Did anyone's spouse lose attractiveness when they got close to goal?

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@@Chrystee I read your post and it could have been something i would have written. It's no secret that me and my husband are not on the same page anymore. my story is a little different as we we first met i was a whooping 100lbs. So he has seen me at super thin, fat and then where i am now (which i say, curvy) others say thin. Anyway, he never ever called me fat or told me i was fat... but... once i started losing weight he did start making the "too thin" remarks. It not that i think he is attracted to Larger woman... i think he just like the control he had over the "fat-me". When one has no self esteem or confidence we do and say what ever we have to to keep what we have. I think that is true on both parts. He says the mean things in hopes that i will gain back...He now knows that won't happen. So now one of the only ways he controls the relationship is through SEX. He knows how my drive is and continues to reject my approaches. So i have stopped, im tired of the way i feel after he tells me no. So needless to say in the past 6 months we have been "intimate" twice.

I have asked... no Begged for counseling... he wont go... or better yet the last time i begged him he said..... Get a part-time job to pay for half and i will go. (i already work a full time job). I have done the "sitting him down" and telling him exactly how i feel and how he is making me feel and how i assume he feels. This normally last for a few days and then things go back to the same. So i'm at the cross roads in my life and im stuck at the intersection... paralyzed with fear as to what road to take... Stay and be unhappy, unforfilled, unappreciated, not desired.... or the other that leads to divorce and the what if's.... what if i can't make it on my on, what if i end up alone for the rest of my life, what if i meet someone else and it turns out I'M the problem after all.....

I really hope you and your husband can find some resolution. As for me i'm just taking it a day at a time.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

@@Chrystee I read your post and it could have been something i would have written. It's no secret that me and my husband are not on the same page anymore. my story is a little different as we we first met i was a whooping 100lbs. So he has seen me at super thin, fat and then where i am now (which i say, curvy) others say thin. Anyway, he never ever called me fat or told me i was fat... but... once i started losing weight he did start making the "too thin" remarks. It not that i think he is attracted to Larger woman... i think he just like the control he had over the "fat-me". When one has no self esteem or confidence we do and say what ever we have to to keep what we have. I think that is true on both parts. He says the mean things in hopes that i will gain back...He now knows that won't happen. So now one of the only ways he controls the relationship is through SEX. He knows how my drive is and continues to reject my approaches. So i have stopped, im tired of the way i feel after he tells me no. So needless to say in the past 6 months we have been "intimate" twice.

I have asked... no Begged for counseling... he wont go... or better yet the last time i begged him he said..... Get a part-time job to pay for half and i will go. (i already work a full time job). I have done the "sitting him down" and telling him exactly how i feel and how he is making me feel and how i assume he feels. This normally last for a few days and then things go back to the same. So i'm at the cross roads in my life and im stuck at the intersection... paralyzed with fear as to what road to take... Stay and be unhappy, unforfilled, unappreciated, not desired.... or the other that leads to divorce and the what if's.... what if i can't make it on my on, what if i end up alone for the rest of my life, what if i meet someone else and it turns out I'M the problem after all.....

I really hope you and your husband can find some resolution. As for me i'm just taking it a day at a time.

Move forward. I waited way too long.

And yes, I am the problem. But my wasband is the bigger problem. I know if I enter into a new relationship I must work hard on myself first. That doesn't mean I shouldn't have left.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Duplicate

[Chrystee 838]

@@bayougirlmrsc

and that's the thing. He's a good man.. right now we are ok.. but I do find myself thinking about his attraction to bigger women. I don't find bigger women attractive, so that's why I don't get it. because I felt repulsive when I was bigger.. I'm just now finding myself attractive..

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@@Chrystee Of course you do. You wouldn't be human if you didn't wonder what it is in him that makes him desire a larger woman, when WE... see it as unattractive and disgusting. I avoided intimacy with him, i mean i never said NO, but i didn't initiate it either..... Now that im a "normal" size he want's nothing to do with me sexually. He hope that i gain the weight back. He has told me this. He said losing weight was the worst thing for our marriage. I told him... sorry, im not gaining it back to boost your insecurities... Not going to happen.

You are a beautiful woman... and you are doing an amazing job with your weightloss.... Keep going and i pray he will come around.

