Hoping to see some new threads here from some seasoned veterans. I know there are things to chat about when life is a bit different after WLS .

How do you handle dinner out when you are just not hungry? Or if you are a bander, when your band is irritated?

I have a harder time socially, because I never know from day to day what will set my band off. This is one of my most vexing issues.....

Hi Julie, i always forget about the VIP lounge!

I was not a successful bandster (that is what we called ourselves back in the day) but one of the worst things was the unpredictable nature of my restriction. Or, I'd make a mistake and a piece of lettuce would "block" me and then one more bite and I'd lose it. I hated it. This is not my personal experience with the sleeve, 4 years out. I eat the same amount as my 2 skinny friends... I don't stand out. Occasionally a date will wonder why I don't order a full meal, and I tell them I prefer smaller portions for health and weight management reasons. so far, nobody has been too concerned with it.

One of my fallback dinners is from the appetizer menu... a shrimp skewer and maybe steamed veggies or a small salad. I go to places that prepare them well, flavorful and satiating. Wonder if you can find "an old standby" that you know will be agreeable to take the stress away?

Thanks for the reply CJ.

Ya. Soup always works. I just find my social life is .... Different. I really can't drink much. .. Like one cocktail...

Don't eat much....

Not sure I can "whoop it up"anymore except for about an hour....

Those long dinners with appetizers and desserts are gone...

Gosh. I do sound a bit like a party pooper!!

When I am not hungry, I order a bloody mary. I can sip it slowly, it's kind of veggies and (ha!) and it's suitable for any time of day. I can only drink one, but it's savory and flavorful and I don't feel bad about having just one.

If I am not hungry and a bloody mary is not an option (work, kids, driving right after), I get a cup of coffee. Hot liquids need to be sipped slowly and they usually refill free.

If I don't feel bad about not eating, no one else should feel bad about my decision not to eat either.

Howdy, Julie.

Dinner out......not that much fun for me.....unless there is bar area seating nearby and I've got the green light to partake and roll with it.

It's not that I get overly loud or anything.....at least not too overly. I just would rather be at GITMO being waterboarded than to sit at the table while folks stuff themselves up to their esophagi. Gimme a good looking bartender wench to flirt with and an interesting drink menu and I'm happy.

This works on date nights.....but seldom anyplace else.

For true family meals out......I simply sit and endure it.....usually order coffee and a salad (as my meal) and sip and enjoy....then eat the toppings off the salad and call it good.

Dining out.......arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh........torture............drinking/dining out.....all good.

Life is too short. Wasting it sitting at a feed trough is not how I want to spend it......but I endure when I must.

I love the social aspect of dining out and that hasn't changed. Yes...I'm done before everyone else but it's not about the food as much as it's about spending time with friends and family.

Ok, I see the real problem here...You all are missing a great opportunity - talk while people eat...hahaha...captive audience.

In all seriousness, my girlfriends don't eat much more than I do, that is how they stay trim.

I'm not exactly a veteran, but to answer your question, when going out to dinner and I'm not hungry, I just explain that I'm not hungry and don't order food. Sometimes I need to reassure my company that it doesn't bother me that they're eating and I'm not, but they'll get used to it. If I do want to eat, I'll try to steer the group to a restaurant that offers a soup I like or a non-fried protein appetizer. Personally I love eating out with people - the conversation helps me eat slower (something I'm still struggling with) since I'm talking between bites.

I go out to eat with friends once or twice a week. My go to meals are julienne salads or Greek salads. I recently stopped ordering soup because it was inflating my daily calories too much. I like to chew. A friend is doing low carb and got me hooked on bunless hamburgers. I stay away from p asta and starches but can almost always get a salad somewhere.

Howdy, Julie.

Dinner out......not that much fun for me.....unless there is bar area seating nearby and I've got the green light to partake and roll with it.

It's not that I get overly loud or anything.....at least not too overly. I just would rather be at GITMO being waterboarded than to sit at the table while folks stuff themselves up to their esophagi. Gimme a good looking bartender wench to flirt with and an interesting drink menu and I'm happy.

This works on date nights.....but seldom anyplace else.

For true family meals out......I simply sit and endure it.....usually order coffee and a salad (as my meal) and sip and enjoy....then eat the toppings off the salad and call it good.

Dining out.......arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh........torture............drinking/dining out.....all good.

Life is too short. Wasting it sitting at a feed trough is not how I want to spend it......but I endure when I must.

ditto!

