3 years 5 days ago I have gastric bypass surgery. 2 years 8 months ago I began cheating on my husband. He still to this day doesn't know that I have been out getting chased by men and being a very bad wife. We have been separated for a little over a year now. I didn't want to have sex with him after the surgery. Something changed in me that made me resent him and lost all attraction for him. He is a really good looking man and has all of the right anatomy. He loved me as a large woman and I became small very fast and he didn't change with me. I found that men were becoming more and more attentive and I was enjoying all of it. Once I broke the ice and cheated the first time it was all over for me. I wanted more and more and it was easy. I am in a relationship with another man and still cannot stay with one person. I am not sure how to stop this cycle and stop wanting more then one person at a time. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel no regret and I am really good at keeping it a secret. Any suggestions on what I should do? Do I keep on this path of being unfaithful or do I have to figure out a way to be committed to one person? It's very hard for me as I really enjoy having more "options"

I've been on both sides of the situation. The cheater comes with a TON of guilt at some point or another, I promise you WILL feel regret and guilt. Maybe not right away maybe not in a year or two but you will!

We have been legally separated for over a year. Divorce papers have been filed. He has long since moved on. I appreciate all of the feedback and for those of you that just want to say negative things and judge it's okay to have your own opinion. I was just looking to see if t was anyone else who has is walking in my shoes as promiscuity is an issue with people after they have the surgery. I have been to therapy and I do know right from wrong. I am not looking for approval or to make myself feel better for exposing it. I hope that there are people who have read this that may be in my shoes or have thought about it. I won't respond anymore and I am done with this forum.

Also been on the side of being cheated on. I promise guilt also comes with this side side as well. Well hope your safe in whatever/whoever you do.

I'm glad you brought up the subject. It is a legitimate thread.

However, sex is a very hot topic and gets people all riled up.

That's no wonder, since sex is connected to pleasure, pain, regret, disease, power, judgment, taboos, legality, fear, curiosity, violence, children, love, money, even careers. You name it, sex probably affects it -- positively and/or negatively.

I sincerely hope you figure out what is best for YOU.

Very best!

We have been legally separated for over a year. Divorce papers have been filed. He has long since moved on. I appreciate all of the feedback and for those of you that just want to say negative things and judge it's okay to have your own opinion. I was just looking to see if t was anyone else who has is walking in my shoes as promiscuity is an issue with people after they have the surgery. I have been to therapy and I do know right from wrong. I am not looking for approval or to make myself feel better for exposing it. I hope that there are people who have read this that may be in my shoes or have thought about it. I won't respond anymore and I am done with this forum.

Identity change ????????

Is anyone here paid enough for this? It's what I meant in item 1) of my {first?] note in the "So why does this annoy me so much" topic and I get so annoyed with myself when I fall into it again.

"Many men" morphs to two men.

"Suggestions [please]" morphs to having wanted all along only to know whether anyone else has the same experience. And on.

Edited November 6, 201510 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

@@maggie409: She is seeking opinions."

Nyah. In the Farewell Symphony, opus #33 (the message number, that is) the word was that she never wanted more than to know if others are in the same boat. In #1, suggestions were wanted.

@@Dub: "identity change????????"

Identity theft, maybe?

Edited November 6, 201510 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

Yes the story changed but lets be honest she got a couple of pretty harsh replies. I couldn't really tell that she ever had a question, I think she was seeking "recognition" - like is this outrageous experience is something others have gone through??? It wasn't clear to me originally but that is how my understanding evolved.

I am not speaking on behalf of the OP, but for myself....I went through a time when I struggled much with how I self identified as an attractive woman after decades of being essentially "a-sexual" due to my obesity. Perhaps it was just luck that I found a less risky path (and I wasn't married/relationship ended by then) but the emotional experience she brought up is something that many will face.

Yes, she did receive harsh comments, perhaps unfairly, perhaps not -- it depends on your perspective. A very close friend of mine discovered her husband of 20 years was cheating on her after he underwent a major weight loss (not surgery related). He decided she was "just a roommate"and "no longer attractive" despite the fact that she is still the same slender hot blond she was when they married. (No really! I've seen the pics.)

She didn't change, he did. He got selfish and that's OK. He just should have ended things BEFORE he broke the sanctity of their marriage. That would have been the RIGHT thing to do.

Honesty goes a long way.

While I happen to agree with the anti cheating sentiments most others expressed, I also think the OP does too. Or else why would she bring it up as a problem? The way I read this, she doesn't like how she behaved toward her husband - but that is ended/ending; she finds a new relationship and is repeating the pattern. Once again, the way it was written was not clear, but I think she was asking if others have found themselves behaving "badly" after losing alot of weight.

I am a believer that obesity often shields us from very complex emotions. Not overeating, obesity itself. Example - It is well known that many obese women have a history of sexual abuse (not saying this applies to OP, just the topic itself) and the fatsuit protects from outsiders, as well as from our own internal shame/desire type motives. It is also well known that sexual abuse of children can create emotional and behavioral and even personality disorder issues later in life. When people lose alot of weight - hidden demons so to speak can emerge. If you thought you worked this stuff out as a youth, you might be surprised that underlying emotional issues rise out of the victory of the weight loss.

