A hot topic for debate is to tell about our WLS or not to tell. In my opinion, the only "right" answer to this question is to do what is best for YOU. The choices you make about your body are deeply personal and you don't owe ANYONE an explanation or frankly, any answers at all about your weight loss. That said, the nosy nellies (and well meaning, but slightly clueless folk) are often relentless in their questioning.

I will not lie and I will do everything in my power to be polite (for a little while anyways) but firm. It's really not hard. I am just over 18 months out and I've not told ANYONE that I didn't want to about my surgery. Perhaps because I am not a pushover and when I speak, I leave little room for further discussion, but I have only had two people even hint around about surgery, and no one has had the balls to ask out right.

So my answers to the questions I've been asked or I've read that others have been asked (some copied from my reply on another thread):

How are you losing weight? "I'm working with my doctor, eating smaller, healthier portions and exercising."

Are you on a special diet? "I am working with my doctor to eat smaller, healthier portions."

What are you eating? "Well, my doctor and nutritionist have come up with a plan that works specifically for me."

Are you allowed to eat...? "Just like you, I can eat whatever I want, I simply choose not to."

How much have you lost? "A lot."

Well, how much? "A lot."

So how many pounds? "A lot."

What size do you wear now? "That's a weird question."

How much do you weigh? :blank stare: "Why in the world would you ask that?" or "I'm sure you didn't mean to sound as rude as you did."

Did you have surgery? "Why in the world would you ask such a personal question?" or "I didn't realize you were interested in WLS. I suggest you contact a doctor." or "That's a weird question."

How much more do you want to lose? "I'll know when I get there."

Are you still trying to lose weight? "I am working on being the healthiest I can be."

So HOW MUCH have you lost? "A LOT."

Wow! You've lost a TON of weight. "Thank you."

WOW! You are shrinking to nothing. "Thank you."

WOW! You've lost a whole person. "Thank you."

You are going to blow away soon. "Thank you."

Wow. You can't lose much more, can you? "Thank you."

You are really getting too thin. "Thank you."

You eat like a bird. "You eat like a horse." No, not really. HA! "Thank you."


What other questions have you been asked or are you worried about people asking you? Give me something hard!

There are a few people in my life who like to use the "easy way out" statement when they know I had WLS. However, I ignore their ignorance for the most part. These are usually people who have weight problems and have been dieting their whole life and unsuccessful. I told my family and close friends when I had my surgery. Now if anyone notices or asks I also tell them I had surgery and let them know I needed help to lose weight for my health. I will say there have been a few who were truly curious and were considering surgery themselves so I don't mind answering their questions. I have been very blessed to have supportive family and my best friend who came to stay with me at the hospital and at home a few days to help me. My husband has had health issues also that prevented him from helping me . I really am not concerned with a few people who are negative, I am living a healthier and happier life thanks to my lapband...

OK Lipstick Lady... here's one.. I did not tell my husband's family. They live 1000 miles away. However my husband told his mother. Now this lady has never had a weight problem in her life.. she is simply too self disciplined and full of nervous engergy to become over weight, and I am sure, thinks anyone else should be able to control their own weight also. She is also very OPINIONATED and has on more that one occasion told me what she thinks... Once told me I was an alcoholic.( I am not). I wont see her until next Summer, a full YEAR after my surgery. And I avoid talking to her on the phone. However my husband calls her a couple times a month and I know they talk about me. He will even holler at me " HEY, how much have you lost?" to tell her. And Yes I have told him not to discuss me with her.

I am a pretty private person, and I don't discuss my health with my mother in law. But it will come up when we go there. She won't leave it alone, I know her. She LIVES to Gossip about people. What can I say to this 80 year old woman? I can't be rude, but I do not want to be the topic of conversation while we are there. HELP!

I love you and I appreciate your concern, but this is not a topic for discussion. Period.

There are a few people in my life who like to use the "easy way out" statement when they know I had WLS. However, I ignore their ignorance for the most part. These are usually people who have weight problems and have been dieting their whole life and unsuccessful. I told my family and close friends when I had my surgery. Now if anyone notices or asks I also tell them I had surgery and let them know I needed help to lose weight for my health. I will say there have been a few who were truly curious and were considering surgery themselves so I don't mind answering their questions. I have been very blessed to have supportive family and my best friend who came to stay with me at the hospital and at home a few days to help me. My husband has had health issues also that prevented him from helping me . I really am not concerned with a few people who are negative, I am living a healthier and happier life thanks to my lapband...

"It's the *easy* way out? OK." Then wink and smile.