Don't want to

Can't make me

Don't have to

Won't

So there... ;0

I have no issues going out to dinner....My wife and I do it frequently since we both work.

Plus there is always events with people at work.

I don't hold back on alcohol...and as far as eating, everyone knows I have become very self-conscious about not eating junk, not making a pig of myself, and that I have become a big health nut, always looking for natural, wholesome foods.

Thay have also seen the benefits and respect me very much for being a unique individual, and being so fit and healthy for someon my age.

if I don't feel like eating, I simply say there is nothing on the menu that interests me....or, while everyone is having a 3-course meal, I may be happy with a cup of soup and an appetizer....

I should add, from the beginning I have told no one I had WLS...a lot easier that way.

But again, people respect and perhaps admire my choices...and secretly I believe some are envious. \

I know I always used to be when being around such people.

I have read posts like this before...where is it written that one must be a gluttonous pig to be socially acceptable? I think that all falls into the bad ways of advertising-marketing, or how society has gone askew, whatever.

I watch TV ads for pizza and such and have to ask "Who eat's this crap?"

Same is true when I go out....if someone at the table is eating a sloppy, greasy burger all I can think is "Really??"

Probably what people used to think about me, I'm sure...

I enjoy going out for meals, although I make sure that it's to a place that has something on the menu I can eat. I usually order an appetizer and have it brought out with everyone's main course and usually take as long with my plate as most do with their's. I enjoy the social aspect of dining out and find that the conversation allows me to pace myself. Yeah, I eat less than many people my wife and I dine with, but they all know about my WLS. As far as eating choices of others, that's on them. When I quit smoking I didn't stop socializing with smokers, and I see this the same way. As far as drinking, maybe a glass of wine to accompany, but normally I don't drink, so it's not that big a deal.

I dine with 4 different groups...

-my sons who hate it when I suggest that I just take a bit from their plates as they are young men and imagine they should eat every scrap!

-my girlfriends who have modeled the way they eat after me...yummy appetizer, not a full meal. My friend M says she doesn't like ordering the big plate when she goes out with other friends now!

-dates. I have had a few take me to taverns or other places that aren't bariatric friendly but in general it works well. One time we shared a collection of small plates and he noticed that he had devoured about 80 percent of it, but the vast majority of the time, no n notice. I am adept at ordering fine things that are meant to be small ...example, seared ahi or maybe a specialized beef cut ,served in petite portions and displayed beautifully...nobody notices

-work dinners. This can be harder BUT, I work for a health conscious company with lots of fit people. Most know I used to be obese so I guess passing on some of the courses isn't too surprising. I eat like a trim middle aged woman, so while it might be half or a third of some others, I am not the only one eating sparingly.

I feel no disgust or discomfort eating at restaurants or with others. I like the social aspects and the only old tradition that doesn't work anymore is big Sunday brunches with my son's - those don't fit my lifestyle. They like it better when I cook brunch anyway!

I completely forget about this forum too.

I order salads a lot, or I order from the appetizer menu. I often share meals with people too. Guys I've dated know I don't eat much and will usually offer to order a large meal and share.

@@Julie norton

Finding what your tummy can tolerate is trial and error.lol

Life is short. Get out and enjoy a meal and a cocktail if you choose. Its nice to relax and not have food be the main focus of the night. I check the restaurants menu online ahead of time. I can plan what I want. People don't judge my food choices. I still have to laugh at the waitresses that ask if my food is ok. They think if I'm not eating quickly, the food must be bad or something.

When I meet up with my friends. I order an appetizer and a one drink. I'm a cheap date. Other times I end up being the designated driver.

I'm only 19 months post-op. I've been in maintenance mode for almost a year now and can tolerate all foods. It's turned out to be true (for me, at least) that since my sleeve has healed and I've learned how to navigate maintenance there's nothing I used to love that is off the menu now.

I eat 1700 - 2000 cals/day in the form of three meals and a couple of small snacks. So my food choices when I eat out are much more varied than when I was just a few months post-op.

I drink (sloooowly!) a glass of wine when we eat out, but don't drink any water or non-caloric beverages.

When eating out, I avoid (for capacity reasons) bulky veggies and (for low-nutrition reasons) breads and potatoes. Rarely, hubby and I share a dessert -- which means that when he orders dessert I have a couple of bites of his dessert.

Some of the vets say that in the coming years capacity will increase. Others say it won't. So what that means to me is that I just have to remain mindful and be responsible for what and how much I put in my mouth for the rest of my life.