Hi All! I am divorced (3 years), I was married for 28. I had VSG 3 1/2 years ago, and I am down 140 lbs. Woot! Woot! I am very happy with the results and I love my new body! BUT, I wonder, could my 'not so perfect' body be why my relationships have stalled out? No one has EVER said anything, and I would NEVER ask. But, I really do wonder. Are men (no offense guys, that is just who I am dealing with) REALLY that shallow? I can't imagine that there are that many woman, my age (I am 50 & a Mom of Twins) who have perfectly flawless bodies? With or without WLS! Maybe this ISN'T what's going on with my relationships, but, honestly, I am THIS CLOSE to starting out my profile with ... I DO NOT HAVE THE BODY OF AN 18 YEAR OLD!

Sent from my SM-G900T using the BariatricPal App

"Are men that shallow"?

Only in as much as women are that shallow...

You're making assumptions that what you're experiencing is due to your 'not so perfect body'...

It may not be related to that at all...

So maybe, rather than assuming (potentially) incorrectly - ASK...

Ultimately, that's the best way to find stuff out...

Trust me...

I know stuff...

@@TammyL323 There are very few people who have perfect bodies. If you have only met men that expect perfection - then you need to branch out. I met my boyfriend weighing 270lbs - not all men are shallow. Congrats on your weight loss!! Flaunt what you've got - and have the attitude that you are perfect for someone!

Let me put it like this.....

I know multiple obese women who demand their men have perfect bodies. Surprisingly, most of these women I know do end up with guys who are out of their league. I don't understand it. But it happens. So no, men are not that shallow that they demand women to have perfect bodies.

"Are men that shallow"?

Only in as much as women are that shallow...

You're making assumptions that what you're experiencing is due to your 'not so perfect body'...

It may not be related to that at all...

So maybe, rather than assuming (potentially) incorrectly - ASK...

Ultimately, that's the best way to find stuff out...

Trust me...

I know stuff...

I apologize if I offended you, I was just asking if anyone felt that could be the reason. And, no, I have zero interest in conducting an exit interview. Whatever their reasons ... they were definitely not the one for me.

@@TammyL323 There are very few people who have perfect bodies. If you have only met men that expect perfection - then you need to branch out. I met my boyfriend weighing 270lbs - not all men are shallow. Congrats on your weight loss!! Flaunt what you've got - and have the attitude that you are perfect for someone!

Sent from my SM-G900T using the BariatricPal App

Could just be me but don't see too many "perfect" bodies around... Even people we think have the "perfect" body still see the flaws in themselves... Maybe your head just needs time to catch up with your body, your still seeing the old you but the men are dating the new you... I often thing fat has done more to screw up my head than it could ever do to my body... Good luck

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

make sure you are not reading your own insecurities about your body into other people's behavior, but if they have been obvious or straightforward enough that you're sure this is the issue....

you need to meet different men.

no matter what my weight, no matter any of my particulars every time they put me at that **** front desk men ask me out for dinner, to go home whatever. I think they find someone friendly and kind to be refreshing From the men I interact with I get the idea that is more important than a perfect body.

Lately everytime I go to the grocery store men approach me with shopping questions. and there isn't even beer in my cart?

bottom line, I meet really lovely men all over the place. I've got my hands full with the one I've got, but they're out there. make eye contact. smile. be kind. don't be in a hurry - get to know him well before revealing your body is even an issue so you are comfortable that this is not a problem.

I should add I am divorced too. My first marriage I did have the perfect little 17 year old body. and yet after 9 years he threw me away.

So, when I met my husband I was really afraid that even though he loved me, he would be disappointed with my body.

we may have 99 problems, but my body isn't one of them.

I understand how that divorce can mess with your head. I don't allow myself to think about my first husband very often because I don't want to ever go back to how he made me feel. and it was 20 years ago!

A story with a happy ending, love it!!!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

A relationship that lasts is not one that cares about having a partner with a perfect body. I would argue that it is one that requires a mutual level of attraction, however if someone is willing to get to know you as a person before they "know" you in a biblical sense, they don't tend to care as much about a few stretch marks because most women have them and their value is in WHO they are, not in what their butt looks like.

My last relationship was with someone I had talked to for six months before we really started dating and almost 8 months before I had to explain why I have plastic surgery scars. At the time I had a giant hole in my back that had to be covered by a huge bandage because my last surgery had an infection. Never once did he seem to care, and now a year and a half later, while we didn't work out as a couple. we're still friends, neither of us has dated anyone else, and I don't have any belief that if I had a perfect body he would have liked me better. As a note, he's 28, rich, and is super hot, so if he isn't shallow enough to care that my thighs are kinda flabby and my butt is not super hot, then I can believe that there are plenty of men in the world that are like him.

So, yes, some men are exactly that shallow, but so too are women- the trick is finding someone that is just as shallow as you are- no more, no less, and then you can worry about the things in a relationship that matter.

So, yes, some men are exactly that shallow, but so too are women- the trick is finding someone that is just as shallow as you are- no more, no less, and then you can worry about the things in a relationship that matter.

YES> this.

I think we're far more critical of our body than most men could ever be...

If a man is taking you on a date he's seen what you look like... When it's time to get busy, I never came across a man who said oh you have a stretch mark let's just forget it lol...

Just to add you can always do things to make yourself feel better about your body, get a wax, buy some matching bra and panties, get some new makeup etc...... Men get into what turns them on... Men please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on any of this.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Edited May 20, 201610 yr by nyteacher125

@@TammyL323

Nah, not offended at all...

I guess the reality is that it COULD be the reason...

But I'd say it's unlikely...

And yes, you're right...

They're obviously not the right one(s) for you...

Good luck to you...

I learned a long time ago from my ex that beauty is only skin deep! What's on the inside is far more important in the long run...far more important.

Obviously, not!

My husband chose me. And my body was / is so not perfect.

Neither is his.

It seems irrelevant to how we feel about each other.

BTW, congrats on losing your excess weight and maintaining your weight loss. That's really great!

Some men may be shallow, women too for that matter. Whatever the reason, you just haven't found the right guy. Keep being yourself & enjoying life. You may or may not find a partner. Either way you'll be just fine. I'm 51, been single since 2007 (when my fiance' was killed in a motorcycle accident) Being single has it's perks, too. I can do what I want when I want, I am COMPLETELY free to be myself. While I have my lonely moments, it would take someone exceptionally compatible to have a long term relationship with.

Best of luck!