Did you loose friends?

[Tina4heath4ever 27]

Honestly, this is a big fear of mine. My best friend hardly talks to her own sister after her sister had weight loss surgery. Mostly because it brings up insecurities about herself. I have resolved not to tell my best friend, but am still worried about how she will react once I loose weight. I would never make the decision NOT to do it because of how she feels, but at the same time, it's heavy on my mind.

I have my initial consult on June first, so I am a long way off from this, but I've read this is a common thing. That friends will be lost in the process, and it just saddens me so much. I would never be friends with a person because of their size. Small or large. It's the person inside that matters to me.

[Recycled 2,182]

Be prepared though. People tend to align their lifestyle with their size. She may not fit in to your new healthier lifestyle and the two of you may not do that much together any longer. Just saying. Be ready for an adjustment. Maybe she will see your success and choose to emulate you.

I just re-read your post and realized that I just assumed your best friend was obese as well. Hence, my reply. However, if she isn't and can't be supportive of your change, then she is way too insecure and threatened by the new attention you will garner.

Whatever the situation......all you need to be concerned with is your outlook on your future. A healthier you awaits.

[Andrea Guadiana 38]

Well, I wish I had really encouraging words to offer that would ease your worries. Yet, I have to admit this was also a fear of mine and it just so happens that many of the friends I thought were my friends are turning out to only be fair weather friends. By that, I mean that they no longer seem to bother with me since my goals don't fall in line with their lifestyles, (my former lifestyle). I must say that prior to my surgery I partied more than I care to admit and those so called "friends" were very supportive of my decision to have WLS. However, they are nowhere to be found now that I'm almost a month post op. Even some of my female coworkers have started talking about me behind my back and are treating me differently now that I'm losing weight. I've come to realize though, that the friends that are still by my side now that I'm not so much of a "party" to be around are the ones that matter. My husband is truly supportive of my decision and does his best to be flexible with all my constant dietary demands and changes. If your bestie treats you differently after your relationship, then talk it out with her and let her know that you are still YOU, just a lot less of you. Tell her how important her support means to you and if she's really a friend worth having, then she'll support you through your journey even if it takes a little time for her to get used to the new you. Best wishes and good luck on your journey!

Edited May 17, 2016 by Andrea Guadiana

[liposuction68 178]

WELL I DONT THINK THAT IS A HARD DECISION TO MAKE !! I PERSONALLY DO NOT AGREE TO NOT TELL YOUR BEST FRIEND ABOUT YOUR DECISION TO BETTER YOUR HEALTH AND WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY IN THE LONG RUN IF SHE IS TRULY A FRIEND SHE SHOULD STAND BY YOU WHETHER OR NOT SHE DISAGREES WITH YOUR DECISION. I THINK YOU SHOULD BRING IT UP IN A NICE WAY LIKE HEY (FRIEND) YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE SURGERY I DONT FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AND MY DOCTOR HAS SUGGESTED TO ME THAT OPTION DUE TO (MEDICAL REASONS IF YOU HAVE ) IF SHE IS HEAVY TOO AND BATTLING WEIGHT ISSUES THAN MAYBE SHE MAY JUMP ON BOARD BUT I REALLY THINK SHE SHOULD KNOW (WHAT HAPPENS IN THE DARK COMES OUT IN THE LIGHT ) ONE WAY OR THE OTHER..

GOOD LUCK

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

No, but I have a friend I view differently. It was sort of the final straw, but when I was doing pre-op testing I told her about it, and she told other people when I told her not to tell anyone, because she didn't think these people counted. Now I know I can't trust her ever, so our friendship is downgraded quite a bit in my mind.

Now that I am more active and more like I was in my younger years, the kind of people I am associating with are going to be different. I'm into hiking, boating, and in general being outdoors, some of my friends are into this kind of thing, some aren't. In the end my life is so rich now, it doesn't matter too much about the people left behind.

[sgc 538]

I am no longer friends with the person at the drive thru at Taco Bell.

[Andrea72 510]

I am no longer friends with the person at the drive thru at Taco Bell.

This cracked me up!!!

[lifeofblair 308]

I didn't tell my best friend before surgery, but once I started losing I told her because shes such a support with the health stuff. She has been really helpful and makes sure that whenever we eat out I can find something on the menu. Hopefully, you're friend doesn't get upset and will support you.

