3 years 5 days ago I have gastric bypass surgery. 2 years 8 months ago I began cheating on my husband. He still to this day doesn't know that I have been out getting chased by men and being a very bad wife. We have been separated for a little over a year now. I didn't want to have sex with him after the surgery. Something changed in me that made me resent him and lost all attraction for him. He is a really good looking man and has all of the right anatomy. He loved me as a large woman and I became small very fast and he didn't change with me. I found that men were becoming more and more attentive and I was enjoying all of it. Once I broke the ice and cheated the first time it was all over for me. I wanted more and more and it was easy. I am in a relationship with another man and still cannot stay with one person. I am not sure how to stop this cycle and stop wanting more then one person at a time. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel no regret and I am really good at keeping it a secret. Any suggestions on what I should do? Do I keep on this path of being unfaithful or do I have to figure out a way to be committed to one person? It's very hard for me as I really enjoy having more "options"

As I hear it, feeling no regret very likely means that your behavior works for you without necessarily making sense to you. If it does, you fine. It used to be called "playing the field." If it doesn't make sense, then my suggestion is to see a psychologist for help in sorting out the what's and why's and determine what you really, really want.

Well, if your avatar is your real photograph then I think your dilemma may be resolved.

I am not worried about anyone seeing my picture.

Just don't get into a committed relationship. Finish divorcing your husband and let your current partner know that you will not be having an exclusive relationship with them.

I don't understand people who can't commit. But, it's even harder to understand why people that can't really commit start "exclusive" relationship or get married repeatedly.

Just be honest.

Edited November 3, 201510 yr by PayItForward

Congrats on your weight loss and also with going ahead with a separation and hopefully a divorce.

I say congrats on the divorce because nobody in a marriage deserves to be cheated on.

You've been going through a lot of new experiences that you've enjoyed during since then. That's understandable....but be honest with yourself and with your future and current partners.

Everyone involved should know what the ground rules are.

Can't believe I'm actually agreeing with Payitforward about something. Feels.......strange................

You probably have traded one addiction for another. Seek a counselor.

I think the real question here is "what is the problem you are trying to solve?"

There are people who choose open relationships/poly marriages because they want that

There are people who choose to have uncommitted / not exclusive relationships

There are people who avoid the whole deal and essentially have no strings attached type hookups

Heck, there are full blown swingers/sex club people

Then there are people who only seek exclusive, committed relationships

While the last one is what our society says women "should want" maybe that isn't your reality at this stage in life. I do think that counseling to explore this a little deeper might be good to be sure that you are actually happy and content with your choice. I personally think that the deceit and hiding things is immoral but the rest is really a lifestyle risk vs benefit choice you should make.

It seems to me that part of the process you are experiencing is finding the lifestyle YOU want. Let's face it, for a reasonably attractive woman, it is super super super easy to find willing sex partners and can be an ego boost. The question is, are you getting what you really need /want or is it a substitute for something you really need/want?

Attention and that initial attraction feels good and exciting, but I can tell you for sure - I am SO OVER IT. I have been at goal since Feb 2013. Do you feel that some of this is you like being wined/dined/seduced and actually paid attention to? Nothing wrong with that, but again know your motives, know what you want, be clear with prospective partners and let them decide if they want to be a part of it or not.

Side note - I have the opposite bias. I am single, I still want a sex life but I don't feel "safe" in this world of lots of partners. It is much harder to find a high quality committed exclusive relationship. What makes it even harder is I am apparently still dealing with a little bit of "fear" of committment myself. So it creates this crazy cycle where I want an exclusive, loving relationship but I get a bit panic stricken about giving up my much valued freedom (I am not talking sexual freedom, I mean everything else - ha!)

I agree that it is possible that you have transferred addictions. A good counselor or therapist can help you sort through everything. I wish you all the best.

You can't have your cake and eat it too, literally and figuratively.

You either want and are committed to one person or you don't.

It is okay if you don't and it is okay if you want multiple partners.

However, it is not okay to hurt others or to break the hearts of those that care.

At some point or another, you'll be on the other end of the cheater/cheatee relationship; it is just a matter of time.

You reap what you sow.

