Do People Treat You Differently Now?

[Alex Brecher 10,486]

You hear all kinds of stories about fat shaming and discrimination at work and everywhere else. You may have even experienced it from your coworkers or strangers you meet on the streets or in stores.

It’s hard to prove, but I’m pretty sure it happened to me. Since I’ve lost the weight, I feel as though people treat me a lot better. They are more polite, and seem to have more respect for me even before they get to know me.

That wasn’t the case before surgery. People seemed to assume I was lazy or stupid rather than giving me the benefit of the doubt at least until they knew me well enough to make a reasonable judgement.

If you’ve lost a significant amount of weight (enough to be visible to other people), have you noticed that people treat you differently? Better or worse?

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@Alex Brecher

Some day's the difference still surprises me . I have more value because I'm in a more acceptable package.

People are so inundated with the media selling us we are not good enough. We are sold the image of what beauty is. We are sold that overweight is not acceptable. I will always appreciate the people that can get past the appearance thing.

[shellyd88 463]

Yes and it makes me mad suddenly I'm worth speaking to or being treated with respect I just passed a year post op and it's still all ppl want to talk about and loudly too about how much I've lost and how wonderful I look seems idiotic I've always been a decent person and now everyone is so " proud" of me what right do they have to be proud or not they had nothing to do with the loss or the gain before that

[gowalking 10,790]

Yes. Some of it is subtle and some not so subtle. Some of it is also my perception as I am more comfortable in my own skin these days.

People judge...that's just the way it is. And people judge you negatively when you are obese. I was obese...and now that I'm not, I'm treated differently.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Yes. More people talk to me. Men and women. Coworkers as well as strangers who have never met me. Some of it may be how I carry myself compared to how I did before. But not all of it can be attributed to that. I have mixed feelings about it as well. Happy and hurt at the same time.

[deeplue 40]

@@shellyd88 - this is something I am anxious about and already resentful in anticipation. There is part of me that wants to believe that I am a person of worth, no matter my size. Of course, how can I expect others to treat me with dignity when I don't treat myself with dignity?

This is especially a concern with my parents. I am still 10 weeks pre-op and I have only lost 25 pounds. They are already saying how proud of me they are. Why can't they be proud of me for other, more acceptable things other than the fact that my pants fit better?

[lwmatch 31]

Being I kept my surgery basically private, I get comments from co-workers and others such as "Are you okay? Everything all right?" So often weight loss to many is a sign of serious health problems and not a sign of taking better care of yourself.

[shellyd88 463]

@@deeplue exactly my thoughts .. I've done nothing illegal don't take drugs don't abuse ppl have always had a job always help ppl when they ask etc of course rarely get help when I need it they are too busy but always want me to drop what I'm doing for them had my sister tell me last week how she told ppl who hadn't met me 200 lbs ago how fat I used to be and how shocked they were and I was like why would u even discuss this with ppl who never even met me before why would it even be a topic of discussion? And her answer was oh I guess that's embarrassing for you... No cupcake it was embarrassing to you after all you are the one who told me not to come to your business because of my weight the whole thing just makes me nauseas and want to just not engage with ppl anymore at all or go out I've lost weight and yet it's still a never ending topic

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Am I treated better since I lost weight ? Oh, heck yes ! Sad but true. As one poster said , suddenly I'm more "acceptable ", but also I'm happier and that comes across to others . I also put in more effort to look attractive, paying attention to my clothes, makeup and hair etc. So, combine looking better, a happier personality, and a positive attitude , well that's just plain attractive ! Guy or girl, small or large, that's just going to make others treat you better. I have no control over how some people treat others, I just make sure I'm treating others nicely .

[Steph~L~16 168]

I was in a store today and there were 5 kids that were being offensive. I asked them to watch their language in front of my daughter and one of the kids went on a two minute rant about me being fat. I was so sad. I know I shouldn't have let it get to me so much but I just can't wait until hopefully one day people can see me for more as a fat lady.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[SkinnyDown 409]

I have noticed people acting differently toward me. Overall, people seem to be nicer to me. As I live in a very small town, this is much more noticeable, where people wouldn't speak to me at all before, now they do. You know, people who work at the grocery store for instance, or local businesses.

