Fed up

[shayfeisty 27]

Hey guys!!! So I've been debating on this post for weeks now and I'm finally just going to do it. I've seen a lot of "attackers" on this site and have become extremely sick of reading their comments. I started out at 398 on June 1. On June 24th I had VSG surgery and was 370. Today (July 17) I am down to 353. I have followed the eating plan to a T and have been walking 2-3 miles a day since 3 days post op. No complications at all, one dumping incidident and I hate cottage cheese now but used to love it. Anyways my point of this post is to express my frustration with those who say "you need to follow this diet to a T for the rest of your life. Don't cheat, don't eat more than you should, keep your sugar low or non existent and make sure your carbs and sodium remain small. I didn't put my body through surgery to be on a DIET for the rest of my life. I will obviously continue to eat Protein first and then veggies and then fruit for the majority of my week but if I want to eat something a little less healthy when I'm cleared for all foods, I will do as I please. I'm sick of others sitting there telling others who feel the same that they are ruining their chance at success, that they followed the rules and still do and they reached goal blah blah blah. Stop goal shaming others, you were once a fat mess like the rest of us so it doesnt make you any better. I really love coming here to get advice and support but I'm about ready to quit this site and never look back do to some of these snarky high horse commenters.

[Floey84 31]

You go gurl tell em'!!!

[MrsDixon 40]

I completely agree with u!!!! It doesn't just happen here. The support group for the hospital I had my surgery at is very bad about that. That's why I turned to this site. I've really learned a lot but this has been hell for me and I don't need anyone to downplay my feelings or complications! I too said I didn't do this to myself to be on a diet forever!

[skyjones 40]

May I ask a ? I'm going to be getting sleeved and I do a lot of research an I want to know do u guys have a problem with going to the rest room num 1 and 2 or is it still normal

[shayfeisty 27]

Sky- I can do number 1 fine, never had a problem, still don't. As for number 2, I went for the first time 4 days post op and now I go pretty much every 2-3 days. I was very consistent pre op with every day and slowly my body is getting back into the groove of things. My best advice is eat your yogurt and drink plenty of Water.

[shayfeisty 27]

I completely agree with u!!!! It doesn't just happen here. The support group for the hospital I had my surgery at is very bad about that. That's why I turned to this site. I've really learned a lot but this has been hell for me and I don't need anyone to downplay my feelings or complications! I too said I didn't do this to myself to be on a diet forever!

I think it's sickening that people are like that here, I hate that people can't even come ask questions about potential "cheats" without mighty high horse galloping along to belittle them. I want this site to be uplifting and understanding especially in our times of need/support. We are all human, we all make mistakes and we all are going to continue to make mistakes it's life! I'm glad others feel the same way as I do on here!

Edited July 17, 2015 by shayfeisty

[AngelaWilliamsMD 290]

No one is 100% perfect. Personally, I've been doing my VSG journey my own way and don't plan on looking back!

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

I totally get what you are saying and I have seen less than nice ways of saying maybe you shouldn't do something. That being said, we all have a plan given to us by our surgeons or nutritionists, they have those plans for a reason as they have been proven for them to create success. Your surgeon does want you to succeed.

Of course we are all human and we will have cravings and those can drive you insane sometimes or they are more difficult for some to resist. If you are not jumping off the wagon with both feet, have a bite or two or three, then get back to business. Know your limits, if a bite will lead to 20 for you then you know what to do. If you can have a bit then walk away go for it. Maybe these people mean well but for them they don't have the kind of will power to do that, after all we are all here cos we are overweight.

It truly is your journey and it is what you make of it. I think some of us also get frustrated because some posts are from those just blatantly ignoring their plans or posting basically asking permission to eat whatever they want. I would hope the comments are not intended to be mean on purpose.

Good luck to you all and that is just my 2 cents. Go forth and be human! lol

[AvaFern 3,516]

I think the minority of people diet-shame. There are plenty of people on this board who either practice the policy of "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" (like me) and there are also people who are completely up-front about the fact that they don't follow the diet (also like me). Sure, there are a few that like to preach about how they follow the diet perfectly, but the vast majority of people who post regularly and who are veterans not only don't follow the diet exactly themselves but really don't give other people a hard time about it. In my experience, it is the people who haven't even had surgery yet or are recently out from surgery who like to jump all over people for not following the diet and this is probably because, first, they haven't had to actually do the diet yet so it seems like it should be easy, and second, they're only a few weeks into having the sleeve and breaking the diet might kill them or at the very least make them really sick. So...next time you see a nasty post diet-shaming, look how long the person has been a member, how much weight they have lost and how many posts they have. I would bet that in nearly all circumstances the person is new (ish) the site, has very few posts, and is nowhere near their goal weight. Inexperience tends to have a big mouth.

