Hey all.

In 6 days, I will reach my 6-month post-RNY date. So far, while it certainly has been an emotional roller coaster, I haven't really had one of "those days" - you know those days. The ones when you wake up and it seems like one crappy thing after another is happening, and nothing is going right, and everything is falling apart. Well, today, I had one of those days. I won't get into it but suffice it to say I'm worried about my future, I'm frustrated with the physical and mental health monsters that still plague me, and, as a nice little rotten cherry on top of the rancid melted sundae, I got snubbed by a prospective client (I'm a freelance photographer and artist) and I'm generally feeling like the most useless, untalented, and hopeless lump of poop ever.

Well, these days happen. But my question for you all is how do you soothe your emotional aches and pains and anxiety after weight loss surgery? If I'm not willing to go eat something delicious and unhealthy, but I'm in desperate need of comfort, what can I do? What helps you? Are there bariatric-friendly foods that have been successful replacements for comfort foods for you?

Exercise makes me feel incredible, though exhausted (physically) but does very little in the way of making me feel better emotionally. Sex is great, but for various reasons not always readily available. I've realized since starting this journey that I am an extremely sense-oriented person. I'm tactile in the way a lot of little kids are. If it feels good, I'm going to touch it, or do it, or possibly rub it against my face (sorry, kitties). It's certainly a contributing factor to my binge-eating before surgery, I know.

Any help would be very, very much appreciated.

Edited February 12, 201610 yr by Cervidae

I use art and writing. I channel my desire to consume into producing works of art. Before surgery, I was the queen of comfort eating, but creating something is far more gratifying than eating myself into a food coma.

@@Cervidae, my dear, I know of no surgery-compliant comfort food. Celery sticks won't coat the heart. What works for me is singing, loud singing. It provides release and freedom by way of action. It can be raucous or soft, Janis Joplin or Paul McCartney, if you get my drift. It's creativity on wheels. I suspect that the physical satisfaction comes from taking in extra oxygen, but who cares when singing just feels so freakin' good?

I hate that your day has been so miserable. It sounds as though being turned down by one potential client was the icing on the iceberg. All I can offer is a great, big, enveloping hug. It's yours.

I like to read. It makes me quit thinking about the here-and-now and takes me to another place.

Good question. I'm interested in hearing all the other responses.

I've been wondering this very thing. I'm interested in hearing about others comfort routines.

Some things that may help.

In the present:

Take a bubble bath if you are able. I am looking forward to being able to do this in the near future.

Take a long shower.

Light some candles.

Make some hot tea or Protein hot chocolate. My favorite is Harney & Sons Decaf Hot Cinnamon Spice.

Listen to soothing music.

Practice a craft or hobby. I have been doing a lot of knitting lately.

Color.

Write a letter.

Make a phone call to a trusted friend.

Journal.

Pray.

Take a walk.

Go to bed early with a good book.

Make a gratitude list.

For the future:

Sign up for a class.

Plan a trip.

Volunteer.

Get a pet.

I am sure that other people have some ideas, too.

It's tough to find a great replacement, because you can eat and do other things at the same time. So if you are stressed at work, you can grab a favorite treat and keep working. That's not true for so many other soothing activities.

I love hot chocolate, so I've been trying to perfect a Protein hot chocolate drink. Unfortunately, the sugar replacement gives me a headache so I haven't had success yet. I wish I liked herbal drinks, but they don't appeal to me at all.

Adopt a dog!!! You will never know such loyalty and unconditional love anywhere else.

I'm preop, but if I'm really out of sorts and upset, eating anything really doesn't appeal to me. My brain is always too jangled to choose anything, I guess. When all my senses need a collective hug, I go for a cup of not tea, maybe with a slice of lemon (I love the scent of lemon, and the scent of a frshly cut lemon always makes me smile). I snuggle into the softest jammies I have and under a blanket and curl up with a good book. I put my cel phone in another room and escape into the pages.

@@Cervidae

I got a dog. It has helped me so much with my stress and isolation from living and working alone. The dog is the best comfort available. I realize everyone can't afford or wants to take care of a dog.