It drives people nuts when you agree with them and they know you are NOT agreeing with them at all. But really, what can they say?

I have been asked numerous times: oh, wow! how much weight have you lost. I tell them because I am proud of my accomplishment. Then my husband was asked this question about me by an acquaintance. He promptly spit out the number. Then this buddy of his asks: well, what did she weigh when she started this? I luv my hubby, he responded: 90 lbs more than she did a year ago! His next stupid question: ok, what does she weigh now? Quick response: 90 lbs less than before. WTF! This coming from a man that borrowed my friends motorhome to lay down on the floor to get his pants done up!

The only people who have asked HOW much I have lost are men I dated after getting to goal. At a certain stage in getting to know them I tell them i lost weight and had plastics. My current "boyfriend" really wanted to know how much I had lost. I told him "alot" and he said "no number, huh?" I said "that's right"... end of THAT discussion. If he had persisted, I probably would have not continued to see him because frankly - does it matter how much? I disclosed I lost alot, I used to be obese, i had extra skin and I had some skin removal surgery. That seems like plenty of info. My biz, not anyone else's.

OH I wish it was going to be that easy..... Her other great obsession, besides Gossip, is to fix you 3 meals a day, each more food than you could ever eat. I really don't know how everyone in that family remained at normal weights. They aren't skinny but normal. Not obese. Breads, jello's, potatoes, gravy, and Desserts, a meal isn't complete without dessert. Protein is limited and rationed out by her. Comes from growing up poor I suppose. So even if she is prevented from discussing my surgery/weight loss etc.. she will obsess about what I can and cannot eat even if I tell her not too. Can you see why I live 1000 miles away and only visit once a year?

I will have to have some premade shakes and Protein Bars stashed with me. I plan on telling her Not to worry I can eat anything and leave it at that.

I love you and I appreciate your concern, but this is not a topic for discussion. Period.

I am a firm believer that people will only treat you the way you allow them to. She can cook till the cows come home but she cannot make you eat. I assume if you need to get out of a toxic situation that she creates, you can go out for a walk, hop in the car for a drive or cut your visit short, right?

I am a firm believer that people will only treat you the way you allow them to. She can cook till the cows come home but she cannot make you eat. I assume if you need to get out of a toxic situation that she creates, you can go out for a walk, hop in the car for a drive or cut your visit short, right?

You are my bestie. That is my mantra as well.

You are very very correct... and I have made the best of the situation I could for over 40 years now... But since this is a Rant and Rave thread.... I just needed to vent... Thanks for listening and the advice.

I am a firm believer that people will only treat you the way you allow them to. She can cook till the cows come home but she cannot make you eat. I assume if you need to get out of a toxic situation that she creates, you can go out for a walk, hop in the car for a drive or cut your visit short, right?

@@LipstickLady I never know how to answer people and I love your responses I am saving these

However my husband calls her a couple times a month and I know they talk about me. He will even holler at me " HEY, how much have you lost?" to tell her. And Yes I have told him not to discuss me with her.

I know I'm late to the party, but my first reaction was, "I'm about to lose 185 pounds (or whatever your husband weighs) if you don't stop talking about my weight."

I always try to channel Miss Manners (Judith Martin), where I first learned that "thank you" is a complete sentence, as is "no", and "thank you but that won't work for me."

Hey Sharon1964,

Better late than never! Good answer! Christmas day the phone was shoved into my hand and I was blindsided by my in-laws on the other end, except for my father in law, every single one asked about my weight loss! Geeezzzzz! I need to practice my answer;

"Thanks for asking, but I am tired of talking about it, how is YOUR abc or whatever?"

Or if I am feeling bitchy I like your answer!

I know I'm late to the party, but my first reaction was, "I'm about to lose 185 pounds (or whatever your husband weighs) if you don't stop talking about my weight."

I always try to channel Miss Manners (Judith Martin), where I first learned that "thank you" is a complete sentence, as is "no", and "thank you but that won't work for me."

@@nikki9, you should've said, "Yeah I had partial, just like that partial denture in your mouth".

It's becoming a problem now. This week was the worst. I'm getting lots of "what's your secret? " and "you've lost soooooo much weight" .... I swear it's like 15 or 20 people that have said something. I've only lost 30 pounds and it shouldn't be this obvious. I really am having a difficult time responding. Also didn't expect to be this uncomfortable to be asked these questions.

I have been very skinny before and so I thought this would be no big deal for me but all these questions about my weight is really uncomfortable for me. Maybe because I haven't disclosed.

Even if I wanted to disclose I kind of feel like it is all out of control now.

"Thank you" is a complete sentence. Just say it with a smile.