I'm not sure when making the personal decision to not tell the world all of your personal business became a "half truth" or "lie by omission" but if that's the case, I have a few scenerios/questions for those of you who think that way.

By that logic:

If someone asks me how me and husband are the day after a huge fight (or a night of great sex), is it my duty to tell them all the details or is my standard answer of "Great!" or "Fine!" now a lie?

If someone asks me why I look tired, do I have to tell them that my husband snored and farted all night/was extremely frisky/kept getting up to pee and woke me up a gazillion times or am I lying?

I am just getting over a horrible tummy bug. When people ask me if I'm feeling better, should I go ahead and tell them that I am terribly afraid that I am going to poop in my pants at any minute because my stomach still feels off? If I don't, I am TOTALLY lying by omission.

Well meaning friends often ask how my kids are doing in school. Should I tell them that my oldest is in the top ten in her class, got into a top rated university, has received an a$$ load of scholarships but that her ex-boyfriend is being a real bast@rd and making her personal life a little miserable? I mean, that's the truth.

People often ask me my ethnicity because I am olive complected in the bible belt. I tell them Mexican and Italian, but I leave out the drop of German and Acatec Indian. Pin a big red L on my chest!

Must I tell people that I am on the rag/pissed at my kids/need a glass of wine/really have no desire to talk to them/in a hurry when they ask me how I am doing? Manners be damned! I don't want to be a liar.


Do I love your skirt? Why yes, I do! But now I have to tell you that it's beautiful but looks like **** on you because I don't want to omit any info.

Why am I smiling? I just crop dusted some nasty faced woman an aisle over. TRUTH!!


I could go on forever ...

Keeping my personal business PERSONAL doesn't make ME a liar just because you choose to share YOUR personal business.

If you don't want to talk about it, you can just say that you don't want to talk about it. Once you go into details and leave out the surgery, you are no longer being completely truthful. It's your right to not be truthful, but you have need to own it.

So what you're saying is that in all the scenarios I listed in my original post, you would give full details? Really?

Ask me how my Friday night was, I'll tell you "great - had an awesome date, great dinner, spent a lot of time together, can't wait to do it again." If I post the details here, Alex will put me in a major time-out. Am I lying? Am I not being truthful? Life isn't court - the truth, the whole truth, etc.... doesn't mean you're lying.

@@LipstickLady,

What a good post! Your examples are hilarious, of course, but they ring so true. What percent of the whole truth do we typically tell? Probably as much as we can without getting into trouble, which isn’t much.

It’s amazing to me that people think not sharing about weight loss surgery is a lie. Those must be people who are either concerned about their own weight, jealous of your success, uninformed about what WLS is and how it works (and how YOU work to make it work!), or some combination of the above.

@@Christinamo7 is right that it’s probably not worth the effort to try to explain your position to people who think you’re a liar because you didn’t feel like sharing about your WLS. Unfortunately, knowing that these people aren’t worth your time doesn’t make it much easier when they look down on you.

@@Proud2BMe, I agree that there’s a difference between not telling and actively lying, but I’m not sure the difference is that important in some cases. For example, are we obligated to tell the truth to avoid actively lying when someone asks us directly if we had WLS, even if we didn’t bring it up and don’t care to talk about it? That seems like they’re asking for a lie because it’s a personal question that they don’t really have the right to have an answer to. But I do have a very hard time actively lying...and also I love telling about my surgery if someone's interested! So maybe my answer would be different if I wanted not to talk about it.

If you don't want to talk about it, you can just say that you don't want to talk about it. Once you go into details and leave out the surgery, you are no longer being completely truthful. It's your right to not be truthful, but you have need to own it.

So what you're saying is that in all the scenarios I listed in my original post, you would give full details? Really?

WLS??, if asked? Exactly.

If you don't want to talk about it, you can just say that you don't want to talk about it. Once you go into details and leave out the surgery, you are no longer being completely truthful. It's your right to not be truthful, but you have need to own it.