I have noticed as well, that I have more men just out of the blue, in passing, say hello to me, ask me how I am, and look me in the eyes, hold doors for me, smile at me. You would think this would be something to be happy about. This all actually makes me sad. I don't understand, because I am the same person I was before I lost all this weight. I suppose that it does come down to physical attraction, and I have always been hyper aware of just how unattractive fat is to some people, many people, in fact. Me, I never based any relationship on how a person looked. Who they are, is so much more important to me.

My family is a different story. They started out very supportive, and as I lose more and fit into smaller and smaller sizes, I am feeling the little barbs shoot at me, from some of my sisters. About loose skin, and wrinkles. I can only chalk that up to some type of jealousy. I am perplexed by this. As I was counting on my family for full support. I also notice that some friends are getting tired of hearing my "updates" and that I lost more weight. Or that I can do things I never have before, like cross my legs. For me, I'm just amazed...and it's a whole new world for me, as I have been big my entire life. I think it's a miracle that I can cross my legs, as an adult I haven't been able to. I'm 50 years old, and could never cross my legs as an adult. So to me it really is a whole new world, and I'm excited, I actually feel like a lady now.

I'll have to see how this progresses. One thing I do know, is that I am even MORE protective of people who are being made fun of because of their weight. I'm not like an ex-smoker who goes around bad mouthing everyone who smokes. I'm not a fat shamer, as I know exactly what it feels like to be out of control, and miserable in your own skin. I also know everyone has to come to terms with their weight in their own way, and time. Or not. It is not my job, or my business telling others they "need" to lose weight.

Edited February 29, 2016 by SkinnyDown

[needtorecover 574]

I was flipping through my kid's books the other day trying to find him a bedtime story and we read a book about a fish who wanted to get big and strong so he went to a restaurant and ate a bunch of high fat food. He ended up getting fat instead and all his fish friends laughed at him and made fun of him so he went on an exercise program to lose weight.

I was appalled. Fat shaming and food issues start at a very, very young age. I'm giving that damned book to Goodwill.

I am very early in my weight loss phase (22 pounds down! Yay!) but I can attest to feeling invisible. I get horrified looks from men when I talk to them, as if they're afraid I'm interested but they don't want anything to do with me so they try to ignore me (I'm gay, asshole). I'm going to be very peevish towards men who hit on me when I reach a normal weight. Likewise, I get a lot of pitying looks from women, looks also tinged with fear - and I know they're thinking "thank God I'm not that fat" or "I hope I never get THAT fat."

Obese people are treated very poorly in our country. Folks who have never had a weight problem before have no idea how hard it is.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Yes people treat me differently...strangers in particular. I get alot more doors being opened, looks, and offers of assistance.

However, I know I contributed to this as well. When I reflect honestly I would say that coworkers, family and friends treated me with more respect when I was obese than I treated myself (ie not taking care of myself in many dimensions). I feel grateful they saw my worth through the shield.

I feel no anger or bitterness toward this change, I take responsibility for my role in it. I feel sad& mad for people who are treated so poorly due to their size.

Sent from my KFJWI using the BariatricPal App

[needtorecover 574]

@@shellyd88 - this is something I am anxious about and already resentful in anticipation. There is part of me that wants to believe that I am a person of worth, no matter my size. Of course, how can I expect others to treat me with dignity when I don't treat myself with dignity?

This is especially a concern with my parents. I am still 10 weeks pre-op and I have only lost 25 pounds. They are already saying how proud of me they are. Why can't they be proud of me for other, more acceptable things other than the fact that my pants fit better?

Amen!! For three years I worked full-time and got my master's degree part time. I was promoted twice during that time and increased my salary by 30%. I've lived abroad before. I've never NOT had a job since I was 16, and even babysat before when I was 13-15. I am a very hard worker, but no one acknowledges that. I drop a few pounds and all of a sudden people are now proud of me? WHAT IS THAT?

It's like people don't see what I've done with my life because I have fat on my body.

[lisacaron 5,075]

So I had to put my 2 cents in here. I myself am a pretty confidant person. I have been thin, I have been fat, I have been super skinny and I have been morbidly obese at different times through out my life.

I will tell you that at the time I was super skinny is about the only time I felt that people treated me differently, everyone was always trying to feed me or get me to eat more than I ate at a sitting.

I know my value as a person, and therefore regardless of my physical size I refuse to be treated differently than I deserve to be. I am a tiny person, my height is just about 5'1". I might not be the "star" on the basket ball team but don't discount my skills people

I think that people who treat others differently because of things like physical stature or appearance have an issue. It's them not me...and that's my 2 cents.