So I have been selling off some toys from my collection . action figures still in their packaging, star wars figures mostly. So a lady finds me on facebook and she buys a few items, I meet her and she starts telling me about how she lost 40 pounds through her life and wellness coach and that she would like me to meet him and etc etc. I cordially decline and say Im set with myself for the surgery and yada yada. So this morning I get a message from her on face book, "Hi its me the woman who bought some items from you yesterday. I would really like to set up a meeting with you and my wellness coach, it wouldn't take long and I know he could get you the same result without the surgery. (Well Im glad SHE knows he can) so again im nice, I say no thank you im ok with what im doing etc. an hour ago I get another message. "hi again its me, my wellness coach asked me to contact you again he says its important that he talk with you , he feels the surgery is a mistake. " OH HE FEELS???

Well I would like to simply have been rude but I wasn't. I wanted to scream at this lady and call her a few choice names.

It just boggles the mind that people think we are doing this needlessly. Im not trying to drop a few pounds for a wedding. I'm telling you nothing is worse to a bariatric patient than some idiot who lose a few pounds and believes that makes them the god of weight loss.

They need to be slapped a few times.

How many of you deal with or have dealt with this?

I had a similar experience right before I had my sleeve in May. I was at a gathering with a lot of nurses, several of whom are nurse practitioners. I was on my pre-op full liquid phase at the time and I shared my upcoming surgery date and procedure with a few of my closer friends and colleagues. One of the nurse practioners overheard and started in on how drastic that was and how he had worked with many patients with "body dysmorphia" like mine and that he had great success. Wouldn't I consider working with him instead of having surgery?

Well, body dysmorphia is a mental illness in which someone obsesses about flaws in their appearance. My problem wasn't that I was dissatisfied wtih my appearance other than that my appearance represented the truth of being around 120 lbs overweight!! I politely told him that my medical team and I were convinced that this was the best course of action for me but thank you for the offer. I wanted to tell him off for labeling me as body dysmorphic (no, I'm really just a food addict), but I decided to take the high road. To his credit, he backed off and didn't bring it up again.

Best of luck with your journey!!

Edited November 21, 201411 yr by berkeleyandbrownie

I haven't looked up the definition of body dismorphia but it sounds like plain old OCD to me. Obsessive, compulsive. That WAS my relationship with food.

Edited: okay I should have looked it up first, lol. Disregard. Idk how to delete a post.

Edited November 21, 201411 yr by kimpossible67

Just to piggy back off the body dsymorphia issue, someone with that particular issue often doesn't see their body as it truly is. People with anorexia often have a form of BD. They look in the mirror and see a fat person even when they are extremely thin. Conversely some formerly overweight people still see that 300lb person when they look in the mirror despite now being a normal weight.

I totally have/had (it's waning) body dysmorphia.

When I was at my heaviest, I didn't see it. I knew I was heavy but I thought that no one else could see just how heavy I was. I thought I hid it well. I thought I had some pretty good "thin" days where I looked kind of "normal". AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! It wasn't until I saw pictures (something I avoided like the plague) that I could see just how big I really was. I was in complete and total denial.

Now I am a size 8. When I intentionally look at myself in the mirror, I still see someone who looks really chunky. I'm know in my heart, I'm not fat but I still see myself that way. When I see pictures of myself or catch a glimpse of myself in a window or mirror by accident, I don't recognize myself.

I can finally pick up tops or pants and know if they will fit or come close, but I often still pick up things that are too big. It's weird. It's getting better, though.

I would ask her how much commission she's making off this??! Tell Her sure you will but you won't be paying him a dime. I bet it doesn't come up again PS good job avoiding trivial arguments!!!!

I'm with @@Elode . This rudeness may have been more about her commission on this than a genuine concern for your health.

Stevehud, on 19 Nov 2014 - 17:17, said:

this forum is a haven lol i would not know how people get through the surgeries etc without this place. and the people here.