So what you're saying is that in all the scenarios I listed in my original post, you would give full details? Really?

Ask me how my Friday night was, I'll tell you "great - had an awesome date, great dinner, spent a lot of time together, can't wait to do it again." If I post the details here, Alex will put me in a major time-out. Am I lying? Am I not being truthful? Life isn't court - the truth, the whole truth, etc.... doesn't mean you're lying.

Exxxxxxactly.

We all have someone in our life that is an over sharer. Don't you dread talking to them? Ugh...

Exxxxxxactly.

We all have someone in our life that is an over sharer. Don't you dread talking to them? Ugh...

Good lord yes. Do you really want to know that I like my (blank) to be (blanked) with a (blank)? REALLY?

Yes. And when I asked you how you are, I really don't care about your hemorrhoid. Really.

Yes. And when I asked you how you are, I really don't care about your hemorrhoid. Really.

But it hurts. And really inflamed.

Exxxxxxactly.

We all have someone in our life that is an over sharer. Don't you dread talking to them? Ugh...

Good lord yes. Do you really want to know that I like my (blank) to be (blanked) with a (blank)? REALLY?

So uhhhh... Wanna send me a private message?

@@LipstickLady,

What a good post! Your examples are hilarious, of course, but they ring so true. What percent of the whole truth do we typically tell? Probably as much as we can without getting into trouble, which isn’t much.

It’s amazing to me that people think not sharing about weight loss surgery is a lie. Those must be people who are either concerned about their own weight, jealous of your success, uninformed about what WLS is and how it works (and how YOU work to make it work!), or some combination of the above.

@@Christinamo7 is right that it’s probably not worth the effort to try to explain your position to people who think you’re a liar because you didn’t feel like sharing about your WLS. Unfortunately, knowing that these people aren’t worth your time doesn’t make it much easier when they look down on you.

@@Proud2BMe, I agree that there’s a difference between not telling and actively lying, but I’m not sure the difference is that important in some cases. For example, are we obligated to tell the truth to avoid actively lying when someone asks us directly if we had WLS, even if we didn’t bring it up and don’t care to talk about it? That seems like they’re asking for a lie because it’s a personal question that they don’t really have the right to have an answer to. But I do have a very hard time actively lying...and also I love telling about my surgery if someone's interested! So maybe my answer would be different if I wanted not to talk about it.

If you don't want to talk about it, you can just say that you don't want to talk about it. Once you go into details and leave out the surgery, you are no longer being completely truthful. It's your right to not be truthful, but you have need to own it.

So what you're saying is that in all the scenarios I listed in my original post, you would give full details? Really?

No, I just would not discuss it period.

Several years ago, a woman that I only knew thru other friends had some kind of wls. I guess she didn't realize that I knew it. She had to the nerve to tell me that I should start walking because that is how she lost weight. She brought up the weight issue, not me. To this day, I wish I had asked her if she would also recommend the surgery that she had to lose weight along with the walking.

The point is, she didn't lose weight by just walking. She lost weight by having surgery. It was none of my business and I never would have brought it. She was lying when she tried to "help" me by telling me to walk more like she did.

Edited April 18, 201610 yr by PayItForward

Good lord yes. Do you really want to know that I like my (blank) to be (blanked) with a (blank)? REALLY?

"Good lord yes. Do you really want to know that I like my (Cookie Batter) to be (Stirred) with a (Wooden Spoon)? "

I thought I would fill in the blanks in a "Rated G" version for the afternoon matinee answer.

I had better answers, but Alex would block me from posting again -no wonder I got detention in school, playing "Mad Libs".

I totally agree with the OP.

I do have a beef with the WLS patient who took it upon herself to counsel me about obesity. As in, I didn't seek her out, she sought me out for this conversation. And she told me all about how she went to OA, got off sugar, etc. Didn't mention using surgery as a tool. She didn't lie, but I think withholding that info in this one particular case was uncool.

You do you. Tell or don't tell who you wish. Just don't seek out obese people to counsel about their weight and leave out important details, please.

