I was told I had surgery to get attention

[pinkbunies 359]

Yes, you read right. I was told today that I had surgery because I'm an attention whore.

i was really puzzled. I don't deny I like attention, but I didn't do this to get sympathy or attention... I think dropping all the extra weight will lead to attention and I can't really help that.

I had made my mind up and instead of making excuses or procrastinating, I found a place in Tijuana that could do it ASAP, booked a first class round trip ticket, went by myself and get my tummy cut out. My spouse didn't go with me. . All I heard the entire time I was gone was... I miss you so much! Please get home! We talked everyday I was gone. I got home a day early. We're both needy which we will readily admit but I couldn't believe what I was accused of today.

Was wondering if anyone else has been told the same by their spouse? This was the first time I've heard anything along these lines.

[cdenney123 103]

Wow!! Im divorced but he did tell me I was fat all the time so I think looking back he would have been excited about me getting this done. I cant believe she did not go with you and is putting you down. This is a huge change in someones life for the good not bad, hopefully she is not jealous and will change her view once you start loosing the weight and start feeling more confident. Good luck and sorry for the Debbie downer in your life just think positve...

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Oh boy, oh boy....go to the search box at the top of this page, type in RELATIONSHIPS, hit the down menu to make sure you are searching the forums, and click go.......you are in for a wild ride. Hold on tight, and I wish you the best.

[Elaine Sunday 26]

wls to me was very stressful. The test you have to go thru in order to get it, plus having a part of you amputated, was very hard for me. If I wanted to get attention, I could find hundreds of other ways to get it. Sounds like your spouse is insecure and jealous of the attention you will be getting. Ignore her , you get was to get healthier. And the attention…well, thats an added bonus.

[woo woo 872]

This is the first time I've heard this one.

Although some spouses (not mine thankfully) seem to get annoyed by the lifestyle disruption at first. I wonder if that is what is bothering her?

[chellede 352]

Please go get counseling !!! The divorce rate is sooooo high for bariatric patients. You can't lose 100+ pounds and not expect things change. Especially if you're having some issues already. Counseling will help a tremendous amount. And talk to her, tell her divorce rate is high and that you love her and you're in this together and you are wanting to do counseling to make sure there's no problems down the road. If she's not interested, at least get it for yourself.

I definitely went before I started this journey, right before surgery, and I will go at any hint of problems personally or relationship wise. Very important to have a good head on your shoulders !!!

HUGS ! You're doing the right thing seeking advice here I wish you the best !!!!!

Edited November 2, 2014 by chellede

[pinkbunies 359]

We are in counseling atm. It has helped a lot already. I'll some times get random text messages going off on me and they come out of no where. Like I had no reason to suspect anything was wrong and then I get a crappy text message.

We are having some mommy issues... my spouses side of the family wants nothing to do with me. They are extremely conservative. I was even told it felt like a choice had to be made, the family or me. I just said wow. No one has said choose and I said right there, I am never going to tell you to choose, ever. I'm looked down upon because I don't have a fancy degree and I didn't go to college... but I'm 31, full time self employed and have been for 13 years and completely debt free.

We were having issues before the surgery. I'm not perfect but I'm trying. I got the surgery mainly because I was told it would help with my bipolar mood swings. It has helped a lot as I'm not even taking medication any longer. I don't have the mood swings now. I used to be up and down and all over the place. I was told last week..."I'm leaving you" and so I called the counselor and said can you see us today... then I was able to get in and I said, go to counseling with me, if you still feel the same I'll support your decision. Well my spouse didn't still feel the same. We both realized we have major communication issues, but we love each other and we actually can complete each others sentences etc. Our counselor told us that we are a power couple when we are together and apart we won't be which is true. We are both very successful, but it didn't happen on our own. It's been because we support each other.

The counselor said we really need to get my spouses mom in so we could try to work things out. We told her about it and she laughed and said... never happening. So it was the response we expected but at least we tried.