I know someone who went from a seemingly normal work colleague, wife, mother etc to dying in her sleep, after having left her family, due to organ failure post gastric bypass/massive weight loss. She had become a very very serious alcoholic (and other very very high risk behavior, lost her job etc etc) and as a type 1 diabetic, her organs gave out faster than most. We can say what people "should and shouldn't do" but truth is they might be really struggling. Being bashed here just adds to the general feeling that the world is not a safe place for them.

Personally, I think (going back to OP) it is way too soon for her to even know WHAT she seeks. Maybe a poly lifestyle is a good choice, but a person needs to be pretty internally stable, pretty self aware, pretty centered to take on alot of that kind of stuff - in my opinion.

Goes back to what is it you really want and is the current behavior getting you there? I bet there are alot of people on this forum that could ask themselves that question - not necessarily about sexuality, but about how they are living their lives.

I realize that not everyone who has WLS has so much buried deep and maybe don't relate that well to the huge emotional turmoil but doesn't mean it isn't real. For me, it was anxiety that came up - not when I experienced "eating less" but it showed up when I got to a normal size - who knew???. It has been quite a journey to come to grips with it and to understand that it has always been there. I think that facing those sorts of things help us prevent regain because I gotta tell you, sometimes the inner self asks the question "weren't you happier when you were comfortably numb????" well, no I wasn't, but it is a valid question. I should probably start a separate thread before I go to much deeper on this topic.

While I happen to agree with the anti cheating sentiments most others expressed, I also think the OP does too. Or else why would she bring it up as a problem? The way I read this, she doesn't like how she behaved toward her husband - but that is ended/ending; she finds a new relationship and is repeating the pattern. Once again, the way it was written was not clear, but I think she was asking if others have found themselves behaving "badly" after losing alot of weight.

I am a believer that obesity often shields us from very complex emotions. Not overeating, obesity itself. Example - It is well known that many obese women have a history of sexual abuse (not saying this applies to OP, just the topic itself) and the fatsuit protects from outsiders, as well as from our own internal shame/desire type motives. It is also well known that sexual abuse of children can create emotional and behavioral and even personality disorder issues later in life. When people lose alot of weight - hidden demons so to speak can emerge. If you thought you worked this stuff out as a youth, you might be surprised that underlying emotional issues rise out of the victory of the weight loss.

I know someone who went from a seemingly normal work colleague, wife, mother etc to dying in her sleep, after having left her family, due to organ failure post gastric bypass/massive weight loss. She had become a very very serious alcoholic (and other very very high risk behavior, lost her job etc etc) and as a type 1 diabetic, her organs gave out faster than most. We can say what people "should and shouldn't do" but truth is they might be really struggling. Being bashed here just adds to the general feeling that the world is not a safe place for them.

Personally, I think (going back to OP) it is way too soon for her to even know WHAT she seeks. Maybe a poly lifestyle is a good choice, but a person needs to be pretty internally stable, pretty self aware, pretty centered to take on alot of that kind of stuff - in my opinion.

Goes back to what is it you really want and is the current behavior getting you there? I bet there are alot of people on this forum that could ask themselves that question - not necessarily about sexuality, but about how they are living their lives.

I realize that not everyone who has WLS has so much buried deep and maybe don't relate that well to the huge emotional turmoil but doesn't mean it isn't real. For me, it was anxiety that came up - not when I experienced "eating less" but it showed up when I got to a normal size - who knew???. It has been quite a journey to come to grips with it and to understand that it has always been there. I think that facing those sorts of things help us prevent regain because I gotta tell you, sometimes the inner self asks the question "weren't you happier when you were comfortably numb????" well, no I wasn't, but it is a valid question. I should probably start a separate thread before I go to much deeper on this topic.

I don't at all disagree with what you're saying. My point is simply that one should be considerate of their life partner by freeing them of any commitment BEFORE they explore that freedom themselves.

To not do so is selfish.

I finally finished reading the book Eat it Up!

It is written by a therapist who works with weight loss surgery patients and deals with a whole range of psychological issues that arise post-op.

I highly recommend the OP (and anyone who is addressing this issue) read it. The chapter on boundaries in personal and sexual relationships is particularly insightful and would be helpful in this issue.

Here is a link to the book: http://www.eatitupbook.com

I finally finished reading the book Eat it Up!

It is written by a therapist who works with weight loss surgery patients and deals with a whole range of psychological issues that arise post-op.

I highly recommend the OP (and anyone who is addressing this issue) read it. The chapter on boundaries in personal and sexual relationships is particularly insightful and would be helpful in this issue.

AWESOME.......see below.........

Here is a link to the book: http://www.eatitupbook.com

Sounded interesting.

I clicked the link.......low and behold......Dr Stapleton !!!!!

She is the one who did my psych eval. Supercool.

It was simply a great conversation and she seemed like someone I'd known forever. Her office was really nice. I could have sat on that sofa all day....was the most comfortable I'd been in ages. My back was happy.

Her videos at Live Healthy MD were requirements for me to watch and take the tests afterwords. Very insightful and thought provoking videos that emphasize the effort that is going to be required.

That is so cool.

Small world. Small world indeed.

I may have to see if I can get an autographed copy.