Chris

[Teachamy 1,042]

My husband wasn't overly full of compliments when I lost weight. We live together, see each other every day, so I am not sure it was a dramatic change for him like it was for others. At any rate, I had my surgery in Dec. of 2013. It has taken him until now to adapt to a healthier lifestyle change himself. He is eating better, exercising, losing weight, and high-fiving me when I finish my cardio. (Which I really hate, btw)

My point is, I find him more able to give compliments as his self-esteem and health improves. That is vital.

[lili2333 18]

Hubby loves me at whatever weight / shape I am. He just loves me.

And vice versa.

(sniff)

You know... that's so nice.. but that sure makes me feel kind of bad.

That really wasn't the question, or point of my post.. but I'm honestly glad for those of you whose relationship hasn't changed at all.

Maybe he just doesn't really love me.

@@vsg and @@Babbs are literally the worst people on here. Only a certain kind of person responds to a problem with a brag. These two are consistently condescending humblebraggers who respond to people with either snark, "honesty" or condescension. Ignore them, they're clearly bottom dwellers in the real world but feel like Queen Bees here.

Best of luck to you!

[lili2333 18]

Huh.

My husband has loved me through thin, fat, thin again, fat again and finally thin again. No matter what I looked like, he still couldn't keep his hands off of me.

Maybe that's why we've been together for almost 30 years. He just loves me for...me. I guess I'm lucky.

You are insufferable and your response offered zero help whatsoever. I've said it before and I stand by it, you are the worst.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

my husband has always been a normal weight. I was about 40 pounds lighter when we married - and while his only worry is that I will get too slim - he has worried about my health and loosing me to obesity related diseases. we have been married a long time - and he is supportive of me. He says, if there are any issues we will work through them the same as we have with any other problems because my health, and keeping me alive is the most important thing.

[heather5565 959]

Hi Chrystee

I really hope it all works out for you and your hubby realizes what an amazing gorgeous loving wife he has!

And I hope you continue to be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. And I really hope you continue to feel attractive and build that self esteem.

Cuz ... we can see your BP profile picture and woman, you're a hottie!

Also, I love your haircut.

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using the BariatricPal App

Edited March 10, 2016 by heather5565

[Babbs 14,680]

@@lili2333

Awwww what's the matter? Did I hurt your wittle feewings?

I'll try not to lose sleep over the fact that you find me insufferable.

Here's a little tip. There's an ignore feature. You don't like my posts? Use it.

[lili2333 18]

@@Babbs

@@lili2333

Awwww what's the matter? Did I hurt your wittle feewings?

I'll try not to lose sleep over the fact that you find me insufferable.

Here's a little tip. There's an ignore feature. You don't like my posts? Use it. [/]

You didn't hurt my feelings. Where did I indicate that you hurt my feelings?

Did you HOPE that you hurt my feelings, or someone else's? Absolutely you did. I cannot fathom why you'd jump into the conversation with your own dumb lucky story with zero help or encouragement if you didn't.

I won't ignore you, I don't sweat you. And I'll gladly play by your rules, wherein we call each other out on BS.

You are not helpful and you are unkind and I don't see any other reason for a veteran to hang out here unless they're getting something weird from it.

Edited March 10, 2016 by lili2333

[Babbs 14,680]

and I don't see any other reason for a veteran to hang out here unless they're getting something weird from it.

Really? You don't see ANY reason for a veteran to hang out here, hu? You think once the weight is gone, every thing is hunky dory and support is no longer needed? How completely short sighted of you.

But my secret's out. I only hang out here just to irritate you. How am I doing??

[Christinamo7 4,041]

you two should probably start a thread about your mutual dislike and not inflict it on the rest of us. and as for you Babbs you have had some helpful posts, I would hate to ignore you but this is just crazy stuff right there on both sides.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

Wow. Come on y'all put aside your differences or take it some place else. @@Babbs sweetheart You know I love ya. Your better than this. You make great post and are encouraging To everyone. I don't know @lili2333. Actually this is the first post I see. Not a great impression. Just saying

Chrystee came here for a listen ear and to hear from people that are going through what she is. Maybe a little advice from people and too know she is definitely not alone. Not two grown women going at it like high school girls.