I just posted a new topic on that too!

I think in regards to BD, we have all seen pictures of ourselves and said " do I really look that big? Or am I really that fat??"

I know I do, to the point I do not allow my photo taken often.

I believe those that do this are not trying to be malicious. They believe the have something in common with you at some level. It sounds like she has had a good experience and wants to share. I would just tell her thanks, but you have a plan you are focused on right now and that you will keep it in the mind for the future.

To the people who say "that's why I don't tell people my business"...you should know that whether you tell people your business or not they are gonna be in your face.

Last year I lost about 20 lbs doing low car dieting and exercise. A friend saw me and said "wow, you lost weight"...I replied "thanks" and left it at that. Made a comment about he stairmaster and he felt the need to give me a 2 page essay on why the stairmaster is a poor choice....all Cuz he lost 60lbs he thinks he's a professional.

I'm Learning to ignore folks like that.

To the people who say "that's why I don't tell people my business"...you should know that whether you tell people your business or not they are gonna be in your face.

Nope. I don't have that problem.

I used to be in a therapy group for people with weight issues. One day there was a woman in the waiting room who got all excited when she saw us (obviously large folks) start to come in and approached every single one of us to try to sell some miracle cure. We told our therapist and the receptionist who had to tell her to knock it off. It turns out she was the mother of a patient who was seeing a therapist. Talk about someone with serious boundary issues.

To the people who say "that's why I don't tell people my business"...you should know that whether you tell people your business or not they are gonna be in your face.

Last year I lost about 20 lbs doing low car dieting and exercise. A friend saw me and said "wow, you lost weight"...I replied "thanks" and left it at that. Made a comment about he stairmaster and he felt the need to give me a 2 page essay on why the stairmaster is a poor choice....all Cuz he lost 60lbs he thinks he's a professional.

I'm Learning to ignore folks like that.

Nope, cause I shut that stuff down. If someone ask if I've lost weight and we are not close enough for those discussions, I say yes and keep it moving. If they try to take it any further I say Thank you and change the discussion. I am pretty good at protecting my boundaries.

Edited November 22, 201411 yr by Blerdgirl

I'm a fairly small person (teehee) but I give off a big presence, I'm told. People rarely "get in my face" about anything because I, too, shut that $$h!tt down leaving no doubt that it won't be tolerated.

I'm a firm believer that people will only treat you in that manner you allow.

Your story is unbelievable! I think it is boardering harrassment.

I have the same problem with friends and family trying to talk me out of it and recommending all the things they have tried. I am so tired explaining why my body doesn't respond the same way as theirs etc and all the things I already tried. They think portion control and exercise is the answer. I am happy that works for them and wish that worked for me.

I am so tired of repeatedly justifying and coming back with responses to all their suggestions.

Some are mothers of my kids' friends, and maybe if I just had a good comeback, that might work.

Family members and close friends are trickier because they really want to hash it out. "Thanks for loving me, but I am tired of defending my choice."

I'd love some more advice about dealing with people who are sure they know what is best for me.

QB

Family members and close friends are trickier because they really want to hash it out. "Thanks for loving me, but I am tired of defending my choice."

I'd love some more advice about dealing with people who are sure they know what is best for me.

QB

Great comeback: "Thanks for loving me, but I am DONE defending my choice."

Here are a few others you can combine / alter as you find helpful:

"Next subject."

"I won't talk about this anymore."

"If we're going to remain friends, you can't ever bring this subject up again. Do you understand me?"

"I don't care what you think."

"You've mistaken me for someone who cares what anyone else thinks about this."

"This is none of your business."

"You're being intentionally rude. And now so will I. Shut up."

"I won't discuss this anymore."

While opening your door, "Please leave."

"I'm leaving. Goodbye."

"Police? I'd like to report someone who's harassing me and who refuses to leave my home. I'm at 103 Elm Street. Yes, please send someone over immediately. Yes, I would like to file charges."