[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

I had a group of loud boisterous friends... we were as close as a family.... all of our social activities revolved around food and everyone in the group was overweight.

When i had my band and lost my weight, they started isolating me, treating me different and to be honest i wasn't enjoying their company as much because my own mindset had changed.

My friendship with this grouo became very toxic and i stopped hanging out with them.

In hindsight, they were never truly friends, they didn't like change and were never supportive. It hurt quite a bit back then, but now... I'm like thank god! Good riddance.

Basically if they are truly friends.... they will support you regardless of your size or eating habits.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

I have not personally - but I am still in early days.

I don't really expect to, as many of my friends loved me when I was thin, loved and were concerned through the years of obesity and why would they not be friends now? We're all old now anyway and not trying to be anything we're not.

I have made a bunch of new friends who I value very highly and hope to make even more!

[sbg224 318]

I have been so fortunate to have very supportive friends. No one has made a bad comment, and they all could not be happier about my weight loss, no matter I achieve it, as long as I am healthy. Only my neighbor, who is at least 100 plus pounds overweight, made a comment one time when I was riding my bike, and said if you get any skinnier we won't be able to see you. I was not upset at all, I felt sorry for her, and her unhealthy ways and with her children too, who are overweight, and I just laughed. We talk all the time. If people have their own issues and take it out on you, just think it;s their problem, not yours, who cares what they say.

[dashofsunshine 875]

I've lost some, yeah. Unfortunately. Most of my close friends (i.e. The ones that matter) have been so wonderful, supportive, and awesome. But it's borderline hilarious and kind of frustrating how competitive and catty women can be. I made several friends early on who were having/had WLS already...through networking and Instagram, etc. They were all SO kind and supportive, etc, "we're in this together!" ...until I lost more weight. Until I surpassed them. Until they got self conscious. Until they started comparing. Once that happened, I can't even tell you how many mean things were said to me. How many "friends" I lost. I was so upset by it for a long time. I've never been a competitive person - I didn't even play sports in school, lol. Not my thing. I hope we all make it, and I always have. So, to have women be SO mean to me simply because I reached "goal" faster (goal is a number. It's just a number. And it's not a race.) was really a harsh slap in the face.

The ones that really truly love you, though, will stick by you. And that's what matters just steel yourself for some hatred. Many women are very insecure.

[MeJ 11]

I lost support from my sister/best friend I didn't tell her I was having the surgery. Your friend will find out I say wait until u r approved and have set your date then ask for her support. You don't need any negative energy right now. Prepare for her response it could go either way. This is your journey not your friends. Best of luck to you.

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[melis_tx 2]

I had started a fitness routine 4 months before my sleeve; so I only told my mom and a friend that had the sleeve and swore them to secrecy. I didn't think it was anyone else's business what I did with my body so people at work all support my better eating habits. So if you really don't think they will support your decision don't tell. It's your body any way.

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[snokb04 60]

Wow. I didn't realize until I read through this how lucky I really am. I have chosen to be really open about my journey and that, if someone didn't agree with it, that was their problem. The only person who questioned my decision was my best guy friend, and that is because he is one of those people who think it's "the easy way out". We are still friends though and he hasn't changed the way he treats me. My best girl friend was very supportive. My mom was supportive, but leary of the surgery itself, but now that I've done so well, she's fine. Surprisingly, the girls I work with have probably been the most excited, most supportive of it. I even chose to tell the surgeons and the rad med docs I work with when I told them I'd be off for 3 weeks. Now that I'm back to work, people are full of questions and I look at it as an opportunity to educate others about this process (I.e. How it's sooo not the easy way out) I get a little embarrassed when people at work get so excited about telling me that they can see the loss, especially when it's only been 4 weeks and *I* can't see it yet though I can tell it in other ways. I hope it stays this way with all this support, but if someone chooses to distance themselves from you because you have taken the steps to better yourself and become a healthier version of you, were they really that good a friend to start with? Hopefully, you can tell her you are doing it and tell her the reasons WHY. Her insecurities are HERS but let her know you love her and are there to talk about her insecurities and options to change those things as well. Perhaps you can inspire her to become a more confident version of herself.

TL;DR. My friends and family rock. Tell your friend and give her a chance to support you. Maybe you will inspire her.

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Edited May 18, 2016 by snokb04