The biggest issue we are facing right now is my spouse was suspended from college because of something I said on Facebook. Yes, you read right... suspended because of something I said... they said my spouse was hiding behind me to make these post. It was clearly my facebook page and I even submitted an affidavit to the University saying, I wrote these, this is my facebook page, no one else's etc. Suspended until 2016. 6 hours were left until graduation. What's worse is I didn't say anything bad, I was merely critical of a professor for ALWAYS being late. So I'm blamed a lot for the suspension. We're appealing it. Even our attorney's don't agree with it and they said the university is acting in bad faith. We're prepared to file suit next. They just went overboard big time.

I admit, I did go get surgery right in the middle of all the turmoil but I didn't see a need to sit around and dwell. I know I didn't do it to get attention. I did do it because I promised I would do everything I could to change old ways and I felt getting the surgery was drastic but it showed that I really cared and I was dedicated to trying to make changes for the better. I was just told that I was going to have to go on blood pressure meds and diabetes meds etc.. that was prior to surgery. Now , blood pressure is normal and to my understanding diabetes is cured. I think getting 80% of your stomach cut out and even going to another country by yourself shows dedication. I was scared to death but I pushed right through it.

[cdenney123 103]

I would just focus on healing and working on yourself and making this process about you and not about all your marriage issues. Its a good outlet and in the end what ever happens is going to happen no matter if you had this done or not. Take Care and speedy recovery

[LidiBell 86]

My husband tell mes me everyday that I have changed. He is correct, I have changed. I am a happier and healthier person. He cannot handle the attention I attract now. Anytime I mention ANYTHING about a male (mostly coworkers) he accuses me of "wanting" them. Typically, I am just telling him a story of something that happened throughout the day that I thought I could share with him. It can have NOTHING to do withe me personally, but he ALWAYS twists it into "they are trying to hook up with you". My husband has a touch of bipolar as well and has recently stopped his medication. We have been having problems since I was sleeved in April. I have recently rented an apartment and we have decided to take some time apart. I think it will help both of us to be apart right now. I do not want to resent him, or vice versa. I hope you guys can work out the issues you are having as well.

[Rovobay 920]

sounds like you got a lot of sh!t going on right now. marital, family, school. hope it all works itself out in the end.

[pinkbunies 359]

Counseling helps so much. Instead of being mad at each other, it is a safe place to get everything out. It's not too expensive. We pay $75.00 an hour. It's about $400 a week we're spending right now but I think it is worth it.

[GreenEyes604 753]

Your entire situation saddens me tremendously, and I pray that everything works out positively for you. You are not the first person that I have read about that has been or are experiencing a lot of the same issues as you.

This is another reason that I thank God that I'm divorced right now, because I certainly couldn't deal with someone else's emotional issues with everything else that I'm dealing with during this process. I just tell myself all the time that I don't need a man, I've got JESUS!!!

[Shell88 157]

@@pinkbunies I hope things have gotten better in the past 2 weeks. I have all these issues before the surgery, so this is making me wonder if getting the surgery will just amplify it all....

He worries already that I will leave.... fights about our daughter, money, how he makes more than I do (I work more hours so it comes out almost equal).... We also have the major differences of race and religion and how we were both respectively raised.... Those seem to come up the most. His family obviously doesn't like me - haven't for the past 3 years... but I continue trying for my daughter's sake. There's no ring, no piece of paper.... just a joint leased apartment and a little girl with his features, my skin color, and my personality....

[pinkbunies 359]

Things have got better for us. It was just a little bit of miscommunication for us. My biggest complaint about the weight loss surgery is my clothes are too big now. Counseling is something i would never have considered but I'm glad we did it.

Now we have the over bearing controlling mother issue to get past and we are perfect. I think everyone in every relationship has one of those. She better be nice or I'll put her in a cheap nursing home when the time comes vs. The ritz Carlton of nurising homes.lol

[Shell88 157]

@@pinkbunies Mine is no better than his..... But the in-law butting of heads needs to stop.... I will ALWAYS win lol