a question I've come across a lot in my life.

Mostly because of my own levels of awesome.

The best advice I can give you is this -

Don't fight the awesome...

Accept the awesome...

Embrace the awesome..

Abuse the power that the awesome gives you...

Manipulate people into doing whatever you wa...

Ummmmm...

Anyway...

Yes...

Don't fight the awesome...

If you've got it...

And you (and ONLY you) know you do...

Flaunt that awesome b*tch (or nice lady)...

F*ck I'm wise...

NEXT!!!!

Damn. I'm off here for a week and Kinda got a medical license? Time flies!

Hello LisaMergs...

Welcome back...

In my defense, it's not really a medical license..

Don't say anything, but I'm just pretending...

You see, I'm a sad, lonely old man...

I crave attention...

And this is one of my subtle yet effective ways of garnering such attention..

It's very, very clever...

Kinda like a child screaming and crying because it wants something..

If they (I) do it loud enough and long enough, someone is bound to pay them (me) the attention that they (I) so badly crave...

Or I may have just been bored on a Saturday night and am now regretting creating this rod for my own back...

Or maybe a little from each...

Either way, I've gotta pee...

NEXT!!!!

Dear Dr K,

How do I stop myself from spitting my coffee when I read your posts and replies?

I already have a STRAW!

Dr. @@KindaFamiliar

Is that a rubber glove I hear snap as you give advice?

Hello there jenn1...

There are a number of possible answers to your question...

1. Yes, yes it is.

2. No, it's the waist band of my underwear thwacking against my right buttock...

3. Turn around and see for yourself

4. Rubber? I don't use no stinkin' rubber..

If you can't find an answer you're comfortable with in that lot, let me know and I'll do some more research (that means make some more sh*t up)...

NEXT!!!!

(My face hurts -- really hurts -- from grinning so hard. Thank you, Doctor KF.)

Dear Dr. @@KindaFamiliar

First off, let me thank you for taking time out of your busy Sunday to assist us. Your sacrifice is appreciated. I hope you are otherwise enjoying your weekend.

Now, I do have a question:

I seem to have this near-constant voice in my ear. Am I crazy?

Ahhhh, the beautiful CHM...

I was hoping you'd make yourself known...

No, not because you're a medical mystery...

More because I think you're pretty cute and I like your face!

Thank you for your kind words.

Tho I can't tell if you're flirting with me or patronising me...

Either way, I'll take your attentions...

Now, your question...

Yes, yes you are...

Crazy I mean...

And in my non-expert opinion, you're likely crazy in love!!

You see, that voice you hear is NOT from inside your head.

It's coming thru the earphones that you have in there.

The earphones are connected to your phone..

And as you're ALWAYS on the phone to your boyfriend, it's likely HIS voice you're hearing..

Next time it's happening, let me know and we can work our way thru it in real time..

Or Facetime...

Or Facebook...

MySpace...

Instagram...

SnapChat..

Twitter...

Have I gone off track?

I dunno...

Oh right...

Your voices...

Yes, you're nuts!!!

NEXT!!!!

Now apart from spitting my coffee out, my stomach hurts too!

How do I stop the laughter Dr K ???????????

Help!

Dear Dr K,

I have noticed that there has been an overwhelmingly high response for your services and i would like to submit my application for being the nurse

AussieGirl81

Just to clarify, I'll not be servicing anyone...

My offer is strictly advice-related...

Despite being a gorgeous lump of beefcake, I'm not a stud bull whose 'gear' can be offered around for a price...

I'm a man with feelings...

I may be brilliant and well advanced in many areas compared to you commoners, but I also have hopes and dreams just like the rest of you...

Mine are just better...

And more attainable because I'm far superior to you all...

Now regarding your offer -

If I ever require such services, I'll certainly keep you in mind.

As it stands tho, I'm quite sure that after tomorrow, this thread will disappear into the great abyss that is the interweb, never to bee seen until, in 2023, someone accidentally stumbles upon it, 'likes' a post and allllll this sh*t starts again...

Now, if you don't mind, the Sunday Footy Show is on soon and I've things to do...

NEXT!!!!

I feel much better now.

Maybe it's your advice, maybe it's my percocets.

Either way, Life if Good!

Hi Valentina

Percocets?

Another made-up word...

Life is certainly better than the alternative...

NEXT!!!!

Dear Dr. @@KindaFamiliar

First off, let me thank you for taking time out of your busy Sunday to assist us. Your sacrifice is appreciated. I hope you are otherwise enjoying your weekend.

Now, I do have a question:

I seem to have this near-constant voice in my ear. Am I crazy?

Ahhhh, the beautiful CHM...

I was hoping you'd make yourself known...

No, not because you're a medical mystery...

More because I think you're pretty cute and I like your face!

Thank you for your kind words.

Tho I can't tell if you're flirting with me or patronising me...

Either way, I'll take your attentions...

Now, your question...

Yes, yes you are...

Crazy I mean...

And in my non-expert opinion, you're likely crazy in love!!

You see, that voice you hear is NOT from inside your head.

It's coming thru the earphones that you have in there.

The earphones are connected to your phone..

And as you're ALWAYS on the phone to your boyfriend, it's likely HIS voice you're hearing..

Next time it's happening, let me know and we can work our way thru it in real time..

Or Facetime...

Or Facebook...

MySpace...

Instagram...

SnapChat..

Twitter...

Have I gone off track?

I dunno...

Oh right...

Your voices...

Yes, you're nuts!!!

NEXT!!!!

Y'all are disgusting.

Y'all are disgusting.

Hey! All I did was ask a question like eeeeverybody else!