As I’ve gotten further and further out and maintained at goal weight I really don’t feel like I have a lot of NSV’s anymore, so when something dawns on me as having been one, I’m like…hey, YAY.

I’ve always liked clothing but when I was larger I avoided buying any because I knew no matter what I wore it wouldn’t matter. Now though I tend to love shopping entirely too much and every time I go into a store I am as equally delighted that I easily fit into the 0,2,4, xs, and small range as I was the first time I zipped up a 0. I took almost 6 months to fully heal from my last plastics surgery where I ended up with a giant hole in my back that only recently has fully healed, so I haven’t worked out as much and I tend to feel like I look a little flabby in the mirror. The scale says I weigh the same, my clothes all still fit, but I feel like I see cellulite on my butt and thighs appearing more and more everyday.

Yesterday a store I really like got all of their new fall suiting in and they had a giant sale. I went to the store and I had a jolly good time trying on all of the new clothing. I was super excited that their tight business dresses fit me in a size 2, since my fake ta-tas make tight dresses a bit of a complication since the top is usually too tight on smaller sizes and larger sizes that fit the top end up being way too big on the bottom. By the end of the trip I had purchased several new suits and dresses and had my list of stuff I wanted to buy online since the store doesn’t carry all the petite styles. I felt grand.

I then walked out of the store and Auntie Anne’s was right in front of me. Oh you beautiful cinnamon and sugar pretzels. I decided to be virtuous and instead run to the food court and find what appeared to be moderately healthy fried rice, vegetables, and some kind of bourbon meat. I really just wanted a small plate, but you apparently had to order this massive dish of food, which I did. I then took my bag of food and walked back to Auntie Anne’s where I got a big cup of sugar, cinnamon pretzel nuggets. Ohhh they were good. I ate 2-3 of the nuggets out of a cup of maybe 15, and then I threw the rest out. I also tossed out the giant plate of food because who was I kidding…dirty rice, fried veggies, and bourbon pork…no way was that actually good for me. My sleeve also tends to rebel against anything that has been anywhere near oil or a fryer so I figured I was in for a night of puking either way.

I then went home, heated up a cup of some turkey chili I made the other day, and ordered all of the things online that the store didn’t have in stock. Two years ago I would have eaten all of that food and I would have cried because not a single thing in that store would have fit me. I think the entire time I was in there I saw maybe one size 14 and it would not have fit over my butt in the months before I ended up having surgery. Now, while I did enjoy a few bites of sugary pretzel, because of my sleeve not only do I fit into the smallest sizes in a designer store that I used to hate because they carry nothing for fat people, but I didn’t have the slightest problem throwing out about $14 in food that probably tasted really good.

Fitting smaller sizes is always a nice NSV, but being able to throw away food without feeling much guilt at all, that’s a big win for me. There may be starving children in Africa as my parents always told me when I was forced to clean my plate, but right now there is one less obese girl in America because I’m finally learning how not only to not clean my plate but how not to feel guilty for having not done so.

@@AvaFern

Really inspiring

@@AvaFern What a wonderful share! Thank you and Congrats!!

Isn't it almost too good to be true? I also am amazed at how, not just my habits have changed, but my thoughts as well. Sometimes I am tempted but it is fleeting and even if I gave in, my restriction would rebel. I don't feel cheated or deprived. I am nothing but satisfied and I swear when it came to food before, I never felt satisfied. Always just one more taste. I am thankful every day that I live in a time and place where I was able to have this life-saving surgery. What a blessing it has been.

@@AvaFern

Thank you, I am not quite at the point of throwing things out without the guilt. I have bought the pretzel, ate part, took it home and ate it at two more occasions, finally throwing out the last bite. It must feel so good to just "throw it out" ! I'll continue to work on it. Congrats!