Now, past that. I don't follow the diet at all. I drink with a straw, I drink diet Pepsi, sometimes I eat a few bites of Pasta or a few bites of pizza, I never ate my Protein first, I have had less than 20 Protein shakes during the entire time I have had the sleeve, and some days I work out and some days I don't. I have been under goal for 3.5 months and I haven't had a super hard time staying there. The further out I am the more I realize I need to be careful with what I eat, but I also know this doesn't mean I'm banned from any food forever. The other day I had a few fries, yesterday I had cake because I was baking and wanted to make sure it actually tasted good, and last weekend I ate creme brulle. I've also weighed myself everyday, logged everything into MyFitnessPal, and worked out most days. I recognize that maintaining my weight is a battle for literally the rest of my life, however I also recognize that everyone has the right to their own decisions and actions. Most veterans on the site have pretty much the same attitude, so while the rude posts may have stood out in your mind more than the nice ones, remember that there are a whole lot of people who post very frequently on here who say absolutely nothing in some of the trending diet-shame posts. The silence of the veterans should speak louder than the comments of people who haven't actually lived with a sleeve or who have done so for a very small amount of time.

[bikrchk 1,313]

Different techniques work for different people! Personally, I eat pizza, bread, etc, drink beer occasionally and GASP... enjoy desert! I've been in goal range (size 4) for well over a year. I lost during my first year eating pretty much what I like in small quantities, Protein first. They key is you have to change your behavior enough to have a lasting impact. My old behavior was to knock out half a pizza and a bottle of wine and finish the pizza for my next meal. Today its 1 piece of pizza and a glass of wine and it takes me a loooong time to get it all down! I typically won't repeat that meal anytime soon after. Sometimes I still make a mistake that makes me sick. I use those times as educational experiences and times to re-focus on control. That's kind of what I paid for when I let them cut out 90% of my stomach, eh? I exercise regularly now and miss it if I can't for a while. (Who knew?) If my weight creeps up, (its never gone more than 5 pounds out of range) I make adjustments until it comes back down. I didn't go thru all of this to be on a diet 24x7 and have guilt all the time. For the first time in my life, I feel like I actually have control and a fighting chance at maintaining my health. Not perfect, but it's a GOOD life I enjoy now!

[Shustar 395]

I am 62 years old and have done every diet under the sun. One thing I have finally learned is that I cannot/will not be able to do "everything in moderation". I still have this little girl voice deep, deep down that says "you can't tell me what to do"! I know that I am like a heroin addict - I can't do a little just on special occasions. Once I let the sugar monster in - I will justify until I have f*****d myself once again. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I am not telling you what you should or should not do, just sharing my own experience and truth. Go read the honest gals on this thread "2 Years after Sleeve surgery - I have stopped losing". I need to re-read this every day. Diet doctors since second grade and here I still am at 62... I really have a disease, but I have one more new start with a new tool. Totally my choice and totally yours.

[Krystyneh 55]

You go girl!!! I'm going for the sleeve and I know you have to remain on an eating plan HOWEVER I've already told my husband that if I want a small piece of cake at a birthday party, I will allow myself that. Everything is about limitations. People are on here for advice and I'm sorry they have been being nasty to you about it.

[Jersrose43 837]

I know exactly how you feel and I hope I haven't come across to others as judge. But sometimes people do post that they return to their old habits. I ignore for the mostpart.

What really bothered me last week was a person with 9!!!! Posts being judgment on someone 2 months out. No she had not had surgery.

The Facebook groups are equally as bad and I block those idiots thankfully.

I hope you continue to return and find the support you need.

I am a year out and happy as so&&. And enjoying my birthday today with SEVERAL vodka tonics. Let the judgement begin

[The Candidate 3,215]

The only property that is truly mine in life is my body, which is like no other on this earth. I have no right to belittle someone else for their individual choices regarding their personal property.

And even with that, if I do ever feel the need to offer advice that might be difficult to share with someone else, I always try and deliver it with as much respect and care that I would want someone else to use with me. I'm a big believer in Karma!

Besides I don't want to waste another minute feeling bad if I can help it. I try to fill my day with as much laughter as possible. It's hard to mount your high horse when you're doubled over in giggles! ????

[Babbs 14,680]

"Goal shaming". That's a new one.

I won't EVER apologize for busting my ass to get to goal to make you feel better.

**EDIT**

Okay, I know that sounded harsh. But why should someone apologize for getting to goal and saying they did XYZ to get there? I totally agree that we all need to do our own thing when it comes to WLS, but the principles are the same. And if followed 98% of the time, it should work to help get someone where they need to be and stay there. There's really no "winging it" with this. There's rules, and although rules are meant to be broken and will be,even by the so called "perfect" people,they are there for a reason. I don't think people should apologize for following the rules most of the time to make someone else who may not be feel better. Nowhere did I say any of us are perfect. Some people are just more strict than others about following the rules the majority of the time. And there is nothing wrong with that, either.