This is hard for me to say, especially at only five months out, but I feel like putting this into writing might help me make changes and really think about my actions. It'll feel more "real" if it's not just in my head.

I'm a bad sleever. I (and probably others) hear all the time that the sleeve works when the patient works. There are "good" patients who follow all the rules and do what they're supposed to, and then there are the "bad" patients.

Let's start off on a positive note: I just hit my 50-pound mark from my surgery weight. Seventy pounds overall. My surgeon seems thrilled with this and I've thought I was doing good as well. Then I came back on here and read some posts. I feel like I'm being surpassed by many people who were sleeved at the same time as me. It's not a competition, but that made me take a long look at myself. I was doing good for a long time and now I feel like I'm doing not as good.

I was eating small amounts, taking (most) my Vitamins and pills, separating my food and beverages, and started exercising to my tolerance as soon as I was able to. I had some moments where I gave in or did "bad" things, but I knew I was doing well overall.

Lately, it seems like I'm doing less good. After being hit big time with the flu, I stopped going to the gym while I was sick and then continued not going....

I've loosened the reigns on the eating and drinking separation, and while I'm still not feeling that hunger feeling too often, it seems I'm feeling it more often than before.

I've found myself overeating more and pushing myself past that "full" feeling more and more for no good reasons (it's compulsive and a need to keep eating or "finish" my food). I feel like I can take more food in now, as evidenced on my vacation last week (I was on a cruise and was able to eat some food from THREE courses for dinner each night and decent amounts for Breakfast and lunch.) and there was no throwing up. To be fair, I only gained 2 pounds on the vacation, was doing tons of walking, and did lose that weight quickly when I got back, but still. Still.

Then that's got me paranoid: what if I've hurt my sleeve or incisions or just stretched it? Sometimes I feel small pains or pressure in my abdomen/stomach after/during eating and though they're very small, it makes me think of some of the horror stories I've read about on here. It's not intense pain or lasting pain or anything, so I'm not worried, just being my general, anxious self. I actually had such bad anxiety for a month before surgery that I was having near-constant chest pain (which I'd freak out about to my PCP, surgeon, and a cardiologist), who all assured me it was nothing because I'm 23, female, and had fine test results for my heart. Basically, my anxiety caused real chest pain, which is scary.

I ate a whole bagel today. WITH cream cheese. Doesn't that seem excessive? Many on here say the sleeve can't stretch (depending on how much of the 'stretchy' part of the stomach is left), but how could this not be an indication of stretching or worse?

I see a therapist and go occasionally to my surgeon-run support groups, but my therapist does not specialize in this stuff and while she helps me deal with my other issues and more daily stress, I've not been getting much help coping with overeating and my unhealthy relationship with food. I found a place nearby which specializes in nutrition counseling and things like that, so I'm going to call them later and see what I'd have to do to see someone there...

I'd just love some advice, feedback, shared experiences, or coping mechanism suggestions from others who struggle with overeating even with the sleeve.

First off, while it is probably possible to be a "bad" sleever, I don't think you are one. We are all human and none of us are perfect (at least not forever). I think it's great that you wrote all of this out and you are forcing yourself to really examine where you could improve. Don't strive to be perfect all the time. If you do, then you will set yourself up for failure. My mentality is to just do my best each day. Sometimes my "best" isn't all that great depending on the circumstances of the day. Sometimes I am having a rough time emotionally or I'm super busy and my "best" that day isn't my "best" overall.

And then the other key is to move on. If you don't do your best today, don't let that be an excuse to not do your best tomorrow. Don't punish yourself of stew on it or get yourself into a downward spiral. Move on and do your best the next day.

My biggest problem is grazing. I don't really like the feeling of solid Protein in my stomach. Solid protein hurts pretty quickly. I hate that too full feeling which happens almost immediately.

Then I end up grazing all the time. I eat yogurt, Protein shakes, cheese, etc.

It's very easy to fall away from all the rules. The trick is remembering what they are and forcing yourself to get back on track.

As far out as you are from surgery, you don't have to worry about injuring your sleeve at this point. I am on the fence about whether the sleeve really stretches significantly enough to matter. It is never, ever going to be the same size or close to the same size as your old stomach, so at least find comfort in that. I am 2 years and 2 months out and I notice that when I pay attention to what I'm eating, my sleeve works exactly how it should, however I can easily graze my way through way more calories than I should with slider foods.

I can't eat an entire bagel because it makes me barf, but depending upon how long it took you to eat that bagel, it is entirely possible to do that at 5 months out. Everyone falls off the wagon sometimes. I had a bad week 2 weeks ago and managed to gain a few pounds, so I went right back to eating how I should and now I'm back to my normal weight. The good thing about the sleeve is that like you said, it works if you work. It doesn't just up and quit on you because you fed it too much food or did something you weren't supposed to.

Recognize the problems with your diet, work to fix them, and the sleeve will do its part.

I wanted to be all wise and stuff but the previous posters have pretty much covered everything..

You're doing fine...

Yep, you've slipped up..

But most of us do..

The important thing is that you know what you need to change...

You've just gotta do it..

Oh yeah...

Stop comparing yourself to others..

We all lose at different rates/times etc...

If your surgeon is happy then there's no reason for you to not be...

Now get off the bagels and get your shrinking ass to the gym...

And stop freaking out..

It seems you're "normal"...

Good luck to you!!

I would change the language a bit. Calling yourself a "bad sleever" is like calling a kid the "problem child". Eventually it becomes a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. Some of us follow everything to the letter and others allow for and plan an occasional treat. It sound like you have some good supports from therapy you currently are seeing to the new place you are checking out. Reaching out is a good thing. The only other thing I would recommend is reaching out to the nutritionist with your program and doing some more concrete planning with your daily menus. It might be worth while to purposely plan in some treats for yourself.

Hang in there, continue with your supports.

You're wise enough to recognize potentially unhealthy behavior, and have the gumption to do something about it. So you are in no way a "bad sleever." ????

I have nothing of value to add to the other great posts above. I simply wanted to say that this is a good post. Good for you for talking about it. You took the first step in holding yourself accountable. Let the posts be a reinforcement that you know what you need to do. I think we have all had these feelings in one form, or another. Be it a little bit or a total feeling of failure, we all know what it feels like to wonder if we are messing up. That is why we turn to this site, or others like it, then to our other support options. Nutritionists, Support Staff and Nurses at the Bariatric office you follow up with or even your Primary Care Dr. Take all of the feedback and sort through and pull out what will help you best. Good luck! I know you can turn it around!

@@Sara51692 Remember, this is not a race. And I agree with what everybody else said ahead of me.

On don't think you are a "bad" sleever. I think you are a normal sleever.

Every single one of us has struggled with the things you talked about. Nobody is immune. I just have to take things one day, sometimes one minute at a time. Just get back to basics, even if you just do one small thing like make sure to always eat protien first, and build from there. You've lost 70 pounds, we know you can do this!

I agree with babbs. Go back to basics. Protein really is the key for us. I can take down significantly more carbs like bagels than I can protein.

It's unfortunate you don't have the level of restriction some people do, but eventually all of us may lose that so it's good to get where you need to go regardless.

It all comes down to you and your choices. If you decide you want this you can have it! Get back to the gym and get back on track.

A