Pondering this a bit more and I guess if someone asks how you lost the weight and you answered "None of your dammed business!", that would be the whole truth, no lie, no omission.

This by far my favorite answer to the question!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Me too! It does kill me sometimes how people feel entitled to this information — how you did it and how much weight you've lost. I appreciate the fact that the majority of people in my life have simply told me I look great and said nothing more. I do generally try to put out the vibe that inappropriately personal questions aren't something I appreciate.

No, I just would not discuss it period.

If you don't want to talk about it, you can just say that you don't want to talk about it. Once you go into details and leave out the surgery, you are no longer being completely truthful. It's your right to not be truthful, but you have need to own it.

So what you're saying is that in all the scenarios I listed in my original post, you would give full details? Really?

Several years ago, a woman that I only knew thru other friends had some kind of wls. I guess she didn't realize that I knew it. She had to the nerve to tell me that I should start walking because that is how she lost weight. She brought up the weight issue, not me. To this day, I wish I had asked her if she would also recommend the surgery that she had to lose weight along with the walking.

The point is, she didn't lose weight by just walking. She lost weight by having surgery. It was none of my business and I never would have brought it. She was lying when she tried to "help" me by telling me to walk more like she did.

That's a completely different scenerio. When people ask me how I lose the weight, I tell them the truth. I move my body a lot more and I eat a lot less.

I don't attempt to tell fellow fatties HOW to lose weight. I don't initiate the conversations nor do I encourage the conversations when asked. I am not peddling weight loss shakes or wraps and I am not falsely endorsing a weight loss method for fun or profit.

Could I regain all my weight WITH my sleeve? Sure! There are stories of people gaining all their weight back plus some on this forum. There are stories of people never losing more than 10 pounds and even of people never utilizing their tool at all (although how you could ignore it is beyond me, mine was definitely in charge for my first few months).

I am not regaining my weight because of my diet choices and exercise. I am maintaining because of me. Have I slipped up? Yup. Gained almost 20 pounds back (from my lowest weight ever) over the winter and have lost 15 of it by focusing on my -- you guessed it! Diet and exercise. Again, that's 100% me.

Did my sleeve help me? Absolutely. Am I lying by not spreading the news of my medical procedure? Nope. Not even a little.

It isn't a lie unless you've said something that isn't true. Therefore, if you say you lost weight using diet and exercise, you are not lying, because that is required of both traditional losers and WLS patients. You just didn't mention that you had a little help.

A little kid once told me on a subway train that "you haven't lied unless you had an obligation to tell the truth." I was taken aback at his sophistication, and I assume he picked it up somewhere himself, and while that's not strictly true (if I told you I had a salad for lunch when in fact I had pizza, I still lied despite the fact that I had no obligation to tell you what I ate), it should inform much of our interpersonal conduct and communication related to this surgery.

I chose to keep my surgery private. I did have a friend, who is preparing for WLS, ask me outright if I lost my weight through surgery. I lied and said I hadn't. I felt terrible as I know I may have caused her doubt in herself regarding if she could lose her weight without surgery. I feel really bad about it, but I know she is a bit gossipy, so if I had told her I know she would have told others.

I gave her heaps of encouragement about her surgery and told her if I were to regain all of my weight I would have surgery too.

But I feel like an asshole. I don't know if I made the right decision not telling her. It definitely was not in her best interest and very selfish.

Edited April 19, 201610 yr by BCs 1000

I really do not want everyone to know about my surgery, but given the amount of people (Work & Family) and a couple of them at work had themselves, or spouses had the same surgery I am having, know what is going on.

Everyone know about the rumor mills at work places.

The only good thing keeping them guessing is my health issues from vertical banding of 20 years ago (They do not know of) has put me in the hospital a few times and most just think I am getting a fix to that problem. I am--in that RNY is the proper and only fix available for me.

I really do not care if or what other think, just that I am happy with what I am doing, Gladly all my Family has been very supportive, both over the last years and now.