3 years 5 days ago I have gastric bypass surgery. 2 years 8 months ago I began cheating on my husband. He still to this day doesn't know that I have been out getting chased by men and being a very bad wife. We have been separated for a little over a year now. I didn't want to have sex with him after the surgery. Something changed in me that made me resent him and lost all attraction for him. He is a really good looking man and has all of the right anatomy. He loved me as a large woman and I became small very fast and he didn't change with me. I found that men were becoming more and more attentive and I was enjoying all of it. Once I broke the ice and cheated the first time it was all over for me. I wanted more and more and it was easy. I am in a relationship with another man and still cannot stay with one person. I am not sure how to stop this cycle and stop wanting more then one person at a time. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel no regret and I am really good at keeping it a secret. Any suggestions on what I should do? Do I keep on this path of being unfaithful or do I have to figure out a way to be committed to one person? It's very hard for me as I really enjoy having more "options"

. Have fun just be safe

Get a divorce so you can sleep around. Cheating on your husband as it seems it's constant, is not right. Remember, what comes around goes around.

I read the original post this morning (Aus Time), about two minutes after it was posted...

I went to reply but couldn't...

I'm quite certain that I have an opinion on this...

Alas, I'm not as certain how to express it...

I'll try to put it into words once I get home...

No doubt you're all excited by the thought of another rambling post from me...

Good!!!

@@KindaFamiliar --

A surprising display of ambivalence or indecision. Had she but world enough and time, this coyness, Sir....

Really, I'm looking forward to your thoughts on this. The views of a few males are in order.

began cheating on my husband. He still to this day doesn't know that I have been out getting chased by men and being a very bad wife. We have been separated for a little over a year now. I didn't want to have sex with him after the surgery. Something changed in me that made me resent him and lost all attraction for him. He is a really good looking man and has all of the right anatomy. He loved me as a large woman and I became small very fast and he didn't change with me. I found that men were becoming more and more attentive and I was enjoying all of it. Once I broke the ice and cheated the first time it was all over for me. I wanted more and more and it was easy. I am in a relationship with another man and still cannot stay with one person. I am not sure how to stop this cycle and stop wanting more then one person at a time. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel no regret and I am really good at keeping it a secret. Any suggestions on what I should do? Do I keep on this path of being unfaithful or do I have to figure out a way to be committed to one person? It's very hard for me as I really enjoy having more "options"

I'm looking at your opener again and see more than I did the first time. Let me tell you now I may sound harsh, but that's not my goal.

You're all over the map, going back and forth and back again about everything, and much of what you wrote makes little sense. I don't like to say this, but you seem somewhat childish. That alone says that a psychologist might be a very fine idea.

What does it mean to say that your husband didn't change with you? In what ways "should" he have changed?

Suddenly he became unattractive to you........He's good looking and has the right anatomy. Which is it? And, if "good- looking" and "right anatomy" are your criteria, well, get out there. Those are available by the thousands. The criteria, however, are associated more often with a 15 year-old deciding on who to go to the prom with. The unaccustomed male attention may make you feel like a kid in a candy store, but how old are you?

I'm not telling you what to do, but I do urge you to begin therapy, preferably with someone who has knowledge of the WLS world and major weight loss in general. Lots of people who transform their bodies this way have a colossally hard time integrating body and mind. Often they weren't integrated from the beginning and it's difficult to achieve alone. Therapy is work, but if you do the work, worthwhile. YOu'll be so much happier and better off if you make yourself a cohesive individual. Maybe even consider staying away from the men, or at least giving them less importance, while you discover who you are as an individual in the world. Men are nice, but not life itself. Actually, for someone newly-divorced or who has ended a long-term relationship, time out (more than a month!!) is a big part of becoming reacquainted with one's self as a whole person. Socializing in groups with men is fine, but no dating or messin' around.

["Socializing in groups with men is fine, but no dating" sounds so much like what mother told us about boys when we were 13-ish, doesn't it?].

One woman's opinions. Take what you want, if anything, and leave the rest.

Not saying I condone such behavior, but I do totally get it...and it's not an addiction IMO...

There have been many posts here over the years touching on similar themes....

After loosing all the excess weight, and becoming the attractive person you always dreamed of being.....becoming desirable...

I'm 2 months shy of 64....have a body with next to nothing in body fat, work out every chance I get...my weight loss has done wonders for my self esteem and social outgoing....

Everyday I am working with the public, visiting different hospitals and clinics everyday, and it''s strange....I get hit on quite regularly....even at my age...

And at my age, it's fun just to flirt....I take it as compliments....but I have been married for over 40 years, and a grandfather....so "Entertainment" is as far as it is going to go....

But for someone 1/2 my age...I can certainly understand the temptations....especially if it is happening to you for the first time.....

Perhaps you can do something like take up Marathon Running?