I comfort myself right now by shopping. It isn't always about purchasing items, it is more about trying on clothes, seeing what I can wear and also seeing myself in a different environment. Even though there are mirrors and full length mirrors all over my house, I find that I can see my changes better outside the house and trying on entirely new clothes. That helps me stick to plan and also validates my struggles with head hunger.

Doing your nails, deep conditioning your hair.

Okay on to food. Comforting myself with food, is something I worked through before surgery, before I even considered surgery. I gave up sugar, I gave up alcohol. I learned to work through my problems and I always removed a lot of stress from my life.

Now to be real, I Keto. That is more comforting than most diets. Fats satisfy a lot of needs. Low carb and low fat is just fail to me, and it doesn't seem to satisfy anything. So I have healthy fats, very few carbs and meet my Protein goals. That is satisfying and comforting to me every day. My food is high quality and delicious. I had filet mignon for almost a week straight, at 4 oz at a time, it is affordable yet still decadent.Totally on plan, totally delicious.

I am savory kind of person. I would rather have fried chicken or fried fish than chocolate or any kind of sweet. That being said, it is kind of easier to get "treat" like foods that are sweets since most people are sugar fiends. I think that if sweets are your trigger then you should be really careful. I can eat these items and not care about them. They are mainly convenience more than comfort.

Protein Brownies. Looking they are protein brownies and they taste like protein brownies, but they do taste good. They also aren't cheap, so you might not want one every day. Found on instagram, a real life saver, added bonus, they are moderately filling.

http://www.eatmeguiltfree.com/

Protein Peanut Butter The chocolate is delicious.

https://wildfriendsfoods.com/protein_plus/

Quest Bars

Low carb cheesecake (just google a recipe.

I get these at Trader Joes for $1.99 or 2.99 a bar, I forget the price. cheaper than Lily's I have one square at a time as a snack

http://www.amazon.com/Simply-Lite-Chocolate-Cacao-3-Ounce/dp/B0049UDYHI

These from trader joe's, fi you are going to buy them, weigh/measure out all the servings and put them in individual baggies as soon as you get it home. Only take one serving at a time. The calories are high per serving for those of us on 1000 calories or so a day so plan accordingly. I stopped buying them because they aren't worth the calories to me, but they aren't a terrible option.

http://i.imgur.com/jWCaYT1.jpg

Again I am going to state I can eat this things because sweets are not a trigger for me. If they are for you, don't do it.

Food though is fuel, not a comfort device. We all need to work past seeing food as a comfort. It doesn't even work post surgery at least for me. Being full is super uncomfortable, it isn't soothing, it doesn't make me numb or sleepy, just miserable.

Cooking a complicated keto or paleo recipe is soothing to me. It takes me out of my own thoughts and I have to focus on what I am doing. I find that relaxing. Recipe sites..

http://www.ibreatheimhungry.com/

http://www.ruled.me/

http://cavemanketo.com/

https://ketodietapp.com/Blog

I am not familiar with what RNY people can eat so if all of these are things you can't tolerate. I'm sorry.

Comfort and food - comfort food - got me fat, and still have a hold on me. Thank you a mama, I love you and chicken and dumplings. I battle every day, especially in winter. We all struggle. Food takes me to childhood in Georgia, cornbread, biscuits, gravy, when life was really tough. Fighting everyday I have left in my life to overcome. Thanks to grilled and blackened fish, I have a positive outlook.

My "comfort" foods are hot tea, or creamy Soups - I like eating something hot to warm me up. The creamy soups are veggie based and aren't too high in calories.

You said you are tactile - do you have a favorite blanket or throw that you can wrap around yourself, sit in a comfy chair, have a cup of hot tea or a bowl of Soup and read a book? Have you ever given any thought to a weighted blanket? I've been hearing a lot about these being great for people with anxiety. I'm looking into them myself.

One surprising comfort thing I do now is go out for a long walk. Like an hour or more. I can cover close to 5 miles in that time and I blast music and feel a whole lot better when I'm done. I think it is a combo of distracting myself from whatever got me down, and the endorphins from exercise that make me feel better.

I find myself going out walking much more often now when I'm feeling down or depressed or angry. It's become a bit of an addiction, but I find it an excellent replacement.

Another super thing is I have some awesome perfume-y bath gels (bath and body works stuff) and I go take a hot bubble bath and maybe put on a face mask and do the foot scrubby thing and feel much better after.

If I'm really craving something "awful" I eat a piece of dark chocolate with hazelnuts. I buy large bars of them from Aldi, and they are lower carb than most chocolate (net carbs for one serving size/piece is 9 grams due to the higher fiber) and dark chocolate is supposed to be good for you in small doses. And that one serving size does the trick every time, as I don't want to eat the whole thing at all now.

Edited February 12, 201610 yr by FrankiesGirl

I'm going through something pretty awful right now -- this week my sweet, dear, kind husband / best friend received a second cancer diagnosis. And it's bad.

I have some good advice for you: Feel your feelings. Feel 'em. Feel 'em all. Be authentic with yourself. You're going to feel them eventually -- one way or another. And if you try not to feel them, you'll be drawn to something that could turn into something even uglier. But you'll still have the feelings you started out with.

Don't judge yourself negatively for feeling grief, anger, frustration, whatever. Sometimes, some days, some years **** happens. And it sucks. And we would be insane not to feel bad.

Of course, I don't think feeling permanently bad is a goal. That's not what I'm advising. Speaking for myself, I just get through the bad feelings faster and move faster to a more comfortable emotional space when I don't try to avoid what's actually happening at the moment.

This actually is a form of mindfulness.

And obviously, meditation helps -- the kind of meditation where you experience what's really happening and don't try to *make* something else happen.

YMMV.

I'm going through something pretty awful right now -- this week my sweet, dear, kind husband / best friend received a second cancer diagnosis. And it's bad.

I have some good advice for you: Feel your feelings. Feel 'em. Feel 'em all. Be authentic with yourself. You're going to feel them eventually -- one way or another. And if you try not to feel them, you'll be drawn to something that could turn into something even uglier. But you'll still have the feelings you started out with.

Don't judge yourself negatively for feeling grief, anger, frustration, whatever. Sometimes, some days, some years **** happens. And it sucks. And we would be insane not to feel bad.

Of course, I don't think feeling permanently bad is a goal. That's not what I'm advising. Speaking for myself, I just get through the bad feelings faster and move faster to a more comfortable emotional space when I don't try to avoid what's actually happening at the moment.

This actually is a form of mindfulness.

And obviously, meditation helps -- the kind of meditation where you experience what's really happening and don't try to *make* something else happen.

YMMV.

@@VSGAnn2014, I am so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis.

Sending hugs and prayers your way.

I'm going through something pretty awful right now -- this week my sweet, dear, kind husband / best friend received a second cancer diagnosis. And it's bad.

I have some good advice for you: Feel your feelings. Feel 'em. Feel 'em all. Be authentic with yourself. You're going to feel them eventually -- one way or another. And if you try not to feel them, you'll be drawn to something that could turn into something even uglier. But you'll still have the feelings you started out with.

Don't judge yourself negatively for feeling grief, anger, frustration, whatever. Sometimes, some days, some years **** happens. And it sucks. And we would be insane not to feel bad.

Of course, I don't think feeling permanently bad is a goal. That's not what I'm advising. Speaking for myself, I just get through the bad feelings faster and move faster to a more comfortable emotional space when I don't try to avoid what's actually happening at the moment.

This actually is a form of mindfulness.

And obviously, meditation helps -- the kind of meditation where you experience what's really happening and don't try to *make* something else happen.

YMMV.

I am so sorry about your husband.

I agree that we feel the feelings eventually. For me, I had to come to a realization that alternate addictions were where I was headed unless I faced the bad feelings head on. For me, therapy and 12 step programs have helped.